That Wedding (46 page)

I really wanted go out, so here I am.

As we're walking down the hall to Pastor's office, I tell Phillip, "I talked to Amy earlier. Can you believe in exactly a month from today, we'll be at our wedding rehearsal?"

Phillip snakes his arms around my waist, pushes me gently against the wall outside Pastor's office, and kisses me. "It can't come soon enough."

I put my hands inside his coat, squeeze his sides, and press my body fully against his.

He can make me want him with just one kiss.

His hands slide under the back of my shirt. I swear, his hands feel like fire on my skin.

I'm about to say,
You're needed in the bathroom, doctor. Stat!

"Ahem!"

I tear my lips away from Phillip and see Pastor John standing inside his office door. I didn't hear the door open. I think my sense of touch is so overwhelmed when Phillip kisses me that the rest of my senses don't function properly.

"S'up," I say to him with a nod.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I'm so incredibly lame.

Who says s'up to a pastor? I think the blood that normally flows to my brain is now congregating in other areas of my body. My dad once told me that boys think with their dicks. He said it's because the blood flows there and away from their brain. I was thoroughly mortified by that comment, but now I'm thinking it doesn't just happen to boys.

My insides are pounding with desire. And now that Pastor has seen us, I can't pull Phillip into the bathroom for a pre-counseling quickie, like I was considering.

Dammit!

Phillip and I sit in the stupid checkerboard chairs. Phillip looks at me with those eyes. I remember when Danny and Lori used to look at each other with those eyes. Like they had a secret no one knew but them. I remember wondering if I could ever look at Phillip that way. I can't see my eyes, but his definitely have that look. I have a feeling we'll be skipping Taco Tuesday tonight.

Pastor taps a pen on his desk loudly. I was gazing into Phillip's eyes and not really paying attention.

Pastor says, "So tonight, we're going to talk about sex."

Oh, great. Like my mind wasn't already consumed with thoughts of sex. I've been mentally calculating how many more minutes it'll be before I can attack Phillip. How many more minutes until I can strip him naked. How many more minutes until I can make him......

Pastor's grating voice interrupts what was just about to be a very hot daydream. "I'm sure it's hard to believe at this stage in your relationship, but many couples fight about sex."

Before I can stop it from coming out of my mouth, I stupidly say, "They do?"

I don't wanna talk about this.

I just wanna go home now and do it.

Phillip slips off his coat. He has on a cream long-sleeved thermal Abercrombie shirt that seems to be losing the fight to contain his muscles.

I imagine ripping the shirt off him, letting those muscles be free to roam wildly across my body.

Pastor drones on. "Yes, JJ, they do. Many couples go through a honeymoon stage. When it seems like sex is all that matters. There's a lot of desire, but eventually things simmer down."

I seriously can't imagine things simmering down with Phillip. But then I remember what his sister said the other day. They've only been married a few years, and I think they've simmered down.

"When does that usually happen? I think Phillip's sister might be going through that right now."

Phillip groans. "I don't wanna hear about my sister's sex life."

It's better than talking about our sex life, I would think.

Pastor says, "It varies with each couple. What matters is that you're able to discuss sex."

"Wouldn't it be better to just do it?" I ask. I mean, wouldn't it?

"Well of course, but as your marriage grows, you will have additional stresses. Time, money, self-esteem, children, and your relationship will all have an affect on your sex life."

"But if you love someone, wouldn't you always want them?" I ask because this has been bugging me. I seriously would die if Phillip ever turned me down.

I'd probably divorce him.

I mean if they don't want you, why bother staying married?

"It's not that simple, JJ. Imagine if you can, Phillip comes home one night and is tired from work. You've been home with the kids all day and are exhausted too. He still has to go out and mow the grass, and you still have to bathe the kids and put them to bed. By the time you eat dinner, do your chores, and get the kids to sleep, do you think you will want sex? Or will you just want to go to sleep?"

Aside from the fact that his example was riddled with stereotypical and chauvinistic things, I get what he's saying. I look at Phillip because I assume he's going to answer the question, but he shrugs his shoulders at me. He doesn't seem to know the answer.

How can he not know the answer!!?? The answer is quite obvious! "We'd have sex, and then we'd sleep."

Duh!

Pastor nods his head at me. And his nod is not agreeing with me.

