To his great pleasure, she did.
Kenzie jolted awake, staring at her clock on the nightstand. Three o’clock glowed through her dark room. She took a quick look around, wondering what had woken her. The hard body pressing against her back came as an instant relief. She rolled onto her side, discovering that she was sleeping in Porter’s arms in her queen-size sleigh bed. They hadn’t fallen asleep that way, and she couldn’t quite recall how she’d ended up in such a loving hold with him.
They had watched a pawnshop television show filmed in Vegas, pigging out on chips, and Kenzie realized she must’ve fallen asleep. She didn’t remember Porter turning off the television, nor did she remember being gathered into his arms. Porter being there settled the racing of her pulse. She wasn’t alone, and right now that felt so damn good.
She watched him sleeping soundly. He was a strong guy, always tough in nature and commanding the space around him. Now he was none of those things. Her smile came swiftly and her fingers tingled to reach out to stroke the side of his cheek, maybe even touch the plumpest part of his mouth that was parted as he breathed deeply.
Startling her more than her urges to touch him was the realization she had fallen asleep without being haunted by painful memories. For the first time in longer than she could remember she didn’t feel that sense of loneliness with Porter there.
That sent a cold bite of terror through her.
She couldn’t start needing him, like she seemed to now. Nor could she completely trust him, as it seemed she was beginning to. She knew deep hurt. It had been cemented into her, and she remembered a time when she loved someone enough to let her in. She also reminded herself how much it broke her when she was cast out.
The rainy afternoon kept Kenzie inside all day, and as she sat on the couch, a sudden urge to put on her shoes and run away from it all overtook her. She wondered if every ten-year-old had thoughts of leaving her life behind, but somehow she doubted it. More than anything, she figured that most young girls were happy.
Kenzie forgot what happy felt like.
Mom had come home an hour ago, drunk and vomiting all over the floor. No matter that Kenzie cleaned the floors, the smell seemed stuck inside and even opening the windows hadn’t helped. Most times the smell took a good day to completely leave Kenzie’s nose.
She would never become the woman her mom was now. That broken. That drunk. As she lowered her hand, she heard a creak coming from upstairs, so she left her spot on the couch where she was reading. Silence surrounded her as she journeyed up the wooden staircase and found her mom lying on the bathroom floor with her cheek pressed against the tile.
“Mom,” she said softly.
Bloodshot eyes met Kenzie, and she’d never seen a look like that on anyone. So much anger lived there. So much hatred. “It should have been you.”
Kenzie began shaking, unsure if she’d heard her mother right. She forced herself to move forward and grabbed a towel off the rack, placing it over her mother’s naked, frail body. “You need to sleep.” This wasn’t the first time her mother had said something horrible to her, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last.
Her mother grabbed her hand, lifting her head up off the floor. While her voice slurred, her eyes held venom. “It should have been you.”
Kenzie yanked her hand away, tears welling in her eyes. “What should have been me?”
“You should have died that day. Not my Joslyn.”
Tears rushed down Kenzie’s cheeks as a hurt so painful stormed into her. Mom had always said that Kenzie was her father’s daughter. It always seemed like that’s why Mom favored Joslyn. Kenzie knew she didn’t resemble her sister and her mother. She was sure that meant she had her father’s traits. Maybe that’s why Mom always seemed to hate Kenzie.
Staring into her mother’s eyes, she learned a truth that was as cold as ice. Loving someone gave them a way to hurt you. She’d never allow that to happen again. She turned away from her mother and whispered, “I wish it had been me, too.”
Kenzie yanked herself out of the memory, hating that her mind made her relive such horrible things. When would the haunting stop? That’s why she couldn’t let herself get too close to Porter. Not with this arrangement hanging over them. There was too much at risk, too much on the line. She had promised herself as that ten-year-old girl that she’d never let anyone hurt her again.
Happiness lied.
Love lied.
She felt the coldness lacing her veins and cursed the very thoughts running through her head. Doing what she did best, she forced herself out of her head and into her body. It always made her feel better. Maybe she’d gone soft with Porter, allowing her heart to get in the way, but she craved with desperation to feel more like herself.
To be the naughty submissive who often got in trouble. To push against the will of a Dom who would push back and send her to places that made her forget everything. To do something that would warrant a punishment.
