Tempting Sydney (27 page)

The piles of tissues in our trash over the next few weeks could have supplied a small country. The only good thing that had come from the breakup was that I was more focused on school than ever. Jax had distracted me for a few months, but now I had nothing to do with my time except study—and I was killing it. My grades were fantastic, and I’d ended the semester near the top of the class. In a few days, I’d be going home for Christmas to see my parents. They were thrilled, and I was happy to be getting away from a place that reminded me of everything that was causing me pain. I hoped being home, surrounded by love, would help me snap out of my emotional rut. At some point, I realized I’d become numb to the pain from my failed relationship with Jax. Like a wound trying to protect itself, the numbness was how my heart was dealing with his disappearance from my life.

He hadn’t just broken my heart, he’d broken me.

Luckily, I hadn’t had any car problems since the breakup. I thanked the goddesses for that. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him. Not now. Maybe not ever. I’d filled Red in, and he’d said I could call before coming in to make sure Jax wouldn’t be there. I was so grateful for that. I’d been getting gas early in the mornings when I knew Jax didn’t work. So far, I hadn’t had to deal with him.

I knocked my bracelet against the top of the counter while I was making cookies to take to CARE. I stopped and stared, realizing I was still wearing it. I wasn’t sure why. It seemed like it should have fallen off or broken when our relationship did. I grabbed some scissors to take it off, but just as I was about to cut, something stopped me. I couldn’t do it. I’d let the man go; I couldn’t let this go, too. It was the last representation of our time together.

I made a pot of coffee and took a mug to the living room to drink while I watched TV.
Property Brothers
was on and it was just as addicting as
House Hunters
. I was on my third mug of coffee when Brynn came through the front door, her phone to her ear.

“Look, if you want me to go out with you, I’m gonna need some proof.” I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out who Brynn was talking to, and what she was talking about.

“Well, that’s not my problem. If you don’t want to do it, then
we
don’t have to do it.”

She was silent while the other person on the phone responded. Then she smiled. “Well, if you change your mind, you have my number.”

She ended her call. “What was that about?”

She shrugged off her coat and hung it in the closet. “New dating rule.”

I widened my eyes. “And that is?”

“I got sick of dating cocktail weenies, so now, if a guy wants to go out, he has to send me proof.”

My mouth fell open. I had no words. She filled the empty space instead. “It’s a great method. I’m cutting down on a lot of time I would have wasted being disappointed. It also makes my research
much
more efficient.”

My eyes got even wider. “Are you telling me guys are actually complying with this?”

She shrugged and plopped down next to me on the couch. “For the most part.” She thumbed through the pics on her phone, and held them up for me to see. There were at least five. They were all well-endowed, and they all showed full body shots from the neck down. Their bodies were attractive…and immediately made me think of Jax. My stomach knotted and I pushed the thought out of my head. Brynn slid her phone into her pocket and kept talking, “Some are a little shy, but those guys are usually the cocktails, and I’m not interested in them anyway. It’s pretty fail-proof. Most guys who have big dicks like to brag about it. And asking for pics seems to turn them on.”

I had so many questions I didn’t even know where to start. “How do you even know they’re the guy’s dick and not some porn pic they found online?”

She lifted her finger to her temple and tapped her head. “See, you’re good. You thought of that right away. It took me a few days and one really disappointing encounter to figure out I needed to ask for some form of dick identification.”

I threw my hands in the air. “How do you identify a dick?”

“Isn’t that the million dollar question.”

“I mean in the pic! How do you know it’s his?”

“I make him send me something I can use to identify him. Most use their student IDs or license. I had one guy use his social security card. He had a nice dick, but I ruled him out as too stupid to sleep with.”

I shook my head. “Men are idiots.”

“Yes, they are. But they can be a lot of fun in bed, so I’ll keep them around—provided they have the right equipment.”

“If a guy asked a girl for naked pics before going out with her, he’d be lambasted as a misogynistic asshole. But a girl asking for them just gets the guy more excited?”

“Gotta love those double standards. Sometimes they work in our favor.”

I sighed. “I literally can’t think of one person who could get away with this except you, Brynn.”

She grinned. “I know.”

Brynn had a long history of bad guy-related experiences. Her past had helped her become what she was today: a woman who loved sex but could care less about the guy giving it to her. I couldn’t blame her considering what she’d dealt with from guys in the past, but I couldn’t help thinking that eventually, she’d feel like she’d missed her chance at a relationship. She was scared about what it would do to her head and her heart, though. She was already bruised, and the constant string of one-night stands helped keep her from becoming beaten. I looked at her. “I think you’re the one who needs your head examined.”

She lifted a shoulder, owning it. “Probably.”

I was happy for the reprieve, though. If anything could take my mind off of my failed relationship with Jax, it was Brynn. The first couple of weeks after our breakup, I’d alternated between anger and sadness on a regular basis. But, for the past few days, Jax was all I could think about. I felt like there were things left unsaid. Whatever had happened with the blonde guy in Arizona had been traumatic for Jax. He’d reacted out of anger and emotion. Now that we’d had some time apart, I wondered if he regretted anything he’d done, or leaving our relationship in pieces. I felt like I needed to talk to him to be sure. If his actions had just been the result of his emotions, maybe he’d be ready to talk now and we could move forward. If not, I’d at least get some closure. But I wasn’t sure how to broach the topic, or even start a discussion. I’d tried—unsuccessfully—in Arizona. And I wasn’t sure I was big enough to make the first move again.

