Temptation & Twilight (26 page)

She should be thinking of the diary, and how best to obtain Sheldon’s assistance, without giving away Sinjin’s name or his involvement with the Brethren Guardians.

Perhaps she should put the earl off, tell him that she had misplaced the book and could no longer find it. But she did dearly wish to know who the woman was, and turning down Sheldon’s offer of assistance would make the attempt of discovering the woman futile.

Perhaps Lizzy should have Maggie read it, see if there was any reference to Sinjin’s name, or anything that might give away his identity. She could instruct her to tear out those pages, but then she’d be destroying a treasured family heirloom…. Bloody hell, there was no winning in this mess! Still, tearing out the pages might be the only way, if Sheldon pushed her to show him the book. But, then, she thought, why would he? To him, it was merely an interesting anecdotal piece of history. He shouldn’t insist, but should, in fact, accept her excuse that she could no longer find it. Of course, that meant giving up a set of knowledgeable eyes that might very well have aided her.

The quandary of what to do left Elizabeth irritable and frustrated. How she wished she could read the book herself, those passages she could no longer remember by heart. The diary was very intimate, and she found herself BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 211

12-01-31 4:04 PM

212

TEMPTATION & TWILIGHT

wondering if she was even prepared to share such a thing with Sheldon. He was a scholar, of course, and she was certain he would read the diary as such. But could she? It might make things…strange between them. Might create something that she was not quite ready for. Not yet, anyway. It might, she mused darkly, make her think of Iain Sinclair. It always had in the past. That book had made her want what Sinjin and his mystery lady had shared—

and she had wanted it to be with Iain.

Stupid, stupid, stupid…

Too keyed up to rest, she found her thoughts tumbling in a circle. Unable to keep them at bay, she felt like she was racing against the wind, trying to outrun them. But the past would always be there, haunting her.

Carefully she rolled to her side, reached for the thick post at the foot of the bed and gripped it, holding herself steady. In four steps, she knew, she would be before the long looking glass. It had been a gift from her mother, a piece she had brought with her from France upon her marriage to Elizabeth’s father.

Lizzy remembered its shining rosewood frame and scrollwork edges. The legs were turned, carved with ornate roses and clamshells. She wondered if the mirror was warped yet by age, or spotted with black marks.

She remembered the piece as being decadent, a fri-volity to delight a young girl who enjoyed dressing up in her mother’s hats and evening shoes and tromping about her dressing room as she watched the Duchess of Sussex prepare for an evening out.

Despite her blindness Elizabeth could still picture herself standing before the mirror, her short, chubby body drowning in her mother’s ball gown and gloves.

She’d soon grown out of that chubbiness and into a body that made her violently self-conscious. She had ma-BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 212

12-01-31 4:04 PM

CHARLOTTE FEATHERSTONE

213

tured far too early, her mother said, and Elizabeth used to hide in her room, crying herself to sleep, despising the voluptuous curves that she possessed, and none of the other girls of their acquaintance did.

Her mother had been losing her sight then, and Elizabeth longed to hear her remark upon her looks, even though she knew her mother was disappointed that she had not inherited her French beauty or slim figure. It would mean, at least, that her mother could actually see her.

What would she think of me now?

Her mother had died from a terrible fall down the staircase at a ball she had been hosting months after Iain deserted Lizzy. Elizabeth’s own sight was swiftly diminishing at that time, and she recalled how, weeks before the accident, they used to sit quietly in the salon together, contemplating their futures. She had known that the blackness engulfing her mother would soon come to swallow her as well, and it did, taking her hostage.

Smoothing her hands over her body, Lizzy wondered if she had grown to resemble her mother. Sussex claimed she looked like their father. She had not wanted that, for the duke had been so cold and removed—and so very ashamed of her. She wanted to have nothing in common with him, least of all the cold austerity of his looks.

