That Wedding (52 page)

"What? So you left Phillip-the-groom at the altar to run away with Phillip-the-fireman?"

"Yep."

"But that makes no sense."

"No shit."

"Okay, let's analyze this. Do you have some secret fantasy about firemen? Maybe you should have Phillip dress up as one and come and
save you
."

I roll my eyes.

She snaps her fingers. "It could mean you want more adventure with Phillip."

"Maybe."

"You know what it really means? I think your mind is telling you what you already know. That no matter where you go, Phillip is the guy of your dreams and is perfect for you. It just means that you're destined to be together."

"I think it means that I can run away, but he'll always find me. It means I'm trapped. I'm stuck with him."

"I wish I had dreams like yours. They're always so good. I never remember mine."

"I thought pregnant women had lots of crazy dreams?"

"Not me. Not so far anyway. But I swear, I could put a bomb sniffing dog out of work. I can smell EVERYTHING! Speaking of that, I'm pretty sure I smell Phillip and Danny coming back with the fried chicken."

And she was right.

About thirty-seconds later, I smell fried chicken coming down the hall.

Phillip and Danny burst in the hospital room.

Danny says, "Mark Conway is announcing his retirement today. He's supposed to be holding a press conference in like fifteen minutes. I just got a text about it."

We turn on the TV, eat chicken, and watch him announce his retirement. Although we're very excited about what this means for Danny's future, it still makes us all a little sad because we know someday Danny will announce his retirement.

"Not for a long ass time though," Danny says. He's actually looks a little teary-eyed.

Lori says, "Damn, I've never seen you cry, and now you're getting misty-eyed twice in one day."

"I'm excited about what this means for me, but I know someday that'll be me up there."

Lori grabs his hand and says, "Not for a long time, baby. Not for a long time."

I really hope and pray she's right about that. One time in middle school when Danny was a lot smaller, he got a concussion. Ever since then, I say a prayer before every game. And so far, Danny's been blessed. He's never really gotten hurt. He broke his non-throwing arm once in high school and slightly sprained his ankle in college. Well, he did sprain his ankle, and it did slow him down, but it didn't stop him. And of course, there were lots of games where his body was pretty bruised up and sore, but never anything to keep him from playing. I pray it continues that way.

Phillip and I leave the hospital to let Lori rest. They're letting her go home soon. We did a little shopping and had dinner at our hotel. We're staying with them this weekend, but have an early appointment here at the hotel tomorrow morning and decided this would be easier. Phillip and I had a bottle of wine at dinner, and I tried to get him drunk enough to tell me where we're going on our honeymoon. I tried to reason with him about how I need to know what to pack. I tried to pout. Nothing worked. Then I tried sex.

I'm laying on his shoulder thinking about how amazing he is. There's something about the time right after sex. I feel so close to him and so in love. I think that's how it's supposed to feel. All those nights I was with other guys, laying there thinking it was great, but just wanting to get home. Well, or do it again, you know, so I wouldn't have to talk to him.

Why was it that Phillip and I never brought people home with us?

Danny, oh my gosh, I once threatened to replace his bedroom door with a revolving one.

"Phillip, how come you never let a girl spend the night at our house?"

"I don't know. Probably the same reason you never had a guy spend the night."

"That's weird, don't ya think?"

"I don't know if it was a conscious thought, but it was like our place. I think I would've felt like I was cheating on you. We were pathetic, huh?"

"Yeah, I think that's kinda why I didn't either. Sorta out of some weird respect. I also think you would've been terribly jealous," I tease.

"I would've been," he says very seriously. "I really never liked any of your dates or your boyfriends. I never really understood why. I told myself that I was just protecting you, but really, I was jealous. I've been jealous of every boy who has ever kissed you. I wanted to kill every boy who's ever hurt you. I wanted you. All to myself."

"Hmmmm, do you want me now?"

"Again?" He chuckles. "Wellllll, let's see." He puts my hand down south. "What do you think?"

I grin because, well, you know. "I would say someone wants me."

"Yeah, me," he says as he pulls me on top of him.

It's three am. I'm not sure what woke me up, but I can't seem to fall back asleep.

Things have been crazy. I've been planning the wedding, going to showers, getting ready to move, designing a building, and getting ready for Christmas.

I have a lot on my plate, but I know the wedding is what's keeping me awake.

I have my dream wedding pretty well planned out. I'm laying here looking at my dream guy. I know in my heart, my soul, my bones, that he is THE one.

I don't doubt that for a second.

But at the same time, I'm a little nervous.

I'm clearly not going back to sleep, so I pop on facebook and see Danny has just posted
Can't sleep
as his status.

I gently slide out of bed, so I don't wake Phillip. I go in the living room and give Danny a call. "Hey, I can't sleep either. Why can't you sleep?"

Danny gives me a huge sigh. Like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders. "Do you think I'm gonna be a good father? After last week at the hospital, the baby seems so real. Before it didn't seem so real."

"Danny, you're gonna be an awesome dad, but I get what you're feeling. I think I'm having the exact same thoughts, only concerning my wedding. It's a bit surreal. I'm afraid I'm gonna suck as a wife, and Phillip will wonder why the hell he married me."

"I think Lori wonders sometimes why she married me. And who could blame her? I wasn't that supportive of her when she was feeling bad. I got kinda tired of it."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a bomb. Like I'm ticking and ticking. I don't know when I'll explode, but when I do, I'm afraid I'll ruin my relationship with Phillip. It's a lot of pressure."

"I feel that way too. Like I'm trying to make an offensive game plan when I have no idea what the defense is gonna do. They're an unknown. There's no film, no scouting reports. I'm gonna have to adjust on the field, on the fly. And that's not easy to do. I have no control."

"That's why sometimes I'm afraid to marry Phillip. I feel out of control."

"Love makes you feel out of control. I think that's how you know it's right."

"I can't imagine how that will be magnified when you have a baby, Danny. I can see why you can't sleep."

"You're a big help," he says sarcastically.

"Danny, knowing what you know now, having been married, if you had a do over, would you make the same play again? Would you marry her again?"

"Definitely, yes. Honestly, I can't imagine my life without her. But it's still hard."

"Uh, speaking of hard. Is it bad that Phillip's gone from being my bff and wanting to sit around and talk to me all the time to wanting nothing but sex from me?"

Danny chuckles. "Now that's the one thing that IS normal."

"So seriously, should I marry him?"

"Yeah, I think you should. You have to know he's crazy about you."

"Maybe, but these counseling sessions are freaking me out, Danny. Phillip and I are failing!! We don't handle conflict right. We don't talk about money, and we spend way too much time together. I think we're doing great. But when we go there, I feel like a big fat failure!"

"You and Phillip aren't going to fail. You're good together. He's always been good for you."

"I know that, but am I good for him?"

"That's exactly what I wanna know! Am I going to be a good dad? Am I going to be good for them? No bullshit, Jay. Do you think I'll be a good dad?"

"You'll be the best dad, Danny. Seriously. Think about it. You stand on the field calmly waiting for a receiver to get open while three hundred pound men come rushing after you. I think you can handle a little eight pound baby."

"Well, when you put it that way, true."

"I just realized something. You're confident about everything you do. I don't know anyone with more confidence than you. In fact, you being scared makes me feel more normal. Maybe being scared is normal."

"I think you're right. Get to sleep."

"Okay, you too."

I sneak back into bed. I'm so glad I got to talk to Danny. I feel so much better.

Everything will be fine.