He disconnected the call, and Reese put his phone back in his pocket. “Diaz being in this country makes things a bit more complicated. What do you want to do now?”
Ash took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay. Here’s what I’d like to do for now. Since I may be heading out to Mexico any minute, I think it would be better if I brought Lainey and Max out here. With the high-tech surveillance system you’ve put in place and our guys constantly monitoring the grounds, I think they’d be safer here.”
“That can be arranged,” Reese said. “We’d better do it today and get them settled before you have to leave. We can put them up in one of the officers’ quarters we have in this building, and you could stay in one down the hall. Casey could move in by them, too.”
“I think Lainey would like having another woman close by, and vice versa. I was kidding Casey last night about having to stay in such girly quarters, and she reminded me that she’s a girl and she likes girly things.”
Reese smiled. “Yeah, she’s tough as nails in combat, but she has a soft feminine side, too.”
Ash cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, you’ve noticed, have you?”
Reese frowned. “Of course I’ve noticed. After all, I am her commanding officer, and she’s one of the best soldiers I’ve ever worked with.”
Ash bit down on his tongue to keep from asking Reese if he was ever going to wake up and realize how Casey felt about him. But then, he wasn’t the best person in the world to give advice about romance. He’d proven that years ago.
Maybe he and Reese were too much alike. With them it had always been about the next mission. But something had changed with him the moment he saw Lainey again and then met Max. There had been times since he’d come home that he wished he could turn the clock back and do things differently, but he couldn’t. He’d made his choices years ago, and now he was stuck with the consequences.
He suddenly realized Reese was looking at him in a strange way. He sat up straighter in his chair. “What did you say?”
“I said, are you all right? You looked like your mind was somewhere else.”
Ash cleared his throat and shook his head. “I’m okay. I’ve just had a lot to think about since I’ve been home. I’ve really been worried about Lainey and Max.”
Reese leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms. “How is Lainey? Are you two getting along all right?”
The question surprised Ash, and he looked up at his friend. Had Reese read his mind a moment ago? He shrugged. “It’s been hard. We make it fine for a while, and then everything disintegrates into an argument.”
“Sounds kind of passionate to me. Maybe those old feelings you had aren’t as dead as you thought.”
Ash shook his head. “No, you’re wrong. Lainey’s about to get married. To my old friend Sam Black.”
Reese’s eyes grew large. “Our Firebrand FTA guy?”
“Yeah. I never could figure out his Failure to Adapt when he washed out of Firebrand basic training. We played sports together, and I thought he’d breeze right through, but he didn’t. He came back home and got himself elected sheriff. So I guess he’s doing okay.”
“And Lainey’s going to marry him?”
“She says he’s asked her.”
Reese narrowed his eyes and studied Ash’s face. “And how are you with that?”
“I haven’t decided yet. If that’s what she wants, I can’t stop her. But I just don’t see her and Sam together. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens.”
Reese straightened to his full height and nodded. “I guess that’s all you can do. In the meantime, I’ll keep trying to find out something about these threats. I’ll talk to some of our friends down in Mexico and ask if any of them have heard of anybody who might have a vendetta against you and let you know if I hear anything.”
“I appreciate it.”
Ash walked to the door and turned to face Reese. He touched his left hand to his right bicep, and Reese mirrored the action. They stared at each other for a moment before Ash stepped into the hall and closed the door behind him.
The memory of Max asking to see his tattoo returned, and he smiled. Eleven years ago he, Colt, and Reese had been the first to be branded into the brotherhood. Through the years all those who passed the rigorous tests had proudly claimed their mark. He and Reese had just reaffirmed their strong bond without the use of any words. In so doing, he realized he’d made the two decisions he’d been pondering earlier.
He didn’t want to leave the brotherhood. He wanted to join them in the North Carolina mountains and help make this new training facility the best in the nation. And he wanted to develop a relationship with Max. He owed it to Richard to be there for his son while he was growing up. If that meant he’d have to share Max’s life with his old friend Sam Black, he’d do it. The most important thing was for Max to be happy and have a safe life.
Before he could do either of those things, however, there had to be some kind of truce between Lainey and him if he was to come back to this area. He would talk to her about it when they returned from the concert later today.
Right now he needed to concentrate on getting them all safely through the musical. He’d downplayed Lainey’s concern over their going to the program, but now that he knew Diaz was in the country he couldn’t afford to let his guard down again.
Ash stopped just outside the administration building and stared at his car parked at the curb. As if guided by some unseen hand, he turned and walked around the side of the building to the meditation garden he had looked down at from Reese’s office. He closed his eyes for a moment and visualized what the area would look like when it was finished. There were to be benches set amidst native plants next to the rippling pool. A flag would flutter atop a pole and beneath it the statues of two children with their hands over their hearts would stare up.
He opened his eyes and looked around to see if anyone was watching. The workers had left, and he strolled to a bench underneath a tall oak tree and sat down. He leaned back and stared up at the branches that were just beginning to sprout the first buds of spring’s arrival and sighed. Reese had been right. This was a peaceful place, and it would come in handy for the men and women who came here to train.
How many times had he wished he could find a spot where he could sit and cleanse his mind of the bloody scenes that played in his head over and over like a bad movie he couldn’t erase? Even now he could see the dead and dying at Lugar de la Vergüenza. Place of Shame. The name suited it well. The shame and self-loathing connected with that mission would stay with him forever.
Reese had said those who trained here would be able to find God in this garden. He propped his elbows on his knees and covered his eyes with his hands. “God,” he whispered, “if you really exist, help me.”
