Textual Encounters: 2 (7 page)

Jake

10:52pm:

Sorry, my battery is dying
. The truth? It was yesterday. But it was just to see how she was doing. I asked if she was ok. I haven’t seen her since March. Her husband’s a lunatic. You would be worried too.

10:53pm:

It’s not like that anymore, Katie. I’m completely over her.

------------------------------------------

10:54pm:

Would you have told her that you still love her and would give anything to kiss her one last time?

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:03pm:

Where is this coming from, Katie? Is it some kind of sick joke? You’re worrying me over something that’s buried deep in my past.

------------------------------------------

11:04pm:

I’m not the one who is full of shit, Jake. You’ve been lying to me this whole time.

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:04pm:

OK, the truth?
You never wanted me to fall in love with you in the first place. Remember? So who cares what I say to someone who has completely disappeared. Who cares if I’m still in love with her. I’m nothing but your fuck-buddy, remember? You made that clear.

11:05pm:

But that doesn’t mean I love her. I don’t. I’m worried. Period.

11:05pm:

All of this would be so much easier in person. If you’d only allow yourself to love me...

------------------------------------------

11:12pm:

This isn’t about love, asshole. It’s about honesty. If you can’t be honest about the
garbage you’re texting to other women you claim are buried deep in your past, how am I supposed to trust anything you say?

------------------------------------------

Jake

11:20
pm:

You’re right. And I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt or upset you.

11:38pm:

So…. Still up for coffee?

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

4:42am:

I know you’re awake, Jake. And you know what, maybe I miss you a little too. My heart aches for the sweet things you say and do. But in the next breath, my heart breaks because of all the bullshit you’ve been feeding me this whole time. You said you can be more than the man I’ve always dreamed of, but what woman would want someone who shares his heart between two or more women? Why did you have to lie to me? Why did you have to say you’re falling in love with me in one breath and tell the exact same crap to Christine in the next when she will probably never get back to you. And even if she does, what about the past two months or so? Don’t you see how pathetic you would be for going back to her after she keeps doing these things to you? She keeps disappearing and can’t even send you a simple text to let you know what’s going on with her. What kind of love is that? It’s not love.

4:46am:

Jake, I would
like to see you again, but not when you’re lying to me.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:02am:

Katie, I’m sorry I missed your text. I’m still at the gym. Can I swing by your place before work? I want you to see the honesty in my eyes when I tell you exactly how I feel for you. And then you will know that Christine is in my past. When I look into the future, all I see is you.

------------------------------------------

5:03am:

Sorry Jake. I don’t want to see you right now.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:04am:

??
Then when?

------------------------------------------

5:05am:

Once you get your shit together.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:05am:

What exactly does that mean? Because in one breath you say I can’t love you and in the next you tell me to get my shit together. Which is it?

------------------------------------------

5:06am:

You can’t steal my “in one breath… in the next” saying. Asshole.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:06am:

I have my shit together, Katie. Please agree to see me.

------------------------------------------

5:07am:

No.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:07am:

Why not?
You JUST said you’d like to see me again.

------------------------------------------

5:08am:

Because you’re lying.
Your shit’s not together. You’re still trying to figure out a way to get over Christine so you can win me back.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:09am:

Okay, so explain to me why it’s bad that I want to make myself available to you 100%

5:11am:

Hello?

5:16am:

OK, how about you text me when you’re ready and all grown-up and we can have that coffee.

------------------------------------------

3:33pm:

Jake, I
decided that I’m going to give you a chance here.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:35pm:

You won’t regret this.

------------------------------------------

3:35pm:

Something tells me you’re lying again.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:36pm:

I promise I won’t hurt you.

------------------------------------------

3:36pm:

That’s a big promise. Why not start off small. Like saying you promise you won’t lie to me again.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:37pm:

OK, I promise not to lie to you again. And I also promise I won’t hurt you. Ever.

------------------------------------------

3:38pm:

Only coffee. Nothing else.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:40pm:

Not even a bite to eat? Like a cookie or sandwich?

------------------------------------------

3:41pm:

LOL, asshole. I meant no dinner, no dessert. And definitely no sex.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:42pm:

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

3:42pm:

The way I see this? It’s an opportunity to start off on the right foot.
To make things right. To make you see me as the man I want to be for you, not a fuck-buddy.

------------------------------------------

3:44pm:

Don’t hold your breath.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:44pm:

And don’t be surprised when you wake up one day and realize that you love me.

------------------------------------------

3:45pm:

I’ll meet you after work. I’ll be in the lobby of your building.

------------------------------------------

Jake

3:46pm:

Good. I’ll see you at 5.

3:48pm:

Oh, right. There you go and disappear. Like you always do.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

5:43am:

I’m lying here in bed. Thinking about you.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:44am:

I’m doing the same thing.

5:45am:

Was I well-behaved the other night? At coffee?

------------------------------------------

5:45am:

The ultimate gentleman.

5:45am:

What are you doing tonight? I might just let you take me out for dinner.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:46am:

I would love nothing more.

------------------------------------------

5:47am:

But
it’s just dinner.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:47am:

I get it. Baby steps.

5:48am:

You’re worth the wait, Katie. I wouldn’t be holding out like this if you weren’t.

------------------------------------------

5:49am:

Suckit, Jake. Just pick me up at 6 and take me somewhere nice. I’ll be wearing a skirt.

------------------------------------------

Jake

5:49am:

You’re irresistible in a skirt.

5:51am:

OK, see you at 6.

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

Jake

2:37pm:

Katie, are you there?

------------------------------------------

2:42pm:

Just studying for that quiz I have on Monday. What’s up?

------------------------------------------

Jake

2:42pm:

I want you to know something. I can’t think of anything else outside of you. I wake up looking for you. First in my bed – which is weird, because you’ve only spent the night a couple of times – then on my phone to see if you’ve sent me a message that’s never there, then outside in the faces that I pass as I walk to the subway, and then throughout my day in the numbers I see and conversations that I have. At the office, at lunch, while I’m running in the park, when I leave the dressing room, when I’m walking back to the subway after work and finally when I get home. I’m ALWAYS looking for you.

2:44pm:

And sometimes,
when I do see your face in the people I pass, I catch myself holding my breath. I see you in young and old people alike. And you know what I notice, no matter where it is that I see you?

------------------------------------------

2:45pm:

That
hallucinogens are a bad thing?

------------------------------------------

Jake

2:46pm:

LOL, no! I notice that you will be beautiful as an older woman. Whether that’s in 10 years or 30, you will be a phenomenally beautiful woman, Katie.

2:46pm:

And I want to be there with you
to experience it. Every aging moment.

2:52pm:

Are you still there? Did I
creep you out?

------------------------------------------

2:59pm:

I need to study, Jake.

2:59pm:

Sorry, it’s all very sweet and kind and everything, but I have to get this stuff done. I’ll chat later.

------------------------------------------

There’s a reason I’m reading all of this garbage on the Samsung. And when I hear Will’s footsteps creeping up behind me from our bedroom, I realize that this garbage is a secret that I need to keep from him. Forever. So I kill the screen and slip the phone under my thigh where he won’t see it.

“Are you okay?” he asks, stopping behind me at the sofa. I feel his hand on my shoulder, massaging the muscles that grow tense at the anticipation of his touch. It’s not that I don’t love him, it’s that we never should have gotten married to begin with.