Taming Casanova (10 page)

Chapter 18

“It’s been a week today.”  Caleb tossed his manuscript at the coffee table and sat down.  “Jena hasn’t said much but I don’t think we’re any closer to answers.”

Steve nodded.  “I’ve stopped by every morning on the way to the station.  Andi came out yesterday and I got to go in and see him.  I’m not sure what I was expecting him to look like but it wasn’t that.”

“You guys need to know.”  Mark took a deep breath.  “Andi and Ryan are meeting tonight to discuss his care.  He doesn’t have any family so I think the decision is ultimately up to the hospital. I know their opinion is going to be weighed heavily on what they do from here.”

“Meaning what?  His care how?”  Steve had a flashback to his brother lying hooked up to machines in the hospital.  “Are they talking about
stopping treatment?”

“Marco, they can’t.  This will kill Andi.  There has to be hope.  I refuse to believe there isn’t.”  Caleb pleaded with Mark. 

“I made a promise to Ryan that I would finance whatever they decided.  If they want to keep him on the machines indefinitely, I will find a way to do it.  I’ll do whatever is best for Kevin.  He saved Ryan and if I have it in my power to save him back, I will do anything.  I just want both of you prepared for the fact that something has to happen, good or bad, and we need to support whatever they decide.”  When Caleb began to protest, Mark continued.  “Allen, I know that he’s Andi’s world.  If it were Soph, I would die along with her.  Just don’t forget he’s Ryan’s life, too.  Hell, he named his kid after him.  Kevin’s the godfather.  We have to be there for both of them.”

Steve and Caleb nodded in unison.  As the three men looked at each other, there was a huge feeling of loss.  If the unthinkable happened to Kevin Merck, they would lose two friends.  Kevin’s loss would rock them to the core.  Watching Ryan retreat into his grief would be their breaking point.

Andi stepped into the ICU room that was quickly becoming her second home.  She hadn’t slept more than two hours a night and eating had been almost completely forgotten.  Her clothes hung on her.  Dark circles had become a permanent part of her face.  Life had turned into a nightmare she couldn’t wake from.

She set her purse down and climbed onto the bed.  She had become a pro snuggling up around the tubes and machines that covered his body.  A few stares from doctors or nurses hadn’t deterred her.  If these were their last days, she would spend them exactly how she wanted to.  Being in his arms, even if he was sleeping, was the only place she felt ok.  It was her safety. 

Ryan would be by on his way home from work and she needed this quiet time with Kevin.  She knew decisions needed to be made.  Her training had taught her so much that she was too close to the situation.  She wanted to scream at him to wake up.  She wanted to shake him and hear him tell her she was a pain in his ass.  She wanted to hear his voice call her doll in an argument just one more time.  She would never get over this.  The hole in her heart had gotten bigger everyday he spent with his eyes closed.  The day he took his last breath would be the last time she felt like breathing. 

“Hi Deuce. I believe you can hear me or at least sense that I’m here.  I wish I knew what you wanted.  I wish I knew if you were suffering.  Ryan is coming by tonight to talk about what we should do.  If there is
any way you can give me a sign, I sure could use it.”  Andi wiped her eyes and ran her hands over his face.  “I think I fell in love with you the very first time I saw you.  You were such an asshole and drove me crazy.  I wanted to kick your ass so bad.  But I thought about you constantly.  I was going crazy. Then you climbed on my back in Hawaii and rubbed suntan lotion into my shoulders and I had such a strong urge to give in.  I wanted to.  You came to see me that night and I tried to act so cool.  You saw right through that and took that damn shower.  I was yours that night.  Even if you didn’t know it.  But it was the day in the delivery room, when I saw you reach over Layla to hold Ryan’s hand.  I knew I wanted to spend my life with you.  You had spent months torturing me and I fell in love with you.”

Andi chuckled but the tears continued.  “I had a dream last night.  We were getting m
arried.  I can tell you this because there’s nothing you can do about it right now.  Torture is a two way street, Slick.  You looked gorgeous, all smug and hot with those stupid lips that draw me in every time you talk.  Ryan and Caleb were standing with you.  Steve and Mark were seating people.  It was beautiful.  I couldn’t wait to get to the end of the aisle.  My dad was there and he was blubbering like a baby.  It was so…”

Andi stayed quiet for a few minutes while she watched his heart beat on the monitor.  She laid her head on his chest and
breathed him in.  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.

