Teardrop Lane (27 page)

“You left me and the kids out of it. That says that we aren’t part of the equation at all. I guess I’m an idiot because I really thought we were. You still have a sister who loves you and what do you do? You treat her like pond scum. Sage was a mess when I saw her! She’s worried sick, and here she is pregnant. Do you know how lucky you are, Rosemary? Your sister is still alive. Your sister loves you, and you shut her out.”

He doesn’t understand
.

Like a flashbang grenade, Rose’s temper exploded. “I don’t mean to hurt anyone. But right now, for a change, for a little while, life needs to be about me. It needs to be about me! Don’t you understand? I’m a doctor. I love being a doctor. I love to spend my days taking care of other people, my patients and now Misty and Keenan and Galen and Daisy. I love doing that more than you can begin to understand.

“I also take care of Sage. I’m the big sister. That’s what big sisters do. And even though you are the most independent man I’ve ever met, sometimes I take care of you, too. And I’m not talking about sex, either. I’m talking about emotional support. I’m happy to give it. It’s what I do, who I am. It’s what I need to do.”

She struck a nerve. His anger seemed to dissipate.

“Bellissima,”
he began—

“No! It’s still my turn. Let me finish.” She balled her hands into fists at her side, shaking with rage. Trembling in fear. “I need you to hear this. I need you to understand. Today, I needed to be selfish. I’m hanging on by a thread because I’m waiting to hear results that can go one way or another. There is no in between! Don’t you get it? I’m
doing the best I can and today I needed to do what I needed, not what other people needed me to do.

“Maybe that’s not nice. Maybe it’s not fair. But neither is cancer. I just don’t have it in me to be strong for you and my sister right now. I’m too scared to be strong!”

He strode toward her with open arms, dragged her against him, and held her tight.

“Okay. It’s okay. I’m sorry. You’re right.”

“I’m scared, Hunter. This time I’m really scared. I have so much to lose now. The thought of it weakens me. I’m not strong enough.”

“Then lean on me. It’s my turn to be strong and offer support.”

His arms felt like heaven, and she sank against him.

“I love you, Rose.”

His head dipped and he spoke softly, but with conviction, against her ear. “I’m talking love with a capital
L
. You need to know that saying it is a big hairy deal for me. I’ve never said those words to another woman.”

He drew back, tilted her chin up so that she met his gaze. “I love you. I am here for you.”

She couldn’t stop the tears from overflowing. “Oh, Hunt, I love you, too. That’s why I’m so frightened. I have so much to lose. It wasn’t like that last time. Last time when I got sick, I was estranged from my sister. Brandon and I were only going through the motions. The stakes weren’t as high.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. Facing my own mortality showed me that I needed to fix the relationships in my life. I came to Sage and found Eternity Springs. I found family and friends. I found children to mother. I found you. It’s been so wonderful.”

He stroked the back of her head as she spoke into his shoulder. He didn’t respond, simply held her and listened.
It was exactly what she needed, and the words continued to pour out.

“I have been so blessed in my rebirth. I have faith and that sustains me. What breaks my heart is the thought of putting you and the kids through cancer mere months after losing your Jayne. I don’t want to do that to you. Can you understand? I love you all so much and I don’t want to cause you more pain. I can’t bear the thought.”

She broke, tears flowing like a river as she cried. She was hardly aware when he picked her up and carried her to the padded wooden rocking chair that sat in the corner. He rocked her back and forth, murmuring soothing sounds, saying, “I understand, sweetheart. It’s okay. You cry it out. Get it all out. You’ve earned a good cry.”

He handed her tissues from the box on a nearby table, and from time to time kissed away the tears from her cheeks. How long he held her, rocked her, she didn’t know, but eventually, she cried herself empty. Exhausted, she cried herself to sleep.

She awoke some time later spooned against him in the big four-poster bed. She moved her thumb across his knuckles. He pressed another kiss against her temple and his deep voice softly asked, “Better?”

Her throat felt raw, so she simply nodded.

“I’m sorry I railed at you,
Bella Rosa
. I want to do whatever you need me to do. You tell me what that is.”

Rose thought about it a few moments, though she really didn’t need to think about it at all. “Just love me.”

He rolled her onto her back and rose up over her. His warm brown eyes stared into her soul as he vowed, “I do, Rosemary. I do.”

Then he lowered his mouth to hers and proceeded to show her just how much.

Cicero lay sated and spent with Rose tucked up against him sleeping peacefully. Fatigue dragged at him, but
sleep remained elusive. His thoughts spun; his stomach churned. Icy fingers of fear clawed at his heart. Had he been alone, he’d have howled his anguish at the moon.

He loved her. He was in love with her.

The reality of it blew him away.

He couldn’t pinpoint when it had happened. It could have been the moment he first saw her at the Valentine’s Day dance. It may have been the compilation of all of the little moments between then and now. It might have been in that split second earlier today when he realized he might lose her.

He couldn’t bear the thought that he might lose her. He’d just found her. He hadn’t known it, but he’d been looking for her all of his life. All these years, all the women, how could he have been so blind to his heart’s desire?

He didn’t want the bachelor lifestyle. He wanted a home and a family. He wanted a wife and children. He wanted Rose and Misty and Keenan and Galen and Daisy. Finally, he recognized his true heart’s desire. Please, God, he prayed. Don’t let it be too late.

Cancer was the devil
.

A huge lump of dread hung in his throat. Silently, he lectured himself about the power of positive thinking. He reminded himself that infection had killed Jayne, not cancer. He even tried to tell himself that fate wouldn’t be that unkind to the urchins as to steal another mother away from them.

