Read Talk Sexy to the One You Love Online
Authors: Barbara Keesling
Exercise 30: Bedtime Stories
(20-40 MINUTES; WITH A PARTNER)
To do this exercise, both you and your partner need to be lying comfortably in bed. Both of you will probably feel most comfortable wearing bedtime apparel (robes, lingerie, pajamas) Set the mood you desire with candles or soft light, but be certain there is enough light to enable you to read. For the next twenty minutes, you are going
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to read some of your favorite sexy poetry and/or liter-ature to your partner. Your partner’s role is simply to listen.
Are you feeling more confident? Are you feeling very sexy? Then consider reading your partner the fantasy fill-ins you created in Exercises 20 and 21.
After twenty minutes, switch roles and let your partner read to you if he so desires. Do you have something specific you want him to read? Ask him, but with the understanding that the choice is ultimately his.
Exercise 30 is more than just an effective icebreaker.
For many couples, it is a perennial favorite. If you are going to repeat this exercise, which I highly recommend, try varying your reading selection. Experiment with as broad a range of material as possible—from soft and subtle to explicit and hard-core. Try to expand your horizons; you might be surprised and delighted by the things you learn about your own sexuality (and your partner’s too!).
H
OW well do you really know your partner’s body? How well does he know yours?
What do you want to tell your partner
about his body? What do you want to hear him tell you about yours? Couples can be together for years and years, yet never talk to each other about their bodies. Some couples barely look at each other’s bodies. In my opinion, that has to change—and it has to change now.
If you’ve read the Song of Solomon you know that talking about the body is an incredible turn-on. Even in biblical times, people knew: Love thy body, and thy body gets loved. Which leads me to my next question: Are you ready to fall in love—to fall in love with your partner’s body, and your own body too? Then this is the chapter for you.
The six exercises in this chapter are all power-132 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
ful body-image exercises designed to help you and your partner get reacquainted. As always, these are demand-free exercises.
Exercise 31: Lip Service
(30 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)
This exercise begins with your partner lying comfortably in bed, face-down, fully clothed. You can dim the lights, but leave enough light to see him clearly (before you continue, make sure your partner is comfortable with the lighting).
Sit or lie next to your partner on the bed. Study his neck, his hair, and his ears. Now talk to him about them. How do they excite you? What do they make you think about? What do they look like? You can be very loving, very dirty (which, in my opinion, is also very loving), or anything in between. For example, you might say, “Your neck is so strong I get turned on just looking at it” or “Your hair is so soft I just want to stroke it” or “I want to bite your earlobes and whisper dirty words in your ear.” Don’t
do
any of these things—just talk about it. Your partner needs to remain both quiet and passive.
Now remove his shirt. Study his back, his shoulders, his arms, and his hands. Talk to him about all of them, one part at a time. You might say, for example, “Your hands are so powerful I can’t wait to feel them wrapped around me.”
Finally, remove his trousers and his underwear.
Study his behind, his calves, his ankles, the soles of his feet, and finally, his toes. Talk to him about all of these parts of his body, one at a time.
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After you have done this for fifteen minutes, your partner should turn over so that he is now lying on his back. Once again, start from the top and slowly work your way down.
Start by studying your partner’s face—his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his chin. Describe them to him. Tell him how each part turns you on. Next, study his throat, his chest, and his stomach. Keep talking. Move on to his hips, then to his penis and testicles. Study them carefully and talk freely. Finally, take a good look at his thighs, his ankles, his feet, and his toes and talk yourself out.
Wow! Was that sexy or what? It may be hard to resist having sex after an exercise like that one, and if you must you must (sigh). But don’t forget that we’re just getting started. Now it’s your turn to have your body celebrated. And I don’t care
how
the saying goes—in this case, flattery will get him
everywhere
.
Exercise 32: Doctor, Doctor
(30 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)
If you are very sensitive about having your partner look at your body, adjust the lighting in the room to make yourself as comfortable as possible, while still leaving enough light so that your partner can see you.
Now lie comfortably in bed, face-down, fully clothed.
This time, it is your partner who is going to do the talking. You are to remain quiet and pas-134 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
sive, simply letting yourself appreciate everything he has to say.
Your partner’s assignment is to study the various parts of your body, describe them to you in the sexiest language he can muster, and talk freely about how each part turns him on. He should begin by studying and talking about your hair, your neck, and your ears.
How do each of these excite him? He might want to say, for example, “Your neck is so smooth and so soft I want to kiss it and bite it” or “I want to put my tongue in your ear and let you feel the warmth of my breath.”
Now let your partner remove your blouse so that he can study, fully appreciate, and talk to you about your shoulders, your back, your arms, and your hands. It is important that he takes his time; if you feel he is rushing, let him know. If your partner is doing his job to your satisfaction, let him now remove your skirt or slacks, stockings, and panties. Proceeding slowly and intently, he should study your buttocks, hips, thighs, and calves, talking oh-so-sexy as he goes. Next come your ankles, then the soles of your feet, and finally, your toes.
After fifteen minutes, turn over and lie comfortably on your back. Starting with your face—your eyes, nose, mouth, chin—your partner should spend the next fifteen minutes
slowly
working his way down your entire body until he has reached your toes. He should always try to make his descriptions as sexy as possible, letting you know how truly exciting each part of your body is. He might want to say such things as: “Your thighs are
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so soft they make me hard” or “Every time I look at your nipples I want to put them in my mouth.”
Remember: You’re not supposed to
do
anything, just listen, and he’s not supposed to do anything but talk. Don’t break the rules!
