Thankful (5 page)

“I understood. Of course, I understood that.” Not even to Ben would she admit that in the middle of the night she'd also prayed to keep the baby.

“All right,” he said slowly. “But . . . I know you, Judith. I fear that you're already imagining our life with this baby for years and years.”

“I know the difference between fostering a
boppli
and adopting one, Ben.”

Her husband leaned back as if stung, immediately making her feel ashamed.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that.”

He sighed. “Judith, I'm not trying to be cruel. I just don't know if I can bear to see you get your hopes up, just to watch you become disappointed all over again.”

“I won't.” Though secretly, she did fear that that might happen. But she couldn't let her fears guide her decisions any longer. That was what she'd been doing for the last few months. In her heart, she knew she'd always be thankful for the chance to take care of a baby. Even if it was just for a little while. Because the idea of that baby had finally changed her perspective. It finally enabled her to begin living again. Yes, it might be very different from what she'd always imagined her life would look like. But it looked promising and full of joy all the same.

While she watched the second hand of the clock slowly eke its way around the numbers, Ben wiped down the spotless counters yet again.

After another two minutes, he threw down the dishcloth with a grunt of irritation. “I can't wait here another second. Let's walk down and leave Bernie a message.”

She sprung to her feet. “Do you think that's allowed?”

“I don't see why not.” He flashed a smile. “She said we'd most likely get her answering machine or voice mail anyway. Now when she checks her messages, she'll hear from us first thing this morning.”

Feeling happier than she could remember feeling since she'd realized she was pregnant, she clasped her husband's hand and strolled down to the end of the street where the phone shanty was.

When they got to the small whitewashed structure, he squeezed her hand. “Would you like to leave the message, or shall I?”

She yearned to march into the shanty, dial the number, and tell Bernie that she and Ben wanted to hold little James as soon as possible. But she didn't trust her voice. She felt choked up, as if she was on the verge of tears. The last thing in the world she wanted was to start crying on the social worker's voice mail!

“I think you had better do it.”

Instead of walking into the small enclosure, he paused and looked at her inquisitively. “Are you sure?”

She loved how patient he was with her. How he always seemed to know what she wanted, and even more important, what she
needed.
“I am sure.” Before she could change her mind about anything, she handed him Bernie's business card.

Looking like he was preparing to jump off a cliff, Ben stepped inside and dialed.

The moment she heard the faint sound of Bernie's phone ringing, Judith leaned closer, eager to hear what he had to say.

“This is Benjamin Knox and we are leaving a message for— Oh! Oh, hello, Bernie.” His eyes widened as he turned his head to catch Judith's eye. “
Jah.
We are up early. I guess you are, too.”

He paused, looking at Judith once again. Obviously double-checking to make sure she hadn't changed her mind.

Judith nodded and made a motion with her hands for him to continue.

Repositioning the phone against his ear, Ben continued. “
Jah
, I mean, yes. We have made a decision. We would, indeed, like to be foster parents to James.”

Eager to catch every bit of the conversation, she scooted inside the shanty, cramming herself to her husband's side.

Ben playfully nudged her with one of his elbows, pretending she was cramping his space.

But Judith was too excited to hear what was being said to play along. She leaned a little closer.

“Hold on one second, Bernie. Judith needs to talk with ya,” Ben said with a smile. Then he handed the phone to Judith. “Talk to her. It's time.”

She knew he was talking about far more than taking the phone call. It was time to cast away her regrets about not being able to conceive a child of her own. Time to put aside her disappointment about having to wait until God's timing was right to adopt a baby of her own. It was time to move forward and become a willing foster parent.

Maybe even past time.

Feeling as if she was finally moving forward, Judith took a deep breath. “Hi, Bernie. This is Judith.”

“Judith!” Bernie said. “I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that you want to foster James. I visited with him yesterday afternoon. He is such a sweet baby.”

And just like that, all of her doubts dissolved. Her heart melted. “I . . . I canna wait to meet him.”

“Here's what happens next. I'll talk with the other people on James's case file. But if all goes well, I'll be bringing him out to your house tomorrow morning.”

She felt her stomach drop. Glancing at her husband, she said, “Did you say tomorrow morning? That soon?”

Beside her, Ben tensed.

“That would be best,” Bernie replied, her voice all business. “I need to pick up the paperwork from the office, and then go get little James from his temporary home. Plan on us arriving sometime between nine and ten.” She paused. “Is that going to be a problem? We are anxious to get James with a caring family.”

“
Nee!
I mean, it will not be a problem. We will be waiting for you.” Somehow, some way, they would get everything together.

“Good. Very good.” She paused. “I know you already have a crib. Do you feel like you will be able to get everything else you need for him by tomorrow morning?”

Judith felt like she was on a merry-go-round, her head was spinning so much. “As you know, my family owns a general store. And, um, my relatives have lots of baby things that I'm sure they will allow us to borrow.”

“I was counting on you to say that.” In the background, a phone rang. “Hold on for a sec.” After a shuffle of the phone, and a couple of beeps, Bernie got back on. “Judith, I'm sorry, but I need to take a call. Do you need me to call you back? Do you have any questions?”

She was so stunned, she could hardly think straight! But through it all, there was only one thought that shined brightly. She was emotionally ready for this baby. “We don't have any questions. Bye, Bernie.”

“Good-bye, Judith. James and I will be there tomorrow morning.” And with that, their busy social worker clicked off.

Judith hung up her telephone far more slowly, then scooted around in the shanty to meet Ben's eye. “Bernie is going to bring James here between nine and ten tomorrow morning. We need to gather all the items we'll be needin' between now and then.”

His gaze warmed. “Your voice is so breathless, you sound like you just ran a long race.”

