Taking Heart (10 page)

Ren looked away, and he was glad not to have to see the pain on her face,
especially since he was the one who had put it there, unwittingly or otherwise.

He made one final attempt. “Up there on the mountain, you said you saw me
clearly. That it was okay to embrace your feelings for me. Were you talking to
me, or to Ben?”

A tear slid down her cheek. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever I said up on the
mountain, I said because I thought you had Ben’s heart. That’s why I thought it
was okay to feel the way I did about you.”

“Aha, so you did feel something first!” he said much too loudly, turning
a few heads.

“Maybe I did. I don't know anymore.”

He sighed, the jubilation gone. “How could I possibly compete with Ben?
In your memory, he is perfection. Me, I’m just some guy with a scar on his
chest. I’m twenty-eight years old and I still have no clue what I want to be
when I grow up.”

“You’ll figure it out,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I know you will.”

The alarm beeped on his cell phone and he downed the rest of his coffee.
“I have to get going.”

“Already?” She stared up at him sadly as he stood up and it just about
broke his scarred heart.

“Yeah, I still have to drive back to Denver.”

“What if I asked you to stay?”

His pause was lengthy, but in the end, his mind had already been made up.
“You won’t because you know I won’t say yes.”

She managed a rueful grin. “That's true.”

They stood up and exchanged a hug. He reached into his back pocket and pulled
out one of his old business cards, the back of which had a handwritten number.
“That's my cell phone. If you ever just want to talk.”

She nodded and flicked the card nervously with her finger. It was then he
noticed that she was once again wearing the oversized sweater.

“I think you should burn this thing,” he said in one final burst of
candor, pulling gently at the long sleeve. “It really does nothing for you.”

She smiled sadly. “You’re right, you know.”

“About what?”

“I was just using it to hide emotional baggage. But I may need a bigger,
uglier sweater after this trip.”

He meant to turn and leave but sheer gravity propelled him forward and he
wrapped her in his arms, smelling her vanilla cake scent one last time. “Keep
in touch, okay?” he said, kissing the top of her head.

“I will,” she said against his chest, against his stranger heart.

With one final squeeze, he left.

chapter
seven

No, this isn’t happening.
Ren watched through the lobby doors as Eric packed up his car. Even
though every cell in her body was telling her to run outside and kiss him, to
convince him to stay for one more day so she could make up her mind, she knew
it wouldn’t be fair to him. He deserved better than a girl with complicated
emotional baggage. But more than that, it wasn't fair to Ben. Beginning a new
relationship when she wasn’t through mourning Ben yet would be akin to icing a
cake before it had even finished cooling; you just end up with a sticky mess.

Her brain could make sense of the situation, but her heart ached
regardless. It was as if the truth about Eric’s surgery caused her to lose Ben
all over again. She thought Ben had found her and was back in her life. She
thought she had lucked out that Ben’s heart had been transplanted into someone
so caring, and though Eric was flawed, he was wonderful and honest. She thought
she’d finally met the perfect guy.

She thought, she thought, she thought... and she finally decided she just
couldn’t think anymore.

Packing up the rest of Ben’s belongings went by quickly as she just threw
everything into the donate bags. In the end she had several bags to donate and
one box to send to his parents in Chicago. Everything else was left to Todd’s friend,
who was getting quite a deal with an apartment full of free stuff. Todd had
offered to pay, but she couldn’t take payment for something that didn’t belong
to her.

“I think Ben would be happier if his stuff went to good use anyway,
instead of being sold,” she said as she took one last look at the empty shell
of the apartment. It looked so ordinary, as if someone else lived there instead
of the man she’d loved—and that’s when she knew she’d accomplished her
task in Colorado.

“You take care, Ren,” Todd said, giving her one of his big bear hugs that
she’d known during their happier times. “I hope things go well for you.”

“You, too,” she said, knowing this was the last time they would see each
other. “Good luck at the next tryouts. I know Ben will be there to cheer you
on.”

Todd pulled back and grinned. “For sure. He’ll be beside me, telling me
to hurry my ass down the hill.”

“Sounds about right,” she said with a sad smile. “You take care.”

Eight hours later, she was back in her Lakeview, Chicago apartment,
exhausted both physically and emotionally. On her way to her bedroom, she
noticed the answering machine blinking with five messages. Though she was ready
to fall asleep on her feet, she pressed the play button.

The first few were from her sisters, Lisa and Jolene, asking her to
return their calls as soon as she got back home. One was from her friend, Orby,
wanting to discuss a cake with which to surprise his girlfriend. The last
message came as a complete surprise because she had never given him her number.
Nevertheless, Eric's deep voice filled the small apartment.

“Hi, Ren, it's me. I hope you don’t mind my calling here. I called your
bakery and your sister, Jolene, gave me your number,” he said in a subdued
tone. In the background, she could hear the rumblings of life moving around
him. “So I’m just sitting here at the airport, waiting for my flight, which is
delayed by the way. Just my luck, huh? But I’m pretty sure nobody is sitting
next to me in first class. I thought you’d appreciate that.”

Ren smiled, imagining the Douchebag Hall of Famer she had met on the
plane. How quickly he had proven her wrong.

