Tears of Endurance (Romantic Drama) Book #1 (2 page)

“
Sorry, Arianna, I have been feeling rather nervous recently. The closer the show gets, the less confident I feel. I guess my confidence is betraying me this week. I am ready, I promise, so please don’t worry, there won’t be any last minute hiccups.”

After reassuring Oliver that all would be well, Arianna rang off and decided to look through the RSVPs she had received over the last few days. The response had been overwhelming and she was beginning to wonder if there was enough space for everyone.
Well, a full gallery was better than an empty one
; she smiled to herself, feeling exceptionally proud of her achievements over the last two years. Despite her breakup with Justin, she was not going to allow this to affect her work. Keeping busy with the gallery would help take her mind off her private life; well, what was left of it anyway.

Chapter two

Ben Fielding slowly opened his weary eyes, only to be greeted by the all too familiar vice-like grip in the front of his head. Enveloped in pain, he pressed the buzzer to attract the nurse’s attention. Twenty minutes later, the pain had subsided with the help of two strong painkillers provided by the young nurse who attended to his call. Today was the day he finally got to go home. He never thought this day would actually arrive. The nurse informed him the doctor would be around to see him within the hour and then he would be discharged, all being well. Two painful, long months he’d endured at the Westview Hospital and, as fantastic and supportive as the nurses and doctors had been, he was very eager to see the back of the place and get back to some semblance of normality.

He missed the privacy his apartment ensured and, more importantly, his faithful Golden Retriever Charlie, who was being looked after by his reluctant and altogether grumpy neighbour. The simple things he once took for granted prior to the accident were the things he was most looking forward to rediscovering on his return home
; especially taking Charlie for a walk along the river banks. He knew Charlie was going to enjoy more of the great outdoors over the coming months more than being stuck in Ben’s office. As he worked such long hours, he was fortunate enough to be able to take Charlie to work with him. As chief engineer and a recent partner to the firm, Ben was blessed with certain privileges not afforded to many in the firm, and that included his own large city view office and a permanent corner for Charlie, which was a must as far as he was concerned. He used to take him out every lunch time for a good walk, and for some much-needed thinking time for himself.

Ben couldn
’t remember anything about his first few weeks in hospital following his near fatal accident at work. As chief engineer for an international building company, he spent a lot of time on site making sure everything was going to plan and following the progress of his current projects. The scaffolding was not secure on the day of his fall and he was standing near the top of the construction when it collapsed. He awakened in hospital a few weeks later. He had broken bones all over his body and his head had taken a severe blow. The surgeon operated immediately as an MRI scan showed pressure was building up in his brain. His condition would have been fatal had it been left untreated any longer. He was put into a drug-induced coma for one month because the pain would have been far too much for him to endure. He’d also sustained massive trauma to his back, neck and ribs, plus a collapsed lung. The reason he was still alive today was that the scaffolding had twice slowed his fall.

After almost four weeks, he was slowly and carefully brought out of his coma with relative ease. On waking up, all he could feel was incredible pain running through every part of his 6-foot frame. He was plied with pain-relieving drugs and sedated. The first month after he
’d awakened was hell on earth and he couldn’t imagine ever being pain free again. Every inch of his body felt like it had been pierced by a sharp sword. His surgeon advised him that his pain would ease over time but he would need to take his medication daily to ease his recovery and make him feel more comfortable.

While he was in a coma, Ben suffered the most horrendous nightmares. On waking, it took some time for his brain to adjust to the fact that they were not real events that had occurred in his life and nor were they harboured memories. This was a side effect of the drug, not a pleasant one at all. Some days he still felt so confused, so unsure of what was real and what wasn
’t real.

Thankfully he had the best private medical healthcare money could buy. His company had taken care of everything following his accident. His personal secretary Lisa had arranged for his neighbour to take care of Charlie while she looked after his apartment, popping in to pick up the mail and generally keeping it clean for his eventual return.

Ben’s only regular visitors were his brother Tristan, his loyal secretary Lisa, who had been a rock since the accident, and the partners of the firm. He felt intense paroxysms of pain in his head most days and the scar stretched from one side of his head to the other, but the doctors advised him it would not be seen once his hair grew back. He was just thankful to be alive, grateful to the doctors for saving his life. His was a loyal firm and informed him they were not expecting him back for at least six months or so. Ben was nowhere near ready to go back to work so he welcomed the leave. He felt a desperate need to start living again.

While Ben was waiting for the doctor, he cleared out his bedside table and packed his bag. His thoughts drifted to Dena, perplexed at her refusal to visit him. They had been dating for a few months prior to his accident and he thought it was going somewhere. It came as a complete surprise to him when Lisa told him that she would not be visiting him and decided that she was not ready for a serious relationship after all. This made no sense to him
; only a few weeks before his accident, she was hinting to take their relationship further, wanting them to move in together, and urging him to consider the possibility. When he needed her the most, she had deserted him; he was simply discarded like a broken ornament that no longer served a purpose.

