The Amish Nanny (10 page)

Lexie had been raised knowing she was adopted, but I'd never been told a thing, not until this spring, when she showed up asking questions about the identity of her birth parents. Ultimately, she had received the answers she'd sought, and the secrets of our whole family's past had finally been brought out into the open. Lexie had gone home with a real sense of closure, her lifelong quest to find her birth parents finally satisfied.

I, on the other hand, had been left with this bizarre knowledge about my biological mother and a trillion new questions. At least I'd also been given new insight into my health and a more realistic perspective on the seriousness of my disorder. As soon as I understood that I wasn't going to drop dead at any moment, that I actually could have a chance at a normal life, my health began to improve. The folic acid and other supplements went a long way toward my recovery, yes, but I knew that my mind-set had much to do with it as well. Once I realized that the big secret wasn't about my condition at all, I started forcing myself to do more even when I didn't feel like it. As my body grew stronger, I even began to allow myself to dream. I started thinking of the future.

And those new dreams and hopes were making me feel restless, incredibly restless, for the first time in my life.

My mother had thought this trip would settle that restlessness, but in fact it had served to do the exact opposite. Now that I had seen what I was capable of—that I could get on a train and go across the country, spend a week without the hovering concern of my parents, walk into a dining car, order a meal, and scold two total strangers in a way that ended up gaining me a free breakfast—I wanted to experience even more, not less. I wanted my
rumspringa
.

I had no need for silly teenage games, of course, no flirting or sneaking around or partying. I didn't even want a hidden pair of jeans or a stash of makeup or a driver's license, as many of my friends had. What I wanted was freedom and the opportunity to understand what that meant. I wanted the full knowledge of what was out there, of who I might be should I choose not to follow in my parents' footsteps and commit myself to the Amish faith.

I had a feeling I would eventually make that commitment, but for now my heart swelled with the desire to live as I wanted, go where I wanted, and see what I wanted whether my parents agreed with it or not. Closing my eyes for just a moment, I prayed that God would show me if I was wrong in this, and if I wasn't, that He would bless me with even greater adventures ahead.

“There you are,” a voice said suddenly, startling me so much that I dropped my fork. I looked up into the face of a smiling Silas, who slipped into the seat across from me.

“You scared me to death,” I scolded. I bent over to pick up the fork and set it at the end of the table.

“Yeah, well, Zed and Ella are about this close to calling the police,” he said, holding up a thumb and forefinger about an inch apart. “They are convinced you were so upset about not getting the teaching job that you got off a couple of stations ago and are currently wandering around somewhere out in the middle of Idaho.”

I could feel my face flush with heat.

“Well, for goodness' sake text them right now and tell them you've found me.”

He chuckled as he pulled out his phone.

“Just don't tell them where we are,” I added softly. “I don't need them bursting into here and embarrassing me in front of the whole dining car.”

“I hear you,” he said as he began going at it with his thumbs.

“Why would they make such a ridiculous assumption anyway?” I asked, dabbing at my mouth with my napkin. He was too busy typing to reply.

No matter, I thought, as I waited for his back-and-forth flurry of communications to end. They had overreacted because of exactly the same things I had been thinking about here. Ada Rupp was not the kind of girl who ever acted on her own accord, who would ever strike out from the group with any measure of independence or self-determination—not even if all that meant was to walk alone to the dining car and order a meal. She was neither child nor adult, but neither was she a young woman on a
rumspringa
. At least not until now.

“Okay, crisis averted,” he said finally, setting the phone onto the table. “I told them everything is fine and we'll meet them in the club car by the time we reach West Glacier.”

“Thank you, Silas,” I said softly, still mortified.

“Which, judging by my phone, will be in about ten minutes.”

I nodded, glancing down at my food, which was only half finished. Dirty fork or not, I wouldn't be eating any more. He, on the other hand, was eyeing the leftovers hungrily, so I slid the plate across to him and offered up my spoon.

“Thanks, Ada.”

As he ate I thought about telling him of the incident with the
Englisch
couple, but for some reason I decided not to bring it up at all. Instead, I gestured toward his cell and asked him how he would survive without it once he got ready to join the church and would have to give it up.

He shrugged. “Small price to pay, don't you think?”

“Good answer,” I said earnestly, suddenly envying him and all of his travels more than I ever had before. When he finally made that leap and joined the church, it was going to be with the full perspective of a
rumspringa
well spent. Were I to make that decision now myself, I certainly couldn't say the same.

“So you'll be joining the church soon, then?” I asked.

He nodded, biting down into a triangle of buttered toast.

“And if Leah won't consent to be your bride?” My question was bold—to be honest, it was downright rude—but this seemed to be a day of speaking my mind.

“Trust me,” Silas replied after taking the final swig of my juice and swallowing it all down, “she'll come around eventually. I'm not worried. She's already taken the classes, so I know she's done with her running around time. All I have to do now is take the steps to join as well, and then convince her I'm the perfect fellow for her.”

I fell silent after that, wondering how much longer he was going to persist in his delusions. Didn't he know that Leah wanted to be Will Gundy's wife? There was nothing Silas or I or anyone else could do about that. Leah was already bound to marry the one man I cared for the most in this world. Did she really have to take my job from me now as well?

