Tangled Vines (9 page)

“But Ye Ye’s parents didn’t endure hardship. He’s told us that.” Peony crossed her arms stubbornly.

Calli shook he head. “No, that’s not true. He’s told you they didn’t endure physical punishments. But they
did
endure hardship. We all did. And that’s difficult for Ye Ye to think about. Even though separated from his family, he still felt a responsibility toward them deep in his heart.”

At that the girls were quiet. Calli knew they loved their Ye Ye like nothing else in the world and would never want to make him sad.

Peony began running around the courtyard, picking up the pieces of red yarn. “Let’s get this cleaned up fast, before he gets home.”

Calli looked down at Maggi. The expression on her face was priceless.

“Nai Nai, I’m sorry they unraveled the scarf you were making. I told Peony not to do that because knitting is hard work.”

Calli saw her squint her eyes and shoot an accusing look toward Peony.

Peony piped in from across the yard where she was picking up the rocks to return them to their place around the koi pond. “No, you didn’t, Maggi! You helped me unravel it!”

“Did not!” Maggi yelled.

“Did, too!”

“Well, this is all your fault, Maggi. I wanted to do a Harry Potter scene—the Red Guards were your idea.”

Calli stood up from the bench. The girls were always ready to fuss back and forth and she needed to check on the eggs.

“Come on, Maggi.” She got behind her wheelchair and pushed her to the door. “You can help me in the kitchen. Girls, hurry up out here and then come inside to prepare dinner. And no more talk of Red Guards for at least a month. I’m tired of hearing it.”

A
s Li Jin walked back from the market, she felt a bounce in her step she hadn’t felt in months. At least five weeks had passed since her last post office run and she’d finally made Erik understand her yearning for a real relationship—one without fear of his demands or fists. That morning he’d kissed her before he left, a ritual he’d dropped for the last few months, and with its return she’d allowed herself to feel something again, and to dream of the future once more.

Li Jin realized she was walking with a small smile on her face and people were giving her strange looks. But she didn’t care. She was happy again! She hurried along, anxious to get home and get started. She’d told him she’d be gone all day to look for work but after thinking about it, she’d decided to put everything behind her and put some effort into mending things between them. After a lot of heart-to-heart talking the night before, he’d finally relented and told her she wouldn’t have to be involved in his unsavory business any longer and could find another job to replace the one he’d made her quit. He also swore he’d never lay a hand on her again. Sure, he’d promised before but this time she felt hopeful that he’d keep his word. It had been difficult, but she’d really made him believe that for the sake of her son, she’d leave if he couldn’t let them share a normal life.

It took a lot, but he said he understood and he took all the blame. And he opened up and told her why he was so drawn to her. He told her that her quiet ways and simple beauty were coveted qualities in a wife. Then he held her and once again she remembered what it was about him that was so magnetizing. He was strong, handsome, smart—many things, but most of all when he wanted to, he could make her feel special. And he had said
wife,
which to her meant he wanted to marry her and give her the respectability she craved.

Tonight when he returned home she’d have their apartment spotless, his clothes washed and ironed, and his favorite meal ready. Jojo had laughed that morning when she’d dropped him at school and told him she was making bunny chow for dinner. Erik had taught her to make the South African recipe over a year ago when they’d first moved in together. She didn’t make it often, as she definitely didn’t care for the spicy curry or the bread dish she’d have to create for it to be served from. But she wanted Erik to know how much she appreciated him compromising. It was all she had to offer, but she’d bring him a familiar taste of his home country to show her appreciation to him for taking care of her and Jojo.

She turned the corner and almost dropped the bags she carried when she saw Erik leaving the entryway from their apartment. He was coming straight at her through the crowd of sidewalk pedestrians, and he wasn’t alone. He was with a pretty girl and was holding her hand! It was obvious that they were more than friends.

The girl was at least ten years younger than Li Jin. Blond hair, pale skin—either American or Australian, she wasn’t sure. So he’d found his younger and more beautiful girl that he’d always threatened. She felt sick but she would not let them see her pain. She continued walking straight toward them, head held high until she was only feet away and Erik finally saw her through the haze of his midmorning rendezvous glow.

“Li Jin!”

She couldn’t believe he had the nerve to sound angry, as if she’d interrupted something important! The girl looked from Erik to her, confused at the sudden tension. Obviously she wasn’t aware that her new guy already had a girl. Li Jin skirted around them and continued to walk, barely giving them even a glance. She should have known letting him hang out alone in the clubs frequented by expats would come to this.

She heard his rushed words behind her and then suddenly felt him jerk her around by the sleeve of her jacket. She dropped one of the bags and it hit the sidewalk, tomatoes and other vegetables rolling out of it. Li Jin bent to gather the food. She’d figure out a Chinese dish to make with the supplies and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of speaking to him.

“Stop! I want to talk to you!” He pulled her to her feet. She looked over his shoulder but the girl had disappeared into the crowd.

