The #5Star Affair (Love Hashtagged Book 1) (5 page)

Music filtered through Jaycie’s wireless ear buds, as she typed up her most recent review. Last night, when Ethan had walked through the front door with a date, Jaycie’s chest had ached more than she thought possible. Certainly more than was justifiable, all things considered.

Even though she knew it wasn’t a reasonable reaction, she hadn’t been able to hide her relief when he’d sent the other woman home, or her glee when he’d stopped by her room after. She was still amazed something as simple as watching movies with him just felt right.

Besides the amazing view and the random banter, one of the biggest advantages to sharing an apartment with Ethan so far was he let her use his gaming setup in the living room for work. It didn’t change the fact the game she’d just played was weak in a lot of ways, but it sure had made the gorgeous graphics easier to appreciate.

A door slammed, and the entire apartment shook, making her jump. She laughed at her own reaction, but then frowned. That had been their door. She hoped Ethan was okay. She set her music and keyboard aside. Now was a good time for a break, anyway. She’d go find out, and maybe grab something to drink from the fridge.

She spun in her chair, and was startled for the second time in as many minutes when she found him already standing in her doorway. A scowl darkened his features, and he had a copy of next week’s
Console Power
in his hands.

Her gut sank, dread filling her bones. Was there anything she could say to make this better?

He tossed the magazine on her mattress. “
Raiders: Extended
hearkened back to the days of classic gaming. And by classic, I mean
ET
.” A growl cut through his words. “Its saving grace should have been the graphics, but the random holes and missing polygons even marred that. Really?”

She cringed at having her own words spat at her. A part of her wanted to gloss over his anger, not because she was afraid of the conversation, but because in her experience, people in a mood like this weren’t rational enough to talk. But that wasn’t going to fix anything. “You promised.”

His hands balled into fists, and he jammed them into his pockets. “You dragged that out of me without telling me you were about to publicly shred us.”

“Not you. Not even your colleagues. I wrote that before I met you, and you didn’t even work on the game. Besides, this has nothing to do with the guys who worked on it; it’s just a bad game.” A wince built inside ,when she remembered there was one thing about this she hadn’t told Ethan yet. She did know one of the developers from
Raiders: Extended.
Rich was one of Nick and Kent’s friends. She’d never made a similar agreement not to review his games, though, because he didn’t know what she did for a living.

Ethan clenched his teeth, and flared his nostrils. “But it’s not personal.” His sarcasm was distinctly void of amusement. “You all but called them untalented hacks.”

This wasn’t going anywhere. He was already convinced she’d done this maliciously. Still, she kept talking. “I didn’t even imply it. I said I adored the other games in the franchise. I only questioned the way this one was assembled.”

His entire spine was rigid. “You don’t even know these guys. They’re nice people.”

“I’m not the only one who didn’t like the game.” She’d been reading reviews over the past few days. The entire industry was lashing out against it. “I don’t doubt they’re all charming and wonderful individuals. But it doesn’t make the game suck any less.”

His growl rolled off the walls. “You’re not helping.”

“You’re not listening. I didn’t want this rift between us. This isn’t about them.” Irritation melded with her desire to explain herself. She wasn’t in the wrong on this, and she didn’t like that he refused to hear what she said. “My job is to tell people what they’re buying. If I gave all the games five star reviews, I’d be lying, misleading people, and out of work.”

“Maybe I should have let you walk away when you tried to leave in the diner.”

The words stung more than any of his arguments. She tried not to make any of this personal, and he was doing the exact opposite. Anger surged inside, and she was on her feet and crossing the room in an instant. She didn’t stop until she was toe-to-toe with him.

Her fury seared away most of her reaction to his heat and normally intoxicating scent. “I tried to tell you this up front. You’re not listening. If this is how you react to critical reviews that aren’t even about your game, how the fuck do you survive in your line of work?”

He worked his jaw up and down, and his scowl wavered before he hardened his expression again. “Reviews like this hurt sales, they damage the entire company, and I have to work with the guys you’re insulting.”

“I’m not insulting anyone.” She raised her voice. “Releasing shitty games hurts your company. Lashing out at the people who were honest about it damages sales. Maybe your friends should stop nursing their wounded e-peens, and get their shit together for the next game.”

He flicked his gaze across her face, his upper lip pulled up in a sneer, and he spun away. “Tell yourself whatever you need, to make you feel better. That review was bullshit, and we both know it.”

She wanted to argue it was easy enough to prove how valid her review was, but he was halfway down the hall. She dug her nails into her palms, as she glared rage at his retreating back. His door slammed between them. She grabbed the magazine off her bed, and flung it toward his room. It fluttered to the ground halfway there, and landed splayed on the carpet.

Asshole
.
She stalked back to her computer, to finish her work. Seconds ticked away, as she tried to rediscover her center and get back to where she’d been before she was interrupted.

