Epilogue
Chyanne
Life has a way of teaching you lessons by choice, or by force and my lessons had come the hard way. The day I was able to bring my son home from the hospital was one of the best days of my life. After what had gone down and all of the drama that ensued afterward, I wasn't sure if I would ever be happy again, but my sonâAJ is what we called himâmade life worth living.
I jumped out of my sleep when I heard him crying.
“Go back to sleep, I'll get him,” Jamie said to me.
I watched through a muzzy haze as he pulled his sweats on over his naked body before going to the rest room to wash his hands and then going to soothe AJ. If you're trying to figure it out, no need. I'll tell you why Jamie is here with me and not Aric.
A month after the incident and after I'd returned home, Aric decided that it would be best if we no longer went the route of entertaining the idea of being together. It hurt like hell, don't get me wrong. We fought about it. I cried, yelled, and screamed, but I should have seen it coming. I'd even kept at trying to convince him otherwise, but six months after I was released from the hospital, after all was said and done, Aric and I were no longer anything other than a mother and father to AJ. I mean we'd been doing things together as mother and father to AJ, but he was different toward me, isolated even.
And, all of that had happened after we'd all gotten on a plane and flown to Long Island so his parents could see the baby. Needless to say, that turned into a ruckus, especially when Stephanie showed up. Wondering why she was not locked away in prison? Because until the trial started, her father had hired her some big-name attorney who was conning and convincing enough to get a judge to allow her to stay out of lock up before and during the criminal proceedings. That woman scarred me for life, not just physically but emotionally as well. I was scared to stay in my own home alone at night. I jumped at the sound of cars backfiring. I even jumped at the sound of thunder and I used to love that sound.
Aric was staying with me most times, or I and AJ would go to his house, but that all stopped when Jamie and I got together. Stephanie had taught me a valuable lesson and that was to never underestimate anyone and to never fall in love with another woman's husband. Although when I first got involved with Aric I had no idea he had a wife, I should have been woman enough to leave him alone after finding out he was indeed married. I mean, I know I was pregnant with AJ and for some reason I'd started feeling like I had the right to love Aric, but it still wasn't right no matter which way you look at it.
Did I hate her for what she'd done? I didn't know. It depends on the day. When I looked at my beautiful baby boy, his head full of curly hair, hazel eyes like his father's, and his smooth buttery caramel skin, I get pissed at the thought of, what if. What if I wouldn't have been able to experience him? What if I would have never gotten a chance to hold his warm body in my arms and feel what it was to love him? In those moments, I hated her. Then, sometimes, I felt sorry for her. Even though people were labeling her as psycho, I felt like under that exterior there were a lot of demons that she'd had to deal with. It was hard to explain my feelings with that.
As I laid in bed and listened to Jamie try to appease a cranky AJ, the rain falling down soothed me as it had always done. I turned when Jamie's shadow in the doorway caught my attention.
His smile was a sleepy one as he cuddled AJ in his arms. “He's not feeling this bottle baby so you're going to have to let him latch on to you for a while,” he said in a low and even voice so as not to rattle AJ any further.
Jamie had been a Godsend in my life. I couldn't tell you how much he'd helped me mentally and physically get over the hurt of what had happened to me. Although he and Aric had almost come to blows a while back, once Aric saw that Jamie was a good guy and that he treated AJ as if he were his own son, everything was okay. So AJ had his father in his life as well as Jamie, which was a good thing because they both loved him. Jamie never stepped in the way of Aric being a father to his son and I think he and Aric had established some kind of respect when it came to that. I wouldn't go as far as to say they liked each other, though.
“Okay,” I said to Jamie as I dragged myself from the bed.
Between work and making sure AJ was attended to around the clock neither of us was getting any sleep. Taking care of a premature baby was a lot of work. Since AJ was mostly breast fed it was rare that he could go anywhere without me so Aric and I had just fallen into a routine. Aric would stop by every day after work unless he was too tired to do so. Aric was a great father, seeing him in daddy mode always made my heart smile.
Jamie bounced AJ in his arms until I took AJ from him. I slowly paced to the front room and turned on a lamp beside the sofa. Even though AJ was still small for him to be a six month old his appetite was huge. I cringed when he latched on to my nipple and I had to adjust him three times before he got a hold right. Jamie brought in pillows and a blanket for me and sat down beside me. His eyes were red and fatigue was eating away at him, but he refused to sleep if I had to stay awake. I appreciated that about Jamie. He always thought about me, always made everything about me. He showed me that a man could love a woman without the hurt and pain that people claimed always came when dealing with love. He was caring and attentive, always paid attention to my needs and wants. He loved me and I knew he loved me with every fiber in him. He showed it daily, whether it was a card and flowers just because, or a simple text to my phone that said he was thinking about me, he showed me in every way.
And that's why as I looked him I felt guilt; a strong surge of guilt every time I looked at him. Why? Because, to know a person loved you, sometimes more than they loved themselves, wreaked havoc on a person who knew their heart still belong to someone else.
I was still in love with Aric, still desired to be with him, still craved him. At first, I tried, I did. I tried really hard to get over him, and I thought I was until I was faced with having to see him almost every day when he came to see our son. My heart called out to him every single time, and I felt guilty because even though I did love Jamie, I knew that if Aric gave me any indication that he wanted to be with me . . . with Aric is where I would be....
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Tell Me No Secrets Copyright © 2012 Nikki-Michelle
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ISBN: 978-1-6016-2353-9
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