The message continued: “So I had a lot of time to think on my drive up to
Denver, and even though that was a pretty screwed up situation we found ourselves
in, I still couldn’t help but miss you. Even though you’re confused right now
and obviously still in love with Ben, I still think you’re amazing. I didn’t
want to leave without telling you that.”

Ren felt the sting of tears once more and knew that if she wasn’t so
exhausted, she’d be crying again for the umpteenth time that day.

“So, it was nice spending the past few days with you. And, by the way,
I’m sorry for that sweater comment. Take care, Ren.”

The machine beeped, signaling the end of messages. Ren placed a hand over
her eyes, tired and raw beyond compare. She hoped that some sleep and a brand
new day would bring some much-needed clarity to her muddled brain.

“Why didn’t you call?” her sister, Lisa, asked as soon as Ren entered
through the back door of their bakery. “I could have picked you up from the
airport.”

“I know. I just came in too late,” Ren said, hanging her teal bicycle on
the back room office wall, noting that one of the three bike hooks was
unoccupied. “Jolene not here yet?”

“She drove the van,” Lisa said, not looking up from the cake she was
icing. After completing a series of wavy lines that resembled skirt ruffles,
Lisa put the piping bag down, blew hair out of her face, and looked at Ren.
“Holy crap. You look like…”

“Crap?” Ren offered helpfully, tying a robin’s egg blue apron over her
skirt.

“Yes, exactly.” Lisa frowned. “The trip was that bad, huh?”

Ren approached the
work tables
, eyeing the to-do
list attached to the cork board on the wall. “It was bad, then it was good, and
then it was bad again.”

“Good?” Lisa filled the piping bag with more buttercream icing, twisted
the end, and continued to decorate.

“Well, I sort of met someone.”

“What?” Jolene walked in from the front of the store, a box of pastel
macarons in her hands and a shocked expression on her face. “You met someone?
While cleaning out your dead boyfriend’s apartment?”

Ren shook her head. “I know, it’s stupid…”

“Was it that guy Eric? He called here and asked for your number, said he
was your friend,” Jolene said.

Ren sighed, wondering why she began the conversation to begin with. She
grabbed the box from Jolene and moved to the back table to get some red ribbon
and a logo sticker to affix to it. “I’ll tell you guys later. The shop’s about
to open.”

“Padma’s manning the front and the cakes can wait,” Jolene said. She
stuck her head through the swinging door and called to their employee, “Pad,
you got the front? We’ll be in the office for a pow-wow if you need us.” And
before Ren could even begin to protest, her sisters were ushering her into the
back office and shutting the door.

“Okay, spill,”
Lisa
said, leaning against the
white desk. Jolene sat beside Ren on the green loveseat with a face full of
expectation.

Ren took a deep breath. “Well, I met this guy on the first class section
of the plane…” she began.

After the story was told, Ren noticed that both of her sisters were
frowning. “Well?”

Pragmatic Lisa was the first to speak up. “You have to watch out for
people like that, Ren. You can’t just give your heart away to every guy who
tells you he feels a connection to you.”

“What do you mean?” Jolene asked. “He sounds like a nice guy.”

Lisa shook her head. “Don’t you see? People like that, especially those
who live in Los Angeles, they get around, they know how to play the game. He
zeroed in on Ren’s vulnerability and took advantage of it.”

“I don't think that’s what happened,” Ren said weakly.

“Why else would he make comments about the doctor putting the wrong heart
back in?” Lisa asked, taking her black-framed glasses off.

Ren cringed as her sister’s words hit home. “He did confess that he was a
womanizer. But he just seemed so genuine...”

“No, I refuse to believe it,” Jolene said, getting to her feet and pacing
in the small room. Jolene, the youngest and the most optimistic, was always the
stalwart advocate of love. “How would he even know about Ben’s organs being
donated?”

Ren’s heart dropped at the sudden image of Ben’s body on the operating
table, his organs being pulled out with tweezers like in the board game.

Lisa gave Jolene a hard stare and cocked her head towards Ren in warning.

“I’m sorry, Ren,” Jolene said and sat beside her sister once more. “But I
don’t think Eric was playing you. If he was, why would he go to all the trouble
of finding your number so he could call you?”

Trying to erase the horrible images of bloody organs in her head, Ren
focused on the topic at hand. “I don’t know. But he said I was amazing.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “And he’s not even creative.”

“God, Lisa, why do you always have to be such a drag?” Jolene asked. “He
called her the
exception
.” She turned back to Ren with a soft
expression. “He called you the exception.”

Ren closed her eyes and imagined the moment Eric had said those words,
remembered feeling like a tiny sun was warming her from the inside out.

“Regardless, you can’t start something without ending it with Ben,” Lisa
said.

“I know.”

Lisa put her glasses back on. “You’re clearly not over him yet.”

“I thought I was.”

“It’s okay, Ren,” Jolene said, patting her sister’s arm. “You were with
him for over half of your life. Nobody said you had to get over him in a few
months.”

Ren leaned into the couch with a sigh. “I know. It’s just, after Ben’s
death, I thought I’d be numb for a few years, you know? Never in a million
years did I think that I’d even like a guy, let alone sleep with him, so soon.”

“I still think he was just taking advantage of you,” Lisa said. “Just
because he said he wanted to change doesn’t mean he will.”