I forget what else he says. He drones on about who will initiate it, keeping the spark, talking, talking, talking. I swear, his position on sex is that talk equals foreplay.

Ha!

Get it? His position on sex? I crack myself up.

I'd have to disagree on that. The last thing I wanna do is talk. I look at Phillip's lips, picture them kissing me, not talking. I can almost feel them on my neck. My eyes glaze over thinking about all the naughty things I'm gonna do to him tonight.

Maybe I'll make him go to Taco Tuesday. I'll flirt with him. Bat my eyelashes at him. Run my hand up his thigh under the table.

Or maybe I'll sit across from him. Slip my shoe off. Rub my foot between his legs. Drive him crazy.

He'll be begging to go home.

But we won't make it home.

We'll barely make it to the car because he wants me so badly. He throws me across the back seat, undoes his pants, and....

"So I guess that's it for today," Pastor says loudly with a clap of his hands.

The clap wakes me up. I still feel like I'm in the backseat with Phillip. It's slightly disorienting.

We get in the car, and Phillip says, "So, Taco Tuesday. Yay or nay?"

"Definitely, yay," I reply.

Nothing wrong with trying to make a few of my dreams come true.

We're driving to Kansas City to
pick out
office furniture. This is the lie Phillip told me.

Yes, Phillip told me a complete lie.

I know this because Danny told me that he talked Phillip into
just looking
at the house today.

So I'm not at all sure what that means!

And it's killing me!

I wanna talk about it!

I want him to tell me what he thinks. If he's considering it.

I'm going crazyyyyyy with wondering.

And he's sitting there driving, all calm and cool, and bobbing his head to Aerosmith.

I wanna pin his head to the back of the seat and threaten him with torture if he doesn't tell me what he's thinking. Why would he want to look at a house he thinks he can't afford?

No, be calm. Be cool.

Maintain the
I know you don't want to buy it
routine.

You planted the seeds, now let them grow.

And I'm trying to, but hey, plants need a little water, right?

Maybe it's not growing because I need to water it.

So I say, "I'm surprised the commercial office furniture place is open on a Saturday."

Phillip grins. "I lied. We're not really doing that. Danny told you about the house next door that's going on the market, right?"

"Yeah."

"We're gonna take a look at it today. See if it's really as nice as Danny has been going on about."

"But why would we do that?"

Phillip turns his head and gives me a confused look. "I wanted to surprise you with this. I thought you'd be really excited."

I sigh, a defeated, slightly pretend sigh. "It's hard to get excited about seeing something you can't have. Lori says it's gorgeous. All it's gonna do is depress me more when we go look at houses in our price range. It's like dangling Jimmy Choos in front of me then making me buy my shoes at Target."

Phillip squints his eyes at me. This is the part where he should say,
Oh Princess, but now we can afford that house, and it would be so cool to live by Danny and Lori, and it would be amazing, and we'll happily ever after.

Or something like that.

Instead, he smiles and says, "Well, if nothing else, maybe we can get some ideas from it. Kinda like when my mom tours those dream homes."

"Yeah, I suppose," I say pathetically again. I'm really trying hard not to pout.

But all of a sudden, I totally am.

And I'm not faking it.

For real.

Because getting ideas was not the seeds that I planted.

We look at the house. Danny has been whispering in Phillip's ear about what he and Lori spent on their house, what the remodel is costing, and how this is a much better deal. Lori mentions how great it would be not to have the mess of a remodel.

And well, I gush to myself since I can't gush to anyone.

This house is IT!

Like Phillip was the ONE.

How my dress was the ONE.

This house is the ONE!

Even the house knows he's the one for me. The house is pleading to me like a hopeful lover.
You know I'm the one for you, baby, let's live together.

The house has everything on Phillip's wish list. A big gorgeous kitchen with granite countertops and sparkling new appliances, a big island with six barstools, an open concept, and an incredible basement game room. If he wasn't already sold on the kitchen, the big master bedroom overlooking the lake with it's huge closets and a bathroom where I'd happily spend the rest of my life, the sweeping staircase, and the huge deck, he'd have to be sold the second he saw the walkout basement. It's like a boy's wet dream down here. Pool table, foosball, bar, poker table, three flatscreens, sound system, huge sectional couch, and a hot tub out on the patio.