Cole buried his face in her hair and swallowed down a flicker of fear. This wasn’t just amazing sex. He was losing his heart. Fast.
The horse walked slowly beneath her, the sound of trickling water pulling Rylan from a satiating post-sex fog. She lifted up from Cole’s shoulder to the glare of bright yellow sunlight bouncing off the rippling water beside them. His hand ran over her arms where she held him tight around the middle, the calluses on his fingers sending scratchy little shocks across her skin. She glanced down to see colored stones blinking up from beneath the rippling surface of the water.
The horse splashed through the shallow edge of the river and snorted in seeming enjoyment of the cool water. Cole glanced over at her once, then again, leaning back to encourage a kiss that she willing handed over. The light in Cole’s eyes made her heart soar. He was so gorgeous it hurt, and his touch—knowing him this way—tipped the scales between wanting to love him and being able to.
Rylan pulled hair away from her eyes, her thighs gripping the horse tightly as he made a sudden sidestep to avoid a pile of large rocks.
“Cole…” She trailed a hand down his spine, smiling when he shivered. “I want Birdie.” That wasn’t exactly how she’d planned to bring it up, but it was close enough to the truth.
The horse stopped, and Cole threw his right leg over the front of the saddle, then jumped down. He turned to face her, one hand going to her thigh. “What?”
Insecurity started a rave in the middle of her self-confidence. What if he didn’t want more and she ruined what they had? Rylan moved forward into the center of the saddle, her thighs aching in a sweet reminder of what they’d shared.
“I want to let Birdie in.” She didn’t know if that made sense, but the flicker of understanding on his face told her it was clear enough. Rylan leaned down a little, sliding her hand over his on her leg.
“What if you can’t do it?” His fingers squeezed hers in a bid for understanding. “What if I allow myself to fall completely head over heels in love with you, but in the end, you can’t love Birdie?” Then he’d be broken, and she’d be responsible. No way did she want that for him, for Birdie or herself. “I know you’re scared, Rylan, but so am I.” Cole reached up and brushed hair away from her shoulder, the seriousness of his expression eating through the comfort of the intimacy they’d shared. The only response she could muster with all the arrows in her heart was a shake of her head.
“I don’t blame you, Cole. I just wanted to know how you might feel about that.”
His fingers gripped her knee, sending little shocks over her leg. “I want you.” His thumb and forefinger pressed together against his lower lip. “If you feel—truly feel—that you’re ready for us, then I am, too.”
Rylan’s body went weak as a sob built in her chest. She wanted to slip off the horse and throw herself in his arms, but she didn’t. The look in his eyes was too beautiful to lose contact with, so she cupped his cheek with her hand and nodded, swallowing down the last of the insecurities she had over taking this leap.
“I can quit Paint River,” she said. “If it’ll make it easier, I’ll do it.”
Cole’s brow furrowed, his fingers wrapping around the balls of her shoulders. “Hell, no. We need you. My mother needs you.
I
need you here.” Cole scooted her forward in the saddle and swung up behind her, pulling her against him so tight she could barely breathe.
“You’re staying put at the ranch. No way in hell am I losing you now, Rylan.”
Chapter Seventeen
Rylan had to stretch high to reach the clothesline, pinning flat sheets and pillowcases in one long, fluttery row. The laundry made a nice barrier between her and the blazing sun, the wind teasing and tickling the fabric so it bobbed around her. Her time with Cole this morning might as well have been a lifetime ago. Only four hours had passed since they’d returned and managed to slip back into their workday quietly, but the ache in her chest told her it was four hours too long.
They’d certainly rounded a corner that changed everything, and the happiness that pumped through her was new and exciting and so very, very welcome. Maeve and Birdie had lain down for a nap a while ago, leaving Rylan to relish the quiet business of hanging laundry—the perfect task for replaying every word, every touch, every moment of the morning.
Rylan snapped a pillowcase before placing it up on the line. She hummed as she worked, the random tune blending in perfectly with the stillness that filled her heart and mind. A figure casting a shadow behind the yellow sheet made her jump. She’d been so engrossed in the moment she hadn’t heard anyone come over. Arms pushed through the sheet, wrapping around her, sheet and all.
“Get over here and kiss me,” Cole said, his face pressing into the fabric and leaning in close. Rylan giggled, trying to shift away from his yellow-cotton-covered embrace. When that didn’t work, she swatted his hands.
“No, I’m working!”
“I don’t care. Kiss me anyway.” He let go and swept the sheet aside, got stuck in the layers, and pulled the sheet down, clothespins flying, until it lay in a crumpled heap. Indignation at having to rewash the sheet burned away when he grabbed her good and proper.
“Kiss. Me.” His hands pressed into her lower back, dipping her slightly as his fingers spread across her sensitive skin.
“Okay,” she whispered, lips parting in anticipation. His breath bathed her lips, zings of electricity dancing on the tender flesh, calling out to her with the heat of his mouth. Rylan wrapped her arms around his neck, pillowcase dropping from her hand. His skin was warm and damp with sweat, the familiar feel of his flesh and muscle like coming home.
