Tangled Betrayals (32 page)

Chapter
Seventy-Nine

Another week had passed and Mary knew James would have ignored her this day, too, except she cornered him in the barn.

“James, I realize you do
n’t wish to speak with me. I’m not sure why. I don’t believe I could have offended you so greatly in such a short time. Please, can’t we at least acknowledge one another with more than a hello or goodbye?”

James studied Mary. How could he tell her that he felt like a louse? Not only for what had happened so many years ago
, but for her seeing him as he’d become, a failure.

“Mary, I wish I had the words to say what I feel
inside. This isn’t a good time in my life. I want you to know I’m happy you’ve been successful in America. I knew you would like this country once you came. But I’m not the same man you knew before, too much has changed. I have changed.”

“And do you think I
’m the same woman you knew in England? I, too, have changed, James. I believe for the better. I’ve come to know love, loss and happiness. Nothing in life is a guarantee. But when you’ve found a good friend, and lose them, you realize how important each friend truly is. I wish we could be friends, again. I don’t think I’m asking that much of you. I’m not asking you to be anything different than what you are now.”

“Mary, you haven’t changed one bit. You still think if one could look at the bright side of things, everything will turn out for the best. Life isn’t like that. You can’t always find happiness.”

Mary was furious. How dare he be so self-centered and only see his pain? So typical of a man! “James Parker, quit acting like an ass. Now, let me tell you a thing or two. First off, I feel I know better than anyone that you can’t always find happiness. I’ve spent years trying to survive my pain. I could have stayed in England and pitied myself regarding the circumstances of how my life turned out.

“But I somehow got the strength to go on. To live again! Maybe you should stop and see that you haven’t lost everything. You
’ve been left with two beautiful children, loving parents and in-laws, good friends in Thomas and Anna and a lovely niece, named Jane. Need I continue?

Mary didn’t wait
. She wasn’t finished with him. In fact, far from it! “So life has dealt you a bad hand. You and many others, James! You need to think over what I’ve just said. At supper tonight, I shall not try to include you in the conversation, if you chose to participate, I’ll take that as a sign you wish to be friends. If you ignore me as you have the past few nights, I shall not waste my time trying to be a friend. You can’t have a friend unless you can be a friend, James. Think that over!”

She
quickly turned and stomped away. Her anger so great that she spurted out things she would normally never say. If she were a man, she might have just decked him. She mumbled several words that a woman should never say and hoped no one else heard.

Mary
suspected she’d surprised James when she allowed her temper to get the best of her. But ever since she had arrived in America, Mary knew she wasn’t the timid, sweet girl she’d been in England. She had had enough of James Parker feeling sorry for himself! If he wants to sell everything he owns at the auction, let him.

But then
as she entered the house, Mary regained her composure and put on a smile. She was going to be his friend whether he liked it or not. He may have angered her, but she knew he wasn’t thinking clearly. She prayed she’d gotten through to his muddled brain.              

*****

Everyone at dinner felt the tension. Even the children seemed subdued. Mary was unusually quiet. After another long and uncomfortable pause, Annabelle decided to try to start another conversation. “Thomas, did either you or James have a chance to see how much is left to go through in the attic?”

“No, we
haven’t had time, yet. We did pick up the extra saddles and other items from the two shacks north of here. We counted the cows the best we could. I believe James is trying to write out an inventory list of what he has.”

Andrew had been sitting and listening
intently to the talk about selling off the cows and horses. Finally, after a long lull, it dawned on Andrew that Lighting and Star would bring good money. He hated to ask the question, but he had to. He needed to know what his father was planning to do with his and Matilda’s pets.

“Father, are you going to sell Lighting and Star
at the auction?”

T
here was nothing but silence at the table until Matilda dropped her fork on her plate. The question was finally asked. Everyone knew at some point the question was going to come up, it was only a matter of time before Andrew figured out what lay ahead. He’d now asked the question everyone had dreaded.

No one
spoke as they watched and waited for James to respond. James clenched his jaw and when he answered it was if he became distant from his own children.

“Andrew, Matilda,
sometimes, as you know, life’s circumstances can cause us to make difficult decisions. I’m afraid; Andrew, Lighting and Star must be sold.”

