“
Looks to me that he
’
s making an effort to win you back.
”
Annie looked at Clint.
“
I don
’
t know if it
’
s me or the baby he wants. Part of me cares and part of me doesn
’
t.
”
She looked away from Clint
’
s penetrating eyes; she didn
’
t want anyone to look into her heart. She didn
’
t even know what was there.
“
I don
’
t know how to deal with either choice.
”
Clint kissed her on the cheek.
“
One day at a time, Annie, one day at a time.
”
Annie watched him walk away. She could tell that he was speaking from experience. She looked back to see Burke, but he was gone. A feeling of loneliness filled her as she walked back to the house.
The next day yielded another delivery of flowers from Burke. The note was the same;
I was a fool, forgive me?
Annie smelled each rose as she arranged them in a vase. Burke was making it very hard to ignore him
, but s
he was determined to stand firm. He had his life and she had hers.
It was important that she to talk to him. They needed to make decisions about the baby and visitation
, but t
he whole thing depressed Annie. She never imagined that she
’
d be single mother
, but
here she was. Shaking her head, she tried to get rid of all of her negative thoughts, making a mental note to tell Mrs. Harvy to refuse any future deliveries of flowers from Burke. It made her feel things she didn
’
t want to feel.
Grabbing a few apples, Annie walked outside to the mares. She loved to watch them frolic and play. Their antics always left her smiling. One by one, she feed them each an apple, admonishing a few of them for being greedy and trying to take more than their share. It amazed her how each had a distinctive personality. Some were more domina
nt
than others. Annie always made sure that each horse got her share.
Looking out across her land she once again saw Burke on his horse, watching her. Part of her was annoyed and part of her was pleased. The pleased part scared her. She had promised herself that she wouldn
’
t put herself in a position to get hurt again.
She had plenty of work to keep her busy. The busier
,
the better
,
as far as she was concerned. The nursery was her next project. Van had left paint chips and fabric swatches for her to look at. This was one time she wished that she knew the sex of the baby. She put aside the pinks and blues and tried to decide on the greens and yellows.
She had
also
sent for a catalog of baby furniture and absorbed herself in the many different styles and colors. Who knew that there was so many to choose from? Did she want a round crib or a regular one? Maybe she wanted the one that converted into a toddler
’
s bed.
Annie smiled as she walked the room. Yellow, definitely yellow, she decided. It was a cheery color. She decided on green and yellow fabric with a butterfly and snapdragon pattern. Finally, she circled a maple crib in the catalog that converted into a toddler bed and the matching changing table and dresser.
Happily, she called Van and told him of her decisions. He promised to have the painters there the
next day. For t
he rest of the day
they looked
at pictures of strollers, high
chairs,
and numerous other must-have baby items.
The next day Annie overheard Mrs. Harvy refusing the flower delivery. Once again, she felt torn. It was a feeling she would have to get used to she realized. She wanted Burke to have as much access to their child as he wanted. That meant that she would be seeing a lot of him. She needed to find a way to put the picture of Alice and Burke in bed out of her mind. There were many things that had hurt her, but seeing them together was the worst. The anger and betrayal ate at her.
The painters did a wonderful job. Their expert work pleased Annie. She had to sit outside most of the day, trying to avoid the paint fumes
, which meant s
he saw Burke watching her again. This time he watched her for a very long time. Finally, he tipped his hat in her direction and rode away.
She wondered if he knew that she had his flowers sent back. Did it make him mad? She hoped that he got the message, and would stop
.
Chapter Twelve
Annie felt that he must have gotten the message since she didn
’
t receive a delivery the following day. A small feeling of disappointment managed to make its way into her consciousness. She
’
d gotten what she wanted, but it was cold comfort.
She was just finishing her lunch when she heard a truck drive up. Annie pushed herself out of the chair to find out who was on her property.
Mrs .Harvy
came running in, smiling with excitement.
“
Your crib is here and it
’
s already assembled. Oh, it
’
s a beauty, Annie.
”
She took Annie
’
s hand and led her toward the nursery.
“
You need to tell them where you want it.
