Taking it All (11 page)

He withdrew carefully, mindful not to hurt her. Then he immediately untied her hands, tossing aside the rope.

“Chessy?” he asked again as he climbed onto the bed beside her. “Talk to me, baby. What's wrong? Did I hurt you?”

He pulled her into his arms, positioning her on her side, and used his arm to pillow her head. Then he slid his hand over her damp cheek, wiping away the tears. He leaned over, kissing away every bit of moisture from her face before cupping her jaw and tilting her chin upward so she met his gaze.

“What's wrong, baby?”

The concern in his eyes was nearly her undoing and damn it but the tears started all over again. She gave a quiet hiccup, the strain of trying to keep her emotions at bay making her chest ache.

It was as if a dam had suddenly burst and tears ran like a river as she stared back at her husband. They were back. It was as if the last two years had been erased and all that mattered was here and now. Her in his arms. Him taking back control.

“Chessy, you're starting to scare me. What the hell is going on? Talk to me.”

“Nothing's wrong,” she finally managed to say in a faltering voice. “Everything is
right
.”

He heaved a visible sigh of relief and touched his forehead to hers. “You nearly gave me a heart attack, baby. I thought I'd done something wrong. Or hurt you.”

She shook her head as he wiped another trail of tears from her cheek. “I love you so much, Tate. I've waited so long for this. It seems like I waited for an eternity. And now we're back. I've missed you—this—so much.”

He gathered her more closely in his arms and kissed her tenderly. “You've always had me, Chess. I know it doesn't seem like it. I haven't acted like it. I haven't given you what you need—what you deserve. But I swear all of that is going to change starting now. I don't want to lose you. I can't envision a future without you.”

She snuggled into his arms, tucking her head underneath his chin. “You'll never lose me, Tate. I don't want to be without you either. I'm afraid you're stuck with me.”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling from his chest and vibrating her cheek. “I'll suffer the inconvenience of me being stuck with you.”

CHESSY
entered the Lux Café wearing a broad smile and with a skip in her step. Kylie was there, and as usual, excluding the last time they'd met for lunch, Joss was running late. Kylie lifted one eyebrow when Chessy all but danced up to their booth. But there was relief in her eyes when she stood to hug Chessy.

“Thank God,” Kylie said fervently. “Joss and I have been so worried, Chessy. We didn't hear from you all weekend! Jensen swore that was a good thing but I wasn't so sure until now. You're positively glowing!”

They were interrupted as Joss hurried up to the table. Like Kylie, there was concern in Joss's eyes but as she studied a beaming Chessy, her eyes brightened and a smile lit up her face.

“You look so happy, Chessy!” Joss said in a hushed whisper.

“Let's sit,” Chessy urged. “I don't want the entire restaurant to hear the sordid details of my anniversary weekend!”

“Ooohh, sordid!” Kylie crowed as she pushed into the booth and then motioned for Chessy to slide into the middle from the other side so she'd be flanked by Joss and Kylie.

Chessy complied and then Joss scooted in next to her.

“We're dying to hear the down and dirty,” Joss said. “When we didn't hear from you I knew it had to be a good sign because if things went badly you would have called us.”

Chessy smiled and nodded. Then she let out a wistful sigh. “Oh you guys, it was wonderful. Just like old times. I had my Tate back.”

“So did you spill your heart?” Kylie asked. “Tell me you didn't back down and not bring up your issues.”

Chessy shook her head. “No, I didn't back down,” she said softly. “It actually began a total disaster.”

Joss's mouth dropped open and Kylie's eyes narrowed.

“How was it a disaster?” Joss exclaimed.

Chessy winced. “He didn't show for our dinner. I was on my way out and I saw him in the bar with another woman.”

“Oh. My. God,” Kylie said, fury evident in her voice. “What the hell? On your anniversary?”

“It wasn't pretty,” Chessy admitted. “I jumped to some major conclusions and walked out. He came after me and we had it out.”

“I bet,” Joss murmured.

“But it's okay now,” Chessy said. “I know I gave y'all an abbreviated version but I'd rather not rehash it. The woman was a potential client. He met her in the bar so he could come straight to dinner and time got away from him. When I confronted him with how unhappy I am, he was horrified. He's apologized a million times. And he promised to put me front and center from now on.”

“Do you believe him?” Kylie asked softly.