She gave Porter a push so he lay on his back, and she waited to see if he woke. When he mumbled, rubbing his head against the pillow and falling back into sleep, she grabbed the thick quilt and slid it down his body. As the blanket slid over his waist, she restrained her gasp when she spotted his beautiful naked body.
Definitely a Dom, she mused. Porter wanted to sleep naked, so he did, because he felt no need to do otherwise. She loved that about Doms. No insecurity. No restraint.
When they’d gone to bed to watch television, he had kept his jeans on, and she hadn’t realized he’d undressed. She licked her lips at his soft cock, excited over the idea that soon he’d be hard for her. That soon if she tried to control him, he’d flip her over and possibly take her from behind, dominating
her.
She moved down the bed and grabbed her hair, tucking it over one shoulder, and then lowered her mouth to him. With one long lick, she slid her tongue over his soft shaft. Another lick came before his penis jerked beneath her. She peered up, discovering Porter’s heated stare, and then she licked again, and his low groan followed.
He raised a hand and slid it across her cheek as she swept her tongue over him in a few quick swirls. She grabbed his now hard cock, stroking it as she continued to tease him—doing all the things that
she
wanted to do to him.
On her terms.
Under her control.
She took him deep into her throat, feeling him strain beneath her. As she pulled her mouth around him, it surprised her that he stayed silent, relinquishing control to her. Though now her mind was trapped in the pleasure she was giving him, in the ownership she expressed over his cock.
Up and down, she caressed his shaft, making it harder and wet for her. She wanted more than anything else to make him ready so she could demand her pleasure. The deep moans Porter made urged her on. The sensual noises that came only from a man bound by pleasure.
Her mouth stretched to take him all in as her nose hit his shaved pelvis, and she sensed her growing need to feel this beautiful cock inside her. Her clit ached with every slide of her mouth and wetness coated her lower lips as his moans deepened, sending her rushing into his spell of desire.
Unable to stand it any longer—needing more of him—she released his cock and climbed onto his lap. Porter reached for her pajama top that wasn’t sexy in any regard, but a simple cotton nightie. He yanked it over her head, and then his hands went to her breasts, caressing them, tweaking her nipples into firm points.
She shifted her hips against him, spreading her moisture over his cock, prepping them both. Staring into his eyes, she didn’t see the Dominant side of him. Sure, she knew it would always be there, but he seemed to be controlling himself, allowing her to take the lead. The tightness in his jaw indicated that he wasn’t pleased at the role reversal. Yet she needed him—craved to take this man deep inside her.
Her clit throbbed and her inner muscles clenched, wanting to own him. She angled her hips, and his cockhead pushed against her folds before she lowered down onto him. Her eyes fluttered as he filled her—so perfectly he fit inside her; the sensation compared to nothing else in the world.
Opening her eyes, she rose up and down, sliding herself over him in a slow dance. He ran his hands over her breasts and down her sides to rest them on her thighs. She reveled in her power and loved that he let her do this to him. Control felt damn good, and maybe in the midst of all this hell, she needed it more than ever.
She ground herself against him, rubbing her clit along his pelvis. Her mouth fell open as pleasure stormed into her, igniting her moans to mirror his. She moved faster, rubbing harder, giving herself the climax she craved. The orgasm she demanded, not only to satisfy her but to prove to his Dom beneath her that she could get off without his mastery.
More important, that she didn’t
need
him. Maybe she was proving that to herself, too. That Porter was a Dom, a man used for casual sex, and that after this she’d feel more powerful. No longer would she wait to be given what she needed.
She’d take it.
Every shift of her hips brought her higher, and by the time her clit felt swollen with the need for something deeper, she was riding him faster. Porter never reached for her breasts, not assisting her in any regard. His eyes stayed firmly fixated on hers, his jaw clenching and unclenching, as if it took everything inside him to simply lie there and let her have her way with him.
She didn’t care. She overpowered him. She controlled this moment.
Moving even faster now, she rubbed herself against him, allowing her breasts to give him a show, but even that didn’t draw his attention. His fingers tightened on her thighs, the only telling sign that what she was doing was affecting him. That darkness in his eyes didn’t even show pleasure, it reflected restraint. She slid her fingers over the lines of his chest to his strong shoulders, right down to his six-pack, and then she moved her hands onto his chest, loving the feel of his ripped muscles.