Andrew was
visibly hurt and angry. “I want to stay here! I want Lightning! You can’t sell him, he’s mine. You gave him to me. You can’t sell him, you can’t!” Andrew jumped up and ran out of the dining room crying before anyone could grab him.

Matilda picked up on the sale of Star.
“Papa, you can’t sell Star! She isn’t yours, you gave her to me! I hate you!” but Matilda didn’t make it out of the dining room when she tried to sprint out after Andrew, Clayton had scooped her up and allowed her to sob loudly as the others in the room sat in silence. Matilda was hysterical and beyond consoling.

James looked around the table.
This was his fault. He noticed Jane had climbed on Anna’s lap. Anna and his mother were also shedding tears. Thomas wouldn’t look at him, but James saw the anger in his face.

As he turned to glance a
t Mary, he felt even more uncomfortable. She was staring right at him, no expression of sadness, happiness or shock. It was as if she’d expected him to act like an idiot---and he had. He’d done a terrible job explaining why the animals had to be sold. He didn’t blame Andrew or Matilda for hating him. At the moment he hated himself.

Mary was the only one
watching him with that look of indifference. Not crying, he noticed. That wasn’t like her. She would normally be crying with the other women. What the hell was she thinking? It was driving James crazy not knowing what Mary thought of him or his actions tonight. For the first time in his life, he couldn’t read Mary, and wondered why it mattered.

For some unknown reason, h
e had to find out Mary’s position on his actions. “Mary, everyone at this table has at some time or another given me their opinion as to how to handle the sale of Lighting and Star, I would like very much for you to give me yours, if you’d be so kind.”

Mary bit her lip. Oh, how she wanted to throttle him for his stupidity and how he
’d broken the hearts of those two dear children, only because of his ridicules pride. She noticed all eyes were on her. She tried to talk over Matilda’s wails. “Well, James, the animals are yours to sell, even though you did give them to Andrew and Matilda. If that is what is best to do, I think you should sell them. You’re the only one that knows what’s needed to be done to best benefit your family’s needs.”

James couldn’t believe it. Mary didn’t really give her opinion, did she? She confused him. Yet, it felt good that she spoke to him like a rational person. She didn’t seem to be angry with him
. Yet, her eyes, something about the look in her eyes didn’t seem to agree with the words she just spoke.

There was a time when he kn
ew everything about her. But now, now he couldn’t tell if she was angry, sad, feeling pity or plain didn’t care anymore.

James got up from the table.
“I shall talk to Andrew. He’ll survive this. I should have spoken to him and Matilda weeks ago. Excuse me.”

Mary
stood and began to clear off the table. She saw Annabelle and Thomas appeared relieved to get out of the dining room as they, too, brought dirty dishes and leftover food into the kitchen. Anna remained seated holding Jane.

She
went to verify everything was off the table when she noticed Matilda was still clinging to her Grandfather, her cries down to a soft whimper. What a mess. This is not the James Parker I remember, she thought. What happened to him? What happened to the man who still held her heart in the palm of his hand? Would he even care if he knew how deeply she still loved him?

The Ball
family went home and the Parkers went to bed. No one bothered to speak with James after he left to talk to Andrew.  The day ended as James sat alone in his study drinking his pain away.

Chapter
Eighty

Over the next t
hree weeks, Mary, along with Thomas and his family, went daily to the Parker Plantation to help prepare for the auction. James had become less combative and began to speak every once in awhile to Mary about the weather or various mundane subjects. Mary felt it was a start.

With e
ach day that passed, James had found it easier to share his feelings with Mary. Then one day, he told her how he wished he’d known the truth about Henry. He explained if he had, he was certain their lives would have turned out differently. But then he added what a blessing Susannah had been to his life.

Mary would listen and nod but said little about how she felt regarding his life
with Susannah and the choices he was now making.

James knew Mary tried to pretend everything was fine in her life. Yet, she always looked away if the subject of their prior lives came up. He knew
she’d never allow him to know the depth of the pain he’d had caused her. But he knew anyway. He saw it in her eyes.