That was the perfect descriptor. In many ways, she had just run the longest race of her life. She'd tried for years to have a baby, then miscarried. Now she was about to foster a little boy who needed someone, who needed two people to love him. She had a feeling that they needed him just as much.

She was certain the Lord had guided them to this very point after a terribly hard journey.

“I feel like we just finished a race,” she declared as they started their walk home. “Ben, a baby is coming to live with us! This time tomorrow morning we'll be waiting for Bernie and James to arrive!”

He laughed. “The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways. Very mysterious ways. Before you know it, you'll be holding him, Judith.”

She felt as if she were the luckiest woman in the world. Truly blessed.

Then she realized two very important things. She had no idea about what to actually do with a baby. And they had an overwhelming number of things to do before James arrived. “Ben, we have too much to do! There's no way I'm going to be able to finish everything that needs to be done in time.”

“You, my lovely wife, are exactly right.”

“What?” She turned to him in surprise.

He curved an arm around her and gently squeezed. “There isn't any way you're going to get everything done in time. We need help. It's time to talk to your parents and your siblings, Judith. It's time to let them be here for us . . . just like we've been there for them over the years.”

“How quickly can you hitch up the buggy so we can go to my parents'
haus
and break the news?”

“Ten minutes?”

“I'll be ready,” she said with a smile.

For once, everything was going as planned. Everything was going to be just perfect.

A
den, you surely got up early. Were you aiming to beat the roosters today?” Joe teased when he met Aden outside by the barn.

“Nah, I've just got a lot to do.”

“Never thought I'd see the day when a boy of mine was so eager to do chores.”

Being referred to as his “boy” was almost Aden's undoing. He genuinely liked being a part of the Kempf family, and especially liked being so close to Joe and Martha. They were truly the parents of his heart.

But he forced himself to stay strong and ignore his weaknesses. Things had to change. They had to. He couldn't keep living with Christina. That was surely a recipe for disaster.

“I wasn't all that anxious to do chores, if you want to know the truth. It was more of a case of not being able to sleep.”

“Oh?” Joe's expression turned concerned. “Something on your mind?”

“As a matter of fact, there is.”

His adoptive father waved his hands, urging him to continue. “Well, don't lollygag. This waiting is making me feel like I'm on pins and needles. Spit it out.”

“All right. It's like this. I, ah, have decided that it's time I moved out.” He pulled off the black stocking cap that he favored in the winter and ran a hand through his hair, hating the stunned look of dismay that was steadily transforming his adoptive father's face.

“You sound awfully sure about this.”

“I am.” Aden looked away so he wouldn't have to watch Joe carefully arrange his features into a careful mask.

“I must admit that this is news to me. Matter of fact, I feel a little sideswiped. Have you been thinking about this for some time?”

“Awhile.”
Twenty-four hours could count as awhile, right?

“I see.”

Aden rushed to explain. Well, rushed to try to come up with an explanation that was close enough to the truth that Joe and Martha would believe. That maybe one day he could believe, too. “You know, I've been living here for a long time now.”

“I know you have. A little more than ten years now.”

“Ten years is a long time.” He swallowed. Made himself say the words that he didn't quite mean. “A mighty long time, considering you all aren't my real family.”

Just as if Aden had thrown a punch, Joe visibly flinched.

Aden couldn't fault Joe for reacting that way. He was hurting, too. This conversation was one he'd never wanted to have—the Kempfs had treated him far too well for him to ever minimize any of their kindnesses.

The only way he could justify this move was to think how his leaving was best for everyone. Especially Christina. Surely it would be better for Joe to assume Aden had grown restless and eager to be more independent rather than realize that the man the family had given so much to was repaying them by pining for their eldest daughter.

“I really do appreciate everything you and Martha have done for me,” he added. “But I think I've overstayed my welcome.”

Joe turned away, resting his hands on one of the rails of Maisey's stall and sighed. “Aden, I'm gonna be real honest with ya. I don't quite understand where all this is comin' from,” he said after a lengthy silence. “Martha and I have always thought of you as part of our family. As far as I'm concerned, you're one of my boys.”

“I realize that. You have always made me feel welcome. And of course I'm grateful for that.”

Joe turned around and faced Aden. “To be perfectly honest, I've come to think of you as one of my own. Not that your parents shouldn't be remembered, of course.”

“Of course.”

“But if you haven't realized how special you are to us, I'm ashamed that we didn't do enough to ensure you knew that we felt that way. We love you, Aden.”

The lump that had started to form in Aden's throat now threatened to choke him. He hated this. He hated making Joe feel like he had ever been less than an ideal father to him. But now, more than ever, he realized that leaving was the best thing.

He couldn't bear the shame of having Joe and Martha stare at him in disappointment if they ever suspected that his feelings for Christina were anything but sisterly.

Surely that would hurt far worse?

Treading carefully, he said, “Joe, you've been a
wonderful-gut
friend, and a wonderful father, too.” After taking a fortifying breath, he added, “A better father than my own. You've done everything possible for me, more than I could have ever dreamed of.”

Twin spots of color stained Joe's cheeks. “It was our honor.”

“If it was, that says even more about what good people you and Martha and all the kids are. I can't think of another family who would have taken in an orphan like you did and given him so much for so long.”

“You are a
gut
man, Aden. And you were a
gut
boy, too.” He raised a hand when Aden threatened to interrupt him. “
Nee
, let me speak. I know you don't like to be reminded of saving Christina's life. I know you wish we wouldn't remember like we do.”

“I will forever be grateful that I could help her. But, just so you know, there was no need for you to throw me a party every year. There was never any need for you to continually tell me thanks.”