Chessy nodded. “He was so sincere. And so upset and
afraid
. Afraid I was going to leave him. Honestly, guys, it scared him to death. That more than anything told me that he still loves me and wants me. And well, he spent the rest of the weekend proving just that.”

Color rose in her cheeks, her skin flushed and warm.

Joss and Kylie exchanged knowing smirks.

“Did he break out the flogger?” Joss teased.

Kylie looked appalled, which made Chessy laugh. Kylie couldn't comprehend the lifestyle that both Chessy and Joss lived, but she accepted it with good nature, even if she couldn't envision herself in such a relationship. She shook her head and shot an accusing look in Joss's direction.

“You did that on purpose to get a reaction out of me,” Kylie said in a sour voice.

Chessy laughed and Joss looked delighted.

“You're shining today,” Joss commented. “It's like looking at the old Chessy. I'm so glad to have you back, hon. I've hated seeing you so unhappy. I'm so glad you and Tate have made amends, or rather he's making amends. Good for you for confronting him and laying it out to him. I'm not sure I'd have the courage to do something like that.”

Kylie snorted. “So says the woman who told Dash off when he pulled his stupidity.”

Chessy laughed again and then all three women burst into laughter. God it felt good to feel so light again. The weight of the past two years had become oppressive. Just finally being able to confront Tate with her unhappiness had been so freeing.

“Okay, so he didn't break out the flogger,” Joss said, a twinkle in her eyes. “So what did he do? I want all the gory details.”

Kylie rolled her eyes and then made a show of plugging both ears. “I'm too innocent to hear this.”

Chessy snorted. “Oh please. Like you and Jensen don't perform your own X-rated sex shows? Ever hear of the saying ‘doth protest too much'? Well that's you. It's always the quiet ones you have to watch.”

Kylie blushed and Joss hooted with laughter. “You nailed her, Chessy. Look at that face. That's the look of a cat who's definitely gotten the cream.”

Chessy choked on her drink and nearly spurted water from her nose. “Oh my God, you said cream. I'm dying over here.”

Kylie groaned. “Dear Lord. You both have to stop. Is everything a sexual innuendo with you two?”

“Yes!” both Chessy and Joss said in unison.

They immediately hushed when the waiter arrived to take their order. As soon as he left, they burst into laughter again. Tears streamed down Joss's face and she hastily wiped her eyes with the table napkin.

“You two are incorrigible,” Kylie grumbled. “Let's leave my sex life out of this.”

“This is a novelty,” Chessy teased. “You having a sex life, I mean. A few months ago you would have been appalled by the notion. It's high time you got in on the action.”

Kylie lowered her head and beat her forehead against the table. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Hmmm, I'd say Jensen is very rewarding,” Joss said, a dreamy look on her face.

Kylie's smile was rueful. “I can't argue with you there. But can we please move on to a different topic? Chessy still hasn't filled us in with all the juicy details.”

Chessy grinned. “Let's just say that Tate and I are well on our way back to the way things used to be. At first he held back his dominance. I think he was too focused on making sure I wasn't going anywhere. After the horridness of our anniversary night, he kicked it into high gear. He made love to me like whoa. No dominance. Just tenderness that was so sweet it made my heart ache. But at the same time I wanted his dominance. I didn't want our relationship to change. I just wanted us back, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Joss said softly.

“I get it,” Kylie admitted. “Jensen is dominant in all aspects except our sex life. There . . . he gives up complete control to me. But one day . . . One day I'd like to be able to give him control there too. We're both going to therapy. I'm hoping it will help me trust him more. That sounds so awful. I do trust him. In my heart I know he'd never hurt me. But it's hard. And more than me knowing he'd never hurt me, he has to believe that too.”

Chessy reached for Kylie's hand and squeezed. “I understand completely, sweetie. And you'll get there. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know. Jensen is so perfect for you. So patient and understanding. The fact that he's willing to give up control in the bedroom is amazing. It proves just how much he loves you to deny that part of himself.”

Kylie's eyes became watery. “But I don't want him to have to deny any part of himself. And that's what bothers me. I want him to have control but I'm not there yet.”

“You'll get there,” Joss repeated. “Give it time. You've only been together a short time.”

“So Tate didn't . . . dominate you?” Kylie asked. The words came out strangled, as if she didn't know what label to put on Chessy's relationship with Tate.