Tomorrow afternoon I would be able to speak to Levi Stoltz in person and find out what had happened. But in the meantime, I still had a country to get across, still had traveling companions to placate, still had more than twenty-four hours left of quiet conversations, endless board games, and magnificent, sprawling vistas outside every window.

Eager to embrace the freedom of each mile that we had left, I placed several dollars on the table for a tip and then rose, falling into step behind Silas as we made our way toward the club car. I'd make the most of every moment. Then once this trip was over and I was safely back at home, things in my life were going to change.

Regardless of the scheming Leah Fisher or the easily-manipulated Levi Stoltz or even my controlling mother, I still had a life to live.

It was time to declare my independence.

T
he next day we stepped off the train, bleary-eyed and stiff, into the bright Pennsylvania sunshine. Between the suffocating heat and sweltering humidity I realized I missed Oregon already.

Our little group moved along the platform and into the station, where light from the tall windows reflected off the shiny yellow floor. I squinted, searching the room for
Daed
. Ella spotted him first, or at least she spotted Ezra standing next to him. She squealed and rushed past me, throwing her arms around the tall young man. I glanced at Lizzie and Sam, our chaperones, watching for their reactions. They both shook their heads, just barely, and then continued on toward the baggage claim area.

I greeted my father with a surge of emotion, surprised to find myself blinking back tears at the sight of his kind gray eyes. A quiet man, he was also good and gentle and sweet, someone who had always been there for me and no doubt always would.

“Thanks for coming to get us,
Daed
.”

“Of course, Ada. I trust the trip home went well?”

From the bemused expression on his face, I had a feeling that my hair and
kapp
were probably askew. At least that would make them the perfect match for my wrinkled dress. Two and half days with nothing but a tiny bathroom had left us all looking a bit bedraggled.

“Where's my mom?” Zed asked, craning his neck in search of my aunt Marta.

“She planned to come along,” my
daed
answered, “but she had a patient in labor.”

Zed seemed disappointed, though Ella barely acknowledged her mother's absence. She and Ezra were gazing giddily at each other, their hands clasped firmly together.

Silas's brother showed up just as we'd grabbed the last of our bags. Sam and Lizzie would be riding with them, so we all walked to the parking lot together and then said our goodbyes there.

In the vehicle
Daed
had hired, Zed sat up with the driver,
Daed
and I took the front bench seat, and Ezra and Ella climbed in behind us. As we wound through the busy streets of Lancaster toward Aunt Marta's house outside of Willow Street, Zed turned around in his seat to tell
Daed
all about our trip. Soon Ella joined in from behind, the two of them going on and on about the countryside, Lexie's farm, the little town of Aurora, and Portland. They described Lexie's wedding and how beautiful she was, although they left out the part about Zed making a film of it. They recounted almost every aspect of the train travel, out and back, though I noticed they both omitted any mention of my disappearance yesterday morning or the distress it had caused them. Feeling weary and distracted, I sat there in silence all the way to their house, simply listening to their words and enjoying my
daed
's reactions.

When we got there, he climbed out and walked to the back of the vehicle to help with the bags, which gave Ella and Ezra a quick moment to steal a kiss.

“Thanks for being at the station,” Ella whispered, kissing Ezra again and then reluctantly climbing out of the van. After a beat I followed, giving Zed a hug goodbye and then taking Ella's elbow and nonchalantly pulling her aside.

“I know you are caught up in the moment,” I cautioned her softly, “but now that you're home, you and Ezra must be very careful about how you conduct yourselves—both in public and in private. Missing someone can make you do things you absolutely should not be doing.” Looking intently into her eyes, I prayed she would hear my words as coming from a wise older friend rather than some parental authority figure.

Instead, she barely seemed to have heard me, so caught up was she with the drama of gazing over my shoulder at her true love, who was still sitting in the backseat of the vehicle gazing back at her. Under Zed's direction, my
daed
and the driver were rooting out one last bag from the bottom of the pile, so I reached up with my hand, gently turning her face toward mine.

“Ella Bayer,” I said softly, locking my eyes on hers. “I know you missed him, but your behavior borders on inappropriate. Mind yourself.”

It took a moment for my words to sink in, but when they finally did, Ella's reaction wasn't at all what I had expected. She seemed neither embarrassed nor resentful. Instead, her eyes filled with pity and compassion as she whispered, “Oh, Ada, someday maybe you'll fall in love too and then you'll understand.”

I stepped back as if struck, her words piercing my heart. If she only knew how much I loved Will Gundy and always had! Oblivious to the emotions threatening to overwhelm me in that moment, Ella simply threw her arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

“Thanks for an amazing trip, cousin!” she cried happily. “I'm going to miss the sight of your face every morning.”

I was saved from having to reply thanks to Zed, who called out for Ella to help him bring in the bags.

Soon we were back on the road minus our two passengers, the van nearly silent now as we covered the final ten miles to our house. On the way I refused to dwell on my feelings for Will, so I put him out of my mind, forcing myself to focus on the scenery instead. As we rode along, I realized how strange it felt to look at Lancaster County through the eyes of one who had been away. Silas had talked a lot about the perspective he always got from travel, and at that moment I understood exactly what he meant. Almost as if it were all new to me, I could see the incredible beauty of the rolling pastures, the crispness of the stark white homes and barns, the colorful contrast of freshly washed clothes hanging from the lines and flapping in the breeze.