But the focus wasn’t there. With an angry grunt, she grabbed her purse and headed down to her car. She needed to clear her head.

Her phone buzzed, and she pulled up the new email before she started the engine Her mood soured more as she read the short message from her editor at
Console Power
.

You really pissed off the fanboys on this one.

He’d included clips to some of the retorts from social media.

What kind of idiot doesn’t appreciate a game like this? It rocks
.

Get back in the kitchen, pussy bitch
.

If J-Dub was a girl, I’d rape that cunt until she knew her place.

Acid surged in her throat, and she swallowed back the bitter taste. It didn’t matter how many similar comments she read or how much she tried to steel herself against them, she never managed to stay as detached as she wanted. The venom always burrowed its way into her soul.

Were any of the comments from one of Kent’s many screen names? She wouldn’t be surprised. She sent her editor back a quick,
That means I did my job. Right?
then shut off the device and tossed it on the passenger seat. Apparently Ethan wasn’t the only person who was going to take this out on her.

She expected the fans to love or hate her, based on whether or not she agreed with them, but some days their reactions were hard to deal with. None of it hurt as much as Ethan’s words, though. How was it his opinion mattered so much to her already? Maybe she needed to stash that away, along with her reactions to everyone else’s bile.

****

Ethan paused outside Jaycie’s room, frowning at the closed door. Was she still sleeping? It must be nice working from home, and having that luxury of sleeping whenever she wanted.

The moment the thought crossed his mind, he felt guilt. That line of thought wasn’t going to solve anything. He’d been an ass last night, and had tossed and turned for hours.

He’d heard her storm out last night after their fight, but had been too pissed off to seek her out when she came home. After a restless night’s sleep, it was difficult to cling to the same rage that had made him explode. His irritation was rapidly vanishing inside Jaycie’s logical words. That, and the wounded anger that had twisted her expression. He didn’t like that look, and his mind worked overtime to figure out how to get rid of it.

The only problem was, he didn’t like the solution. It meant admitting he was wrong. Was making things right really worth that?

Yes.
The answer echoed in his skull. She was worth it. For the sake of peace in the apartment—nothing more.

He paused with his hand halfway to the door when the soft sound of typing drifted to his ears. She was working, but he wasn’t going to leave this as it was. He knocked.

“What?” The short bark greeted him.

“Talk to me.”

“It’s not locked.”

He paused in the doorway.

She spun to face him, eyes flat and lips drawn in a thin line. “Are you going to do this rationally now?”

The edge in her words dragged up some of his irritation, but the desire to make her smile again won out. “I suppose.”

“I wasn’t trying to troll anyone, or piss anyone off.”

He hated having to admit he might have overreacted, but even more, he hated watching her fidget, knowing he was the cause. He pushed pride aside. “It was articulate and well-written.”

Her mouth twisted in disbelief. “I guess I’ll take that. Especially since I’m not up for looking for another place to live right away.”

The words dug deep. “You would have left over this?”

She shrugged. “I thought about it.”

Shit, he couldn’t have that. Thoughts of his plans for the future pinged in the back of his head, but the ache in his chest just didn’t want her leaving. “I’m sorry.”

Part of Jaycie wanted to take the apology and just let the incident slide. She hadn’t actually thought about leaving, but once the threat slipped out, it got lodged in her head, and rattled around.

The idea hurt. It clenched in her joints and echoed across every inch of her, and made her grind her teeth. And that might be another reason it was a good idea. She couldn’t do this with him on a regular basis. Arguing over work. Over her opinion. She also couldn’t keep her distance, no matter how much logic she tossed at herself, but falling into anything with him meant she didn’t know how to be alone. She wasn’t strong enough to survive without someone else’s approval.

Ethan’s apology hung between them, drooping as the silence stretched.

She needed to tell him sorry wasn’t a magic cure-all. The words wouldn’t form.

He raked his fingers through his pillow-mussed hair. “Talk to me.”

She shook her head. Time. She just needed a little more time, to compose herself. After a night of irritation, frustration, and no sleep, she wasn’t thinking straight. “Don’t you have to get ready for work?”

He drummed his fingers against his thigh, gaze never leaving her. “I’ve got a little time.”

“You were supposed to be different.” Her brain stumbled. Where had that come from? It wasn’t what she was supposed to say; it hadn’t even been a thought the entire night. Not a fully formed one, anyway.

He stopped fidgeting and deepened his frown. “How so?”

That was a good question. “I spend a lot of time defending myself. As myself, because I like not-girly stuff. As J-Dub, because I speak my mind.” The words spilled out without stopping to be analyzed, pouring past her lips before she could decide if it was smart to say them or not. “I’m not trying to be all woe-is-me—that’s not it—but sometimes it gets tiring, spending so much time fighting to be allowed to think. You didn’t add to that. I know you didn’t make me some sacred oath that you’d never question me. That’s not even what I want. But…”

She didn’t even know what she was trying to say. Whatever festered inside left her raw like an exposed nerve, and she didn’t know if she wanted to understand it or just make it go away. “I should have trusted my gut in Gwen’s diner. This was a bad idea.”

