Taking the Heat (19 page)

But now there was this letter, bringing it all back. And then there was Dillon.

“Shit,” she moaned. She might as well just get that over with now, while these kick-ass memories were raining down on her.

She hit Dillon's number and opened a text box. Her lip curled again. She couldn't believe she was doing this. But if her dad's contact could help her reach out to that teenager, it would be worth it. Probably.

Hi, Dillon
, she typed, refusing to add an exclamation point to her greeting. Screw this asshole.
I've got a show Thursday if you want to come by after. Or we could grab a drink sometime next week.

Hopefully, he'd be busy Thursday, and then she could put him off next week, and then nothing would ever happen.

No such luck.
Thursday sounds great!

“Oh, Jesus,” she said. Her phone beeped again.
Three Martini Ranch, right?

“Ugh,” she said, but she typed,
Yes. Nine o'clock.
One drink. That was all. Hopefully, she could rush the meeting, and then her father's emotional ransom would be paid.

Her eyes fell on Gabe's name as she closed her texts and she felt a twinge of guilt, but it wasn't as though she were going on a date with Dillon. Far from it. Gabe would probably be right there waiting for her.

She sneered at Dillon's last text when it popped up with a cheerful
Can't wait!
then clicked off her phone.

No, there was nothing to feel guilty about. This was more like meeting with an old enemy to reconfirm the peace treaty.

Dillon was a handsome guy, but she would never, ever find him attractive. How could she? He'd been a worm of a boy, so he couldn't be much better than a bug of a man. And after being with Gabe, she was starting to get a new perspective on dating.

Up until now, she'd spent every date trying to figure out how to get comfortable when it felt as if she was writhing on a pin. But the point of all of it was to find a guy who didn't make her feel that way in the first place. Sure, she'd had a few anxiety attacks with Gabe, but she'd mostly had fun.

Dillon wasn't going to be fun at all. Her gut churned at the thought of sitting down with him, of having to be polite and smile and pretend he hadn't helped ruin several years of her life.

Her email chimed and she lurched forward to open it. Dillon didn't matter. He was the nobody in her life now. Veronica held her breath as she read the email, then let it out in a rush of relief. The therapist had only a few suggestions, but otherwise, she'd written the right thing. She'd reached out; she'd sympathized; she'd offered help.

If the writer saw it online, hopefully, he'd get in touch again or at least reach out to a doctor or therapist for assistance. Maybe she could truly help him. Maybe she could make his life just a little better.

Waiting impatiently for the response from her editor, Veronica paced out to the kitchen to grab a drink, but instead of opening the fridge, she found herself staring at it. It needed an addition.

She got out the paper and marker one more time.

#4—Stop being afraid.

She wasn't a teenager anymore. She wasn't nobody. And she was finally going to stop being scared.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“I'
M
 
ALREADY
 
TERRIFIED
,”
she muttered, glaring at the top of Gabe's head as he slid the loop of the safety harness over her foot.

“You'll be great.”

Despite her resentment, she couldn't resist touching him. As he pulled the loop over her other foot, she reached out to stroke his hair. It was silky and hot from the sun, but the nicest thing about it was that she could touch it just because she wanted to.

And she did want to. She'd tried to talk him into forgetting about this whole climbing thing altogether and just giving in to her sexual demands, but he'd stubbornly refused. Honestly, she felt a little miffed at that. She wouldn't have had the strength to say no to him, but he'd laughed and promised “later.”

In fact, he'd promised to fuck her twice when they got home. She'd tried to be content with that, but as she stroked her hand through his warm hair, she wished he were kneeling in front of her for an entirely different reason. When her hand tightened, he looked up.

She raised her eyebrows. “How about we just skip all this and I give you a blow job? There's no one else out here.”

“Stop trying to distract me,” he said, laughing as he worked the harness up over her capri leggings until the top of it was at her waist.

Crap. He was really determined to do this. He tightened the thick band that went around her waist and told her that the leg straps should be snug. She grumbled under her breath, but she tightened them, anyway.

“Perfect,” he said. “Now I'll show you how everything works, so you'll have a good sense of how safe it is.”

She bit her tongue to stop the sarcastic remark she wanted to make. She'd just yesterday promised herself she'd stop being afraid, and here she was practically shaking. She trusted Gabe, and he was obviously a good rock climber. He'd been doing it for years and was still walking and talking.

And she had to admit that she was slightly intrigued by the idea of this climb. She didn't want to try this, but she was brave, wasn't she? This was her new life, or so her friends had assured her.

“The helmet,” he said, easing one onto her head, “is to keep you safe from falling rock. This is especially important as I'll be above you.”

“Above me? I thought you'd be
with
me.”