”
Annie was dumbfounded. She hadn
’
t ordered the crib. She hadn
’
t mentioned it to Van either. Walking into the yellow nursery, she was amazed. She couldn
’
t take her eyes off the maple crib as she directed the movers. Finally she ran her hands over the smooth wood, smiling. It made the baby seem more reality and less abstract.
She wondered who sent it
, but
she had a feeling she knew. A surge of joy leapt into her heart. Burke cared about the baby. How he knew the exact crib she had wanted was no great mystery. She highly suspected that Mrs. Harvy has something to do with it. Mrs. Harvy was trying hard to look innocent and Annie didn
’
t have the heart to take her to task.
This time Annie sat on the porch in anticipation of seeing her handsome cowboy ride up. She was not disappointed. She stared across the distance, this time with a warm feeling. It was silly really, to reconsider just because he bought a crib, but she couldn
’
t help it. A lot of the bitterness slipped away. Her resolve to keep him at a distance was starting to w
ane
. She tried to draw on her anger and her past suffering to fortify her, but it was useless. He tipped his hat to her and she hoped that he could see her smiling back.
The next day Annie was delighted with a delivery of a rocking chair. Surpris
ingly
, it was the very one she wanted
again
. Annie laughed as she thought of M
r
s. Harvy walking around with a secret smile on her face.
But
Annie played along
,
wondering aloud how Burke knew that she wanted that rocking chair.
The whole charade warmed her heart. She knew that the rocking chair was supposed to let her know that he cared about her too. She was melting toward him, but she still wasn
’
t ready to let him back into her life. She had to protect her heart since she didn
’
t think she could live through the pain again.
She did need to talk to him
however
. This baby was coming sooner
rather
than later and they had a lot to settle between them. She had heard that Alice left, but she wasn
’
t going to believe it until she saw it. She deserved a faithful husband and she knew that sadly, Burke wasn
’
t one.
Later would be a better time to think about the whole
mess. She
needed a nap. She had Lamaze class later in the afternoon and she wanted to be well rested. Sherry had agreed to be her labor coach. They had been to a few classes already and this class was the one everyone dreaded. It was the birthing film class. Annie wasn
’
t looking forward to it
, but
ignorance would not be bliss in this case.
Annie was waiting for Sherry to pick her up for their class when the phone rang. It was Sherry. She was having car problems and asked if Annie could get her own ride, since
she
was just around the corner from the clinic. Annie agreed and asked Jimmy to take her into town. He dropped her off and told her to call when she needed to come home.
Annie walked into the class and was surprised
when
Sherry wasn
’
t there already. Annie smiled at the other couples
who were already present
. She had been paranoid the first day since she was there with another woman instead of a husband
, but
upon seeing the group, she quickly felt at ease. There was every combination. There was a mother and daughter team, boyfriend and girlfriend teams, husband and wife teams and there was even a threesome of two men with their surrogate. She and Sherry had fit right in.
Annie looked at her watch, Sherry was really running late and the movie was about to begin. She was already on her mat with her pillow, having done her breathing exercises unaided. She didn
’
t want to watch the miracle of birth alone.
“
Miracle of pain, probably,
”
she murmured to herself.
The lights
soon
dimmed and the movie started. It
opened
with a woman walking up and down the halls in a hospital waiting to dilate. Soon enough she was having contractions. Horribly painful ones as far as Annie could tell.
She
shuddered. Where was Sherry? She didn
’
t want to watch any more of this movie. Frankly, it scared her.
So absorbed in the horror of pain she had hardly noticed when someone sat behind her, until she felt herself pulled back against a hard chest. Annie stiffened as she realized whose legs she sitting between. She didn
’
t need to turn around
.
S
he knew Burke
’
s scent. She had spent so much time making memories of him that she could never forget the scent of him, so masculine, all outdoors and sunshine.
Her body
began to tremble when he stroked up and down her arms. She wanted to pull away
and run
. She didn
’
t want him here and she couldn
’
t stop trembling. Finally, he put both hands on her belly.
Tears filled her eyes. Her emotions were all over the place. It felt good to have his hands on her especially since the baby was moving. There were times, so many times, she had wanted to experience this moment with him. She sighed and leaned back against him. When she looked back up to the screen, the woman was screaming in pain. Annie turned and pressed her face into Burke
’
s arm
, but s
he could feel him stroking her hair and she calmed.