Cole pulled her up to her tiptoes, drawing a long kiss, his tongue gliding along hers and sweeping the corners of her mouth. When she groaned low, his teeth took her lower lip and pulled back gently so the tender flesh slipped through slowly. Her breasts ached in response, and she leaned closer.
“Miss me?” His lips left her mouth to tease her neck, one hand sliding between them to find her breast. His thumb and forefinger pinched her nipple through her clothes. White light turned to shards behind her eyes.
“Hell, yes.” Rylan leaned back, fingering the fringe of hair at the base of his neck. Goose bumps raced to life beneath her knuckles.
Cole palmed her breast harder this time, made little circles over her nipple with his palm. “I want your sexy legs wrapped around me.” Both hands slid to her waist, his hands clamping her curves in with a possessive grip. “Tonight.”
Rylan shivered at the word, so filled with promise.
Yes, tonight
.
She pulled his head back down with a longing sigh.
Boot stomps racing across the ground accompanied a haughty female voice. “Cole Cooper Haywood,
really
?”
Cole jerked away so fast Rylan nearly fell to the ground. He spun, one hand still holding on to her waist. A tall blonde stood a few feet behind him, her crisp white capris and tangerine shirt, oversized black sunglasses, and dangling gold earrings making her worthy of a yacht luncheon. It only took a moment for Rylan to recall this woman as the same one Birdie had almost bumped into at the mall. The woman’s eyes swept Rylan up and down with a smirk while she adjusted the big, square leather bag on her arm.
Tucker stood a few feet away from her, hands on his hips. He gave a sarcastic wave of his hand. “Oh, Cole, Livy is here.”
Livy pursed her lips and bobbled one finger at Rylan. “Aren’t you the woman I met in the mall?”
Cole released Rylan’s shirt and took a step forward, shifting so he covered Rylan with his body. “What the hell are you doing here, Livy?” He righted his hat. His back went rigid, a muscle jumping low in his neck.
“Excuse her please, and I’ll tell you.”
Cole’s head hitched a little to the side, his fingers bunching into fists. Rylan swallowed hard. He was almost crackling with rage. Rylan stepped to Cole’s side and untied the half apron holding the clothespins from her waist. She wasn’t one to back down from an insult. Rylan was about to move forward, but Cole pushed her back with a palm on her belly.
“You’re pretty haughty for someone who used to scrub the cabin toilets.” Cole’s words pushed through gritted teeth. “Off the property. Now.”
“Wait, I’m sorry.” Livy held up a palm. “I’m just…frustrated, and I got worked up. You haven’t called me back, and time is running out for me.”
Livy removed her glasses and reached inside the glossy leather tote to produce a large manila envelope. She wagged it for Cole to take. He crossed his arms in blatant refusal. Rylan looked at Tucker. His face was stony, his arms also crossed over his chest like a sentinel. The imposing, hard stances of both men sent Rylan’s shit-meet-fan-ometer on high alert.
“We’re divorced. Everything is settled.”
Rylan’s stomach dropped.
This is Cole’s ex-wife?
Livy’s shoulders softened just a touch, and Rylan was pretty sure her plump lower lip trembled just a bit.
“This doesn’t have any legal involvement, Cole. It’s…personal. Can we maybe go inside and talk?” She let her hand with the envelope drop to her side. Tucker eased up his stiff posture a little; Cole didn’t.
“No.”
Livy clenched her eyes and gave an irritated shake of her head before flipping a chunk of hair from her eyes with a pinky. “Stubborn as usual. Okay, look, even though I’ve been
calling
you and thinking about how to approach this, I’m still not sure how to really…spit it out.”
A little pang hit Rylan at the hint of longing in Livy’s eyes. “Two years after our divorce, I remarried. We’ve struggled with infertility, and just a few months ago, it was confirmed that I…can’t have any more children.”
Cole bristled harder. His neck veins popped, the tendons in his forearms straining against the skin. Rylan studied Livy’s face, touched by the anguish she saw there.
“I’m not asking for Birdie back, so relax before that vein in your neck explodes,” Livy said with a wave of her hand. Rylan let out a pent-up breath. Cole’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t otherwise respond. The paper crinkled a little as Livy’s well-manicured fingers dug into it.
“I made a mistake by walking out of her life.” She daintily cleared her throat. “Given the circumstances—she’s my only child, and I’ve never stopped thinking about her—I was hoping that, maybe, you’d consider letting her know me a little.”
Livy’s voice swelled with hope, pulling Rylan right along with it. She looked from Livy to Cole, searching him for some reaction, but the impassivity in his expression didn’t crack. When he spoke, his tone was even, unemotional.
“You made your choice when she was born.”
Livy’s shoulders fell, a hand coming to her mouth. All the haughtiness seeped away, leaving behind a beautiful woman who looked utterly defeated. Rylan’s heart tugged. Livy’s expression called to her on some primal level, this longing and frustration in the woman’s eyes. It was the look of a devastated, desperate mother.