He furrowed his brow, and his lips drew into a thin line. “Don’t decide that yet.”

She clenched her fist until her nails dug into her palm. If he’d told her she was wrong or being irrational or not thinking clearly, it would have sealed the deal. She would have packed her things and walked out. Now indecision glued her to her seat. “Why not?”

“I made a mistake. Some of it was because all I heard yesterday at work was how wrong all the reviewers were. It’s shit-talking. We do it all the time. But I finally had a focus for that frustration. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, though. There’s no place or time where that’s okay.”

She ground her teeth and dug her nails deeper into her skin, to give her something to focus on besides her growing indecision. He wasn’t supposed to know the right things to say. That wasn’t fair. “No, it wasn’t.” The words came out raspy, and she cringed.

He took a few steps toward her, then stopped. “I know we’re just roommates. But I like having you here. A lot. I don’t want you to have to hold back because of my reactions.”

That wasn’t what she’d been saying was it? Except it was. “If you filter your thoughts to make me happy, that’s not any better than me keeping my opinion to myself.”

He raised his brows. “I’m not filtering anything. Don’t mistake that as a promise, or some sacred oath. I shouldn’t have ever sworn I wouldn’t get mad. That was my mistake.”

Her knuckles ached at how tightly she clenched her fist.

“But I shouldn’t have made it personal.”

“So, you’re sorry but it’ll probably happen again?” There was a strain to her words.

“Odds are good I’m not done saying stupid things, yes.” He gave her a half-smile.

Nothing was resolved then. Except—the realization clicked into place—that wasn’t quite what she wanted anyway. Her mouth seemed to have figured it out before her brain, she just hadn’t put all the pieces together yet. “I guess I don’t want you to.”

The thoughts spilled over each other until the coalesced into something recognizable. “As long as I’m allowed to say stupid stuff, too.” It was such a simple statement, but she felt like she’d exposed herself. Why had she trusted him with this kind of information? “I don’t always have to be right. As long as you don’t say I’m wrong for thinking for myself.”

“I’m not, and I shouldn’t have.” He closed the remaining distance between them. “Don’t leave.”

“All right.” She tried to force a compliant tone into her voice, but it didn’t work.

“Are we okay?”

Her nod came easier than she expected.

“I do have to work. But, do you have plans tonight?”

She shook her head, not sure if she could find an appropriate response. All the words had been right, but they weren’t an instant cure.

He gave her one last glance, his brows furrowed, and turned away. “Talk to you soon.”

She sank back into her chair, wrapped her arms around herself, and replayed the conversation in her head. Why was she still bothered? Why did she still feel like if she didn’t hold herself tight enough, all of her would be on display?

Because she was terrified. The single word hit her hard. Of herself. Of the fact that she’d just opened up to Ethan with so little resistance, and put parts of herself on display she never let anyone see, including her own conscious mind.

****

“Hey, bro. Lunch?”

Ethan looked up from his desk at his co-worker. Rich was lead on the first-person shooter that reviewers, including Jaycie, were bashing on. When the one and two stars hit outlets yesterday, Rich raged, but now he looked okay.

“Sure.” Ethan locked his machine, and joined his friend. They headed toward the elevators. “Where?”

“Somewhere I can get wasted.” Rich’s laugh sounded forced. “Seriously, though. They should build that into the benefits. Getting ragged on by ignorant bitches should come with a day of drinking and mourning.”

The words burrowed under Ethan’s skin. “Watch it,” he warned. Why was he getting defensive? This was the same gripe any developer had after they were—after
their game was
—trashed by the media. “I thought getting wasted was the plan last night.”

“It was.” The elevator door pinged open, and Rich and Ethan stepped into the car. A couple of people were already in it. “But some fucking twat on Tumblr had a whole new rant up today. Stupid cunt shouldn’t have even been playing her boyfriend’s game. Who the fuck does she think she is, calling my background chatter sexist and offensive?”

One of the women behind them ducked her head, shifted her weight from one foot to the other, and adjusted her purse. Ethan snarled. “One, did you ever notice how distinctly real-life you translates into your characters? She’s right. Two, I’ve told you before. I’ll deck you if you don’t erase that word from your vocabulary.” His hand twitched by his side, half-clenching. In the past, he’d always expected Rich would eventually figure out the language and assumptions were cool and knock them off. Now Ethan was fighting the desire to make good on the threat.

The conversation with Jaycie that morning must have had more of an impact on him than he realized.

Rich looked at him like he’d sprouted a second head. “What’s your problem?”

