The Affair of the Mutilated Mink (5 page)

But the visitors noticed practically nothing except the hundreds of guns with which, apart from a clear path down the centre, the room was filled. Pistols were in display cases, rifles slung around the walls, while at the far end a number of cannon and other large guns were standing. One section of the room was partitioned off to form a firing range, and there was a large cupboard where Lord Burford kept ammunition and various accessories.

Except for Paul, the visitors each gave a little gasp as they entered. Then they just stood, staring round in amazed disbelief.

The years had given Lord Burford a great deal of experience in showing his collection. He knew well what interested people and had a fund of anecdotes concerning his exhibits, which - to their own surprise - kept even Sebastian, Hugh and the two women attentive. Two hours in fact passed quickly for everybody, and it was past four when they all trooped out, the Earl carefully locking up again.

They were making their way along the corridor when Cecily said, 'Oh, by the way, George, don't I remember something about a secret passage here?'

'Yes, I'll show you.'

He turned into the main corridor and opened the second door on the right. This was a room used for linen storage. As the others crowded in after him, Lord Burford crossed to the far wall, put his hands against one of the wooden panels, and pushed to the right. The panel slid sideways, revealing a large black square.

'There you are,' Lord Burford said. 'Comes out in the breakfast room downstairs. Anybody feel like going down through it? No takers?'

'Well, you know,' Cecily said, 'I really wouldn't mind. I used to love stories about secret passages when I was a girl. Sebastian - shall we?'

'Oh,' Sebastian looked dubiously at the black hole in the wall. 'I hardly think so, precious. Awfully dark and dirty, what?'

'Dark,' the Earl said, 'but there are flashlights. And it's reasonably clean.'

'No - no - no, I'd much rather not, actually, if you don't mind,' Sebastian said. 'Spiders, you know, moths and things. Unpleasant generally.'

'Yes, I suppose you're right,' Cecily said, a little wistfully. 'I certainly wouldn't want to go on my own.'

'Madam, pray allow me to act as guide.' Paul stepped forward. 'I know this passage like the back of my hand. Been along it on at least - oh, one occasion.'

'Why, thank you,' Cecily said.

Paul stepped into the gap, reached for the shelf above his head and found the flashlight that was kept there. He switched it on. 'Very well, Mrs Everard, if we're to make camp by sundown, we'd better get moving.'

'Oh, right.' Cecily gave a giggle and stepped in.

'Mind the doors,' said Lord Burford, and he slid the panel across.

The Earl was waiting in the breakfast room when Paul and Cecily emerged into the light of day a few minutes later. 'Well, how was it? Rather borin', eh?'

Cecily blinked. 'Well, perhaps a little. But at least I can say I've been along a secret passage now.'

* * *

When Gerry came into the drawing room for tea she had transformed herself. She was wearing a simple jumper and skirt, sandals and bobby socks. All make-up had been removed and she had done her hair in two plaits tied with ribbon. She practically skipped about the room, prattling girlishly, and eating a great number of cream cakes, which she pronounced 'scrumptious.' Eventually she sat down by Gilbert and began plying him with questions about his work, such as didn't he find it terribly difficult spelling all those horrid long words?

Except for Maude Fry, everybody else - even the Countess - was now in on the joke and all behaved perfectly normally, making no comment on the transformation. Gilbert, however, was plainly utterly perplexed - and alarmed. At last, finding it increasingly hard to keep a straight face, Gerry retired to the window seat and curled up with a book entitled
The Most Popular Girl In The School
, which she'd brought in with her.

Gilbert immediately sidled over to Rex and tugged at his sleeve. 'What do you make of that?' he hissed.

'What?'

'Lady Geraldine. She was so different! You must have noticed.' He lowered his voice still further. 'I think she's a - a
schizophrenic
.'

Rex frowned sharply. 'Don't say anything, man.'

Gilbert's jaw dropped. 'You mean she is,
really
?'

Rex just put his fingers to his lips.

Gilbert walked shakily away and started whispering furiously to Maude Fry.

'Just been thinkin',' Lord Burford said. 'Haven't given you much time to start your inspection of the house, have we?'

'Oh, that's OK, Earl,' Haggermeir said. 'I wouldn't've missed your collection for the earth. Maybe, though, I could make a start after tea.'

'By all means. What exactly do you want to do?'