Livy tipped her chin up, her nostrils flaring as she jabbed a finger in Cole’s direction.
“That’s right, Cole Haywood, I did. Your threat to use your money to drag me through the mud would have meant I lost her anyway, you son of a bitch.”
Cole saw Rylan appear to sway out of the corner of his eye and turned just in time to support her by grabbing her elbow. Her face was blanched, lips pulled into a hard line. It only took one cursory glance at her expression to know what she was thinking. He tried to say her name, but nothing would come out as her small, firm hand pushed his away from her arm.
His throat was dry and tight, anger and concern over Rylan taking a toll on him. Until Rylan had told him about her husband’s threats, he’d never thought twice about what he’d done to ensure he kept Birdie at his side. They’d gone to court and Livy had agreed to leave Birdie in Cole’s care. In return for the flat settlement he’d quietly proposed, she had refused alimony and never made good on her court-appointed one-weekend-a-month visitation rights. Instead, Livy had taken the $350,000 in cash Cole had handed her and walked away.
In the years that followed, he’d worried that Livy would take advantage of the fact that she’d never signed off her parental rights, and as far as the law was concerned, she could ask the courts to revisit the custody agreement. As he lost himself in the total disbelief on Rylan’s face, he’d never imagined that the under-the-table deal he’d made would come back to haunt him quite this way.
Livy had married him for money, had never had qualms about spending it and asking for more. He turned back to her, every part of him numb. “You were going to take Birdie to Texas. Hell, Livy, you had child support and alimony all planned out the day she was born. She was nothing more than a blank check to you.”
Livy had recovered from her show of emotion and stood tall, though her face was softer, her eyes less venomous. She grimaced and looked at her feet. “I won’t lie. Did I marry you for money, Cole? Partly. But it didn’t take long to realize ranch life wasn’t for me, and yeah, I wanted out and she was my ticket to keeping the lifestyle you’d given me. But when you offered the payout for Birdie, I figured it would be easier than trying to fight you in court for more. I just never realized how big of a hole would be left without her in my life.”
Livy held the envelope out again with a shaking hand. “I’m not that person anymore, Cole. All I’m asking is to send her a letter now and then, and maybe have her send me a picture or two. Then, when she’s older, if she wants to know me, I won’t be a complete stranger. And if she doesn’t, then that’s okay, but at least I left the door open.”
The grass rustled next to him as Rylan stepped away. Cole turned to her, wanting to grab her, but his legs still refused to cooperate. He was caught in an estrogen-fueled blender and had no clue how to get out. Rylan’s eyes were cold.
His hand slid over his chest, palm flat against his heart. He blinked, Rylan’s image blurring. “When Birdie was born, I knew what it
really meant
to love someone. She’s all I ever wanted… She’s…she’s mine. I couldn’t let her go to Texas.” He managed to take one step toward Rylan, his hands spread and pleading. “I know what you’re thinking, Rylan, but goddammit, I’m not…I’m not Peter.” His voice lost its velocity, falling flat. He wasn’t Peter, true. But he’d threatened Livy the same way Peter had threatened Rylan, and right now, he wasn’t any better than Rylan’s piece-of-shit husband had been.
Rylan stepped backward, arms crossed, farther away from him. “I just need…I’m—”
Cole’s chest was on fire from the pleading bound of his heart.
Please stay. Please, please stay.
Rylan turned and hurried across the lawn, disappearing around the side of the house. Cole whipped off his hat and ran a hand over his forehead. Tucker caught his eye, gave a little nod of reassurance, and followed Rylan’s path.
Steeling himself against any new onslaught of feelings that might want to further fuck with him, Cole reached for the envelope in Livy’s hand. She looked a little uncomfortable, sympathetic even.
“I’m leaving for Germany in the morning. Carl’s firm is relocating him there indefinitely. My new address is inside, in case you decide that my proposition is agreeable. I’d love for her to send me something. Did she…did she get the gift I sent?”
Cole rimmed the long edge of the envelope with his thumb and forefinger. The gift he’d thrown in the trash that Tucker had dug back out and put in Cole’s room. Livy’s sincerity was hard for him to digest after so many years of regarding her as the woman who’d only wanted him for his money. He’d been her ticket out of the trailer park—he’d known before he’d even proposed. But he’d been so desperate for a family of his own that he’d been willing to take the risk. His marriage and his bank account suffered, but Birdie was more than worth it.
“I didn’t give it to her yet.” He was deflating by the second.
“Please, Cole. Think about what I’ve said.” Livy hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and put her sunglasses back on. He’d been angry at Livy so long, it was hard to process that she sincerely wanted Birdie in her life, for more than just money. He’d think about it later. Right now, he had to fix things with the woman who’d walked away. Rylan had been willing to risk her still-healing heart on him. Now he needed to prove that he was worth it.