“She’s as entitled to her opinion as anyone.”

They reached the bottom floor, and the women they’d shared the ride with brushed past, gazes on the floor and jaws clenched.

“When did you grow a vagina?” Rich asked. “Besides, you know I’m just fucking around. Pissed off is all.”

“
Pissed off
isn’t an excuse for being a complete jackass.” Ethan might have regretted the words, but Rich’s attitude was rubbing him every which way of wrong.

“The fuck?” Disgust and irritation filled Rich’s question. “Seriously? Must be nice to be the guy with the golden asshole that reviewers lick for a chance to play his game.”

Ethan balled his hands into fists, and stepped closer. Rich was broader in the shoulder, but Ethan had several inches on him, and was happy to use the height advantage for intimidation. “If you can’t take constr—”

“Fuck you.” Rich pushed him aside, and stepped around him. “I don’t need this.”

****

Ethan dragged himself through the front door. He’d be happy to be home, if joy didn’t take so much energy. He swore every time he turned around at work, he’d gotten into it with someone else. Several times over what Jaycie had written. When had he started working with an office full of Neanderthals? He didn’t care that they were pissed off about the reviews; it was the things they said in retaliation that infuriated him.

He clicked the deadbolt into place, and furrowed his brow at a strange noise drifting from Jaycie’s bedroom. It sounded like footsteps padding out a strange rhythm.

He kicked off his shoes, and tossed his keys onto the stand by the door. He stopped in her open doorway, and his eyes grew wide. He wasn’t sure if the sight exhausted him more, or sent a new rush of energy through him. The latter sounded more like it.

Jaycie wore wireless ear buds, and was dancing in the center of the room. Her long hair flipped with her, as she tossed her head. A tinny sound flitted from the device in her ears. Her body swung this way and that, her over-sized T-shirt flying with the movement and frequently sliding up to reveal bare legs and cut-offs. She pulled her arms over her head, and then dropped them to her sides, always twisting and moving to the beat.

Ethan leaned against the door frame, a smile playing on his lips as he watched her lithe frame swing to the music. It was wrong to stare, but he couldn’t pull his gaze away.

She twirled, and opened her eyes. Her entire body shifted to a shade of pink, and the dancing stopped. She plucked the buds from her ears, and let the connector between them drape around her neck. “Hey.” Her greeting was loud in the sudden stillness. “I didn’t know you were home.”

“I just got here. I’m glad you’re doing better.”

Her lips twitched into a smile. “I told you this morning I was fine.”

“You didn’t mean it.”

“I’ve had time to think.” She ducked her head and traced lines in the carpet with her bare toes. “I decided I’d rather be myself around you than whatever the alternative is.”

He liked the sound of that. He didn’t mind the look of it either. He raked his gaze over her, trying not to stare and failing. “So that has you dancing around the room?”

“You’d like that. Wouldn’t you?”

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt my feelings.” This was so much better than fighting over game reviews.

“It’s part of the reason.” Her grin spread. “My editor at
Console Power
says they want me to review
God of the Stars.
The distributor is only sending out fifty total review copies.”

“Wow.” He didn’t have to ask what that meant. It was one of the most anticipated games. Everyone was hyping it, even though no one had seen it yet. “Congratulations. That’s amazing. Feel free to keep celebrating. I don’t mind.” Understatement of the evening.

“Only if you’re joining me.” She crossed the floor and grabbed his hand. Her skin was soft and warm against his palm, as she pulled him into the room.

Fuck that. He kept the thoughts to himself, digging frantically for a politer way to tell her no. “Fuck that.” That would have to do.

“I’m not dancing alone.” She bent at the waist, and Ethan felt more of his exhaustion rush away and be replaced with a throb below his waist, as his gaze followed the curve of her ass.

She clicked a couple of things on her computer, and music flooded the room. She let out a small, “Eep,” and quickly turned the volume down to something that didn’t rattle the windows. Twirling back to him, she grabbed his hand again. Her hips twisted to the beat. “Come on.”

He shook his head, unable to take his eyes off her. He wasn’t sure what was more fascinating—the excitement in her green eyes, or the way the lightweight cotton shifted across her breasts every time she moved. “I don’t dance,” he said.

Her laugh mingled with the sweet but hard female voice screaming from her speakers. Damn, that was a nice sound. She should do it more often.

“It’s easy,” she said. “You just let yourself go. Besides, no one’s watching.”

“You are.”

“Then that makes us even.” She tossed her head, never letting go of his hand as the beat increased. “Come on.” She grabbed his other hand as well, and pulled both back and forth in time to the beat.

His foot tapped against his will, and he found himself following her lead. Restraint kept him from moving with the carefree abandon she did, but he couldn’t help swaying.

She giggled, spinning around him, never letting go of him completely. Her front slid against his back, hands moving up his arms. Then she was in front of him again, grinding against him.