Finally, it was over and the lights went on. She looked into Burke
’
s sky blue eyes and saw tenderness,
regret,
and pain in them. She gave him a shy smile and put her hands over his. They were both holding the baby
, together,
she realized happily.
Class was over and Burke helped Annie get up.
“
Did you get my presents?
”
he inquired.
“
Y
-
yes I
…
uh
.
I did,
”
she stammered.
“
Did you like them?
”
Annie nodded her head, still refusing to look at him.
“
Thank you.
”
“
Annie
,
could we go somewhere and maybe have coffee and talk?
”
he asked softly.
Annie so wanted to say no, but deep down she knew that he deserved a chance. They needed to be civil to each other since they would be parents
together
.
“
Not the diner. I don
’
t want anyone staring at me,
”
she said.
“
Not a problem, we could go to my place,
”
he offered.
“
W
-
w
-
w
-
what about Alice?
”
she sputtered.
“
I kicked her out after that night at the movies. I don
’
t tolerate liars.
”
“
I just wish that I
’
d never met her.
”
Burke shifted on his feet. He wasn
’
t sure what to say.
“
Me too.”
She wished that she could be unaffected by his presence, but she wasn
’
t. Her heart yearned to be one with him again. She didn
’
t trust herself to look at him. She couldn
’
t go through it all again, the broken heart, the betrayal, the humiliation. No, she had finally gotten back her self-esteem and she couldn
’
t allow anyone to bring her down, ever again.
Annie finally looked at him. He looked so sincere and she felt like she was caving in. Her resolve to remain strictly co-parents was slowly trickling away. She remembered seeing him in bed with that slut of an ex-wife of his. It was a memory that she couldn
’
t seem to shake. The look of pleading in his eyes was her undoing. She owed it to her baby to talk to
its
father.
“
Okay, let
’
s go to your place and talk,
”
she said, a bit reluctantly.
“
You have to promise me that if I want to leave, that you take me home immediately, no questions asked.
”
“
I can promise you that. I just want to talk, but if gets too much for you or the baby just say the word and I
’
ll get you home as fast as I can,
”
Burke replied seriously.
Annie didn
’
t want to feel Burke
’
s hands on her, but she needed help getting into his truck. The feel of his hands disturbed her almost beyond bearing. Her body automatically responded to him. Her larger breasts were actually aching for him.
The ride to Burke
’
s ranch was silent. Annie kept thinking about how he
’
d have to help her out of the truck. She tried blaming it on hormones
, but
deep down she knew that she desired this man. That made him dangerous and she would have to be on guard. She needed to be able to think and speak clearly. They had a lot to work through especially for the sake of their baby.
The house was just the same. It was bittersweet to be here now. Some of its magic seemed to be gone. The building was the same
, but
Annie had changed. She wasn
’
t the naive girl that she had been. She wasn
’
t fanciful anymore. She had stopped thinking that a house could welcome her or that flowers could envelop her in joy. So much had happened in this house
,
and Annie wasn
’
t crazy about spending time inside it.
She was so busy with her musings that she shrieked when Burke lifted her up into his arms and carried her to the front porch. She held on with her arms wrapped around his neck. His strength always amazed her.
“
Put me down!
”
she screeched
,
laugh
ing
.
“
I must weigh a ton.
”
Burke held her a bit tighter.
“
Really, Burke
,
put me down. I don
’
t want to go into the house. Let
’
s just sit here and talk.
”
Burke set her down gently onto the porch swing.
“
Sure if that
’
s what you want,
”
he agreed.
“
Let me get you a sweatshirt to put on it
’
s getting a bit chilly.
”
Annie swung slowly back and forth on the swing. She didn
’
t know why
, but
the stars seemed brighter here than at her place. There was a full moon dominating the night sky. It made Texas seem so big. There was a slight Texas breeze kicking up and Annie felt goose bumps on her arms. She was glad when Burke returned with his sweatshirt. Annie put it on, and felt instant comfort
.
I
t smelled like Burke.