Authors: Eve Berlin
“He said he forgot until this morning. Is that…Do you think that’s bad? I mean, not bad that he forgot, but…yeah, bad that he forgot to say anything about it sooner?”
Dylan blew on her tea for several moments. “You know, Alec did some crazy stuff when we were first together.”
“We aren’t ‘together,’ exactly,” Mischa protested. “We’ve been seeing each other for a week. Almost every night, but still…We live in different cities. And when was the last time you saw me in anything long term?”
“I never have. But that doesn’t mean—”
“Yes, it does.” Mischa stood, crossed her arms over her chest, turning away from Dylan to move into the kitchen. She stopped at the sink, leaned against the counter, gazed through the sheer curtains at the night sky. The moon was visible between the clouds, casting a dull silver glow.
“Okay,” Dylan said slowly from behind her. “Then why are you so upset?”
Mischa exhaled on a short, sharp breath. “Because I’m an idiot.”
“Misch…”
She dropped her arms to her sides and turned around. “No, I am. Somewhere—and I have no idea how this got there—I seem to be thinking that Connor owes me something. Some explanation, when in fact, he doesn’t. He doesn’t owe me a damn thing. He can do whatever he wants, go anywhere he wants. It’s not as if he has to ask my permission. He was perfectly capable of making those decisions all on his own before I came along. So was I.”
“And?” Dylan prompted, one auburn brow arched.
Mischa’s shoulders slumped. “And now I don’t like that he didn’t give me a heads-up about this trip. It seems…rude after we’ve been sleeping together all week.”
Dylan grinned at her. “So, how is it?”
“It’s fucking amazing,” Mischa answered without much enthusiasm. “That’s all it is, though. Incredible sex.”
“Are you guys talking at all, in between the amazing sex?”
“Sure we are. About all sorts of things.”
“Like what?” Dylan asked.
“Like…everything. My business, family stuff.”
“Really?”
“Why are you arching your eyebrow at me again?” Mischa asked, crossing her arms over her chest once more.
“Because we knew each other for a good year before you said anything to me about your family.”
“Maybe that was…good practice for me.”
“Maybe.”
“Okay. I don’t mean to bullshit you, Dylan. This is just hard for me to face, never mind admit to someone else.”
“What are you admitting to, exactly?”
She pushed her hair from her face. “I’ve told him about Evie. About how bad it was living with her as a kid. About how fucked up she was, how it affected me. I still can’t believe I told him.”
“So, you really went into detail?”
“Well, yes and no. I’ve told him a bit. I didn’t go into all the stuff like…Raine and me going hungry before I was old enough to get into her wallet and walk to the store by myself. I didn’t tell him how she’d leave us alone for days at a time. Not the really ugly stuff. But enough that he has some idea…”
“I’m so sorry, honey.”
Mischa shook her head, shook the mist from her eyes. “It’s okay. I’m a big girl now. I’ve learned to deal with it. I learned years ago. Learned how to buy groceries, cook, keep Evie from wasting away during her post-relationship meltdowns. I made my way through school on my own, saw to it that Raine did, too. And
we’ve both done damn well. You’d never even know where I came from, would you?”
“Misch, calm down, sweetie. It’s okay.”
“God. I’m sorry. I’m…a little bit of a mess today, I guess.” She paused, rubbed her arms with both hands. “I don’t know why being with Connor is bringing up all this old history. Maybe it’s the BDSM play.”
“It can open you up.”
“It sure as hell has done that to me. But I’m trying to just roll with it. And not doing the greatest job with that.” Mischa blew out a long breath. Dylan sipped her tea, waiting. Finally Mischa came back to the counter and sat on a stool, lifting her mug to drink some of the warm, soothing tea. “Dylan? Do you honestly think this means anything?”
“Tell me what you’re referring to when you say ‘this.’”
“I mean that it bothers me that Connor left town so suddenly. Because if it had been any other guy I’d probably be too busy with my own life to notice. I like it that way. And I
don’t
like that…I suddenly feel I have too much time on my hands, even though I’m here helping with the wedding and putting together a new shop with Greyson. I don’t know. Maybe time is an issue. Maybe I’m having too much time with
him
. And do you think there’s more to his sudden trip than that he forgot to tell me? We had plans for tomorrow night and now I don’t even know if that’s happening.”