'Well, I'd just like your permission to wander all over the house. I want to measure the rooms and corridors, make rough sketches showing the positions and sizes of all the doors and windows, take some photos - all so I can figure out distances, camera angles, lighting and sound problems, decide which rooms could be used for the various scenes, and so on.'

'That's fine by me, old man. Go wherever you like.'

Before Haggermeir could reply, the conversation was interrupted by the entry of Merryweather, who approached them, said 'Excuse me, my lord,' and addressed Haggermeir. 'A visitor has arrived and is asking for you, sir.'

'Ah, is it our friend Lorenzo, by any chance?'

'That is the name, sir.'

Haggermeir said, 'I'll come out.'

Lord Burford said, 'No need, my dear chap. I'm sure we all want to see this mysterious stranger. Is this person presentable, Merryweather?'

'Eminently so, I should say, my lord.'

'Then let the stranger be presented.'

Merryweather bowed his head and withdrew. Half a minute passed and then he reappeared, to announce solemnly, 'Signorina Lorenzo.'

There was a stunned silence as a magnificent figure swept imperiously into the room. She was about thirty-five, tall, with long, jet-black hair, dark flashing eyes and a flawless complexion. Her features, bold and regular, were more striking than beautiful. She looked as though she might have a superb figure; however, at the moment, it was obscured by a sumptuous mink coat, which made the eyes of every woman present widen. On her head she wore a toque in matching fur.

She stood, regally surveying the room.

Rex muttered, 'Holy mackerel! It's
Laura
Lorenzo.'

Haggermeir stepped somewhat hesitantly forward. 'Signorina Lorenzo? This is, er, indeed a great . . .'

She eyed him up and down. 'Who are you?'

'Oh - sorry - I'm, er, Cyrus Haggermeir. I believe you—'

'Ah.' She gave a satisfied nod. 'You are Haggermeir. So, Meesta Producer, you want Laura Lorenzo, eh? Well, here she is. Perhaps you will have her - if you can sateesfy her. But it will cost you. Oh yes, it will cost you many dollars.'

For several seconds Haggermeir gazed at the woman, speechless. At last he managed to stammer, 'I - I see. Well, that's - that's certainly a most interesting . . . Do I - er, understand that you're offering me your services?'

'That is what I am here to talk about, is it not?'

'You are? I see. Well, in that case, perhaps . . .'

She said, 'Are you seek?'

'Seek? Oh,
sick
. No, I'm fine.'

'Then why you behave like an imbecile?'

Haggermeir's eyes bulged and Rex gave a snort of suppressed laughter. Laura bestowed on him a crushing glance - into which puzzled semi-recognition could be read - before turning back to Haggermeir. 'I have met many producers. Some have been peegs, others Pheelistines or creeminals. But never have I met one who was a fool. Now, do you or do you not want me for your talkie.'

Haggermeir coughed. 'Gee, that'd be swell. I hadn't given the possibility any thought, but—'

'
You have not given the posseebility any thought
?' Laura positively screeched the words. 'Do you dare say that after you send me the telegram pleading with me to come here and talk about it?'

'I sent you no telegram.'

Laura froze. Then she spun on her heel and strode out of the room. As she did so she called loudly, 'Eloise! My handbag. Quickly!'

For seconds nobody spoke. There was a general letting out of breath. It was Lady Burford who found her tongue first. In a voice touched with ice, she asked of anybody who cared to answer, 'Who is that woman? She is, I take it, an actress of some sort?'

'Just about the best dramatic actress in Italy,' Rex said, 'perhaps in the whole of Europe.'

Hugh nodded firmly. 'Certainly among, the top half dozen. And she's actually considering signing with Haggermeir . . .' He gazed at the producer with an expression of incredulity.

'Must say I've never heard of her,' Lord Burford remarked.

Rex said, 'Well, she's not done any English-language pictures for years — not since she made her name. In the States you can only see her movies in little art houses in the big cities. But she's the darling of the highbrow critics. And most of the Hollywood moguls have been trying to sign her for years.'

At that moment Laura again sailed into the room. She was carrying a telegram. This she thrust into Haggermeir's hand with a triumphant gesture. Haggermeir stared at it for a few seconds, then said, 'I know nothing of this.'

