Ten Thousand Words (43 page)

Xanthe’s fingers dug into my buttocks, pulling me into her even more, meeting me for each frenzied thrust. I was going to take her with me, damn it. I wasn’t going to come before her again. I wouldn’t be able to live with the shame.

Tearing my mouth from hers, I turned her head to the side, pressing my lips to her ear. “It’s never been like this, Xanthe. I can’t fucking control myself when I’m inside you.”

She gasped, making my spine tingle even harder. She clamped down hard around my cock, and I realized she liked it when I spoke to her like this. Her legs wrapped around my waist, pulling me deeper, making me groan.

“Tell me what you want, love.” My hand slid from her jaw into her hair, pulling slightly.

Her neck arched, and she moaned. “Harder.”

I ground into her, pumping deep, watching her cheeks flush and her eyes screw tightly shut.

“Fuck, you feel so good. I’ve never felt anything that comes close to what your pussy does for me.”

She tightened around me like a vise.

Sweet Christ
.

She was so close. I wasn’t even aware of how close I was myself. I was so engrossed in watching her, feeling her come apart in my arms. When she cried out my name, all sensation registered within me, and with a gasp, I arched my back and poured myself into her.

Xanthe clung to me, holding me to her, as I shook and panted in her arms, my weight settling into her. She sighed, catching her breath before I could.

“That was…” she said.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Yeah, it was.”

For the next few hours, Xanthe allowed me to take up the rest of the film, just random candid shots of her. When the last photo was taken, I took her to the dark room, and together, we developed the roll.

The ones from this morning took my breath away. I was rock hard as the pictures bloomed under our eyes.

“You really do take some amazing photos,” she remarked.

I was so turned on by the pornographic images of us that I bent her over one of the counters, yanked down her pants and underwear, and fucked her right there.

Xanthe had this remarkable ability to bring out the basest of natures in me. There was just this primitive burning need to make her understand that she was mine. No one else could have her ever again. I wanted to be inside her, wanted her sore long after I’d branded her body as my personal possession. The passion, the lust—it was unlike anything I had ever felt before.

I wanted her to feel that way, too—that I was hers and hers alone. No one else could have me inside them either. Just her. I was as much her possession as she was mine.

Half-naked, sprawled on the dark room floor, panting for breath, I cradled her into my chest. I wanted to stay just like this. Fuck the outside world. It meant nothing to me anymore anyway.

“I didn’t know it could be like this,” I told her. “I had no clue…”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” she replied, making my heart trip.

“Really?”

“Really.”

A gentle warmth enveloped my chest, a glow that spread out to my toes, fingertips, and the roots of my hair.

I was never going to recover from this. I never wanted to.

Although Xanthe’s house was closer to both of our jobs, I refused to let her return home on Monday. I needed her safe, and as far as any of us knew, George had no idea where I lived or that I was a part of her life.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to be involved with her?” Trey asked me on Monday morning as I settled into my office.

I threw him a filthy look. “Why? You having second thoughts about Rex?”

He shook his head but entered my space and quietly shut the door. “Did you know that Rex is involved?”

For a moment, I feigned ignorance, my heartbeat increasing in tempo. “Involved with what?”

Maybe Rex had told Trey something that Xanthe couldn’t tell me.

“He’s in with Ricki and that Ronen guy. Rex told me this weekend. He refused to elaborate, but…I think they might be dealing with organized crime or something.”

“No. They, uh…”
Am I supposed to say anything to Trey? Are we even allowed to discuss any of this?
“I was told that they’re with the authorities. Maybe undercover work? I don’t know. I just know that they can’t talk about it. And Xanthe won’t tell me more than that.”

“But she knows?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t think that’s weird or…I don’t know. Wrong? She hasn’t been the most forthcoming with information.”

“We’ve discussed it. It’s not about trust. It’s really need-to-know sort of shit. The less people who know, the safer everyone is. All right? Now, are you having second thoughts about Rex?”

“No. But he won’t tell me more than the bare minimum, and I don’t know if I’m okay with it. I trust him; I do. But it kills me to feel that he doesn’t trust me.”

I nodded. I could sympathize. “You can’t look at it like that,” I told him.

“Rex told me about George being sighted again.”

My hands clenched into fists, and my teeth gnashed together. “Yes.”

He sighed. “How are you dealing with that?”

“I’m not. I’m fucking going crazy. I hate having her out of my sight. I’m fucking paranoid that this lunatic is going to do something to her. I don’t even know what he looks like, but I see him everywhere.”

Trey nodded. “Rex…Xanthe means the world to him. If anything happened to her, I believe he’d be lost. I don’t really understand their relationship. I…I’m so jealous of it. I think a part of me hates her for it.”

“Fuck you!” I snapped, viciously pointing at him. “Don’t you
ever
say something like that to me!”

Trey’s eyes met mine. “I don’t
hate
her, Oliver. I think she’s amazing. I simply hate that he loves her as deeply as he does.”