Ben made a mental note to himself to speak with his secretary more about this so he could make sense of it all. He needed to know exactly what Dena had said to her and he wanted to know why she
’d turned her back on him during his most vulnerable time, no matter how painful it would be to hear the words. He was on his own now, and he knew his long-term recovery would be slow. The doctor advised him it would be many months before the pain in his head subsided. He had to be cautious and give his body time to heal completely. “No climbing mountains for the time being!” his doctor had teased...

Lisa had arranged for a car to collect Ben as soon as she received his call that he had been officially discharged. Ben turned and looked over his shoulder, taking one last look at the hospital that had been his home for two months. A sense of relief washed over him as he climbed into the car. He sat silent and in quiet contemplation on his journey home, the stabbing pain in his head palpable and unwavering. He eagerly fumbled for the pills in his jacket pocket and swallowed a painkiller to ease the persistent pain. Thoughts of his life prior to the accident ran through his mind. The missed opportunities in his personal life over the years, the friends he
’d lost along the way, all for his career.
Why?
he thought as he glanced out of the car window. It was at that moment that he realised now just how fragile life really was.

Chapter three

At 39-years-old, newly single and recovering from a near fatal accident, Ben was feeling rather displaced. He felt there was a huge unfulfilled hole in his life, one that he needed to fill. He’d always wanted his own family, to settle down with Mrs Right, not Mrs Right Now! But he’d never found her and never invested enough time to make it happen. Having worked so hard all of his life to reach the comfortable place he found himself in, his relationships had suffered as a consequence. However, now he was viewing his life from an altogether new standpoint, one that he’d never before entertained or considered. Suddenly life was important for all the right reasons. He’d spent so many years dedicating his entire being to his career and working his way up as far as he could possibly reach that he’d forgotten about the simple pleasures of life. He wasn’t perched on top of a glorious rainbow holding onto a pot of gold, it was more like a lonely dark cloud surrounded by empty space. He realised now how much of himself he’d sacrificed for his career. Life at the top was not all he thought it would be, and 15 years of his life had slipped by in the blink of an eye. He had no wife, no children, no social life, and no outside interests. It had all been about his career.

Ben couldn
’t remember the last time he had taken a holiday, lost himself in a good book or even gone shopping. Most of his shopping was done online to save time. His social network of friends had fallen by the wayside over the years and he hardly ever went out, as he was far too exhausted after a 12 to 14 hour day at work. Even his brother Tristan hadn’t been able to persuade him to take a break to their favoured getaway, Brighton, for a few years. When they were younger, they would take at least two long weekend breaks each year to the south of England where they would hire a boat for the day and go fishing in the wide, open sea. Ben smiled as memories of their last trip came flooding back.

As he turned the key in the lock of his penthouse apartment door, he took off his jacket and threw it over the Lazy Boy chair in the open-plan living area. He looked around anxiously for his one true and loyal friend, Charlie.
“Here boy, come on Charlie, where are you?”

Ben was startled by a knock at the door.
“Hey Ben, great to have you back finally,” grunted Linda as she eagerly handed over the dog lead and a bag containing all of Charlie’s things.

Charlie jumped up and placed his large paws on Ben
’s chest. “Charlie, it’s so good to see you too, boy.” Linda simply mumbled under her breath and walked off to her apartment next door while Ben and Charlie got reacquainted!

“
You have no idea how much I have missed you, Charlie. Fancy a walk, buddy?” Charlie jumped up and down and spun around excitedly. Ben grabbed his coat, put Charlie on his lead, and headed out the door. For a long time, the only place Ben had walked to was the bathroom in the hospital and occasionally to the physiotherapy suite on the second floor. His legs still felt a little weak and his back had a permanent dull ache, which would not shift. But he was not going to allow a little pain to hold him back. He headed off down to the canal and let Charlie off his lead as it was fairly quiet. Ben parked himself down on a nearby bench and watched as a canal boat passed by serenely, seemingly without a care in the world. He took a deep breath and inhaled the spring fresh air deep into his lungs. Ben had no idea what he was going to do with all his free time over the next six months, but for the first time in his life, he was looking forward to exploring his freedom from commitments and reintroducing himself to life again.

On Ben
’s return home, he decided it was time to let his brother know he was out of hospital. Tristan was the more laid back of the two brothers and also the older by two years. At 41-years-old, Tristan had glided his way through life on his charm and boyish good looks. Ben and Tristan had always been close even as children, always looking out for one another especially after their mother passed away from cancer while they were in their teens. Ben took the loss of their mother far harder than Tristan and realised at that young age he only had Tristan now. Their family was not a close one and their mother had been left to bring up her two boys after their father walked out on them before they’d started school. He remembered fondly his mother’s words, “We’re the three musketeers,” she would say every once in a while with a sad look in her eyes.