The musky scent of their lovemaking rushed through her nostrils as her muscles tightened, beginning to shake in the building of her release. She shifted, harder, faster, needing just a bit more. His cock grew harder, bigger inside her, as if he’d done the move purposefully, knowing it was all she needed to soar over the edge.
Then she was flying.
Her head fell forward and she lost all sight of him, tumbling into wave after wave of pure blissful pleasure. She quaked and bucked with each blast of euphoria, shivering and shuddering with the full effects of her release.
When she became silent and the rush of pleasure eased, she felt his cock was still hard inside her. Confused, she lifted her head and noted again the tight clenching to his jaw. He remained silent as he wrapped his arms around her. He lifted her off him, then placed her right back into the same position she was in before. That action telling her more than words possibly could have. He might have allowed her to dominate his body for those moments, but she realized now he could’ve stolen that control away as easily as she breathed.
Bewildering tears welled in her eyes as he kissed the back of her neck, still not saying a word. Somehow this silence made the bed drop from under her. For what she thought would make her feel better now made her only feel worse. She went to shift out of his hold, but Porter locked his arms. “Nah, kitten, stay right where you are.”
When Kenzie woke again the sun was beaming through the window. She lay against her pillow, recalling the sex from last night. Porter had allowed her to dominate him, and she couldn’t figure out why. His actions were so unexpected that she was left reeling in confusion.
She thought she’d wake up feeling refreshed and blazing with power, yet now she sensed the unease and insecurity of not knowing what she wanted to do. As she stared at the sun shining through her window, tightness formed in her throat. The awareness that she controlled nothing left her pinned to the bed. She didn’t like that she’d used Porter for her selfish needs last night. In fact, she realized this person she was being wasn’t her, or at least not anymore, not with Porter. She played games with Doms to get what she needed from them, but she began to realize things had changed.
A clang coming from her kitchen startled her, and Kenzie discovered that Porter wasn’t in the bed. Curious now, she pushed off the covers, put on her nightgown, and followed the aroma of coffee into the kitchen. When she entered her small kitchen just off the living room, she found Porter standing at the stove wearing only his blue jeans. The view belonged on a magazine cover, though along with the flare of arousal she suffered, she fought against the conflict spiraling inside her.
She leaned against the door frame, knowing that last night had nothing to do with Club Sin. It’d all been her desire to have him. Her heart reaching for his. Her need to take him in the manner she had wanted to—an intimate manner that had nothing to do with kink—but when had Kenzie simply wanted a man, not the sexual acts he could deliver?
“I’m confused,” she heard herself saying.
Porter raised a brow. “It’s bacon and eggs.”
She shook her head, not even sure what to say now. All she could do was stand there, so perplexed by what she felt around him. How dangerous a thing that was. For her to say
I’m beginning to care for you
without truly knowing if Porter felt the same way. Of course, it seemed like he cared, but the Dominant/submissive relationship ran deep and those feelings she was experiencing could be misunderstood in his care.
No D/s relationship had ever been so baffling. Kenzie had always known where she stood with her Doms. She liked that they were more often annoyed than attached, but Porter was giving her no other option than to fall into him. He had been fighting for her heart, and Kenzie knew right then and there he was claiming it.
Porter turned off the stove, placing the spatula down on the countertop. He moved to her with a calculated slowness. Kenzie’s breath became shallow, her body simmering in the presence of her Dom. Using the same gentle movements, he cupped her cheek. “Last night confuses you?”
“Yes.”
“What about it?”
“You allowed me to dominate you?” No Dom had ever given her that right. She thought she’d feel good about it, but she didn’t. She was more spun around than ever. Why couldn’t Porter be the same as everyone else and treat her no differently? Why did he fight for a spot in her heart that she wasn’t sure anyone should ever hold?
“You’re right,” he stated, brushing a thumb over her cheek. “I did
allow
you to dominate me.”
“Why?”
He tugged her into him. “You have a lot going on right now. You needed to feel some control, so I let you feel that.” His head tilted, as he watched her intently. “Let me guess. You feel pretty shitty about what happened?”
“It doesn’t…feel good,” she whispered, without even thinking. She’d always known she was submissive; she liked that role. For her, there was something beautiful about giving up control to a man and letting him free her mind for a little while. Dominating him hadn’t freed her mind, it overactivated it. “I’m…not sure about any of this.”