She blew out another breath. She really was losing it.
“I don’t know about him, Misch. Men are still largely a mystery to me. I barely have Alec figured out, although a lot more than he’d like to admit. But
you
I know. And I’d say it does mean something that Connor has so much of your attention. It’s definitely unusual for you.”
“I should stop seeing him.” Mischa brooded into her tea.
“Do you think so?”
“What else can I do?”
“Maybe just relax and enjoy him while you’re here.”
“If he still wants to see me when he gets back.”
“He’ll want to see you,” Dylan said, her tone certain.
“I don’t know…”
“Come on, what man wouldn’t? You can have your pick of men, and you know it.”
Mischa tried to smile, but in her head was the disconcerting thought that maybe the guy who might
not
want her was the one she
did
want. Really want. For the first time in her life.
Her cell phone brought her out of sleep three nights later. She glanced at the clock as she grabbed for the phone on the nightstand. One a.m. Who could possibly be calling her? She answered without trying to open her eyes enough to peer at the screen.
“Hello?”
“Mischa, it’s me. Connor. I know it’s late.”
Her heart skipped a beat, her brain shifting into high gear.
Connor.
“It’s okay. I haven’t been asleep long.” That was a lie. It wasn’t okay. Not that he’d woken her. But the whole damn thing wasn’t okay at the moment. “Where are you? Are you back in town?”
“I’m still down in San Jose. I’m coming back tomorrow. Look, I’m sorry I took off without some explanation.”
“I thought you went there to work.”
“I did.” He paused, and she could hear him breathing on the other end of the line. “But I also came here to get away.”
“Well, that’s encouraging.”
“I don’t blame you for being angry.”
“I’m not angry. I’m just…annoyed.”
How could she admit it pissed her off that he hadn’t so much as called? Texted her? She had no claim to him. No right to protest, other than about him flaking out after asking her out for Friday night, which she didn’t even want to bring up right now. She didn’t want him to know what a
girl
she was being. She didn’t want to admit to herself how much it reminded her of how Evie would angst over men, or of how badly that had always ended for her mother.
She
knew
better. Didn’t she? Yet here she was mooning over some guy she’d just met.
He’s not just some guy. He hasn’t been from the first moment.
Stop it.
“All right,” he said quietly. “I’ll take that.”
She sighed, sat up in the bed, turning on the lamp on the nightstand. She was not going to let this guy—any guy—crush her like her mother had allowed too many men to do to her. “So, why are you calling me now?”
“To apologize. To talk.”
“Okay. Talk.”
There was a long silence on the other end, then she heard the soft exhalation of his breath. “You have every right to be sharp with me.”
She shook her head as though he could see her. “No. I don’t. I’m sorry, Connor.”
“There’s no need. I deserve it. I know it. After the other night the least I should have done was…Hell, I have no idea what I should have done. Mischa, this is new ground for me.”
“What is?”
“Giving a shit about what a woman I’m seeing thinks, to be honest. I know that sounds crass, but that’s where I’ve been in regards to women for a long time. Years.”
Her heart beat a small, sharp staccato in her chest. What was he saying, exactly?
“I’ve been in the same place about men, when it comes to any personal relationship, if you even want to call it that. Probably always.”
“So this is equally weird for you, if we’re on the same page at all.”
It was her turn to pause. She felt as if she were balanced on her toes on the edge of a cliff. Was she ready to dive off? To take that risk? But maybe if they weren’t actually asking each other for anything but that acknowledgment, the risk wasn’t really that high. Maybe they just had to say it so they could be clear with each other. Get it out of their systems.
The coiled muscles in her neck and shoulders loosened a bit.
“Mischa, did I lose you?”
“I was just thinking. And…we are on the same page.”
“Good to know.”
She could almost hear him smiling on the other end.
“So what now?” she asked.
“Now we either agree to go our separate ways before this gets any more complicated.” There was a pause in which she could feel her pulse beating at her temples. “Or we agree to keep seeing each other and not allow it to.”
