Just fine.
Knowing he needed to stay busy, if only so he wouldn’t give in to the impulse to go over there and accidentally-on-purpose bump into her, he opened his laptop and began doing a little research on life in Houston. But when he went to type in the letters for his favorite search engine, he found himself typing in something else.
Mad-Mari.com
He’d promised not to visit the site, and he hadn’t. He’d read one of her books—enjoying the hell out of it, even though some of her rants might have been a little scary to a lesser man. But he’d not searched for her online world.
“Hell, we’re not together anymore,” he muttered. So the promise didn’t count.
The screen was slow to load, but finally came up. He saw the cute cartoon graphic of a character who looked like Mari—beautiful ash-blond hair, huge eyes, big smile. Then he saw her most recent post.
It had gone up before dawn Sunday morning, hinting Mari had had as sleepless a night as his own.
Zeroing in on the message, which was stark and painfully brief in the middle of the large, empty screen, he read the words, thought about them, then read them again.
The biggest mistake of my life.
His heart began to beat a little faster. His fingers tingled on the keyboard, and his breath got caught in his throat.
I was a coward, and I don’t know how to make it right.
If she meant it—if she truly regretted it, knew she’d been driven merely by fear, and wanted to fix things—she should have come to him. Shown up at his door.
And maybe she would, this morning, after her class. Or maybe she’d thought she’d see him here and ask him if they could talk.
Or, damn it, maybe he would just go find her and ask for an explanation.
Oh. And get her back.
MARI TRIED HARD TO MAINTAIN her enthusiasm when delivering her lecture, but, once she’d realized that Danny definitely wasn’t going to be there, it proved difficult. The midshipmen were almost as disappointed as she was. Word of his appointment to NASA had spread and they all wanted to congratulate him and hear details of what he’d done to get where he was.
Part of her had suspected he wouldn’t come. Why would he? She’d been horrible to him Saturday night, raining on one of the biggest nights of his entire life like a spoiled ten-year-old.
God, she regretted it. So much.
Maybe if she hadn’t been talking to Adam earlier that day, she would have handled things better. If only she hadn’t been remembering those awful nights, recalling all the fights, her father’s affairs, her mother’s tears. If only those things hadn’t flashed in her mind every time someone reminded the room of Danny’s brilliant future—the fame, the women. Or when she’d spied him embracing his own kid sister.
If only she hadn’t allowed herself to remember what it was like to be abandoned.
Danny wouldn’t abandon you.
He wouldn’t betray her.
He was too decent, too noble and too honest a man. He wore his emotions on his handsome face, goodness radiating from every inch of him. From the warmth of his smile, to the tenderness of his voice, to the thoughtfulness he displayed toward everyone around him, he was, undoubtedly, the best man she’d ever known.
An ultimate officer and a gentleman. A man who deserved her utter trust…a man she knew, deep down, she
did
trust.
And she’d thrown him away.
“You’re so damned stupid,” she muttered.
“Huh?” asked a student sitting in the front row. He straightened in his seat. Actually, all the young men, who’d almost appeared to be dozing during what she, herself, acknowledged was a pretty boring speech, eyed her with sudden interest.
She stared around the room, crowded wall-to-wall with youngsters sitting in every available chair and space, evaluating her words.
“I said I was stupid,” she finally admitted.
“Why? What’d you do?”
“Something that you guys probably never do—I played it safe.”
“Hey, I play it safe,” one voice called, his tone a little suggestive. “I buy condoms by the case!”
“Why, so you can use ’em for water balloons?” another said, drawing laughter from the room.
Her tense shoulders eased a bit. She liked these young men. Liked interacting with them. Actually, she liked it so much, she was giving serious thought to doing something with her doctoral degree that she hadn’t even considered before.
Going back to school.
Not as a student this time, but as a teacher. A psychology professor.
She suspected she might be very good at teaching young coeds just starting out on their college careers. Not with life lessons, like the ones she’d talked about here, but with actual courses. The idea had interested her enough that she’d put in a call to her old favorite professor up at Hopkins, asking whether the university was looking for fresh academic blood in the Psychology Department.
Of course, that was before Saturday night. Before she’d realized Danny would be moving to Houston.
Before she’d decided she wanted to go with him.
He won’t want you to.
Maybe not. But she wasn’t willing to let him go without taking one last chance to fix this. She need to apologize, needed to admit that she loved him…and trusted him. And she needed to do it to his face.
Which she would. Once class was over, she’d march over to his apartment and knock until he answered. There was no nosy next-door neighbor to tell her if he was there, but there was the possibility that his fiery sister would answer. If so, she might slam the door shut again—or worse. But Marissa was willing to take that chance.
He was worth it.
They
were worth it.
“Actually,” she said once the room had quieted, “I was talking about playing it emotionally safe. I was a coward, following my head instead of my emotions. And now I regret it.”