“No, I'll climb up first and secure the anchors. This is an established climbing spot, so there are already permanent anchors at the top, but I'll secure a few more on my way up. Let me show you how they work.”

She watched him wedge an anchor into a crack of rock. Then he showed her how to work it back out so she could try it herself. She could see, objectively, how the physics of the anchor worked, but it still didn't seem nearly secure enough for her. It was a tiny piece of metal attached to a wire. What if it broke? What if the rock broke? Sure, the rock was millions of years old, but rocks cracked all the time! And what if the anchor somehow slipped up to a wider section of the crack? But Gabe insisted on relying on physics instead of fear.

“And we always use double anchors, at least,” he said. “Sometimes three if it's a particularly tricky section.”

“But how will
you
be anchored if you're climbing up to place them?” she pressed.

“Ah. I won't be.”

She groaned and shook her head. “No.”

He had the nerve to laugh. “That's how it works, Veronica.”

“No, I don't like it.”

He grabbed something from his pack and then stood straight in front of her to give her a quick kiss on the mouth. “Done it a hundred times, and this is the easiest climb in the area.”

She looked doubtfully at the face of the rock. It seemed to go straight up to her. It wasn't as if there were steps carved into the middle of it. “Easy?” she croaked.

“You'll see.” He kissed her again, lingering a little longer this time, until she finally gave up her stiff stance and kissed him back.

“You just have to trust me,” he murmured, the words warm against her lips.

“I do.”

“And yourself.”

Okay, that was a little harder to manage, but she was working on it. She listened closely as he explained the knots and the locks and the pulley system that put traction on the rope to keep her from free-falling during a rappel.

He told her the calls and responses that every climbing team used, but her brain scrambled them all up as he spoke. “What if I can't remember them?”

“The only one you need to be clear on right now is ‘falling.'”

“Wait, when do I say that?”

“When you're falling.”

“Are you kidding me?” she yelped.

“It's just a heads-up that I need to brace myself for your weight.”

“No,” she said again, but he just kept going through the safety lecture before he checked her gear once more.

“Show me how you use the carabiner,” he said for the second time. She showed him. “Okay. Ready?” he asked.

She stared at the rock, then looked at him, at his kind eyes and tanned skin and the strong muscles of his shoulders.

Stop being afraid.

“I'm ready,” she said.

“Take your time,” he reminded her. “Find your handholds. Make sure one foot is solid before you step again. Rely on your leg muscles, not your arms.”

“Not a problem.”

“I'll see you in a few minutes.” He didn't even give her another kiss before he disappeared up the rock. And that was exactly what he did. One minute he was in front of her and the next he was twenty feet up. He didn't seem reckless, though. She could see the way he looked at every spot he used. She eased out the length of rope coiled at her feet, hyperaware that if he fell, the rope wouldn't do anything to help him.

“This is granite,” he called over his shoulder. “It's been here for millions of years, but there are still loose bits and pieces, so always check before putting your weight on it.”

No
, her mind said. “Okay!” she called up to him.

And then he was really gone. Out of sight. He'd eased up over an edge or an angle or something, and now a big jut of rock kept him from her sight.

She held her breath for a long time, watching the spot that had swallowed him up. But then the rope tugged at her hands and she concentrated on not letting it get taut. What if she messed up and pulled him right off the cliff? What if she murdered her only source of penis-based sex?

Suddenly the rope stopped sliding. Veronica kept her grip loose just in case, but it stayed still.

She desperately wanted to shout up to him and ask if he was okay, but she just as desperately didn't want to distract him. He wasn't anchored in. He wasn't safe. One wrong step and he'd die.

“This is the worst hobby
ever
,” she whined, stretching her already aching neck.

The other half of the rope moved, pulling up fast until it was taut and tugging at her safety belt.

“Is that you?” he called. The words floated down to her from very far away, but she nearly wept with relief. He had the rope through the anchor. He was okay.

“Um,” she said loudly, “yes! It's me!”

She thought she heard a chuckle in response. The rope tugged lightly a few more times and then she heard the magic words. “Belay on!”

It was time. And she couldn't remember what she was supposed to say, but she did remember what to do. She checked that her carabiner was locked, approached the rock face and took a few deep breaths until her mind started working again. The slack in the rope disappeared even though she'd moved forward only a few inches. Gabe had her.

“Climbing,” she croaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Climbing!”

He responded to let her know that he was ready to support her weight, and she put her hands on the rock.

The first few feet were uncertain, but she quickly realized it wasn't much harder than climbing a ladder. The rock looked smooth from a distance, but it was actually jagged. There were no steps carved into it, but she moved up at a fair pace. Gabe kept her rope nice and tight the whole time, so she knew that if she slipped, she'd fall only a few inches. Granted, she'd also smash face-first into the rock, but that kind of thing could happen on a hiking trail, too.