Except, he didn’t believe the lie. Fate was a cruel bitch. Fate treated kids like dirt all the time. Like that day when his mom had promised to take him to watch the Cardinals play.

He’s never been to a professional baseball game before. He is beyond excited as he vaults from the school bus and rushes down the street to the duplex where he’s
lived with his mom for the past seven months. Seven months clean—a record for her
.

He’s almost begun to believe in it. In her
.

Pike doesn’t meet him at the door, but he’s not concerned. Mom isn’t due home from work yet, so his dog will be in the backyard. He glances at the clock. He has twenty minutes to throw a ball with Pike before he needs to leave for the hardware store. He’s officially too young to have a job, but the owner pays him in cash to sweep the floor, clean the bathrooms, and stock the shelves. He’s saved fifteen dollars to buy a ball cap and peanuts and a soft drink. Gotta be sure not to forget his ball glove. They have tickets in right field. Maybe he’ll catch a fly ball
.

Hey, a guy can hope, can’t he?

He hurries to his room and changes into his work clothes. Then he heads to the kitchen in search of an after-school snack
.

The glass pipe sitting on the kitchen table stops him cold
.

In a Colorado bed-and-breakfast over two decades later, Cicero clutched Rose a little tighter and banished the memory to the vault with the rest. Grimly, he told himself that he’d been down this road before; that he knew to take it one step at a time, one day at a time. He had strong, broad shoulders that Rose could lean on. He didn’t want to fight this battle again. He sure as hell didn’t want the children to face it again, but if that’s the hand fate dealt them, well—

They would be there for her.
He
would be there for her. Period.

Though it would shred his heart beyond repair.

Hope is the thing with feathers
.
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all
.

What a crock. Hope is for fools
.

No wonder that the work he’d done for the Albritton was so pedestrian. It was difficult for an artist to make magic when the subject was nothing but an illusion. Cicero didn’t hope. Not anymore.

He finally drifted off to sleep, though he stirred often throughout the night, aware that Rose, too, tossed and turned. They awoke early the next morning and with a late afternoon doctor appointment, had time to kill.

After calling to check on the kids, and allowing Sage to vent some of her frustration with Rose, they swore off any more talk about test results and played tourist, checking out the Gunnison Pioneer Museum. They ate Mexican food for lunch, then walked to the ice cream shop for a cone afterward.

Cicero relayed a story Gabi had told him about catching her widowed mom dressed like a biker babe and making out with her handyman in that shop a couple years ago. The story got a sincere laugh out of Rose, which he considered a victory, because as the hours ticked by, they both grew more tense.

Finally, half an hour before her appointment, Rose addressed the elephant in the room.

“One of the worst parts of my job is delivering bad news. It’s true that over time you’re able to thicken your skin, but it’s never easy. I admire oncologists and other professionals who do this day in, day out. I’m afraid I need a heavy percentage of well-baby checkups to balance delivering pathology report results.”

“You have a compassionate heart,
Dolcezza
.”

She let out a shaky breath. “I have a terrified heart.”

He laced his fingers through hers, then brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “Flynn likes to say that Gabriella has a valiant heart. It’s a good word for you, too. Did you ever watch classic TV westerns?”

Her mouth twisted with a grin. “That’s a strange conversational turn.”

“Jayne absolutely loved them. It made buying gifts for her easier because I could always give her DVDs. The only problem was that she made me watch them with her. Last night, while I watched you sleep, I thought that you are like one of those great cowboy heroes. I kept hearing the theme song from one of the series running through my head.”

She gave him a wry look.

“You have a peculiar way of thinking, Hunt Cicero.”

“Brave, courageous, and bold—that’s you. You have a core set of values that you live by. You have integrity. You take pride in your work. You’re tough, but fair. You are a source of inspiration to me and to the rapscallions and to everyone who knows you. You make me want to be better than I am, Rose. Thank you for that.”

He could tell that his little speech had stolen hers, so he decided to lighten the moment. “Now what you need is the outfit.”

Bemused, she said, “A cowboy hat?”

“Nah. A saloon girl outfit. With feathers.”

Feathers. Cicero frowned as a thought—an idea—hung just beyond his reach. Then Rose laughed and distracted him, and he offered her a warm, loving smile.

“All right, Marshal Dillon,” she said. “Shall we go see what Dr. Rydzell has to report?”

“Let’s do it.”

When her name was called in the physician’s office, she surprised him by tugging him along. He hoped she didn’t notice how clammy his hand was, and as they took seats in a conference room, he wished he’d brought along a bottle of water.
Or a bottle of bourbon
.

They waited five interminable minutes for the door to open. Cicero couldn’t help but flash back to similar waits with Jayne, and his heart thundered.

On the opposite side of the door, he heard paper rattle. His gaze locked on the doorknob. As it began to turn, Rose gripped his hand hard and whispered a soft prayer.

The doctor entered the room with a smile on her face. “No cancer,” she said, conveying the most important information first.

Cicero released the breath he’d been holding.
I really like the doctors in Colorado
.

Memorial Day weekend kicked off the official tourist season in Eternity Springs, and this year the festivities included an old-fashioned picnic on the Angel’s Rest estate. A barbershop quartet provided entertainment along with a trio of skits performed by the summer theater group. Local merchants displayed their wares in booths along the perimeter of the picnic grounds.

Rose manned a first-aid tent conveniently placed between the Whimsies booth and that of Vistas Art Gallery, and across from the food booths, which included sweets from Sarah Murphy’s bakery shop Fresh and pizza right out of the ovens at Ali Timberlake’s Yellow Kitchen.