Taking Heart (25 page)

“I love you, Julia. I shouldn't. You deserve far better, but I don't think I can let you go.” His lips moved against her hair.

A quiet rumble of a whine sounded in the stillness. Dylan's eyes lit on Tango, who stared back at him, more alert now and watchful. Julia's hand clenched against his side, and she jerked in her sleep. Running his hand over her arm, he wondered how she was strong enough to not only fight off Evan but to withstand the mental torture of his madness yet again. It was sure to take its toll on her psyche. He heard a whimper, but this time it came from the woman in his arms, not the dog struggling to rise and move to her side. Even sedated and in pain, Tango was trying to do his job and help Julia with her own nightmares.

“Tango, down. It's okay, I have her.” Tango laid his head over Dylan's foot in an effort to be closer to Julia. “You don't trust me to take care of her either, huh?”

Tango raised his head and cocked it, as if questioning Dylan's assumption. He barked sharply once, and Julia stirred against him. “Is he okay?” she murmured against Dylan's chest.

“He's fine. Just disagreeing with me, I think.”

She glanced up at him, and he could see the devotion in her eyes. “When did you start having conversations with dogs?”

He returned her smile, remembering his attitude when he'd first arrived. “He's winning me over,” he confessed. Tango gave a throaty, playful bark. Dylan looked down at her, growing serious. “Nightmare?”

He saw the light snuff out in her eyes. “Something like that. I'm sure they'll be back for a while now.”

“Tango knew. How bad?”

She shrugged and reached over to pet the dog's head. “Bad enough. Would have gotten worse if he hadn't barked and woken me up.”

“He really helps control it, doesn't he?”

She met his questioning gaze, and Dylan could see her searching his eyes. He needed to hear her say yes, that the dog had given her back a normal life, that he could have one, too.

“You've seen the difference since you and Roscoe have been working together. Dylan, the two of you have made enormous strides, faster than most. This is always going to be something you struggle with, it won't just disappear, but it gets better.” She knelt between his thighs so that she was eye level with him and cupped his jaw with her fingers. “You won't be the same, but people never are. Life changes everyone—good and bad. If you leave again, I won't be the same.”

J
ULIA WATCHED AS
Dylan carried Tango into the house. The dog was out of the woods, and Justin had assured her he was going to make a full recovery in the coming weeks and be back to his goofy self within a matter of days. Chase had already called and alerted her that Evan had been denied bail and was being transferred for a medical evaluation. She shivered at the thought of the man. How could someone be so intent on causing so much pain?

Dylan held open the door with his heel and eyed her cautiously. “You coming?”

She shook her head to dispel the dark thoughts and followed Dylan inside, where he helped Tango get settled on a blanket at the foot of the couch. “Is this where you want him?”

“Sure, at least he won't feel like he's isolated here.” She squatted down and petted him. “You stay, and I'll get your food.”

She still hadn't told Dylan about the baby. She couldn't let him make the decision to stay because of his sense of honor. She had no doubt he'd stay when he found out, but what kind of life was that for either of them? Once he made his decision, she would tell him. Until then, she could only let him come to recognize the truth on his own.

“Now what?”

She looked up at him. There were so many things he could be asking with that simple question, and her mind raced, unsure of how to answer him. He reached out a hand and pulled her up from beside Tango on the floor. “You should probably get some sleep.”

“It's noon. I have dogs to take care of.”

“The kennel wasn't the most comfortable bed last night, and I know you didn't sleep well.”

He was right. She'd barely slept last night, choosing instead to remain curled in his embrace. She'd been content to stay, with his arms around her, keeping the nightmares at bay. If she tried to sleep now, she'd probably collapse and not wake until the nightmares forced it. “Why don't we do lunch instead?” she offered, deciding quickly that she'd faced enough horror for one night.

Dylan pulled her into his arms, and she had to pinch her lips together to keep from sighing with pleasure. This was exactly what she wanted, what she needed. Now, if only he could see it. He ran his fingertips over her cheekbone. “Should we call someone? A therapist?”

She looked at his throat. His concern wasn't what she wanted to see in his eyes. She wanted to see his hunger again, the desire for her, his love. She didn't want someone to take care of her. She wanted him to love her and be loved in return. “I'll call and set up an appointment for later this week.”

She slipped from his arms and walked across the hall into the kitchen, where she saw Justin at the counter, making sandwiches. “Oh!” She jumped backward. “What are you doing?”

Justin glanced back at her over his shoulder. “Well, since I was out making rounds I decided to have lunch with you. So I'm making sandwiches, what's it look like?”

“But you don't cook.”