“It felt so real.  I wanted it to be real so badly.  I didn’t want to wake up and I tried so hard to stay asleep.  When I opened my eyes, I felt like dying.  I felt like I was losing you all over again.  I couldn’t catch my breath and I cried so hard I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop.  I’m waiting for something to happen.  Every time my phone rings, I prepare myself for the worst.  I can’t see you like this.  I need you to wake up.  I need you to be OK.  And if you can’t, I’m begging you, please don’t make us make the choice for you. 
We love you more than anybody on earth and we can’t picture our lives without you in them.  Please, Kevin.  Please.”

Andi sobbed into his chest.  No matter what happened, today was the day her life would change forever.  Today they would start the process of deciding what might be best for Kevin.  Today was the day they put their fears and regret aside and stepped forward with a choice that could impact everyone in their lives.

Ryan put his hand on her shoulder and she stilled.  Looking at him with tear filled eyes, Andi nodded her head. 

Mark rubbed his eyes and looked at his watch.  Three AM and his phone was ringing for the third time in a row.  Panic jolted his body awake.  “Moretti.”

“I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Is it Merck?”

Ryan cleared his throat.  His tears had dried up hours ago but his heart was broken.  “He’s still hanging on.  Listen, Andi and I talked tonight and then we met with his doctors.  We want to talk to everyone tomorrow night.  Andi’s mom said she’d keep all the kids for the night.  Can we do it at your house?”

“Of course.”  Mark took Sophie’s hand and squeezed.  “I’ll get
Soph to drop Mario off after work.  Need us to come by and pick up K?”

“No.  I’m taking the day off so I will get him over there.  Can you call everyone?”

Mark felt tears burning his eyes.  “You ok?  Can I do anything?”

“Can yo
u take me back a week so I can change everything?”  Ryan’s voice cracked and he openly cried on the phone.

Mark said nothing, just listened to him fall apart.  He knew it would be the first of many.

Chapter 19

Layla
sat quietly on the couch looking out the back windows.  Her memory took her back to the day that Kevin and Ryan were cleaning the pool and she realized she needed to tell Ryan she loved him.  The two men had been so close before the cancer crisis and had become brothers before it was over.  She shivered remembering it was that same day that Ryan had collapsed on the floor in the bathroom and started the journey with Kevin that would forever make him a part of their family.  They had come through a dark time, side by side, and it didn’t seem real that it would end this way.

Kevin
had changed so much since then.  His constant bickering with Andi had turned into an amazing love story and thinking it might end in tragedy brought tears to her eyes for the millionth time since this started.  She would do anything to save him, even if it meant losing herself.  He had given her the greatest gift in the world.  Her family.  And she could never repay him.

Mark and Caleb paced the living room while Steve put out some food. 
Sophie stood at the front windows looking out into the driveway.  She had been sick to her stomach all day.  No one knew for sure what was happening, but calling a family meeting was never good.  They all felt totally helpless. 

“Dude, do you really think people are going to eat?”  Caleb snapped.

Steve continued laying out the spread on the bar.  “I don’t know but I felt like I needed to do something.”

“Well it isn’t fucking food.”  Caleb fell to the couch.  “
You don’t know him.  Why are you even here?”

“
Caleb.”  Mark warned.

“You know what, you’re right.  I don’t know him like you all do.  But I love you guys and I thought it was probably best that I
be here.  Whether you want me here or not, Allen.  And I’m putting the fucking food out.  You need to eat and I am trying to take care of everybody.  We need to stand together for Andi and Ryan.  If you don’t fucking like it, we can take it outside another time.”

Lily touched Steve’s arm and he instantly calmed. 
Something about this woman centered him.  She had done it in Hawaii, she had done it at the hospital the past few mornings, and she was doing it now.  Her big, blue eyes smiled at him.  “It’s ok.  We don’t know what the news is so until we do, maybe we should all just calm down.  We could all use some food.  I’m pretty sure none of us are eating.”

The front door opened and Ryan followed Andi in.
  They both walked through the living room without slowing down. 

“Outside.” Ryan said on the way by.

The group followed them onto the back porch.  The night was quiet, covered in stars, and holding promise for what was to come.  Andi shivered as the wind picked up.  Being surrounded by her friends made her feel more lonely.  They were all happy, married, raising children, engaged, dating, flirting.  Those days were gone for her.  Being here, surrounded by the memories of their first time together, of their fighting in the pool and their dirty looks during game night, only reminded her of how alone she truly was now.

