Ten Days of Perfect (13 page)

Being with Bo for the week was no longer the issue; the mist hovering over my mom’s eyes told me she knew this was about the “after.” She knew me well enough to know I was planning to decide after
our organizations did.
She knew, too, that it wouldn’t be my decision, and I could blame someone else for the rest of my life for whatever happened. She was good.

I kissed them good-bye and told them to call me when they got back into town. I scuffed
to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed, begging my pillow to absorb my tears.
Maybe I’ll cry out a solution,
I thought as I fell asleep with my clothes on.

Emptiness rose with the sun on Thursday. Not the emptiness that comes from heartbreak, but an emptiness that left me with a clear head;
free
of confusion. Evidently, my subconscious had worked it all out overnight, and today’s meeting between me, Monica, Bo, and David Bryson would be one hundred percent professional. I would focus on the collaboration only, try to set my swelling feeling
s aside, and see how that felt.

I te
xted Bo before I headed to work.

Me
: Looking forward to meeting D
avid today. Is noon still good?

Bo:
Good morning,
noon is perfect- see you then.

Me:
Don’t think I’m
being weird today.

Bo:
?

Me:
I don’t want to screw things up for either one of us. I’m going to play it safe around you. Wait- David doesn’t know anything does he?

It occurred to me he could very well have shared things with David as I had with Monica.

Bo:
Guys don’t “do that.” No worries, you’ll make it up to me later.

Me:
:)

A smiley-face was all I could manage. What if I
couldn’t
make it up to him later?

The absence of Monica’s car erased thoughts of Bo. She was usually at work before me. Once I settled in to my d
esk I heard the main door shut.

“Mon?” I wasn’t used to being in the building alone.

“Yea, coming,” she said rather weakly. When she entered my office and took off her sunglasses, I saw the puffy-eyed evidence of a night, and likely m
orning, spent crying.

I’d seen this look before; when she came back from break in college. Grant broke up with her then. They’d been together since high school, and he broke up with her just as Adrian and I started sleeping together regularly.

“Monica, what happened?” I leapt to my feet and flew around my desk to give her a hug. She res
umed sobbing in to my shoulder.

“Josh…” she inhaled with that uncomfortable cry-stutter and continued, “
thinks
he wants to take a break!”

That was all she could manage before she silenced a wail into my shoulder
.

“Jesus, Monica! What the hell? When did this happen? What did he say? I was just there last night…” I ceased my barrage and s
at us down in adjoining chairs.

Monica grabbed a tissue off of my desk, sat back, and took a long, slow, breath.

“After you left last night,” her eyes welled with tears as she struggled to continue, “we were cleaning up and he still seemed weird, like when you were there. I followed him to the living room and he plunked in to the chair and just sort of sat there with his head in his hands.” She closed her eyes tight, as if she was trying to wake herself from a dream.

“What’d he say, Mon?” I didn’t want her to replay all the gory details as she sat broken in my office.

“Ember he couldn’t even look me in my eyes! He said that he loves me ‘so much’ but he felt like there was some connection missing. He said that watching you talk about Bo and how you are when you’re with Bo
. . .
”

“Me and Bo? He hasn’t spent
much time with me and Bo, Mon.”

“I know, Em, and that’s what I told him.”

“And what’d he say?”

“He said that when he talked to Bo last weekend it shook him up.” Apprehension stole her tears.

“He talked to Bo? About us? When?”

“After the second night that he played at Finnegan’s, when they went inside to settle up. Josh asked him to be careful b
ecause you’d been hurt before.”

“Again,
five
years ago. I’m not a wounded lov
e-vet, just someone who’s been
focused on other things.”
Jesus, if Josh spoke about my heartbreak, maybe it was more visible than I thought.

“Anyway, he said that Bo looked at him with complete seriousness and said that when he first sang with you, and looked in to your eyes, it was like he was able to feel everything you’ve ever felt. He said his soul thumped inside of him and it felt like he’d known you and loved you for a thousand lifetimes.” She blinked, sending two tears to stain her cheek.

My mind went completely blank. The reservoir I thought I’d depleted in to my pillow was brimming with fresh tears.
A thousand lifetimes? Feeling everything I’ve ever felt by looking in my eyes?
I stared at Monica wide-eyed.

“I know, right?” She sensed my lack of words
.
“A thousand
mother-fucking
lifetimes this guy has loved you, and
you
find his ass strumming a guitar in a bar we’ve been going to for
four years!”
She cried and laughed at the same time. A beautiful mess.

“I
. . .
what the hell did Josh say to you after that?”

“He said that if that kind of love existed for everyone,” her voice broke the dam of sorrow once more, “he was
n’t sure it was with me.”

“Holy shit. What did you say?” I scanned the room for an escape.

“I told him to go. I was pissed, I was crying, I had no coherent response. He kissed me on top of the
fucking head
, said he loved me, and left. So, I’m left to understand that he
loves
me, just maybe not a thousand lifetimes worth,” her tone of sorrow shifted to one of anger.

“What a coward.”

“Exactly!” She seemed revived by her anger.

“Um…OK…So I’m going to call David Bryson and see if we can reschedule our meeting until tomorrow. We can close up, go eat ice cream and drink wine for the rest of the day - my place.” I refused to say Bo’s name for a moment.