“This is hardly what I'd call cooking,” he pointed out. “And I figured it was time I start helping you, Jessie, and Bailey, and stop letting you three mother me.”

Julia arched a brow at Justin, planting her fists as she grinned at his playful tone. “
Letting
us? Because, of course, our only desire in life is to take care of you.”

He turned and walked toward her. “I know how much you three need to boss someone around, so I just let you do it.” He pulled her into a bear hug against his massive chest. “I'm so glad you're okay.”

She heard the hitch in his voice and felt the tremor in his chest. Was he
crying
? His arms tightened around her before he let her go and quickly turned away, raising a hand to his face. “So, what's it going to be? Turkey or ham?”

She was surprised by Justin's sudden rush of sentimentality. It wasn't like him. He was the rough and tumble, gruff, stereotypical cowboy, and it was completely out of character for him. That, in itself, spoke volumes about how worried he'd been.

“I'll have turkey,” Dylan said from the doorway. She could read the concern in his eyes. He knew better than anyone the strain of hiding her emotions, of trying to maintain a brave facade. Why could he see her so clearly at times, know her so well, but not understand how she felt about him?

Justin looked from Dylan back to Julia. “You know what? On second thought, I'm going to head to the clinic and see how Bailey is doing.” He moved forward and hugged her quickly. “I think the two of you need some time to talk.”

Her stomach did a nervous flip at the thought of being alone with Dylan. Part of her wanted nothing more, but there was a small, guilty part that jabbed her conscience, pointing out the truth she was hiding from Dylan. He deserved to know, deserved the opportunity to make a fully informed decision. She was hiding as much as he was.

D
YLAN WANTED TO
move to her, to pull her into his arms, to take her into the bedroom and make love to her. But he could read the uncertainty in her eyes, and he jammed his fists into the pockets of his jeans instead. “Why don't you sit and I'll finish fixing this.”

He moved to the counter. This awkwardness was his own doing, but he couldn't seem to break through it and start the conversation he knew they needed to have. How was he supposed to explain his fears to her? How did he confess to her that he'd never felt this way about anyone before? That leaving her had practically ripped his heart from his chest, and he couldn't do it again, in spite of the danger he might put her in?

He slid two slices of bread from the package and laid them on a plate. “Julia, I can't do this.” One hand slid over the back of his head and rubbed his neck.

“Okay,” she said, pausing midstep. “I'll fix it.”

“No,” he corrected. “This, us, this . . . I don't know.”

“Don't go,” she whispered.

He heard her drop into one of the kitchen chairs and spun to see her bury her face in her hands. Realizing how it sounded, he hurried to her side and dropped in front of her, reaching for her hands. “Shit, I'm already messing this up. I mean that I can't leave again.”

Her eyes met his, and he could see the shock in them. “Julia, I love you. I can't help it. But I never want to hurt you. When I had that flashback and almost . . . ” Dylan looked away, too ashamed to even meet her eyes. “I thought if I left, you'd be safer. I hurt you and put your life in jeopardy. I don't deserve it but—”

“Stay.” Julia cupped his face in her hands. “I love you, Dylan. When are you going to see yourself through my eyes? When are you going to see how good you are? How deserving you are?”

He buried his hands into her hair. “I could hurt you, physically.”

She laughed at him. Dylan frowned. “You won't hurt me. First of all, I told you. I know better than to try to bring you out of a flashback again. Even if I didn't, Roscoe took care of both of us. It was an accident, Dylan.” She leaned forward and kissed him, stealing his protest from his lips.

Winding her arms around his neck, Julia pressed her body against him, and he lost all semblance of restraint. He pulled her against him, dragging her into his arms as he stood. Her tongue swept into his mouth, meeting his in matching need. He ached to touch her, to feel her skin against his, but this was a torture like no other. She was his and he was going to be the man she believed him to be. Even if it meant spending the rest of his life trying to become that man.

Dylan groaned as Julia wrapped her legs around his waist, and he started for the hall, his hands gripping her rear. He was going to spend the rest of his days chasing away the nightmares of her past, starting now.

“Really?” The screen door slammed, and they froze as Gage entered the house. “You two are like a couple of rabbits. Get a room!”

Dylan set Julia on her feet as a blush colored her cheeks. “We were just about to do that until we were interrupted.”

Gage glanced at Julia. “Okay, I'm out. And I'm taking this with me.” He held up a pizza box.

Dylan shoved his brother out the door. “I love you, but go.”

Gage grinned and turned back toward his brother. “I take it this means we're staying a while longer?”

There were so many factors for them to figure out. New therapists, his treatments, a job. But he wasn't going to let the unknown deter him from finding his future with Julia. And Gage could find his again. “It's up to you whether or not you want to stay, but I think it's safe to say Roscoe and I will be here for a long time.” Dylan glanced at Julia. “At least as long as Julia will put up with me.”

