That Night (30 page)

I was silent, thinking over everything. My fear was obviously accurate. Shauna might have more planned for me than a simple theft. I flashed back to high school, how Shauna had wanted to destroy my life, how she had succeeded.

As though Ashley had read my mind, she said, “Why does she hate you so much?”

Her face was serious and scared. I sensed she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know, like she was aware she was opening a door that she might not be able to close. But she couldn’t stop herself, had already gone too far. I felt the same way. I wanted to tell her to leave, but she was a key. I might not know which lock she fit yet but I wasn’t ready to let go of her either. We held gazes, the only sounds now the ticking of my clock and Captain’s breathing.

I decided to follow Ashley’s lead and shoot straight from the hip. “It started in ninth grade. She liked some guy, and when he talked to me one day she flipped out. She made my life hell, spread lies, and made sure I had no friends. She forgot about me until high school, when she got a crush on Ryan and he picked me instead. After that, she made it her mission to destroy my life.”

Ashley was nodding. “My mom comes across tough, but she’s actually really insecure. She wants—needs—everyone to like her, and she’s super-competitive. Like she wants all my friends to think she’s the coolest mom. It’s probably because my grandpa was always busy when she was a kid, and now he spends more time with me. But I don’t care—she shouldn’t take it out on me.”

A surprisingly insightful comment, but I didn’t see how it was going to help my situation any. I felt tired, worn-out. I thought things had changed, had actually dared to believe I could finally have a normal life. Now the noose was closing around my neck again, and Shauna was holding the end of the rope.

“I’m going to do it,” Ashley said. “I’m going to tell Mike that Mom was at the restaurant.” She was scared to death, you could see it in her face, but she also had a fervent energy, high on the idea of doing the right thing.

I thought over her statement, feeling relief at first: Mike might let me come back; Suzanne would see that I was telling the truth. Then I wondered what Shauna’s next step would be. If she was gunning for me, it might be better to let her think she’d won. She might back off for a bit, give Ryan a chance to find out more about that night at the lake.

“Don’t,” I said. “I don’t want you to get in shit with your mom, and Mike will be pissed that you let her in. You need the money for school.”

She looked shocked. “You got
fired.
”

“Patty wanted me out of there anyway. She was just waiting for an excuse.”

“But it’s not fair.”

I remembered being shocked when I was arrested for Nicole’s murder, thinking how unfair that was, how unfair everything felt when I was a teenager. But it’s an imperfect system and I learned that most things in life weren’t fair.

“Fair or not, it’s the way it is. Look, if the shit really hits the fan and it looks like I might get sent back to prison over this, then I might ask you to step up, okay? Meanwhile, let’s just see how everything unfolds.”

She nodded, pleased that we were in this together, our little secret. I’d known she’d like that. But I still wondered at her motives. Was she really doing the right thing or just trying to get back at her mother for something?

There was another knock on the door.

Both Ashley and I jerked back. Captain started barking, his hackles up.

I motioned for Ashley to stay still, called out, “Who’s there?”

“It’s Shauna. Open the door, please. I know my daughter’s in there.”

Ashley’s eyes widened. We stood up at the same time. I held Captain back by his collar as I opened the door. Then we stepped out and I closed the door behind us, blocking Captain, who’d started growling the minute he glimpsed Shauna.

“I thought we had an agreement, Toni.” Her voice was icy calm, polite. “You were going to stay away from my daughter.”

“Your daughter’s leaving. I suggest you do the same.”

“Come on, Mom, let’s get out of here.” Ashley tugged on her mother’s arm. Shauna ignored her, her face still composed.

“Toni and I need to talk about a couple of things,” she said. “Get in my car. I’ll be up in a minute.” But Ashley wasn’t backing down that easily.

“I’m sixteen—you can’t order me around like that.”

“Unfortunately for you, you’re still a minor and living under my roof.” Shauna’s voice was level, but I could tell by her stiff shoulders, her tight grip on her keys, that she was fighting to keep her cool.

“That doesn’t mean you own me.” Ashley’s face was now red.

“I saw your car in the parking lot. You only have your learner’s. What were you thinking?”