“No, we’ve got to get this meeting out of the way so we don’t have to think about DROP again until Carrie sends us off to New Hampshire to meet with the whole damn group.” She drew her shoulders back and took a deep breath, like she was about to shoot a free throw.

“OK, Champ, whatever you say. Now, go to the bathroom and freshen up - you look like hell,” I said, forcing a smile as I pointed to the door.

Monica hugged me tightly.

“You’re the absolute best, Em. I think I’ve even loved you for a thousand lifetimes.” She left my office and shut the door.

I reached for my phone to text Bo. I wasn’t going to tell him about what Josh said to Monica. I didn’t want to betray Josh
;
I wanted to smack him, but not betray him.

Me:
Just a heads up. Josh broke up with Monica last night.  She’s a hot mess.

Bo:
Shit really? That’s too bad.

Me:
Yea-it’s not good. See you at noon.

I slammed my forehead down on the desk and waited for 12:00 to come.

A thousand lifetimes…

***

Knock knock…
I jumped violently from the sleep I’d clearly been enjoying. I rubbed my neck as the door opened.

“Em, you
OK
?” Monica looked refreshed
as I searched for the time.

It was 9:00am
.
I’d slept with my head on my desk for about an hour.

“Oh, yea, in super classy move, I passed out. Must have been all the crying I did last night…” I hadn’t gotten around to talking to Monica about my night.

“What happened?!” She was genuinely concerned.

“Oh, you know, Bo came over for a
drink and cried in my shoulder.
For fun, my parents showed up after he left. They asked all kinds of questions about the guitar - oh yea, Bo and I played the guitar - which caused
me
to start crying and
so
I told them everything. They shared their theories and left after midnight.”

She stared at me straight-faced, “I’m going to n
eed a little more information.”

After I filled her in with actual details and words, she relaxed back into her chair.

“Raven’s right, you know.” Monica stared out the window.

“Right about what?”
Besides everything.

“Don’t let someone else hold the strings, November. I’m not saying quit your job and frolic in the sand all day with Bo
,
but I’m saying
don’t
necessarily push him aside and focus solely on your work. You’ve done
that
for ever. But, if what Josh said is right, about a soul-love, a
thousand lifetimes
love, I don’t really know that you have a choice anyway…”
Did my parents kidnap her last night and say to her all of the things I thought they were going to say to me?

“Monica, stop. Josh is an asshole. He took something Bo
may
have said out of context and used it as an excuse for some insecure bullshit he was feeling.”

“Ember, you didn’t see the look on Josh’s face. He was changed by that conversation with Bo. He couldn’t have ever made something like that up. Bo Cavanaugh clearly has it as bad for you as you do for him, and
you
need to drink that in. He loves you, November
.
” While her tone was somber, it was stern.

“Wow, this is some heavy shit. OK, neither one of us can cry any more today. We’ve got that meeting at noon. Let’s go walk for a few minutes to get some fresh air and
get
our acts together,” I resolved as I stood up and ushered us both outside.

We walked to our coffee place and came back to our building. We sat on the front steps

and killing time until about a half hour before our meeting. Our boss would be
so
proud.

“Monica?” I said as we headed inside, failing to break my stare into the distance.

“Yea?”

“That ‘thousand lifetimes’ thing…Do you think that’s kind of…”

“The absolute most gut-wrenchingly romantic thing I’ve
ever
heard? Yea, I do.” She had a half smile, maybe to encourage me.

“I was going to say intense.” I half-laughed.

“Intense, yes. Romantic,
hell yes
.” Monica opened the door while shaking her head.

As we walked inside she continued, “I’m really sorry I spilled that to you. I just couldn’t
make up
another reason Josh wanted to break up with me. But, you should have heard that first from Bo.”

“No, honestly, I’m glad I heard it from you.”

“Why? So you had permission to sit there with that blank look on your face?” Monica elbowed me as we headed to the meeting room to set up.

“Yea, actually.
I almost cried. I wanted to cry about the fact that someone who knew me for five minutes felt that way, but more I wanted to cry because…” I trailed off as the L-word fought its way through my throat.

“Because you absolutely feel the same way, Ember.” No inquisition was needed as far as Monica was concerned.

“Yea. . .” I whispered.

“Look.  What I said and what your mother said still stands. Feel it, think about it, do it. The “it” is up to you.”

The creak of the main door and the sound of two male voices silenced the conversation that would need to take place later.

“Good afternoon gentlemen,” Monica cheerfully greeted.

“Welcome. Mr. Bryson this is Monica Pierce, and I’m November Harris.”

“Oh, please, call me David.” The silver-haired man stuck out his hand while a warm smile reached his soft eyes.

“Spencer, good to see you again.”
Damn he looks good today.

“
Oh
,” David interrupted, “I guess these young ladies don’t yet know that you’re the famous Bo Cavanaugh
;
rock star extraordinaire?” He elbowed Bo as he spoke. Bo’s eyebrows nearly hit his hair line.

I looked wide-eyed between Monica, Bo, David, and the floor before stifling a laugh.

“Well, um, we
know
, but we also know that he uses ‘Spencer’ for business.” Monica swept in like an angel of grace.