“Good.” Gage slapped Dylan's arm and drew him into a one-armed hug. “You deserve this,” he whispered into Dylan's ear. “This is what you wanted.”

He trotted down the steps to the car and stuck his head out the window as he dropped it into Reverse. “I'll be at Justin's if you need me.”

As Dylan watched Gage leave, Julia gave him a half smile and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, her hand against his chest creating a tingle of pleasure that shot straight to his core. “I think I can manage to put up with you for the next eighteen years.”

Dylan frowned down at her. It was such a random remark. He shifted his eyes, confused and trying to figure her out. “Only eighteen?”

“That's usually how long it takes to raise a child to adulthood.”

Nothing more than confusion registered, and his mind flew back to the comment she'd made as she fell asleep the night before.

You're going to make a great father.

He narrowed his eyes at her and realization hit him. Hard. Pleasure radiated in her smile. “Are you serious? Are you . . . I mean . . . Julia?” He met her eyes and saw her searching them for delight, but he wasn't sure he could muster it through the fear coursing through his veins.

A baby?
His
baby? He was going to be a father?

“It's really early to tell, but I'm pregnant, Dylan. They ran a test when I was at the hospital.” He saw her frown as she watched him for some indication of his reaction to the news.

Emotions raced through him. He questioned his ability to be the man Julia deserved, but to be a father . . . he didn't even know where to dig into his past for that kind of knowledge. He ran a hand over his head, trying to comprehend the depth of his fear and doubts even as his heart overflowed with love for Julia.

Gage hadn't realized it, but he was right. This was
exactly
what Dylan wanted, what he'd always hoped was in his future. Before the grenade, before the nightmares and the PTSD. Then he'd given up hoping for it—until Julia.

She had changed everything, turned his life upside down, reminding him that his scars couldn't destroy him. She proved to him that he wasn't defined by his past. There was so much more to come.

Dylan stared at Julia. He didn't miss the concern in her eyes, and he was going to make sure to wipe it away, once and for all. Hope flared brightly in his chest.

A baby . . . with Julia's sweet smile, her expressive eyes. Something must have changed in his face, because the crease over her brow disappeared and her smile lit up the room.

“Aren't you going to say something?”

Dylan cupped her face with his fingers and brushed his lips against hers, feeling his body instantly respond, even as his heart felt as if it would explode from the exhilaration. Julia sighed against him and melted into his embrace.

“Damn it, I owe Gage now,” Dylan whispered against her lips.

“You do?” Dylan didn't miss the sigh of contentment in her voice, or the way her heartbeat raced beneath his thumb on her neck.

“I came here because Gage guilted me into it. To get a dog I didn't want to help me through a life I'd come to hate and thought about ending. You've given me back my hope that this is just one more stepping-stone on the way to my future. But it's a future I don't want without you.”

Roscoe barked once from beside them. They both laughed as Dylan looked down at the retriever seated at his feet, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth with a happy dog grin on his face.

“Or Roscoe,” he clarified.

“Dylan,” she began, but he silenced her with a kiss this time, pulling her close enough to feel every response he had to her.

Heat surged through him, desire swirling and dancing as their mouths met. He dragged himself away, unwilling to be so selfish after the ordeal she'd just been through, but only enough to lean his forehead against hers as he gasped for breath. His hand found the flat abdomen his child was nestled within.

“A baby.” She nodded, a smile pulling at the corner over her lips, her eyes brimming with hope and desire and love. “Everything I've ever wanted is right here. You are the reason I'm still breathing, and I'm not leaving unless you ask me to.”

A smile slowly spread over her lips. “Then you might as well unpack your bags for good.”

“I don't have a ring to give you, but marry me, Julia.” He brushed kisses over her eyes, her cheeks, and, finally, her parted lips. “It's the only way you could make this moment any more perfect.”

Before she answered, two giant paws landed on his shoulder, knocking Dylan off balance, and he stepped backward. Stumbling under the weight, he didn't see the huge tongue coming as Tango licked his face, from his chin to his forehead.

Julia's laughter echoed in the kitchen as she tried, unsuccessfully, to stop long enough to command Tango to get down. Finally, on his own accord, the monstrous dog settled back on all fours and sat next to Roscoe.

Dylan swiped a hand over his face, wiping away the dog slobber. “You see how much I love you?”

“Since Tango has given you his seal of approval, my answer is yes.” She passed him a towel from the sink. “Now, what do you say we go clean up in my room? We only have this house to ourselves for another nine months.”