There was no flash of lightning or great rush of emotion within him. Nothing. He gritted his teeth and pounded his clenched fists against his knees. “Give me some sign that you exist!”
Still there was nothing.
He sat there several minutes waiting. For what, he didn’t know. Just some sign that there really was a God who loved him and wanted to ease the burden he carried. But nothing happened. Finally, he exhaled, pushed to his feet, and walked out of the garden toward his car. He glanced over his shoulder before he rounded the corner of the building and stared at the bench where he’d sat and cried out his frustrations.
He’d gotten no answer to his question about whether God existed or not. But after all, it really didn’t matter. His soul was stained too dark from all he’d encountered in the past ten years. God could never love someone like him.
<><><>
Lainey stood outside the principal’s office beside Casey and waited for Ash and Sam to arrive. One minute she hoped Sam would call and say he couldn’t make it and the next she had to restrain herself from texting him and asking where he was.
She couldn’t put off Ash and Sam seeing each other forever, but she didn’t want anything to spoil Max’s day. He’d been so excited when they arrived at school. Casey had sent him off with Phillip to his dress rehearsal, and she’d stayed with Lainey to guard her.
The clock over the front entrance to the school showed that there were only twenty minutes left before concert time, and neither Ash nor Sam had arrived. She glanced at Casey and frowned.
“Where could Ash be?”
Casey smiled and nodded to a couple who had just walked by before she answered. “I talked with Reese a few minutes ago. He said Ash had left his office and should be arriving here any minute. Don’t worry. Ash wouldn’t miss Max’s program.”
Lainey started to retort that Ash had missed a lot of events in Max’s life, but she thought better of it. She’d only met Casey last night, but she could already tell she and Ash had a deep respect for each other. She supposed that came from working so closely on dangerous missions.
A spark of jealousy pricked her heart. There were things she and Ash had shared together. Once she had thought their love would last forever, but it took more than the efforts of one person in a relationship to make it work. Ash hadn’t been willing to compromise. Now it was difficult for them to carry on a civilized conversation without it ending up in an argument.
Earlier he’d told her he wanted a relationship with Max, but she was afraid to believe him. She didn’t want Max to end up hurt when Ash went back to his life with Firebrand and left them behind as she fully expected him to do.
She shook her head to rid it of thoughts of Ash. What might or might not happen in the future wasn’t something she needed to think about now. They both needed to concentrate on keeping Max safe.
Across the lobby a small group of parents stood in a circle talking, but most of the others had gone in to take their seats. The principal came out of his office at that moment and hurried toward the auditorium. He glanced at those still in the lobby and tapped his watch. “The program’s starting in a few minutes. Time to take your seats.”
Lainey groaned, but Casey glanced up at the clock and then back to her. “We still have a few minutes,” she said.
The front door opened, and Ash stepped into the building. Lainey breathed a sigh of relief and then sucked in her breath at the realization of how anxious she’d been that he might not come. For a moment all she could do was stare at him. His thick, black hair had a wind-blown look to it, and he reached up and smoothed it into place as he glanced around the lobby for them.
When he spotted her, his gaze rested on her for a moment, and his eyes narrowed. The ghost of a smile touched his lips, and for a split second his eyes blazed with the same fiery passion she’d seen years ago. She remembered that look from happier times, and it made her pulse race. It was a look of desire, and she trembled in response.
Then he blinked, and whatever she’d seen in his face vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Behind him the door opened, and Sam stepped inside. Ash followed her gaze as he slowly turned his head to stare over his shoulder.
There they were. Ash and Sam in the same room. Lainey swallowed her fear at what they might say to each other and tried to speak, but she couldn’t move. Ash darted a look back at her, then turned to Sam, smiled, and grabbed him in a bear hug.
“Hey, there, buddy,” he said. “Long time no see.”
Sam returned the gesture and pounded Ash on the back. “Lainey told me you were home. It’s good to see you.”
She had confided her fears about the meeting between Ash and Sam to Casey earlier, and now she turned to stare at her. Casey arched her eyebrows and shook her head. “Men. You never know what they’ll do. Those two are acting like long lost brothers.”
Lainey looked back at them and nodded. Casey was right. Neither Ash nor Sam seemed to be concerned that she was intently watching their reunion. After a bit more small talk, they walked across the lobby and stopped near her.
She stared at Ash and wondered if she’d been crazy a few minutes earlier. There was nothing in the way he looked at her or acted that gave any hint that he had any feelings for her. The connection she’d felt had only been wishful thinking on her part.
Wishful thinking? Where did that come from? All she and Ash had done since he’d been home was argue. She had no reason to think he still had feelings for her, and she’d told herself enough times that hers for him had died long ago.
On the other hand, Sam offered an entirely different possibility for her. As the sheriff, he was well-respected in the community, he believed in the same things she did, he loved both her and Max, and he wanted to make a home for them. A girl would have to be crazy to pass up a man like that.
She pasted a smile on her face, stepped over beside him, and looped her arm through his. “I’m so glad you got here, Sam. I was afraid something would come up to keep you away.”
He looked down at her hand on his arm and pressed his other hand to hers. “I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”
Out of the corner of her eye Lainey could see the small group of parents who’d been standing across the lobby drift toward the entrance to the concert hall. They were now the only ones standing in the lobby. She gave a slight tug on Sam’s arm as she nodded in the direction of the parents.
“It looks like everyone else is seated. We need to go inside, too.”