His hard eyes pierced her, burning a hole right down into the very depths of her soul. “I’m more to you than a quick fuck and a way to get yourself off, hmm?”
“Perhaps.” She couldn’t lie. Not now. Not when his powerful eyes declared he’d be right there to hold her. Quite possibly, she was simply so damn tired of lying to herself. She needed answers. And she couldn’t wait around for them any longer.
“I’m glad you realize that, kitten.” He leaned forward, placing a sweet kiss upon her lips. “As I have known that from the moment I touched you.” Leaning away, he kept his hand on her face. “Now we can move on from that, yes? Stop fighting me and just appreciate what this is between us.”
Awareness drifted across her. “Were you trying to teach me a lesson last night?”
“Nope.” He moved to the stove, putting some obviously needed distance between them, since that statement tightened her fists.
Had he known exactly what he was doing and known exactly how she would respond?
She realized, spotting his clever smirk, he sure as hell did.
Without looking to her, he said, “I did what you wanted last night. Now we can move past all this where we are both pretending it’s what you
need.
”
Her mind spun around her. In one night he had taken the fight she loved, the play for power, and completely removed it as a possibility for the future. How could she ever play that power struggle again, when he knew, and so did she, that the game was over?
He picked up the spatula. “Have a seat, kitten. I’ve made you a fine breakfast.”
She nearly glared, but she knew it was worthless. They’d both known she’d listen, because she didn’t want to fight against Porter anymore, but that nagging voice in her head reminded her to be smart about this. Friendship and submission were one thing, and that she could give him. Love was something else entirely. She might trust Porter and care deeply for him—he’d proven himself time and time again—but she couldn’t trust his intentions.
Happiness was something she’d trusted once. Happiness had failed her.
She moved to the table and took her seat when he brought over her plate. He placed it down and then dropped a kiss on her forehead. “That’s my girl.”
Porter ate his breakfast with tension riding on his shoulders. Last night didn’t have the effect he had hoped for. What he wished was that Kenzie would take some control back in her life, and that it would make her feel more stable. She’d woken to be more of a mess than she’d been when she went to bed.
She sipped her coffee, staying silent, and he wanted to hear the thoughts rummaging through her mind.
So lost. So distrustful.
Porter stayed in his mind, thinking about all he knew of Kenzie. And it did concern him how fast she was falling apart.
The Kenzie he saw now didn’t resemble the one he knew. She wasn’t strong, holding her head high. She was quiet, drawn into herself, not saying a word. This wasn’t about Adrik, he knew that now. While he had suspected something emotional was going on with her, he could see it now, plain as day. “Have you considered speaking to a therapist?” he asked gently.
Her eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
He pushed on, knowing this topic would be uncomfortable, but sometimes uncomfortable conversations were a must. “If you don’t feel safe enough to discuss whatever is going on with you with Cora or another Club Sin submissive, perhaps speaking with someone you don’t know will help.”
Her features hardened, moving into the stony place she went to sometimes. “I have nothing to say.” She dropped her mug to the table with a clang and then gathered the empty plates, moving to the kitchen sink.
He noted the trembling of her hand, and he wasn’t sure if he could help her, but he wanted to damn well try. She started washing the dishes, and he couldn’t stand the distance between them, so he went to her. He closed his body against hers, running his hands down her arms, and she went still.
“Kenzie,” he whispered.
She remained silent, so he spun her to face him, and he spotted tears in her eyes. Tears that it became apparent she was trying to fight. “Don’t keep whatever this is that is so painful inside you. It’s destroying you.”
Her lips parted. “I…”
“ ‘I need help, Porter,’ ” he offered, sliding his hands up and down her arms, feeling her slight tremors. “ ‘I don’t know how to talk about this, but I don’t want to live like this any longer.’ ”
One tear trailed down her cheek.
He searched her desolate eyes, wishing she’d welcome him into her soul. That is where he could help her. His mind worked quickly to understand her, and a sudden clarity overtook him. He’d given her intimacy, he was helping her with Adrik, but there was one part of Kenzie’s old life that he wasn’t giving her.
Pain.
Seeing her so unstable tore at his heart. Doms liked their submissives well, and Kenzie was far beyond that now. He needed her to get better today, even if it didn’t last for long. The coming days would be tough, he believed that. He wouldn’t leave her in the state she was in now. She might’ve thought she knew how to make herself feel better last night, but it was apparent enough she didn’t have a clue. It just so happened he knew exactly how to pull her emotions back in a little tighter.