Don’t Dress…Caress
Remember the caress you learned in Chapter 7? In Exercise 33, we’re going to bring it back for an encore.
But there’s a slight twist: This time, it’s your partner who is going to be doing the caressing—and he’s going to be caressing
you
.
Exercise 33: Smooth Operator
(40 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)
After adjusting the lighting to your satisfaction, lie comfortably in bed, face-down. It is preferable, but not essential, to do this exercise in the nude.
Your partner should sit right beside you. Starting at the top of your neck, he is going to perform a full-body massage, gently stroking the back of your body for a full twenty minutes. He needs to work his way down your body ever so slowly, focusing intently on each part of your body as he proceeds. If you are not wearing any clothing, I recommend using the lubricant of your choice to facilitate and enhance his massage.
As your partner is performing his body caress, your job is to talk and talk and talk, saying what-136 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
ever sexy thoughts or feelings come to mind. Let it come out in a stream of consciousness and try not to censor anything. Your stream might include moans, grunts, words, sentence fragments, random thoughts, descriptions of your body, descriptions of what he is doing, descriptions of what you are feeling, or descriptions of fantasies that are being triggered by his caresses. After twenty minutes, turn over so that you are lying on your back. Your partner should resume his caress, slowly working his way down the front of your body in the same focused fashion. When he reaches your genitals he needs to be extra slow and pay special attention. Once again, your job is to express whatever sexy thoughts and feelings come to mind in an uncensored stream of consciousness.
Exercise 34: Slippery Devil
(40 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)
This exercise is just like Exercise 33. Only this time, you will be performing a full-body caress on your partner while he responds by talking in a stream of consciousness.
Begin with your partner lying on his stomach and slowly work your way down from tip to toe. If he is naked, which is preferable, use plenty of lubrication.
Encourage him to not censor any of his thoughts or feelings.
After twenty minutes, have him turn over and resume your caress, paying special attention to his genitals.
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“Mastur” the Possibilities
Masturbation. The very mention of it conjures up all kinds of memories, thoughts, feelings, and judgments.
There are very few acts that are more intimate than masturbation. For most of us, it is how we first experienced ourselves as sexual beings—how we learned about our body, and the unique way it responds to being touched. Almost everyone has masturbated, and the vast majority of us haven’t stopped. Yet there are very few of us who are truly comfortable sharing this experience with a partner.
Masturbating in the presence of a partner is truly one of the most special things a couple can share. It can also be an invaluable learning experience. Truth is, we all have something to learn from watching our partners masturbate, and vice versa. In exercises 35
and 36, both of you will get that chance.
Exercise 35: Someone’s Watching
(30 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)
Lie in bed with your partner and make yourself comfortable. If you like, let him cradle you. Close your eyes and begin stimulating yourself the same way you would if you were alone. Try not to think about the fact that your partner is watching you. Let yourself go, trying to make the experience as intense as possible.
Feel free to talk to yourself or to express yourself with sounds.
After fifteen minutes, switch roles. Watch as 138 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
your partner pleasures himself the way he likes most.
He should keep his eyes closed and stay focused on his own sensations.
After both of you have had a turn, talk to each other about what this experience was like. Try to be as honest as possible, even if it means talking about how nervous or embarrassed you were.
Note
: If you are feeling self-conscious about being the first one to masturbate, and your partner isn’t eager to volunteer either, you may find it easier to masturbate together the first time you do this exercise. You won’t be able to do much observing, but at least you will be able to break the ice around the issue of masturbation.
Exercise 36: Wish You Were Here
(30-40 MINUTES, WITH A PARTNER)
This exercise begins just like Exercise 35. This time, however, as you start to masturbate, talk to your partner about your fantasies. For example, you might start by saying, “I wish we were alone on a tiny island, with the smell of tropical fruit and flowers filling the air” or
“I wish we were in the shower, with you soaping up my body and telling me how much you love me.” (If you’re short on ideas, review your fantasy fill-ins from Exercises 20 and 21, and your answers from Exercise 3 in Chapter 5.)
Continue your fantasy, making it as elaborate and full of detail as possible. Tell him what you Body Talk / 139
wish he was doing to you at that very moment, and what it would feel like; also tell him what you wish you were doing to him, and what that would feel like.
For example: “I would start kissing your stomach and watching your penis swell” or “As you unbuttoned my blouse and started massaging my breasts I would run my fingernails up and down your back.”
After fifteen or twenty minutes, switch roles. As you listen to your partner’s fantasies, try not to feel threatened. If your fantasies don’t concur with his, that’s okay. Remember that these are not demands, they are only fantasies—just because he says it doesn’t mean you have to do it.
If you are hesitant about sharing your favorite fantasies with your partner, create one now that doesn’t make you feel too vulnerable. As the two of you become more comfortable with each other, you can experiment with sharing fantasies that are more and more revealing. You might even enjoy talking about acts that you consider taboo just to see how that feels.
One more thing to remember: This is fantasy sharing, not fantasy acting-out. You are only telling stories; this is not the time to make those stories come true.
D
O you think like an animal but still act like a vegetable? Then this is the chapter you’ve been waiting for. If you have been doing all of the exercises faithfully, you should have more than just a new vocabulary by now; you should have a lot more confidence too. Now it’s time to really let go. It’s time to put all those words into action—to start asking for what you really want, and start getting it.
The Roles of a Lifetime
The exercises in this chapter bring together all of the skills you have learned so far. In each of these exercises, there are two roles to be played, the passive role and the active role. If you are assuming the active role you are the boss. You will be