Terror on the Beach (22 page)

I didn’t say anything more on that subject and I wondered if I would ever tell Robert I had enjoyed some of the experiences.
The fact that I could get so turned on by Bucky, knowing what he was, still worried me and I couldn’t wait to talk to Dr. Anna about it.

As if Simon read my mind, he said, “I hope y’all don’t think I’m out of line but, while I was waiting for you to get to the chopper so we could take off, I called Dr. Anna.
She’s flying into Savannah tonight to see you.”

I got up and hugged him, “Thanks, Simon.
I don’t think you were out of line. I really appreciate it.”

“Well,” he said, “You two better get some rest between now and tonight because you’re going to have to pick her up.
As soon as I drop you two off, I’m headed back to Atlanta. I wish you both the best and if you invite me I’ll come back for the wedding.”

“I expect you to be best man,” Robert said and clapped him on the back.

CHAPTER 43

After Simon dropped us off, we headed to my condo. We took showers and got under the covers naked. Robert seemed to understand how I felt without me even telling him and he suggested we just hold each other, “There will be plenty of time for more, later,” he said.

We slept until a little after eight and got dressed and headed for Savannah.
Dr. Anna’s plane was due in at 8eight forty five. Robert parked in the short term parking lot and just as we were heading into the airport I spotted Judith McCain going in also.

I elbowed Robert and nodded toward her and we hurried to catch up with her.
After all the greetings and hugs Judith said, “Dr. Anna called me and I decided to meet y’all here. I’m so glad you’re safe, Sarah. Dr. Anna has been keeping me posted and I’ve been so worried about you.”

We didn’t have to wait for Dr. Anna much longer.
When we got back to Monroe Beach we all gathered at Lily’s for a big celebration supper and it looked like the whole town turned out.

When we said goodnight much later Dr. Anna said she would come by tomorrow and we could sit on the beach and talk.
I was nervous about telling her everything.

The next day when we met, and I told her about how the integration process had taken place and what I had done to survive, she listened and then said, “
But there’s something that’s bothering you, something more than what you’ve said, isn’t there?”

We were sitting on a sand dune and I didn’t say anything for awhile but just stared out to sea.
She waited; she was very good at that. Finally I could feel the tears running down my cheeks,

“Dr. Anna, how could I have known what he was but still be so turned on by him in bed.
I have never enjoyed sex like that with Robert and yet I love Robert, I know I do. It was like my body had a mind of its own.”

When she didn’t comment right away I started to squirm.
Finally she asked, “Do you think it was wrong of you to do what you needed to do to survive or is it that you think it’s wrong because the Elizabeth part of you enjoyed it? She will always be a part of you even though you’ve now integrated.

“Even if you
fantasize about having sex with an evil man, do you think it will make you a bad person or that you will ever act on the fantasy again?”

“Oh, I never thought about it like that, Dr. Anna.
I’m beginning to understand now. Do you think I should ever tell Robert about this? I mean, if we are to be married, shouldn’t I be up front about it?”

“I won’t tell you what you should
do, Sarah. Robert already knows you had to have sex with Bucky in order to survive. He knows you had to be Elizabeth. Is it going to help him or your relationship with him to know the details? Or to know you enjoyed it.

“I think what’s bothering you the most is that you feel like you’ve short-changed Robert, since you’ve only recently been able to respond sexually to him at all, could there be some guilt there also about that?
Are you afraid you won’t be as turned on by Robert?”

“All of the above, I believe,” I said.

“I honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about, Sarah, I really don’t. The sensual part of yourself, Elizabeth had been split off, but now you’ve integrated her into your psyche, you are going to be more balanced and your sex life with Robert will be wonderful.”

For the first time in my life I felt free of the worries about what was wrong with me sexually and I told Robert I wanted to marry him right away.

Dr. Anna and Judith McCain stayed for the wedding and Simon flew in to be best man. Dr. Anna gave me away. It was a beautiful wedding in spite of the fact that we put it together in a few days. We got married on the beach at sunset and went to the Bahamas for our honeymoon.

All of Dr. Anna’s predictions came true and it was a wonderful honeymoon in every way.
We spent a lot of time in our room.

When we came home from our honeymoon Freddy told us that Bucky had gotten the death sentence and was on death row in Raiford
prison in Florida. I had mixed feelings about this because I had seen a vulnerable side to him, but I knew he had to be stopped permanently.