“Okay.”
“Okay what? Because, Mischa, I would really prefer the latter. That’s what I figured out, being away for a few days.” Another pause, longer this time. “I missed you.”
Her heart tripped. Had he really said that to her? God, she missed him, too. But she didn’t know how to tell him that. Didn’t know how to take that high a dive.
“I came to pretty much the same conclusion,” she said, sidestepping
the issue a bit. “I’d like to see you again, too. Why don’t you let me know when you’re back in Seattle?”
“I will. What are your plans tomorrow?”
“I’m going to the caterer with Dylan and Lucie to finalize menu options, then Greyson and I are meeting with an attorney.”
“When will you be done?”
“Probably by five.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
There it was, that air of absolute authority she loved, responded to. Even now her body was surging with need, simply hearing his voice. His decisiveness.
“Where are we going?” she asked, twisting a lock of hair around her finger.
“Dinner. Then back to my place.”
“That sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.”
They hung up, and she found herself smiling.
Don’t be an idiot.
Not the first time she’d told herself that since meeting Connor Galloway. It probably wouldn’t be the last. But she liked where they were, where this conversation had led them.
She slid back down under the covers, burrowing beneath the blankets, then reached to turn out the light. But she couldn’t get sleepy again. She was too worked up after Connor’s call. Which was not good, considering the long day she had planned tomorrow. But the truth was, her body was as active as her mind. Hearing his voice, thinking about seeing him, had kicked the low simmer that had been burning in her since the moment they’d met into a sizzling fire. The heat flowed through her veins, her sex, making her ache.
Need him.
She groaned. Tomorrow night would not be soon enough.
And she would never get to sleep with desire coursing through her as if he’d kissed her, touched her, rather than simply talked to her on the phone. It was that voice. So damn sexy, with that soft Irish brogue, deep and rumbling. There was something sexy in the way he’d sounded a little uncertain at the beginning of the conversation. Even more at the end, when he’d slipped so seamlessly back to that natural tone of authority. It immediately reminded her of the way he held her down when they were having sex. The rough way he handled her…
She ran her hands over her stomach, cupped her breasts, brushed her nipples with her thumbs. They were hard. She pinched them and a lovely jolt of need arched through her. She did it again, harder this time, really making it hurt, and her pussy went wet all at once, just from the pain. That, and the image in her head of Connor doing this very thing to her with his big, clever hands.
She sighed, let one hand wander lower, slip between her thighs. She was soaked already. Wanting like crazy. Wanting more than her mere hand could do.
She rolled onto her side and flipped open her train case, pulled out her largest vibrator, a flesh-colored phallus made of pseudo-skin. It was huge, lifelike, except that it carried a powerful vibration. And it was exactly what she needed.
It took her a few moments to find an outlet behind the nightstand to plug it in—vibrators this powerful were never cordless—but finally she had it. She stripped her nightgown over her head before she lay back on the bed, the big vibe between her spread thighs.
She closed her eyes, teased herself with images of Connor: his big hands, his bare body rippling with muscle, his lush mouth. She could remember exactly the way he tasted. The touch of his hands on her flesh. The lovely sting of his palm as he spanked her.
Her body was heating as she played the images like a movie in her mind. Her pussy was pulsing with need, yet she didn’t touch herself yet. She wanted to draw it out, the way Connor did, making her wait.
She spread her thighs wider, pictured his big, beautiful cock, the skin a golden brown, the head slightly darker, swollen, glistening with a pearly drop of pre-come.
“Fuck me, Connor,” she whispered into the dark as she finally let herself switch the vibrator on.
She touched the lips of her aching sex lightly, shivered in response. She did it again, still teasing herself. She thought of the bottle of lube in her train case, but she didn’t need it tonight. She was plenty wet. She pulled her knees up to her chest, spreading herself open, and slipped the tip of the big vibe inside.
“Ah…”
Connor’s cock was every bit as big as her favorite toy. Bigger, maybe. She pushed it in deeper, her hungry sex taking it easily. She was shaking all over, pleasure trembling through her in long waves. And Connor’s face in her mind, held over her as he slipped his cock inside her.