Authors: Cheri Lewis
I roll my eyes and hand him my boots. “Thanks.”
Tank gets out of his SUV. I hear mumbles between Jessie and him but I can’t make out what they’re saying. Tank walks to my side of the car. I’m nervous but still pissed about what he said. He opens my door and sticks out his hand for me to take it. I turn in my seat and stand without taking his hand. I cross my arms and start walking toward my front door I feel his hand on my shoulder. “McKinsey, please wait.”
“For what? You to call me a police humping slut again?”
“I’m sorry, that’s not what it means. It just means you prefer dating someone with a badge. And I was angry, I thought you… I mean Hunter practically moved in over here and you danced the way you did with Peacock. It pissed me off and I didn’t like it. ”
“I’ve never dated anybody with a badge, so your private investigating skills suck! And as far as what I do with Hunter and Peacock, again, that’s none of your business.”
“See there’s where you wrong. It is my business. I’ve told both of them to back off.”
My mouth falls open. “Now why would you go and do a thing like that?”
“Because, I’ve decided that we’re going to be together.”
“You decided? You don’t think you should’ve talked to me or asked me before you tell me you’ve decided?”
He hangs his head. “Nothing I say is right with you.”
“Because everything you say is wrong.” I say as I throw my arms up in the air.
“Fine.” he says frustrated. “I’ve been dead inside for years, McKinsey. Then you prance into my office telling me not to smoke because you’re worried your parents would think you were bar hopping. It was the most ridiculous, but cute, thing I’ve ever heard. You looked exhausted but you still had enough fire to stand up for yourself. You stirred something inside of me then and the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted to know. You seemed so true but I fought it and fought it hard. I’ve struggled with a lot of things that I wanted to do with you. I haven’t had these feelings of jealously in a long, long time and it scares the piss out of me.”
“I don’t really think I pranced into your—.” I don’t get to finish my sentence. I’m pulled up against him and he is kissing me and kissing me hard. We wrap our arms around each other, hold on tight and it feels wonderful. His warm lips move softly over mine. I sag into him as we continue the kiss. He isn’t the only one who has been dead inside when it comes to romance. He pulls away and leans his forehead against mine. “I’ve wanted to do that since the first time I was in your living room.”
“It took you long enough,” I say winded.
We stand there for a long time not saying anything, just holding onto each other. I put my head on his chest. After a few minutes my feet begin to ache again. I lift my head and ask, “Can we go inside. I’m really tired and I want to get this dress off.” The streetlight shines enough light for me to see his face and the sexy smirk that spreads across it. I shake my head as I say, “I don’t think so, I’m not going to get my badge bunny reputation that quick.” Even though I want too badly, it has been too long and my body is letting me know.
He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckle. “Please forget I said that. I didn’t mean it the way you took it and it was a dirty thing to say.” He shakes his head, then leans forward and kisses my forehead, “I’ll go and let you get some sleep. Can I see you tomorrow?”
I don’t want him to leave yet, not again, and so soon. “Do you have to leave?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t.” I grin.
He nods slowly and takes my hand in his as we walk into the house. I hear the TV in the living room. Tank heads in that direction and I pull on his hand to follow me down the hall. I walk into my room and flip on the light. He stops in the doorway to my bedroom. “You really are a messy person.”
I roll my eyes as I pull one of my pajama sets out of my dresser. “I’ll be right back.” I leave him in the doorway as I go into the bathroom. I pull all the pins out of my hair then begin wiping my make up off. I decide to go ahead and take a quick shower. Jessie and I sweated a lot doing all that dancing. When I come back into my room Tank is sitting on the end of my bed looking at one of my many photo albums. He looks up at me and closes the book as I sit beside him. “Sorry it took me so long.”
“I’d have waited all night.” His sexy grin mesmerizes me and his words melt my heart. I lean in and kiss his lips. I want to ask him what really changed his mind and what really is going on but not tonight. I’ll save that for later and I really hope there will be a later. I put my head on his shoulder and enjoy him being here. We end up lying in bed talking the entire night. Mostly we talk about me until the sun comes up and when I see the sun peeking around my closed blind I realize the only other person I’ve ever done this with is Jessie. I snuggle into his chest as he twirls my hair and I’m not the slightest bit tired, I’m happy and for the first time in my life and I think I finally know what the possibility of love feels like even though I’ll never admit it. And it scares me to death.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Getting to know each other
I feel like a pathetic school girl when it’s time for me to get ready for church. I invite Tank to go with us but he declines again very quickly and honestly, I’m not ready to leave him, not yet. He kisses me goodbye and touches the tip of my nose with his finger as he says, “Call me after you’re done today and we’ll figure out who’s coming where.” I smile until he walks out my bedroom door, then I frown. I almost feel like last night is too good to be true and now that he’s gone he’ll change his mind again and this time I think I would be devastated.
I go into the bathroom and begin getting ready. Jessie walks, picks up a brush and starts brushing his hair as he says, “Did you get any sleep?” I look at him in the bathroom mirror then back to myself as I put concealer cream on the big dark bags that hang under my eyes then shake my head and smile. “Ugh, sunshine, I can tell you’re going to be so annoying now with all this love crap.”
I bump into him with my shoulder then look at him in the mirror as I continue to put on makeup. “I’m not in love… Do you think I’m making a mistake trying this? It’s obvious he’s pretty messed up.”
He rolls his eyes, “You’re totally in love and don’t be scared of it. If it’s meant to be it will work out and if it isn’t then you know and you’ll learn something.”
I sigh. “I know but I just want to know for sure.”
“Don’t we all.”
