Tender Loving Care (12 page)

“Probably. I really don’t care. Put your arms around my neck, honey.”

“That won’t—” she took a huge breath “—change anything.”

“Certainly it will. It’ll make me feel a hell of a lot better.” He raised one limp arm and curled it around his neck, then the other. One look at her face and a shudder had wrenched his heart. If the damn woman ever tried to hide tears from him again, she was going to get the worst scolding she’d ever heard in her life…or maybe not. He’d never managed to stay angry with Zoe for longer than two seconds at a time, and anger was distinctly the last emotion he felt for her now.

He nudged her forehead with his, well aware she was fiercely fighting to control her emotions. “One of us is slightly on the selfish side, Snookums.” He meant to make his tone light and soothing, but somehow it escaped like the scrape of a tire on gravel.

“I know.”

“No, you
don’t
know, dammit. You think it’s you.”

“But it is, Rafe. I’m the selfish one.” She tilted her face up. “I’ve spent six weeks thinking of me, of what I was afraid of, of what I could handle, of what I wanted and needed. You must have thought I never heard what you said about your own feelings. Liking kids isn’t the same thing as wanting them. You’ve tried to tell me in a dozen ways that kids weren’t important to you.”

“I worked damned hard to give you that impression, but I never guessed it would backfire like this. I
want
the monsters, Zoe. Did you think I didn’t?”

“You said—”

“That kids weren’t important to me. That they’d never mattered. That I didn’t want the responsibility of raising them. I know what I told you, and I admit that a few months ago I wasn’t planning on listening to four-year-olds’ monologues on a steady basis, but it’s obvious that sort of thing grows on you. We’re not just talking
growing;
we’re talking clinging ivy. So we start adoption procedures tomorrow; all problems should be easy to solve.” His matter-of-fact tone deteriorated into vibrating emotion. “
You’re
the troublesome one, woman. Now, are you going to listen to me?”

“Rafe—”

“No talking. Just listen.” She was such a mess. Where the washcloth had pushed up her hair, he pulled it back down again. For token color, he gently pinched her cheeks. And to erase the agony of uncertainty from her eyes, he lifted her chin so she could see the unquestionable sincerity in his.

“I
love
you,” he said gruffly. “But if I’d let you think I could handle the kids, I was afraid you’d take a fast train in the wrong direction. I was afraid you’d think I wanted a package deal like that bastard who hurt you, and I was afraid you were overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for our two miniature scoundrels, and I was afraid you’d feel pushed because we’ve had too damn little time alone together. Only I’d had enough time about ten minutes after I met you, Zoe, and living with a woman day and night for six weeks is a hell of a good way to get to know her. I’ve seen you mad, scared, sexy, irritable, joyful, serious, silly. I
love
you, and I’m talking long term. Permanent lease. Total dominion. So just say yes, and for God’s sake don’t start thinking.”

“Yes.”

She wasn’t sure he heard her. At some point during his ranting, his head had started coming down. His lips homed in on hers as her arms tightened around his neck. He molded an unfamiliar kiss on her lips. Her mouth was still sensitive from a long weekend of the taste and texture of Rafe; she thought she knew every variety of kiss in his more-than-versatile repertoire. Not this one.

This kiss was the fragile plea of a man who needed her to believe in him. His lips savored hers, holding on, afraid to let go. She tasted urgency and tenderness, beguilingly sweet need and the strong flavor of lonely desperation.
Love me,
said his kiss.
I need you, Zoe.

She kissed back, so hard that tears stung her eyes. Believing in him was a choice she’d made a long time ago. Believing in herself had been the tough part, but she really couldn’t doubt how he felt. Not now.

His lips trailed down along her jaw to her throat. “I love the lady who thinks she has no courage. The one who jumps in a tank with a three-ton whale. I love the lady with that tiny scar on her tummy.” His lips pressed in her hair, on her temples. “I love Snookums. I love the woman who thinks she’s so selfish. The one who crams two kids in a bathtub with her.” His kisses coasted down her forehead, with one for the tip of her nose. “I love the Zoe who wears crazy hats, and the one who comes apart at the seams when she’s touched in certain places. Can’t you put me out of my misery, Zoe? Say yes.”

“I already did, love,” she whispered.

He raised his head. “Then say it again.”

“Yes.”

“And again.”

“Yes.”

Slowly, he lifted her off the vanity and leaned back against the far wall, drawing her with him. Thigh pressed on thigh, heart beat on heart. The blue of his eyes made the sky look dull, and his smile possessively took in every inch of her face. “You don’t get to take it back, you know.”

“I don’t want to take it back. Can’t you understand how agonizing it would have been for me to let you walk out of my life? But I wanted what was right for you, Rafe. I didn’t want you to have to sacrifice—”

“I can’t seem to tell you enough that I’m the only selfish one in this twosome. I’m getting it all, sweet. Exactly what I want. Don’t you dare still doubt it—or
ever
doubt that you matter more to me than life.”

The moment’s radiance softened. She touched his cheek. “I love you,” she whispered. “I just wish I could have met you a thousand years ago. I wish I could give you children. I wish…”

“Ah, Zoe.” He wrapped her up and buried his face in her hair in a hug so tight she could barely breathe. “I wish I could give
you
children, little one, only because I know how much that matters to you. I just hope that what I feel for you, what I want for you, will help to make that loss easier.”

She held on, her eyes squeezed shut. Even if she’d just said it, she had to say it again. “I love you.”

“Tell me again.”

“I love you.”

“Tell—”

“Lord, you’re greedy.” She lifted her head, and her eyes started to dance. “You meant it, about adopting Aaron and Parker?”

“Of course I meant it. Who else would be insane enough to take them on?” He said quietly, “I think it might help them to know we’ll be there through thick and thin. And after that, we can adopt ten more if you want an even dozen. And after that we can change careers and run an orphanage or two.”

“Thanks, but no.”

He chuckled, but abruptly he grew serious. “We’re
not
going to be separated, Zoe.”

“No,” she murmured.

“I
will
have to go back to Montana next week to clear things up, but I’ll give them two weeks’ notice.”

“No, you won’t,” she said immediately. “I can give up my job just as easily.”

“Don’t tell me you’re suddenly going to
seriously
turn selfish on me?” he scolded. “Look—I’m looking forward to being unemployed and supported by a woman for a while.”

“And dogs have wings. You’re just saying that so I won’t have to give up my job, but you can forget it. Rafe, I love my whales, but the kids are already four. They’re going to be in school soon enough as it is. For too long, I thought there’d be no children in my life. Now that I have the twins, I want to be home with them.”

“Not forever?”

“No, not forever. But Alaska has both fault lines and whales, doesn’t it? And so does California. And several universities sponsor projects in both our fields. We’ve got a little time before they’re in school to look and plan.”

His hands slid down her spine to her bottom. “We could maybe worry about the details of all that tomorrow.”

“We could.” She leaned closer.

“We could even talk weddings if you want to.”

“We could.” She let her hands glide down his sides to his hips, and returned deliberately teasing pressure for deliberately teasing pressure. “We could also steam up the bathroom.”

He cocked his head with the devil’s own grin. “Every time I’ve seen that look in your eyes, it’s meant bad news for my sanity.”

“That’s what I had in mind.”

“We have two children and a mother in the house,” he reminded her.

“Rafe,” Zoe said firmly, “lock the door.”

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