She was actually feeling pretty badass and confident when she reached the spot where Gabe had disappeared from her view. As she'd suspected, the rock angled slightly in for a few feet here, and she could see him about twenty feet above her now.

“There you are,” he said.

She beamed up at him. She couldn't help it. He'd been right the whole time. She could do this. She was fucking amazing.

“Okay,” Gabe called down, “pause there for a second.”

That wasn't a problem. Her feet were on a solid lip of rock and she could rest her arms on the face that angled away. Her thighs trembled like crazy, but she didn't feel weak yet.

“I want you to do something for me now. Let go of the rock and lean back.”

“What?” The muscles that had just started to relax into the climb went tight as steel, shaking even harder now. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“So that you can feel what it's like to rely on the rope.”

“No!”

“Come on. It's standard training.”

Now that she'd started feeling kick-ass, she didn't want to back down. She didn't want to say that she couldn't do it, because she
knew
she could. “What if you don't catch me, though?”

He shook his head. “Do you think I'd let you up here if I couldn't catch you? I've gotten pretty attached to you.”

That took her by surprise. Attached? Already? What did that mean? Maybe it had only been a safety-rope joke? Shit, she couldn't even ask, because it would be weird, and she was not going to be that weird, insecure girl while she was clinging to the side of a fucking mountain. She was better than that.

He nodded as if she'd agreed to something. “Get a stable stance, legs a few feet apart so you don't swing. Then let go of the rock and lean back.”

“Okay.” She watched her feet as she widened her stance, but then she made the mistake of turning her head and looking behind her. “Oh, shit,” she gasped. He'd been right about it being an easy climb. She hadn't realized how far up she'd gotten. She was above the tops of the cottonwood trees, and they had to be at least thirty feet tall. “Oh, God,” she whispered.

She couldn't lean back. She just couldn't. But that was stupid, wasn't it? If she didn't trust the rope, what was she even doing up here?

“Okay,” she tried again, pinning her eyes to Gabe instead of the ground. “Are you sure you're ready? I'm heavier than I look. I've got sturdy legs.”

“I remember that about you. I'm ready.”

She forced her hands off the rock and wrapped them around the rope. She had to override every single animal instinct she had in order to force her body to ease back, but she felt the pull on her safety belt and knew she was doing it.

“Hands off the rope,” he called.

“What?”
she screamed.

“If you fall, you want your arms free and ready so you can hit the wall with your hands instead of your face.”

Okay, that seemed like a decent idea. She got one hand to let go and held it up next to her head. The other one refused to move no matter how hard she glared at it.

“Good enough,” he said. “All your weight is on the rope now. Look at me.”

She looked.

“Do I look like I'm straining?”

Amazingly, he didn't. He looked totally comfortable, as if he were leaning against a brick wall instead of clinging to the side of a mountain. He held the belaying rope in one hand and watched her with a smile.

“The belay devices add enough friction to support most of your weight. I hardly have to work at all, even if your weight falls suddenly. Ready to climb up to me?”

Oh, hell, yes, she was ready for that. She pulled herself back up to the rock face and yelled, “Climbing!”

His laughing response echoed down on her.

Ten feet farther up, she looked back and was relieved she could no longer see straight to the ground. And now she was far enough up that the trees were getting small. She could pretend they were bushes. The end was in sight. She was golden.

Gabe's grin was a distraction she didn't need, so instead of looking up at him, she carefully watched every move of her hands and feet. The stepping points seemed natural, but she tested each one before she put her weight on it.

Finally, her hands were on the three-foot-deep cliff where Gabe stood. It looked insanely safe after that climb. She pulled herself up and leaned against the rock.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered. “I did it.”

“I told you you could do it. Not only did you get here, but you were faster than I expected.”

“Really?” Her knees and hands were shaking, but that didn't matter. She'd done it.

“Yes. And you're fucking hot in those pants, too.”

She was too afraid to shift close enough to kiss him, but she enjoyed the look he swept down her body. As if he could read her face, he said, “When we get to the top, I'll kiss you, but I need all my blood in my brain right now.”

She started to smile, but it got caught in a strange grimace. “What do you mean ‘the top'? We're at the top.”

“Nope, this is the first pitch, but the second pitch is only thirty-five feet. You've already climbed sixty feet. You can do it.”

Her eyes swept over the beautiful vista of sky and mountains, then dropped down to those tiny trees. “Thanks, but I'm good with this. Amazing. Really awesome climb.”

“We need to hit the top to rappel down on a different face. It's a nice straight line to the ground from there.”