Ryan waited for everyone to sit down.  Looking at his family, his heart broke. 
“Thank you guys for being at the hospital so much this week.  Even though you couldn’t get into the ICU, it was comforting to know you were outside praying for Kevin and for us.  We’ve spent the whole week trying to decide what to do and praying like hell we didn’t have to decide anything.  Every day, we got the same questions from all the doctors and administrators about the reality of the situation.  Selfishly, Andi and I didn’t give a shit.  We wanted to wait forever.  The last two days have been hard.  We shifted our focus to Kevin and what he would want.  We had a talk once about his sister after she killed herself.  He kept telling me that if he had to make a choice for her, he never would have left her in pain.  It dawned on us at some point that we were doing that to him because we didn’t want to let go.”

Ryan’s voice shook but he held his emotions in.  Andi reached over and took his hand and gave him the best smile she could manage.  Tears flowed freely down her face but she stayed strong for him.  “Last
night, I begged Kevin to give me some kind of sign about what he wanted.  I’ve never believed in that stuff but I was so desperate.  Ryan and I sat there holding his hands talking about what would be best for him or what he might want and he coded.  Right there in front of us after I asked him what he wanted.  I watched everyone rush into the room and shock him and torture him and the decision was so clear.  I love him so much.  I don’t regret one minute of anything because I know we wouldn’t have been what we were without all the crap.  But I know this isn’t my choice anymore.  We’re going to take him off the vent.”

“Oh my God.”  Caleb’s hands shook and Sophie pulled him in for a hug.  “When?”

“We want you to all to have time to say goodbye.  I spoke with a few of the doctors and they’re going to allow you all in one at a time tomorrow.  It would be best if you came early.”  Jena rubbed Caleb’s hands.  She had been working with the ICU staff for hours trying to get clearance for them all to have a chance to see him one last time.  Her heart broke that she hadn’t been able to warn Caleb of the decision before hand.

“Is there any chance?”  Lily whispered.

“There’s always a chance.”  Jena tried to stay calm. “We need to prepare ourselves.  I have been involved in so many cases like this and within a few days, the patient usually wakes up.  If they don’t, there are signs of improvement or decline.  Kevin’s case has been a mystery.  He has coded a few times and that’s often normal in a case like this.  But for the most part, he has had no change at all.  When we remove the vent tomorrow, there is no way to predict what will happen.  He’s held on for a week and we can’t speculate how much time may pass before his body responds.  We’ll keep him hooked up to the monitors and we’ll keep him as comfortable as possible.  If he continues to breathe on his own, we’ll provide nourishment and fluids.  We will make every attempt to keep him from suffering at all.”

“Ryan and I
will be there.  The doctors said it will probably be around four.  If he passes and there are any organs that can be donated, they will come in and take him to surgery.  I know this is a lot to take in but if he can save anyone else, if part of him can live on, we want that for him.”  Andi took a few deep breaths.  “We know you’re all losing him too.  We hope you can forgive us for making this choice.”

“Is there anyone else we need to call? I can do that.”  Lily reached out and took Steve’s hand.  “I can call Liz.  She’ll want to know.  They’ve been friends since they were in college. 
Just give me a list.”

Mark thought about his sister and Rich.  Rich had gotten a promotion that
had led them to Florida several months prior.  They had come home when Ryan and Layla’s baby was born but they were missed like crazy.  Sophie and Molly talked daily and even though she hadn’t known Kevin that well, she would want to be here for everyone else.  “I’ll call Molls.  We’ll get them home when the time comes.”

“I can’t do this.” 
Ryan stood up.  “My heart is useless without him.  If I could give him mine, I would.  I would do anything.  Andi and I have been in agony over this and it hasn’t even started yet.  I didn’t even know he was fucking sick.  I feel like I killed him.  He gave me his bone marrow and saved my life and he got sick because of it.  He tried to save me and I fucking killed him.”

Mark followed Ryan into the house.  It was déjà vu.  Ryan giving a speech that ripped out his soul and the outcome so uncertain.  He reached out to him, pulling him into a hug.  Ryan fought him while he sobbed but Mark
held tight.  Losing Kevin was bad enough.  Losing Ryan wasn’t an option.

“I won’t pretend to understand the bond you have with him.  What he did for you, for all of us, was the most selfless thing anyone could ever do. 
But, I do know the bond I have with you.  The same one you have with Allen and Wainwright.  The bond you have with Layla.  I know all about those.  We would never recover if we lost you too.  We are all right here.  Don’t shut us out.”  Mark loosened his grip and Ryan shook his head.  “He saved Layla that day too.  She’s going through this with you.  Don’t shut her out.”