I hadn’t thought about how Ashley had gotten to the marina. Now I saw real concern under Shauna’s anger.

“I’m going to have to take away your keys for this stunt,” she said.

“I’m sick of you running my life and all your stupid threats,” Ashley said, her faced twisted in rage. “I know what you did to Toni—”

“Just go, Ashley. I’m fine.” The last thing I wanted was her to accuse her mom of the theft and get herself—and me—in more shit.

Shauna turned around, her face livid, but her voice was still calm as she said, “Thank you, Toni, but I can handle my own daughter.”

Ashley was still standing on the dock, watching us.

“She came to my boat,
Shauna.
I didn’t show up at your house. Maybe you need to get better control of her.”

Inside, Captain was going nuts, sounded like he was taking the wall apart. Shauna got a calculating look, then her expression changed to fake concern.

“Toni, I’m worried about you. Rescue dogs like that have been known to snap. Are you sure you’re safe? Are you sure
he’s
safe?”

I caught my breath as I registered the threat underneath her words. “What the fuck are you getting at, Shauna? You think you can just threaten me like this?”

“I’m giving you some friendly advice. You’ve always taken on the hardest cases, rescuing damaged creatures no one else wants.…” She paused, letting it sink in, waiting for me to get what she was really saying. And I did.

She was talking about Ryan. The wharf tilted as a tugboat cruised by, sending waves in our direction. I focused on it for a moment, gathering my thoughts, trying to find my balance. I couldn’t let her throw me.

“But there’s a reason no one wants them,” she said, “why someone else let them go. You just never know when they might turn on their owner.”

Now I was really pissed. “If you have something to say, Shauna, then—”

“If I were you, I’d stay away from Ryan Walker,” she said. “He’s no good for you, Toni. Look what happened last time.”

I tried to hide my panic, tried to keep my face neutral. Did she know? Had someone seen us talking one night? Was she threatening to turn us in?

“You need to stay the fuck away from
me
, Shauna. You come here again, I’m calling the cops.”

“No, you won’t.” She turned to her daughter. “Come on, Ashley.”

They left. At the top of the dock Ashley turned back, tried to mouth,
I’m sorry
, but her mother grabbed her arm.

I went inside and held Captain, my body shaking. I kept hearing Shauna’s words over and over again in my head.

Look what happened last time.…

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

C
AMPBELL
R
IVER

J
UNE
2013

For the next couple of days, I got up early every morning before the heat of the day and drove around handing out résumés, Captain riding shotgun. I was nervous about leaving him alone in case Shauna tried anything. So far I didn’t have any leads for a job, but I talked to one of the women at the shelter who said she knew someone who might dog-sit Captain during the day once I found something. Stephanie, the shelter manager, and I had coffee one day after I walked the dogs. She said the shelter might be hiring in a few months, but that wouldn’t help me at the moment. She was cool, though, and I enjoyed the visit. It was nice being with someone who wasn’t freaked out about my past.

I came home and spent some more time online checking for new postings, but still no luck. Exhausted by defeat, I went to bed and pulled out my book. I’d developed a taste for Steinbeck in prison and was reading
East of Eden
for the third time. I drifted off and woke hours later to someone knocking on my door. It was Nate, the guy who’d rented me the boat.

“Hey, Nate. What’s up?”

“Sorry, Toni, but you can’t live here anymore. You need to leave right away.”

“You can’t just kick me out. There are tenancy laws and stuff.”

“We never had a real rental agreement—it was just verbal. And I got a report that Captain’s been harassing people.”

“Who would—” I stopped. It had to be Shauna. “That’s not true. He’s a good dog—ask any of the people down here. Someone’s just out to get me.”

“I also heard what happened at the restaurant. Some of the other people living at the marina, they’ve got expensive equipment on the boats. They don’t want to take a chance, and I don’t want my customers leaving.”

So that’s what it was really about. He didn’t give a shit about my dog. No one wanted a thief living near them.

“I’ll be out in the morning.”

*   *   *

I packed my few belongings and left that night, while it was dark. I didn’t want to face everyone going down to their boat in the morning, didn’t want to see the judgment in their eyes. I now had no job, no home, and barely any money. What the hell was I going to do? A hotel would eat up my savings in no time.