Brynn had been watching my closely. “You need to go talk to him, Syd.”

I pulled my knees into my chest. “I know. I just don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Don’t wait too long. Sometimes distance is good, but other times, it’s just an open wound left unattended. Open wounds don’t heal themselves, and they tend to get worse.”

I nodded. “Maybe I’ll stop by his apartment this weekend.”

“You should do it in a trench coat, with nothing underneath,” she said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think that would help the discussion.”

“Are you kidding? You’d get whatever you want.”

I laughed. “You’re going to be a shitty counselor.”

She shook her head, unoffended. “Effective. An effective counselor.”

“
Rapunzel
again?” I took the book from Macy and settled into the soft bean bag chair. Her brother had had a bad day at the hospital and I wanted to do anything I could to take her mind off of it.

She nodded her head and smiled widely.

“Okay.” I settled her on my lap and read the book. Then read it again. And again. We were halfway through our fourth reading before her mom came in.

“There you are!” Macy’s mom, Patti, came over and picked her up, kissing her hard on the top of her head. “I’ve missed you.” I couldn’t help but notice her mom’s red-rimmed, tired eyes. I understood why. She’d been at the hospital all day, and according to Charlie, she’d been spending most of her time there for the past week.

“Thanks for taking care of her, Syd,” Patti said. “It helps to know Macy has people who care about her when I can’t, and a place to feel normal.” I smiled at her in understanding. It wasn’t just Macy who needed that.

“No problem. She’s my favorite person to hang out with.”

Macy’s smile spread across her entire face. “You’re my favorite, Syd!” She jumped out of her mom’s arms and came running over to give me one last hug. “Will you bring cookies next week?”

I bopped her on the nose. “Only if you promise to help me bake them.”

She nodded her head excitedly, her face beaming as Patti took her down the hall to go to bed.

I bent down, picking up some toys that Macy had left scattered on the floor. I was putting away the last of them when Charlie came into the room. “How are things going, Syd?”

I smiled, but knew it didn’t look authentic. “Okay. Just a lot going on.”

He narrowed his eyes, watching me with the intuition of a man who spent a lot of time with people who were hurting. “I hope whatever it is, you’re okay. You know I’m here to talk if you need anything.”

Tears pricked my eyes. I was so emotional ever since things happened with Jax that it felt like I was wearing my feelings on my sleeve. “Thanks, Charlie. That means a lot.”

He sat down on a chair next to me. “I hope this doesn’t make things worse, but I wanted to tell you something.”

I furrowed my brows, concerned. I didn’t know if I could handle any more surprises or bad news. “What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “Well, ever since Jax picked you up from CARE a few months ago, I’ve felt like I recognized him from somewhere.”

I nodded, remembering the two of them together. “I got the impression he knew you. I figured it was through Red’s garage or something.”

Charlie shook his head. “No, I met him the day he picked you up—at least, I thought I did. I’m good with remembering people and faces, and I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out why he looked so familiar.”

I froze. Charlie recognized Jax from before I introduced them? Why?

Charlie continued, “I finally remembered. I met him about eight years ago at the hospital.”

I pinched my brows together. “The hospital? What was he doing there?”

Charlie rubbed a hand over his chin. “His whole family was there, actually. I offered to let them stay at CARE while the doctors tried to help his brother.”

I’d only heard Jax mention his brother one time. At Lake Powell, when he was talking about jumping off the cliffs. “What was wrong with his brother?”

Charlie took a deep breath. “He’d been in a really bad car accident. They brought him to Winchester because the orthopedic surgeon is one of the best in the country. They were able to fix his injuries, but he went into a coma. He never came out.”

My eyes went wide and I forgot to breathe. Jax’s brother had died? Why hadn’t he ever told me? My mind started to race. This had to be why he hadn’t opened up to me. And I was sure it was the reason for all of his commitment issues, too. I grabbed my purse. I couldn’t wait until the weekend. I needed to see Jax
right
now. “Thank you so much for telling me, Charlie. I didn’t know.”

“You’re welcome,” Charlie said. He put his hand on my shoulder as I started to walk past him. “The reason I remembered Jax was because he took the death so hard. I’ve seen a lot of people deal with grief in different ways. Most come out of it eventually, but Jax just shut down. One day he’d been smiling and saying hello to me in the hospital hallways, the next, he just went into a daze. He barely acknowledged the people around him, and was severely depressed. But that day he came to pick you up and I talked to him, the light was back in his eyes and he seemed genuinely happy. He was the same man I remembered from before his brother passed away.” Charlie paused. “I think you might have had something to do with that.”

I wasn’t sure if that was the case, but I knew we’d been making progress before Arizona. I needed to talk to Jax before another night went by. I leaned in and hugged Charlie. “You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.”