Laura scrutinised his features in silence for a moment, her own face darkening, her fingers twitching, her body almost seeming to pulsate before them. It was, as Gerry later remarked, like waiting for Vesuvius to erupt. Then she suddenly burst into a stream of impossibly rapid and passionate Italian. Her arms flailed, her eyes flashed. Vehemently she addressed the ceiling and each corner of the room in turn. There was clearly only one thing to do, and that was wait for her to run down. Gradually she did so, and then just stood, panting.

'So,' she said to Haggermeir, 'somebody play the — what you call — practical joke, yes?'

'It would seem so.'

'When I find him he will know what practical jokes really are.'

Paul said, 'May I see that telegram?'

Haggermeir passed it to him. 'Better read it out, son.'

Paul read aloud, 'Signorina Laura Lorenzo, Savoy Hotel, London, WC2. Offer starring role my next movie stop. Great English civil war extravaganza stop. Top payment stop. Cordially invite you come stay weekend Alderley to discuss stop. Cyrus S. Haggermeir.' He looked up. 'Handed in at Westchester post office five p.m. yesterday.'

'At that time I was still in London,' Haggermeir said.

Lord Burford said, ' 'Straodinary thing.'

Almost for the first time, Laura seemed to become aware of the other people in the room. She looked round at them vaguely. She said, 'I am sorry I will not have a chance to meet all you folks. But I go now.' She turned back to Haggermeir. 'Goodbye.' She started for the door.

Haggermeir said hastily, 'Now, hang on, signorina, please. The only reason I've never offered you a part is because I never figured you'd be interested. Can't we discuss it some more?'

She eyed him appraisingly. 'So, you do invite me to stay, after all?'

Haggermeir looked embarrassed. 'Well, I can hardly do that—'

She stiffened. 'May I ask why not?'

'Well, I'm only a guest here myself.'

She looked blank. 'Only a guest? I do not understand. Have you not taken this house? Rented it?'

'Good grief, no. I'm just staying with Lord and Lady Burford here.'

Laura's face was a study. She seemed quite disconcerted. She turned towards the Earl and Countess. 'Oh, Lord Burford, Lady Burford, I am so sorry. I took you all to be members of Signore Haggermeir's party - feelm people.'

'Well, I for one am flattered,' said the Earl. 'Just what sort of film person did you think I might be?'

'But an actor, of course.'

'Really?' Lord Burford preened himself. 'Hear that, Lavinia?'

'Yes, George. Signora, allow me to make some introductions.'

She went round the circle. Laura was now all charm, smiling bewitchingly at everybody. When Lady Burford came to Rex she said. 'And I'm sure I don't have to tell you who this is?'

Laura puckered her brow. 'The gentleman's face is familiar, but I regret I do not . . .'

Lord Burford interrupted. 'This is Rex Ransom!'

'Ah, yes, of course.' Laura held out her hand. 'Do forgeev me, but I have not seen any of your peectures - er, unfortunately.'

Rex shook hands and gave a stiff smile. 'That's quite OK. I haven't seen any of yours either.'

Lady Burford said hurriedly, 'Mr Hugh Quartus.'

Hugh said, 'While I, on the contrary, have seen all your films, Signorina Lorenzo. May I say it's an honour to meet one of the world's great actresses.' Then, in Italian, he added: 'This has made the weekend worthwhile.'

Laura looked delighted. 'Grazie, signore. Siete davvero troopo gentili.'

When Lady Burford had completed the introductions she said, 'Now I do hope that you'll stay for the weekend.'

'Unfortunately, that will not be possible. I must be on the set in Roma early Monday, and I go back to London first to see my English agent. I would like to stay two nights, but is vital I leave here by meed-day Saturday.'

'Then that's settled,' said the Countess. 'Now, will you excuse me?' She rang the bell, then went outside to meet Merryweather in the hall. 'Merryweather, Signorina Lorenzo will be staying two nights. Where do you suggest we put her?'

'Apart from the Royal suite, my lady, on the first floor the Spangled and Lilac rooms in the west wing, and the Dutch in the east are free.'

'Not the Royal Suite. And both the Dutch and the Lilac are rather small.'

'Yes, my lady, but on the other hand, the Spangled bedroom is where the - the' - he cleared his throat - 'the sudden death took place. It occurs to me that if Signorina Lorenzo should become cognisant of the fact it might disturb her.'

'Yes, quite right. Put her in the Dutch. And have a large fire lit and make sure the room's kept really warm. I imagine as an Italian she finds our winter rather hard to bear.'