Chessy's smile was gentle. She let go of Kylie's hand as the waiter delivered their entrees. Only when he was gone did she address Kylie's question.

“At first no. I think he didn't think it was appropriate. In fact, he very much humbled himself. For a moment it was as if he was the submissive and I was the Dominant, which is laughable since I'm the furthest from a Dominant you can get. I think he felt awkward about just falling into our old routine. It was an apology, I think. He was so reverent and careful. It was wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I wanted—needed—his dominance. And so after our dinner do-over, that's when he retook control.”

“I'm glad for you,” Joss said sincerely. “I've hated seeing you so unhappy, Chessy. I'm sure now that you've let Tate know how you feel that you'll see a change in the way he treats you.”

Chessy winced. “That sounds so bad when you say it like that. Like he was abusing me or something.”

“Neglect is akin to abuse,” Kylie said softly. “You should know that better than anyone.”

Chessy's heart clenched at the subtle reminder of her childhood. Not abused, but unwanted. She wasn't sure which was worse. Both were unforgiveable for a parent to subject a child to. She'd spent her entire childhood ignored, dismissed, unloved and a nuisance to parents who'd never wanted a child.

Tate was well aware of the circumstances of her childhood. He'd been the first person she'd ever confided in. As soon as she'd turned eighteen, she'd left her home and worked her way through college. Her parents hadn't even bothered to show up for her high school graduation much less her graduation from college.

Her phone chimed, signaling a text message. Grateful for the interruption so the conversation didn't dissolve into a dissection of her childhood, she dug into her purse and clicked on the text. It was from Tate.

Have an important client meeting at 4:30. I'll be home no later than 6. I promise. I'll bring supper. Love my girl.

Chessy's heart sank, dread tightening her chest. When she looked up, her friends had worry in their eyes. Chessy forced a bright smile. After all, how long had it been since he just texted her with his plans much less to say he loved her and that he'd bring home dinner. She'd revel in that aspect and set aside her paranoia. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin a perfectly good day when things had gone so well the past two days.

“Oh, that was just Tate telling me he was bringing supper home.”

She left out the rest because she didn't want to see knowing looks in their eyes.

AT
five minutes after six, Chessy was pacing the living room checking her watch. A worried frown tugged at her lips. Surely he wouldn't be late the very first day back at work after their come-to-Jesus anniversary weekend.

She sucked in a deep breath and tried to talk herself down. He had a client meeting at four thirty. Then there was rush- hour traffic. Not to mention he was picking up takeout. There were plenty of perfectly normal reasons he could be a few minutes late.

She checked her watch again. He was only seven minutes late. Not the end of the world. Damn her for being so paranoid. She could be flexible. He didn't have to be at her beck and call every waking moment, nor did he have to be accountable to her for doing his job.

But it worried her. What if this weekend had been him hitting the panic button and saying and doing whatever it took to appease her? What if he had no intention of changing his routine?

Guilt crushed through her chest when she heard the sound of his car pulling up. How could she have doubted him? She forced herself not to rush to the door to greet him. There was no way she wanted him to know how worried and paranoid she'd been with no reason.

A moment later, the front door opened and Tate appeared holding a plastic bag with the take-out containers inside. He was juggling his briefcase and his suit coat as he kicked the door shut with his foot.

Chessy hurried over to him to take the bag and then leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

“Sorry I'm late, baby,” he said, regret lining his brow. “The restaurant messed up my phone order and I had to wait for them to remake it. I got your favorite.”

Her heart melted at the very real worry in his eyes. She felt so guilty for doubting him, for worrying that he wouldn't keep his word.

She carried the bag containing the take-out order to the breakfast nook where she'd already set out plates and silverware while Tate tossed his suit coat over the back of the sofa.

“You want wine?” she asked. “I put a bottle out a little while ago, but if you'd prefer something different, I'll get it.”

He snagged her waist and pressed a kiss to her lips. “Whatever you picked out is fine. Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?”

A giddy thrill assailed her. Her heart turned over in her chest as she smiled broadly up at him. She wrapped both arms around him and leaned into his embrace.

Her smile became dreamy, love surging through her heart. “I'll never get tired of you saying so.”

“Mmm, what about I love you and you're my girl?”