Bitterly.
“Love stuff, huh?”
She managed a smile. “Yeah, I know, at eighteen that’s probably the last thing you’re interested in. But someday, you might not mind so much.”
“Did some dude break your heart?”
Actually, no. She’d done that all on her own, breaking both her heart, and, possibly, Danny’s.
“’Cause if he did, we’ll kick his ass,” another said. “You’re one of us now.”
She began to smile, ready to thank the young man, when another voice rang out from the very back of the room.
A deep, masculine voice.
“Yeah, you’re one of us. And we stick with our own.”
Marissa grew very still, lowering both her hands to the lectern, steadying herself. Because even before her brain placed the voice, all her other senses had kicked in to tell her who was talking. Her stomach had begun doing flips, her legs shook and her eyes were filling up with moisture.
The boys also recognized the voice. They turned, the crowd parting to reveal Danny, who had apparently been hovering in a back corner, hidden by a dozen students.
“Hey, heard the great news, man.”
“Way to go, Midas!”
“I’ll be there with ya in twenty years.”
The boys all called out their congratulations, and Danny nodded and smiled his appreciation for them. But his attention was focused on Mari. His stare focused directly on her face, he began to slowly walk toward the front of the lecture hall. Her heart thudded in time with his every step, her pulse roaring as she accepted the fact that he was really here.
“Sorry I’m late,” he murmured when he reached the front of the room.
Licking her lips nervously, she whispered, “It’s okay. I didn’t have a very exciting topic to cover today.”
“Taking risks, following your heart? I think that’s a very good topic,” he countered, a challenge in his voice.
“Actually, you’re right. It is.”
“So, what’s your opinion?”
“On taking risks?”
“And following your heart.”
She swallowed, murmuring, “I think if you care for someone it’s not really taking a risk. It’s just trusting in…”
“Fate?”
“Love.”
His lids lowered slightly over those clear, gleaming eyes. Because she’d just admitted she loved him, even if he was the only one in the room who realized that.
“There’s no place for cowardice when you love someone,” she added, hoping he heard her certainty. Her voice didn’t quaver, she didn’t avert her stare. She wanted him to hear and
believe.
“All the old self-doubts and baggage can be pitched along the side of the road when it’s
really
right. Because loving someone means trusting them, expecting only a bright and shiny future, not looking for reasons to bail when the going gets tough.”
Around them, the students’ voices had grown quiet, a nearly expectant hush falling over the hall, as if every one of them knew something important was happening between their two instructors.
“You really think it’s that easy, letting go of a lifetime of doubt and pain?” he asked, stepping a little closer. Close enough that she could smell his aftershave, and feel his warmth.
She almost arched closer, needing to melt into that warmth, but instead answered, “Nothing worth having is easy. But I have no doubt I’m ready to do it.”
A few whispers indicated their audience had realized things were getting personal. Because she’d said
I.
Frankly, Marissa didn’t care. She’d spent a miserable two nights missing him, wishing she’d never let him leave, planning on how to, at the very least, ask for his forgiveness and at best see if he would be willing to give them another chance.
She saw the forgiveness on his face. Like all truly good men, Danny was capable of forgiving.
But the rest?
That might take a little more effort. And a little more bluntness.
“I love you, Danny.”
A low rumble rolled through the room as every kid in it put their heads together to whisper.
She ignored everything but the man in front of her, who had sucked in one quick, audible inhalation at her bald pronouncement. “I love you, and I’m so sorry I let the fear take over.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him, knowing she had to say the rest.
“I allowed myself to forget who you are. Who I am. And who we are together.” She reached for his hand. “I will never make that mistake again. Will you please give me a chance to make it up to you?”
His fingers tightening around hers, he stepped closer, looking down into her face with so much tenderness, she almost melted on the spot.
“Yes, I will,” he promised, bending to brush his lips against hers, lightly, sweetly. Then he pulled away just far enough to say, “I love you, Mari.”
The boys were clapping now, but she threw her arms around his neck, and drew him down for another, deeper kiss. He held her tightly, running his hands up and down her back, as if he wanted to make sure she was really there. Back where she belonged.
Where she hoped to always be.
“So, dude, does this mean she’s going to Houston with you?” a voice asked.
They drew apart, but kept their arms around each other. Danny never took his eyes off her face as he replied, “I sure as hell hope so!”
Then, to her utter shock, he bent down, lowering himself to one knee in front of her. Of all her most optimistic hopes about how he might respond when she told him she loved him, and wanted to be with him, this was one moment she definitely had not envisioned.
“Well, what do you say, Mad-Mari? Do you think you can stand being an astronaut’s wife?”
This time, she didn’t even try to stop the tears flooding her eyes from rolling down her cheeks. Shaking her head, she replied, “I don’t give a damn about being an astronaut’s wife…I just want to be yours.”