What did others see in her? Her hair was black, she knew, and long. When it was unpinned, she could feel it hanging around her hips. When Maggie brushed it out for the night, she often commented on how shiny it was, like a pelt of sable, and perfectly straight.

Her eyes were grey. They hadn’t changed with her blindness, Maggie assured her. Lizzy often wondered if she looked blind. It was a tiny fear of hers, to have wild, wandering eyes that were not focused or steady. She wondered if people averted their gazes from her when she BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 213

12-01-31 4:04 PM

214

TEMPTATION & TWILIGHT

spoke to them. She would never know if they did, and had always feared that they might, leaving others to observe her conversing with the top of a head, or an ear—

or worse, a back.

Was she beautiful? She didn’t know. When she had sight she had thought herself a strange-looking creature, with hair so dark and skin so pale. Her grey eyes often made her appear downcast and melancholy. Her lips were full, she knew, and her cheeks always plump, like the rest of her.

She was nearly thirty now. The last time she had seen her reflection, she’d been nineteen. How much had she changed? Did she have lines around her eyes? Her mouth?

Was her body enticing, or just doughy? Would she see a mature woman in the reflection, or would she see remnants of that sad, lost young woman?

Her hands, of their own volition, slid along the curve of her hips, which her gown could not conceal, and over the rise of her belly, the soft protuberance beneath her corset, and up to the bodice of her gown.

She felt the curves, sensed a woman’s body, but could not decipher if it was the sort that was becoming to men.

Impotent frustration rose like a fury inside her. She was not vain, not at all, but there were times in a woman’s life when she wanted to see her reflection and gaze upon herself, to discover the woman she was. What others saw in her. Lizzy had no idea what appeared in the looking glass. No sense of identity, or person…

“Wondering what he sees when he looks at you?” She started, gasped, nearly screamed until she felt the heat of Iain’s chest against her back. The firm grip of his large hands anchoring around her waist as he slowly brought her rigid spine to rest against the long length of his body.

BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 214

12-01-31 4:04 PM

CHARLOTTE FEATHERSTONE

215

“Shall I tell you what he sees? What any man sees?”

“Don’t.” Oh, her voice sounded breathless and weak, and so very unconvincing. She thought back to that afternoon, to Lucy and Isabella, and she only felt weaker, thinking of what they had said. What they saw in Iain’s gaze.

“Let me be your eyes, Beth.”

The whisper of her name, the name only he used, was at once so arousing and powerful, yet like a sword to the heart. How could one be aroused, when slowly but effectively being stabbed to death?

“G-get out before you are discovered here.”

“No one will discover us.”

“Maggie—”

“Is sound asleep in her room. She left the door open and I noticed her napping as I crept by. Your brother is lost in thought over his impending nuptials. There is no one to discover us.”

“The servants, my maid…”

“I’ve locked the door. It is only you and I and a very exhausted Rosie in this room.”

“You have no right to come here, none at all!”

“I think I do.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

“I only wanted to make certain you were safe.”

“And why shouldn’t I be? This is, after all, my home.”

“You are determined to thwart my attempt at being a gentleman.”

“No, to prevent any more lies that spring so easily from your lips.”

His hand was hot, burning through the bodice of her gown. “All right, then. The truth. I came up here to find you because I could not stay away.” BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 215

12-01-31 4:04 PM

216

TEMPTATION & TWILIGHT

Elizabeth snorted, trying to find level footing. “Not likely. You have some other motivation up your sleeve.”

“Perhaps. Maybe it’s that I want to kiss you again. To see your body naked in this mirror, with my hands covering you. I want, Beth,” he whispered darkly next to her ear, “to see myself sink deeply inside you. To watch you accept me.”

“No.”

“Slowly, penetrating deep, softly, lazily, until the past is gone, purged from us both.”

That, she could not allow. She was not good at hating.

Forgiveness and understanding came too easily to her, she feared, and knew it would be all too simple to forgive him for the past. To
want
to allow him that kiss. Or worse, to wish he would take the decision from her, and just do it. Yes, that… She had always gravitated to that aspect of him, the dominant part that always knew what she wanted, and wouldn’t allow her to run away in fear.