Then I remembered that there was a campsite down in Miracle Beach, fifteen minutes south of town, with older cabins for rent. It wasn’t the best time of year—heading into peak season—but they might have something and it was cheaper than a hotel. I pulled up at the campsite, relieved to see that it didn’t look too busy. Tourist season had been slow this year, and this wasn’t exactly a top-rated campground. The pool was drained, the bottom covered by dirt and leaves, and the playground had seen better days, half of the swings missing. A lot of the RVs were also in rough shape. They probably belonged to people who lived there year-round—pad fees were cheaper than apartment rents.

The man in the office didn’t ask many questions, just eyed my dog and asked if he was friendly, then told me one of the older cabins in the back was empty. I could have it for cheap. I knew that probably meant it was a piece of shit, and I was right. The bed sagged in the middle, everything smelled old and musty, including the orange curtains on the windows and matching bedspread. But it was stocked with pots, pans, dishes, and I could get new bedding the next day. Captain and I snuggled on the bed that night, both of us waking up at every sound.

In the morning I called Suzanne and told her where I was staying, and that I was still looking for work. I plugged in my laptop and searched my e-mails, hoping I might have heard back about a job, but nothing yet. I left Captain in the cabin and headed out to print off more copies of my résumé and buy towels—the ones in the cabin were so threadbare and small they couldn’t dry a frog.

I dropped off a few more résumés, stopping at the shelter to tell Stephanie what had happened in case she got a false report about Captain, then took a couple of dogs for a walk. Next I hit Walmart, buying a foam mattress, some bedding, towels, and cleaning supplies. I wasn’t hungry but I made myself eat a salad for dinner while Captain inhaled a bowl of kibble, then I took him for a long walk along the ocean. I already missed living on the water, feeling the gentle rock of the waves.

I remembered how Ryan and I would send each other thoughts when we’d had a bad day or fought with our parents. I sat on a log and closed my eyes, mentally telling him about losing my job, the boat, and now living at a shitty campsite. I imagined myself saying,
It’s going to get better, right
? And him saying back in his teenage voice,
Of course, babe. We’ve still got each other.
I opened my eyes, sad now, thinking how innocent we were back then. We thought that our relationship was all that mattered, all we needed, and that it meant we could survive anything. We didn’t know they’d take that from us too.

*   *   *

I was getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth, when I heard a soft rap at the door. Captain jumped up and ran to the door, gave a warning bark.

“Who’s there?” I said.

“Ryan.”

How the hell had he found me? I opened the door, holding Captain back and forgetting for a moment that I was in shorts and a tank top.

“What are you doing here?” I glanced around, made sure no one was in sight.

“I heard you lost your job and your boat. We need to talk.”

“How did you know I was here?”

“One of my buddies knows Stephanie, the shelter manager—he does her tattoos. She was talking to him about you today, said you were looking for work and staying at one of the campsites. I drove around today, checking them out and looking for your truck. I saw you walking on the beach earlier.…”

I remembered the thoughts I’d sent him on that walk. He’d felt it. I knew it. Our eyes locked. I looked away first. “Hang on a minute.”

I shut the door, pulled on a hoodie and some jeans. One of the things I liked about the cabin was that it was set in the far back of the campsite, surrounded by a dense wall of trees. No one could see it, but I could still hear campers talking in the distance, their laughter carrying in the breeze along with the smoky smell of their fires, and I didn’t feel comfortable talking to Ryan outside.

I opened the door and made a motion. “Come in.”

Ryan sat at the table, looked around. “Not bad.”

“It’s a shithole.” I sat down across from him. This was the closest I’d been to him in years and it made me uneasy, self-conscious, aware of my messy hair, my unmade bed, my clothes draped over a chair. We’d never been alone in my bedroom at home, and now he was in my space. He was a stranger but he was also so familiar to me, the way he moved, his voice. He looked good, his hair damp, like he’d washed it before he came over, but he hadn’t shaved and had a dark shadow covering his face. I remembered how when we were teens he barely had to shave. He was wearing faded jeans and a fitted white shirt under a black sweatshirt, unzipped. One of his tattoos peeked out at his wrist. An eagle claw.