They had both loved their mother dearly and knew she had sacrificed a great deal to put them both through university. While at university, Tristan met and fell irrevocably in love with Susie. They dated for two years when she died tragically. A driver was on his mobile phone and distracted
, when he lost control of his car and drove up onto the pavement behind Susie, killing her instantly. Tristan was devastated, and changed beyond belief. He was no longer the reliable and dependable guy Ben knew so well. He became distant for a time and, going forward, he kept women at a safe distance over the years, never allowing himself to fall in love again. The loss of his mother and then Susie, his first love, was too much for his heart to bear. He swore to himself he would never suffer a loss like that again and from there, his new journey began, one devoid of closeness and one that would save his tragic heart from further pain.

Ben picked up his landline and punched in Tristan
’s phone number, after what seemed like an age, Tristan answered. “Hey Ben, you’re finally out then. That’s great news, do you want me to come over tonight? I don’t have any special plans.”

Ben looked down at Charlie who was sat by his side before responding.
“Do you know what, Tristan, I’m feeling pretty tired right now. I think I’m just going to take a shower and have an early night. Why don’t you come over tomorrow night, we can order a takeaway and catch up? You can fill me in on your latest antics.”

“
Sure, whatever works for you, I’ll pop over around seven o’clock tomorrow night. It’s great to have you home, Ben.”

Ben was suddenly rooted to the spot by
a spiking pain working its way from the front to the back of his head, almost disabling him. He bowed his head and closed his eyes tight, willing it to disappear, but it was stubborn and remained constant. He struggled to the kitchen and fumbled for the tablets, eagerly dropping them into his mouth. He sat down and Charlie lay beside him, nudging his hand gently as if sensing something was wrong. “I’ll be okay in a few minutes, Charlie; damn headaches should ease up over the weeks.” Charlie rested his head on Ben’s thigh until Ben felt the pain dissipate slowly. His body was riddled with aches and pains but at least they were bearable, unlike the pains that insisted on taking root in his head.

Ben made a mental note to speak with his doctor on his next outpatients visit about the severity of his headaches
; he needed reassuring more than anything that all was well and they were nothing to worry about. Then he reminded himself that he’d recently undergone surgery and fallen from a building. Smiling to himself, he made his way to the shower and pushed his negative thoughts to the back of his mind. Before stepping into the shower, he glanced at himself in the mirror; he raised his hand to the side of his head and gently swept through his thick dark brown hair. It was certainly growing back on top now and the scar was no longer visible. He thought the sides could do with a trim.

That night Ben was thrust into the depths of a horrific night terror, one he
’d had several times since being brought out of his coma. He sat bolt upright, in a cold sweat. The pain had returned, he held his head tight in a vice-like grip with both hands for a few seconds before the pain once again subsided. Images of his own death were at the forefront of his mind.
It was so real
, he said aloud to himself. Charlie was lying at the end of his bed and had inched closer to him, making quiet whining noises. “What is it, buddy? Hey, don’t worry about me, I just had a bad dream,” he said, stroking Charlie’s head to reassure him. Thoughts of his dream would not leave him, however. His death felt as real as sitting up in his bed did right now. Shaking his head and wrapping his arm around Charlie, he lay back down and slowly drifted off to sleep.

The following morning Ben decided to meander down to Cafe Rouge for breakfast. It was a beautiful fresh spring day, the sun was peeking through the clouds and he could feel its warmth gently caressing his face. Charlie needed the walk too and eagerly walked ahead as far as his lead would allow. One of the benefits of living in the city close to
Brindley Place was he had an array of restaurants and cafe bars at his disposal, especially for beautiful days like this. He popped into the newsagents on the way and picked up a newspaper, flicking through it as he stood in the queue. An advert on page four caught his eye. The Freedom Gallery of Contemporary Art were advertising an upcoming event for the following Saturday. A local artist by the name of Oliver Steen was debuting his collection; a contemporary artist Ben did not recognise. Ben paid for the paper and then headed off to Brindley Place. He’d always taken a keen interest in modern art but had rarely made the time for such events due to his heavy work commitments. Well, now he would.

Everything was going to be different from now on
; he was going to live. He smiled to himself as he took a seat outside Cafe Rouge and waited patiently for the waitress to take his order. He observed all the office workers heading to work hurriedly. That would have been him two months ago, tired, stressed, and overworked, he thought. His daily work routine was obsessive, his focus unwavering and his determination obvious. The sorriest part of this revelation was he had never realised until now. He had been walking through life with tunnel vision. As he continued to people watch, he was reminded of soldier ants, all scurrying desperately to reach their 9 a.m. destination.