*****

One day
, late afternoon, Edward arrived at the Parker Plantation. “James, if I’m not disturbing you too much, I’d like a word with you.”

James had been going over the ledgers as he did every afternoon. The figures were the same. If he got top dollar for
every item in the auction, he might be able to buy a good mare to breed. Of course, he’d have to find a place to live and a place to work, to keep up with his expenses.

“
You’re a much needed break from the truth of my situation. What brings you here this fine afternoon?”

Edward knew James was forcing himself to sound cheerful.
“I, too, needed a break from work. I came to tell you I’d volunteer my services the day of the auction, if you thought an extra hand would be of any help. I could handle the money exchange and keep track of what is bought and by whom.”

“I appreciate your offer. And I
’ll gladly take you up on it. The day of the auction is going to be long and painful. You’ve been a good friend to me and my family. Thank you, Edward. How about a drink? I think I could use one.”

“Sound
s great, James.” Edward said relieved he had accomplished his reason for being there.

“Tell me, have you seen
Thomas and Mary, yet? I understand they’ve taken the news rather well that you’re their father. I’d think anyone would be relieved not to be fathered by that bastard, Ball!”

Edward laughed. “Putting it that way, James, I
’m not sure if that qualifies as a compliment.”

“You know I
’ve nothing but the highest regard for you, Edward,” He replied as he laughed out loud. He realized it felt good to laugh again, even if his mind was only diverted for a few seconds.

“I
think Mary has finally forgiven me. We’ve actually had a few conversations about the children and the upcoming auction. She’s the only one who has not criticized me for selling Lightning and Star. Although, I do think she disapproves of my decision. She’s said it was up to me to do what I think is for the best. At least not everyone is totally against me.”

Edward smirked
, if only James knew what Mary was thinking. “James, no one is against you. Your family wants to help you get through this with as little pain as possible.”

“
So they say. Let’s skip over my family. I’d better get busy. Mary will be glad to see you.”

Edward knew he had been dismissed. He found Mary in the kitchen helping with supper. He waved as he inhaled the wonderful aroma of
the meal.

“Edward, how nice to see you!
” Mary joyfully called out, as she gave Edward a quick hug. “I hope you can join us for dinner, I know the Parker’s won’t mind.”

“I
’d love to. Mary. Now, if you have a moment, I’d like to speak with you, alone.”

Edward was pleased Mary made time to join him on the Veranda.
Once they were seated Edward got right to the point, “Mary, we only have a few minutes so I need to know what you’ve found out about the auction.”

“I
’m making a list as to what I wish to have bid on. I’ll get you the list before you leave. James won’t listen to anyone’s suggestion on what might be best for the children. He’s adamant about starting over without any obligations. I’ve never met anyone so stubborn.

“But
, I’m happy to tell you James and I have finally gotten over what happened in the past. It makes it much easier to speak to him.”

“
Do you believe there’s a chance you and James might work things out? It would be nice if you could find love again.”

Mary looked down at
her hands. “I know I still love him. James is a hard man to read. If he has feelings that are stronger than friendship, he’s yet to say. But I hope something may come of this. I know I’d make him a good wife and I’d be a good mother for his children.”

“
There is no doubt you would make him a wonderful wife and mother to Andrew and Matilda.” Edward responded, as he kissed her cheek.

Mary
blushed as she smiled. “Matilda asked James the other day if he and I were going to get married. It was rather awkward, but James smiled and said he didn’t have any plans for marrying anytime soon.”

“Out of the mouths of babes,
” Edward replied.

“
Yes, and I must tell you, I’m concerned about deceiving James. Once he finds out what we’ve done, do you think he’ll find it in his heart to forgive us? Keeping this secret is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve wanted to share our secret with Annabelle and Clayton, but I don’t dare, in case they would feel obligated to tell James.”

“I
’ve given our actions a lot of thought, Mary, even if James should be angry, I think he’s a wise man. I don’t believe he’ll hold a grudge. I feel strongly the reward outweighs the risk. As for the others, once they know the reason behind our actions, I’m positive they won’t harbor any ill feelings.”

“I hope you
’re right, Edward, I truly do.”