He dropped his hand and grabbed the kitchen chair. As he took a seat in the center of the kitchen, he ordered, “Take off your nightgown.”
She hesitated, staring at him blankly.
He narrowed his eyes. “Now.”
Keeping her focus solely on him, she removed her pajamas, revealing puckered nipples. He patted his thighs. “Over my lap.”
Heat blasted through her pretty eyes as she moved toward him and placed herself over his thighs. He shifted her into proper position and then squeezed her round bottom. “Such a pretty little ass,” he murmured. Then he stayed quiet, knowing words didn’t need to be said now.
Kenzie needed a release, a desperate one, and he’d give her that now. Today he’d show her that depending on him could give her exactly what she needed and more. His next plan would only solidify that knowledge.
His hand landed dead center on her right butt cheek, and she moaned. Knowing her limits of needing pleasure before pain, he slid his fingers between her thighs, rubbing her engorged clit. It came as no surprise that Kenzie was already wet with even just the thought of a spanking.
The idea of intensity is what excited this beautiful submissive, and blood rushed into his cock, hardening it to steel. He offered another swat before he went back and forth in between rubbing her clit and swatting her bottom. With each luscious smack, her moans grew louder and her breath began hitching. When she squirmed over him, he no longer touched her clit, now staying focused on her bottom.
His swats were hard and fast, perfectly placed right on top of each other, leaving her bottom bright red. The palm of his hand burned as he took her far past any spanking he’d done before, but Kenzie wasn’t getting a spanking as a punishment. She was getting a spanking to give her what she needed and craved.
An emotional release.
Once her ass was a deep red and she was panting, all but grinding herself over his lap, he slid his fingers into her soaked channel and didn’t bother warming her up. He finger-fucked her with rough intensity, moving hard and fast in up-and-down movements.
Within only five strokes Kenzie was screaming out in blissful pleasure. Though to him her release sounded like an explosion of raw emotion, not physical pain or captivating pleasure but shrieks of sheer heartbreak.
He observed her bright red bottom and soothed his hand over her warm cheeks. That release touched something so deep inside him, a part of his soul that no woman had ever touched. He didn’t want to hear her scream like that, so heartbreaking it was. He wanted desperately to find a way to get her to let go of whatever haunted her so deeply, and for her release to be nothing more than a pure euphoric experience.
Porter wanted Kenzie happy, healthy, and safe.
He knew himself, and knew now he wanted to love her.
She gives you everything.
More than he thought she knew she gave. Maybe even more than she thought she deserved. But Kenzie did something no other submissive did before her: She made Porter work to see her soul, and it was the most beautiful soul he’d ever seen. Not because it was damaged, but because it was so selfless. Kenzie didn’t beg to be saved, but she sassed her way to get what she needed to feel better.
Porter knew a better way.
She could get all she needed if she let him inside her so that he could gauge exactly what that was. He didn’t want to fix Kenzie. He knew something had to give between them, but he wanted to support her.
This spanking, he hoped, would plant that truth in her mind. He realized this was likely the first time that Kenzie received what she needed without being bratty to get it. And it was a much more beautiful exchange. When she was truly submissive, she asked him for nothing, simply waiting for him to control the needs and desires he recognized within her.
That, as a Dom, was what he lived for, and what fulfilled him sexually.
As her breathing became more normal and she stopped moaning, he slid his hand over her back, sensing a truth he hadn’t realized before. Some women needed a guiding hand, but Kenzie wouldn’t want that. She was too strong to allow that. Porter decided then and there he wouldn’t baby her and try to talk about whatever was going on with her. He’d simply show her the life, the trust, the happiness he suspected Kenzie didn’t know existed.
His lips parted to end their scene, when his telephone rang. He cursed the damn thing, knowing he couldn’t ignore the call in case it was important. Keeping his damp hand on Kenzie’s bottom, he used the other hand to reach his phone on the kitchen table. He answered with a resounding “What?”
“Well, hello to you, too,” Chloe said in a disgruntled voice. “I will happily accept your apologies later when you come into the office. I’ve found the lead we’ve been looking for and I got my hands on the blueprints for the new casino.”