She sighed. “Even better. Sit down while I pour you a glass of wine. Tell me about your day and your client meeting. Did it go well?”

A brief look of discomfort crossed his face before he turned swiftly to pull out his chair. When he was settled, he met her gaze again, no hint of the previous discomfort evident, leaving her to wonder if she'd imagined it.

“Oh, the usual,” Tate said in a casual tone. “The meeting was with a potential client who's considering transferring a large portfolio to my firm. It would be quite a coup if it comes to pass.”

She set his glass of wine in front of him and then slid into the seat next to him. “That's wonderful, Tate. You've worked so hard. It doesn't surprise me that you're landing bigger and bigger clients.”

He caught her hand and pulled her over to sit on his lap. He thrust a hand into her hair, cupping the side of her head as he tugged her down to meet his lips. “Your confidence in me and support of me means everything. Knowing my girl is behind me makes me feel like I can own the world.”

She smiled and cupped his face in her hands, returning his kiss with one of her own. “I have no doubt you could do just that if you set your mind to it.”

“I'd much prefer to own
you
.”

“You do, Tate. I belong to you. Always. Heart, soul, body and mind.”

“I have a surprise for you,” he murmured. “Well, two actually.”

She couldn't control the surge of delight that made a broad smile curve her lips. She
adored
surprises and Tate well knew it. It didn't matter how simple or elaborate.
Anything
Tate gave her was treasured and met with utter delight.

“Tell me!” she said, all but pouncing on him. She jiggled and bounced on his lap in excited anticipation.

He laughed and patted her hip. “Hop up so I can get the first one. It's in my jacket pocket.”

She scrambled off his lap and perched on her chair, waiting impatiently as he strolled leisurely over to the couch to retrieve his coat. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a beautifully wrapped small box with a shiny silver bow. Her eyes widened and she nearly bounced out of her chair when he walked back over.

He slid the box along the tabletop until it rested in front of her.

“Happy anniversary to my girl,” he said huskily. “I intended to give it to you Friday night, but we got . . . sidetracked.”

She caught her frown before it appeared. Just thinking back on their emotional, gut-wrenching anniversary night was enough to remove all her present joy. So she focused instead on here and now and the fact that her husband was
b
ack
.

She reverently opened the wrapping, taking her time so she didn't tear it. He chuckled as he watched her, shaking his head.

“I've never understood why you don't just rip into it. It's just paper, Chess.”

“But it's beautiful paper,” she protested. “I hate to tear something so pretty.”

He laughed again but fell silent until she got to the box underneath. With shaking fingers, she opened the lid and shook out the velvet jewelry case inside. She sucked in her breath when she finally managed to reveal the contents.

Inside was a radiant, sparkling diamond bracelet that caught the light and twinkled brilliantly. She held it up, viewing it in awe, and tears burned the edges of her eyelids, making the bracelet blur in her vision.

“Ah hell, Chess. Don't cry.”

She gave him a watery smile and then sniffled. “I can't help it. It's gorgeous, Tate! I love it. Put it on for me, please. My hands are shaking so badly I'll never be able to get it latched.”

He laughed but complied, carefully looping the tennis bracelet around her left wrist. It made her look and feel decadent with the gorgeous diamond wedding ring and now an equally beautiful diamond bracelet. She felt as lit up as a Christmas tree.

When he was done, she held up her arm, twisting it this way and that, watching in fascination as it caught the light and sparkled just like the Christmas tree she'd just thought she resembled.

Then she threw herself back onto his lap and kissed him ferociously. “I love it,” she said fervently. “I absolutely adore it! Thank you. You've made this the perfect anniversary weekend and Monday!”

A brief shadow crossed his face, as he no doubt remembered the inauspicious start to their anniversary. Sorrow and regret brimmed in his eyes before she kissed him again, soothing away the painful reminder to them both.

When she finally drew away, she remembered that he'd said he had
two
surprises.

“What's the other surprise?” she asked, excitement once more bubbling to the surface.

He smiled and tenderly pushed a strand of her curly hair from her cheek. “It's not immediate, rather it's a surprise I've planned for us.”

“Oh, I like it when you say
us
,” she said dreamily. “What is it? Tell me, tell me!”

He chuckled. “My girl is so impatient.”

She mimicked strangling him by wrapping her fingers around his neck and adopting a ferocious scowl. “Stop holding out on me and
spill
.”