My jaw ached with the effort it took me to rein in my words. I didn’t understand their relationship either, but it existed, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could or would do about it.

“I just wonder how over our heads we are, getting involved with these people. Love is a funny thing, isn’t it?”

“So, you’re in love with Rex then?” I asked.

“I’ve never been so happy to be so fucking miserable in my entire life.”

The fight fizzled out of me. “Yeah.”

“But, seriously, do you think we’re making a mistake? I mean, these people really are nothing like what we’re used to. They’re so…multidimensional. There’s what you see on the surface, and then there are layers and layers to peel back. They hardly give anything away, and when they do reveal themselves, it’s like they’ve taken something away from us.”

Suddenly tired of standing, I sat down on the edge of my desk and folded my arms across my chest. It was exactly like that. Every new discovery of Xanthe had me falling that much harder for her.

“I don’t know,” I told him. “If it
is
a mistake, then it’s one I plan on seeing through to the end. I’ve never felt more like myself than when I’m with her. She has no interest in changing me. She accepts me for who I am, but it’s like I never knew who I was to begin with.”

“Then, we see this through to the end. At least we have each other’s backs, right?”

I looked at Trey. He was in as deep with Rex as I was with my love. “Always, brother.”

Xanthe

“Oliver?” I called out.

I was getting dressed. He was still in the bathroom after our shower, doing his hair and oiling his beard. I could smell it from where I was, carried by the warm steam.

“Yeah, love?”

It was Thursday. I hadn’t been allowed to return home for nearly a week.
Allowed.
As in, Oliver was being a head case over my safety, to the point that I couldn’t go home. He’d even wanted to forego all social contact with the outside world.

“Um…” I’d had enough really.

Ricki was doing some work tonight, leaving Jaime alone, and Rex had the night off and had mentioned he wanted to see his girls. Since Oliver and I had gotten together, I hadn’t spent any time with my friends, outside of the bookstore.

Oliver came into the bedroom, and
man
, did he look fine.

“What is it?”

I swallowed hard, feeling nervous. “I need a night off.”

“From what?”

“Being under house arrest,” I replied. “Jaime’s on her own tonight, and Rex said he wanted to see us. I haven’t spent any time with them at all. I…”

Oliver glared at me. “House arrest?”

“Well, what would you call it?” I snapped. “I feel like I’m being grounded, and I haven’t done anything wrong. I used to have an all right social life until—”

“Until the man who left you for dead got out of prison?” He was pissed now. “I never realized spending time with me could be viewed as
punishment
.”

“Now, you’re just reading into this all wrong,” I said hotly. “You’re the greatest joy in my life. But I need to see my friends.”

“And you don’t want me around,” he spit. “I get it.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” I replied. “I know you want to protect me. I understand that you’re scared—”

“
Do
you? Because, for the life of me, I can’t understand how you would want to make yourself an easy target for him to find you!”

“It’s not like I’ll be alone. Rex and Jaime will be with me. I need to see my friends, Oliver! I need to be able to feel normal in all of this. It’s not like I won’t be protected. Rex is more than capable, and Ricki still has people watching us.”

Oliver was fucking furious. His eyes flashed hellfire, his cheeks were flushed, his nostrils flared, and his jaw was grinding. His elegant hands bunched into white-knuckled fists.

“I promise to be careful,” I said softly. “Please? I don’t want to fight.”

Curtly, he nodded his head, spun on his heel, and left the room. I knew I was in trouble by the heavy feeling in my chest.

Is he just avoiding a fight by leaving? Is he really so mad at me that he can’t bear to look at me?

Am I really being so unreasonable?

I didn’t think so.

When I made my way down the stairs, I had Beefcake under my arm and his carrying case in my hand.

“You’re fucking staying away all night?” Oliver snarled, incredulous.

Beefcake growled at him in reply. My boyfriend flipped my cat the bird.

“I need to get some work done,” I quietly told him. “I don’t expect you to take care of my cat.”

He shrugged on his coat, his spine and shoulders rigid. He shoved a beanie on his head and wrapped a scarf around his neck. Then, he wrenched open the front door and stomped outside the house.

Gently, I put Beefcake in his carrier and finished getting ready. Oliver was waiting for me a few steps from the door, ready to lock up the house.

The air was frigid, the sky a steely gray that did nothing for our mood. I wondered briefly if it would snow. It smelled as if it might.

Together, in frosty silence, we walked the route to the bookstore. I yearned for him to at least hold my hand, but he’d shoved his into his pockets, letting me know he wasn’t in the mood for it.

Not a word. Not a glance.

As we approached the bookstore, my heart was in my throat, and I was close to choking on it. My hands shook as I fumbled with the keys. He stood a few steps back and watched me. Once I had the door unlocked, I bent down, picking up Beefcake’s case once more, and turned to face him.