We finish getting ready then go to church. My phone stays in my purse the entire morning as it usually does but I’m more aware of it just sitting there. I want to check it but I also don’t want to because I will feel really silly if I check it every 15 minutes to see if he has sent me a text or called and he hasn’t. When I finally can’t stand it anymore I pull it out of my purse and am let down. He hasn’t called or texted. We go to lunch and then back to my parents for the afternoon. My father asks Jessie to help him move a box into the garage that is filled with stuff my mother is taking to Goodwill tomorrow. Which means that leaves my mother and me all alone. She clicks the TV off and sets the remote on the coffee table, “Have you decided if you’re going to go talk to Tank yet?”
I carefully examine her face to make sure she isn’t fishing for information or knows that he had come over last night. “Actually he was waiting on me when we got home last night.”
She seems pleased to hear this by the tone in her voice. “Did you guys get it worked out?”
“Yes ma’am and I think we’re going to give it a try.”
“That’s great McKinsey. You know, I’ve been giving it a lot of thought about what you asked me, why I went over to see him.”
I wave my hand. “Oh Mom, don’t worry about it. I was mad and he had hurt my feelings.”
“Well, I’ve thought about it and I want to tell you what I came up with.”
“Alright.”
“He reminds me a lot of Jessie. So tough and brave but it’s obvious he’s been beat down with life. I just get that feeling that I’m supposed to look out for him.”
“Like you did Jessie?” I ask quietly.
“Exactly.”
I run my fingers across my lips. “I had that exact thought this morning, I feel very comfortable, when he stayed last night—”
“McKinsey!” she admonishes.
I roll my eyes, “Oh Momma, it wasn’t anything like that. I swear all we did was talk. Besides I’m an adult and have been an adult for almost 20 years you know.”
“I know but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Why buy the cow if he’s getting the milk for free.”
“Mom, seriously. I get what you’re saying, geez.” Jessie and my dad walk back in, “Thank God you’re here,” I say to them and shake my head.
Jessie plops down in my lap and wraps his arm around me. “What’s wrong now, sunshine?”
“Nothing other than Momma is talking to me about sex.”
“Whelp, that’s where I’m out of here.” My dad’s behind had just touched the seat of his recliner and he is back up again.
“It’s not like we’re talking about periods or anything,” I yell after my dad who is leaving the living room.
“Please don’t, because I’ll leave too,” Jessie says quickly.
I hug him tightly and start saying things like, “Tampons, cramps, maxi pads, bloating, heavy flow…”
“Hush! Stop it.” he says fighting against me. He pulls loose from my arms and adjusts his shirt; as he leaves the living room he says, “I’m going to go find your dad and do man stuff.”
“Oh McKinsey, really,” my mother fusses.
I can’t help but giggle, “I’ve never understood why it grosses him out so badly.”
“Because that’s a private issue and he’s a man.”
I shrug my shoulders and then reach out and nab the remote off the coffee table and switch it back on.
After I leave my parents I call Tank and he sounds happy and relieved I called.
****
For the next month and a half my life becomes pretty routine. I go to work, Jessie goes to work, and Tank will come over when I’m not at work. He never stays the night again after that first night. We constantly text each other or talk on the phone if he has a case to work. And he still won’t go to church with me. He’ll always meet us afterwards for lunch then go to my parents and hang out. And I notice he always comes to my house, I haven’t been to his house in two weeks except to drop off something. He doesn’t seem to not want me there but he does seem to want to come to me instead of me coming to him. Overall I’m happy with our relationship, except the no sex part and it’s beginning to bug me that he always pulls away when it’s getting to that point.
“Why do you think we haven’t had sex yet?” I ask Jessie.
“Maybe it doesn’t work?”
I spew my soda and wipe my chin with my shirt. “It works. That’s not an issue. He always seems to pull away and needs to go home right before it’s time to do the deed. I also don’t get why he doesn’t spend the night.”
He shrugs. “Ask him.”
“I’m not asking him why he won’t have sex with me,” I squeal.
“Maybe he thinks you’re not ready.”
“I assure you that’s not it.”
“Well, I’m going back with my first advice. Ask him.”
I lay back on the couch pondering over what Jessie said.
Maybe he did think it was me. Everything seems to be going perfect. He seems happy with me and I know I’m happy with him. Maybe I could hint to him that I was ready
.
I pick up my phone and send Tank a text, “Hey, you going to come over tonight?”
“Yes, already on my way.”
I smile and sit the phone down. “He’s on his way, I guess I’ll just ask him,” I yell to Jessie who is in the kitchen.
“Well, that works out. I’m going to my parents for a bit, they want me to come over to pick out furniture for my bedroom in Florida.”
“You’re going to have your own bedroom down there?” I ask in surprise.
“I’ve told them not to do it but you know my mother,” he says as he walks into the living room with a soda in his hand and sunglasses on his head.
I smile. “You’re so cute.”
“Thank you, sunshine. Alright, when I get back I’ll sneak in the house. Hang a sock on the bedroom doorknob if you’re getting busy.”
I sigh then stick out my tongue. “Oh go pick out your dumb furniture and butt out of my sex life.”
He blows me an air kiss and says, “What sex life?”, then runs out of the house before I have time to retaliate.
He must’ve left something because I think I hear him come back in and I’m ready, when he walks into the living room I fling the couch pillow and hit Tank square in the face.
“Ouch,” Tank teases.
I gasp. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I thought you were Jessie.”
“What’d Jessie do to deserve that?” he says as he crawls on top of me on the couch and kisses my nose.
“Nothing.” I kiss his lips back.
He wiggles until he’s able to slide behind me. He wraps his arm around me and place several kisses on my neck. I sigh, “What’s wrong?” he asks then kisses me again.
I finally blurt out, “Do you like me? Like, like me like me?”