“Don’t touch me, Erik. I don’t want to have this conversation out here for all of our neighbors to hear!” she hissed. “They already hold a grudge against me for rooming with a foreigner. What are you trying to do to my reputation?”

Erik laughed and it sounded cold and hard.

“What reputation? You’re an unmarried woman with a bastard son, Li Jin! Do you think they believe you’re some sort of saint?”

It was a low blow and he knew it. In one of their more intimate moments, when she trusted him, she’d told him about being raped. Erik was the first person who had ever given her the courage to speak the words aloud. He knew how hard it was for her to do. Now he wanted to brand her as some sort of whore?
She shook her head in disgust and, leaving the bags sitting on the sidewalk, she rushed past him and up the stairs to their apartment.

Hours later she felt the traitorous tears sliding down the sides of her face as she lay quietly, waiting for Erik to finish. He wouldn’t consider it rape but she’d told him no. He hadn’t listened and to keep Jojo from hearing her, she’d finally stopped fighting. She wanted to say she felt nothing but that wasn’t so. She felt trapped. And she felt so alone. She wished she had someone—anyone—to go to for help. For a way out.

His body kept up a rhythmic pace while hers lay motionless
beneath him. In the moonlight from the open window the sweat on his body glistened in a way she once thought magical but now just looked sordid. Her body felt bruised and empty. There was a time, before he had begun to hurt her physically and emotionally, that entwining with him had created moments of desire and sweetness. Those nights she had moved along with him, meeting him thrust for thrust. But that was when she had felt wanted. And loved.

But now all she felt was shame and deep—
such deep
—sorrow. She stared at the fan mounted on the ceiling and watched it twirl. She saw a fly riding one of the blades and wondered if it was dizzy. She swallowed repeatedly, trying to keep the sobs from erupting.

Finally Erik rolled off her and onto his back. He nudged her with his elbow and she didn’t move. She heard him sigh in frustration. It brought her a sense of satisfaction that he couldn’t
make
her want him and she knew he hated that loss of control. Reacting or not reacting to his touch was the only thing she had left and he couldn’t take it away.

She hoped he would just go to sleep. She was too tired for more fighting and there was really nothing left to say. If she could just stop the frustrating stream of tears!

“Li Jin. Why are you still crying? I told you I’m sorry. She meant nothing to me. I’m here, aren’t I? With you and Jojo—not with her. You said you didn’t want to help me anymore—that means I need a new contact to pick up the
dagga
. Get over it already.”

Li Jin didn’t answer. Anyway, he was lying again. He’d never arrange for packages to be sent to a foreigner; it would cause too much suspicion. And her grief wasn’t just a result of seeing him with the girl and his flippant admission of betrayal. It was all of it; the girl, the joy she saw on his face, and even the insult about her son. It all hurt and he had finally broken her. Then as if it were her own fault, he had ranted at her that she was nothing when he found her, and without him she’d be nothing again.

What hurt the most was that he was right. She was nothing. She was so unwanted that even her own parents had discarded her like a piece of trash. She didn’t know where she’d come from—or whom she’d come from. A child with no connection to anyone in the world. Now an adult with only one thread helping her to keep it together. Jojo.

He lay right in the next room. Their small apartment wasn’t luxurious by any means but it was the nicest place she and Jojo had ever lived in. When she thought of the back-alley hostels and sometimes even parks they’d slept in, she knew that she was lucky. Here Jojo slept on the sofa and was usually lulled to sleep by the sound of his favorite cartoons on the television Erik had bought.

Yes, they were living a better life than they ever had. But at what price? Her dignity? Morals? She was sleeping with what the old-timers called a foreign devil, and doing his bidding. All for a chance at love and a decent home for her child. If she took the love out of it, what was left? Prostitution? At that thought more tears sprang from her eyes. In her lowest moments she’d always had limits but now it felt like that line had been crossed. She was allowing a man she no longer loved to use her body.

Erik threw his pillow at the wall and still she didn’t move. He got up and went to the bathroom door, slamming it loudly. Li Jin winced at the noise. Of course he didn’t care if he woke Jojo. He only cared about himself.
He
was the bastard—a selfish bastard.

She heard nothing for a few minutes and then she heard him flush the toilet. She turned over quickly and pretended to be asleep, hoping his anger would fizzle out. He opened the door and stomped across the room. She could feel him standing over
her and hear his heavy breathing. He stayed that way for a few seconds, then picked up his pillow and climbed into bed. With one yank he took the entire coverlet and left her naked body exposed. She fought her instinct to cover herself and remained still.

“Li Jin, I know you’re awake. Just remember what I told you. If you get stupid enough to try and leave, I’ll find you. And if I don’t find you, I can still make you wish you’d never crossed me.” He snorted with contempt and gave his last dig. “I own you.”

She didn’t answer but oh yes, she knew better than to cross
him. How could she forget his constant threats? But he didn’t own her—after all her years of being shipped in and out of families and back and forth to the orphanage, being told she was
owned by the state,
she swore she’d never let anyone else own her again.