Swallowing, she gathered her courage to fight him and her body’s natural instincts. “I am not at all interested in your kisses, my lord.”

“Are you not?”

How smooth and dark his voice was, whispering into her ear. The man knew she lied. It seemed she couldn’t hide anything from him.

“What of Sheldon’s kisses?” he asked grimly. “Are you interested in his?”

“I don’t see what concern that is of yours.”

“Everything you do concerns me. Everywhere you go, everyone you visit, everything you do…or dream.”

“You make things out to be there that aren’t.”

“Is that so?”

“Of—of course,” she stammered, despising how she felt obligated to gift him with a reason for spending time BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 216

12-01-31 4:04 PM

CHARLOTTE FEATHERSTONE

217

with Sheldon. “He has agreed to help me discover the name of someone in a diary I found.”

“Ah, yes, the book you were carrying.”

“Sinjin York’s personal diary. There is a mystery in it.”

“And Sheldon, you think, will help you discover it?

What a mad scheme.”

“It’s not a scheme,” she snapped.

“The truth, Elizabeth. What game are you playing?” Iain said, his voice growing angry. “What purpose will it serve to bring Sheldon where he doesn’t belong? Where he can only create havoc, and not solve the mystery?

Leave him out of it. Why risk the safety of the Brethren Guardians by showing him this book?” She didn’t like Iain’s tone, or the way he just seemed to think it was his right to command her, to bend her to his will.

“What possible help could he be to you?”

“He’s agreed to be my eyes,” she replied tartly.

“I could be your eyes, Beth.”

She would not tremble…
would not….
“I doubt you could be of any assistance.” No, he would be a liability to her, a menace.

“And you think he can aid you, is that it?”

“Yes.”

“He can’t. And it would be more than dangerous to think he could. To show him that damn diary.”

“Of course he can help me,” she sniffed.

“No, love,” he whispered. “He can’t. But there is one person who can.”

She was not his love. Had never been his love. “Oh? I suppose you know one who will better serve me, then?”

“Me.”

“Your arrogance astounds me,” she snapped irritably.

“What makes you think you can help me?” BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 217

12-01-31 4:04 PM

218

TEMPTATION & TWILIGHT

“What makes you think I can’t?”

“You’ve never been interested in helping anyone before. It is not in your makeup to care, to want to come to the aid of another.”

“You are partially correct, Elizabeth. I am arrogant and selfish, and, no, I haven’t cared about helping anyone, except one person. You.”

“I doubt that. You wanted only one thing from me, and you got it, and promptly walked away. Let that be enough.”

His body stiffened behind her, and she wondered if she had hurt him, or if it was his considerable pride that baulked at the reminder that he had been nothing but a horrid rake and unscrupulous seducer to her. He had never cared. If he had, he would not have said the things he had to her.

“Let me help you with the diary.”

“No, Lord Sheldon has offered, and I have accepted.

You are free to pursue your own vices, and no longer have to involve yourself in anything I’m doing.”

“I’ve been involved in your life, Elizabeth, whether you have noticed it or not, for a very long time.” She struggled against him, fighting against a warmth that refused to fade. How she wished she could send him on his way, but she was weak and inconstant. The wicked creature who always found him irresistible was much more insistent than the woman of good sense.

“You’ve said your piece. Now it is time to leave.”

“Not yet. You haven’t answered my question,” he said quietly, his voice wrapping around her in the dark. “What is your purpose in standing here before this mirror?”

“None of your business.” She could not weaken.
Could
not.
“You have no right to know my thoughts.”

“I know it for the truth, that I should never be allowed BOUND GALLEY EDITION March 23, 2012

9780373776627_CS5_txt.indd 218

12-01-31 4:04 PM

CHARLOTTE FEATHERSTONE

219

into your life, that I have no right to assume I should be.