He kissed the tip of her nose and then pulled away so he could gaze into her eyes.

“I know it's been a long while since we visited The House. So I've planned a night for us. Two weeks from now on a Friday night. I've even already hand-picked the man who will participate in our fantasy.”

Her pulse immediately began to race and she couldn't control the surge of wicked anticipation that licked like flames over her skin. Images from the past, the immeasurable pleasure they'd both enjoyed, raced through her mind. Another man touching her, pleasuring her, at Tate's behest. Under his command, always in control, stepping in only when Chessy neared her orgasm. Those belonged to him. It was one of the two things he wouldn't allow another man. The other was that another man was never to kiss her on the lips. Some may think it was an odd “rule” but Chessy understood completely.

Kissing on the lips was decidedly more intimate than being kissed in other places. It signaled a more emotional connection, one only found between her and Tate.

“Is it someone I know?” she asked in a low voice. “I mean is it someone you've chosen before?”

He stroked her cheek. “Is my girl worried? We don't have to do this, Chess. I wanted to do something special for you. For us. I know it's something we enjoyed in the past and I'm just sorry that I've let it go as long as I have without giving you something that brings us both pleasure.”

“No, that isn't it at all,” she denied. “I was merely curious. If I shouldn't be asking or if you don't want me to know, that's fine. But when on earth did you have time to pull this all together? Did you plan it before our anniversary?”

She was genuinely curious to know whether he'd planned it before or after the debacle of their anniversary night.

“You have the right to know anything that affects you,” he said firmly. “To answer your question, no, this isn't someone we've played with in the past. I spoke to Damon and he gave me a few names of men who didn't mind playing the Dominant when in actuality I would be in total command of every aspect. I arranged to meet them this morning. It's why my client meeting was so late in the day. I wish I could say that I had planned this prior to our anniversary. It's something I should have been more aware of, and I'm sorry for that. But I picked a man I thought would give you the most pleasure while allowing me to dictate what he does and doesn't do. When I showed him your picture I thought he was damn near going to swallow his tongue.”

He laughed as he said the last and Chessy smiled.

“So he liked what he saw?” she asked innocently.

“Oh yeah. He liked.”

A thought occurred to her, one that had her blushing to the roots of her hair. Her entire face was literally on fire.

“Tate, tell me you didn't show him one of
those
pictures,” she whispered.

Those pictures being ones Tate had taken of her in different sexual positions and in various stages of undress. Bound hand and foot. Some naked and spread-eagled, her hands and feet splayed wide and restrained in all directions.

They were beautifully erotic, but only intended for Tate. It made her sound like the ultimate hypocrite, being willing to allow another man to touch her. To flog her, mark her, give her pleasure. So why object to Tate ever showing such pictures to another man?

Except that to her those pictures were personal and were meant to be shared only between her and her husband. It didn't
have
to make sense to anyone but her.

Tate's expression grew serious. He cupped her chin, rubbing his thumb gently down her jawline.

“I would never betray your trust,” he said gravely. “Those pictures are for me and only me. I showed the man—James—one of my favorite pictures of you from our vacation in the Caribbean. The one of you in that sexy sundress smiling brightly enough to outshine the sun. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't be on his knees to have a woman like you. And that certainly includes me. You're mine,” he said in a thoroughly satisfied voice.

She smiled then, feeling awful for having questioned him in the first place. It was baffling to her, this new turn in their relationship, where she seemed to question him with growing frequency.

She'd never questioned him in the past. She always, without fail, abided by his decisions. Accepted without reservation whatever he chose. So why now? She bit into her bottom lip, knowing
exactly
why she had begun to question him, even if she hadn't openly acknowledged it until now. She couldn't quite shake the sense of betrayal even though Tate was going above and beyond to make amends. Maybe these things just took time. They'd both already admitted that it would take more than a weekend to set to rights two years of unhappiness and the fear of their marriage dissolving.

“I'm sorry,” she said quietly.

His look of surprise took her aback. “What are you sorry for, baby?”

“For questioning you. For not trusting you.”

His expression softened and warmth entered his eyes. He put his arms around her and rubbed up and down her back in a soothing pattern.

“I'd say you have reason for both,” he admitted. “I haven't
acted
like someone you could trust or not question over the last two years. It's me who should be apologizing to you,
not
the other way around.”