Authors: Amy Gutman
three years later, graduated with high honors. By then, she’d 3
bought the house and fallen in love with the town.
4
They’d lived here for going on seven years, and it was lucky 5
she’d bought when she did. She’d been astonished when the 6
house across the street sold last year for more than six hundred 7
grand, purchased by a wealthy family moving from outside Boston.
8
Bernie Creighton had kept his job in the city, commuting two 9
hours each way. It was worth it, he and his wife said, for the qual-10
ity of life. It seemed a little ridiculous — what was wrong with 11
the suburbs? — but their youngest child, Henry, was Anna’s best 12
friend, so Callie was hardly complaining.
13
She herself had once considered a move to Boston, where job 14
prospects would be better. But after a stressful round of inter-15
views, she’d decided to stay put. She already had the house. And 16
if salaries were low in Merritt, so were her expenses. After finish-17
ing her degree, she’d gone to work in Windham’s alumni office, a 18
job that gave her flexibility and ample time with Anna. Now 19
that Anna was older, Callie was back in school part-time. She’d 20
switched her focus to psychology and hoped to go on to grad school.
21
Rick was chopping carrots, intently watching the knife. The 22
steel made a muffled clicking sound on the wooden cutting 23
board. He brought to cooking the same dedication he brought to 24
making love. Callie had teased him about it once, his rapt con-25
centration. “The kitchen,” he’d said seriously, “is the most dan-26
gerous room in the house.” An odd thing to say, she’d thought at 27
the time, though probably accurate.
28
“So how’re things going?” Callie asked. “Did you talk to your 29
dad today?”
30
“I’m going back down this weekend,” Rick said. “I got a cheap 31
flight on Saturday.”
32
Callie looked up, concerned. “But I thought the tests were nor-33
mal. The electrocardiogram.”
34
Rick put down the knife. Picking up the cutting board, he 35 S
dumped carrots into the salad. “It wasn’t definitive. Now they 36 R
want to do this thing called a thallium stress test. To find out how 1 2
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much blood is getting to different parts of the heart. Depending 1
on what they find out —”
2
The phone rang sharply behind her, a shrill bleating sound.
3
“Go ahead,” Rick said, tossing his head back toward it.
4
Turning in her chair, Callie picked up.
5
“Hello?” She recognized the voice immediately, soft and hesi-6
tant. “Nathan, I’m really sorry, but we’re about to sit down to 7
dinner.”
8
“Oh, sure. Sorry.”
9
Callie imagined him flushing crimson on the other end of the 10
phone. She’d never known a boy or man who blushed so easily.
11
She’d met Nathan Lacoste last fall in Introductory Psych. A 12
Windham junior, twenty years old, he’d somehow latched onto 13
her. Smart, she thought, and not bad looking but painfully self-14
conscious. She could tell he’d had trouble making friends, and 15
she tried to be kind to him, remembering the pain of feeling lost 16
and alone during her own years in college. Lately, though, she’d 17
come to wish that she’d kept a bit more distance. He’d taken to 18
calling her at home much more than she liked.
19
“I’ll let you go. To eat.” But Nathan didn’t hang up. For some-20
one almost pathologically shy, he could be very persistent. “I . . .
21
could you just tell me what you’re having?”
22
“Excuse me?” Callie was barely listening. She shouldn’t have 23
picked up the phone. As she watched Rick finish the salad, she 24
thought how tired he looked. His parents lived in North Car-25
olina, outside Chapel Hill. This would be his third trip in the 26
past six weeks, and the travels were taking a toll.
27
“I was wondering what you’re having. To eat. I was sort of feel-28
ing hungry, but, I don’t know, I couldn’t think what to make.”
29
He seemed to be angling for an invitation. She had to get off 30
the phone. “Pizza,” she said shortly. “Pepperoni pizza. And salad.”
31
“Pepperoni pizza.” He slowly repeated the words. “That sounds 32
good. What kind of salad? You know, I never know what to put in 33
the dressing. Sometimes I buy it, but I think that’s stupid. It 34
costs —”
S 35
“Listen, I really have to go. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
R 36
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“Yeah, okay. Sure.” She could tell he was hurt, felt a twinge 2
of guilt, then told herself he wasn’t her problem. She could be 3
Nathan’s friend to a point, but she wasn’t going to adopt him.
4
“Who was that?” Rick asked when she’d hung up the phone.
5
“Nathan Lacoste. You know, that kid I told you about.”
6
“The weird one?”
7
“Well . . .” Callie stopped. It was as good a description as any.
8
“Yeah. That’s the one.”
9
“He calls you a lot.”
10
“Not that much.” Annoyed as she’d been with Nathan, she 11
could still feel sorry for him. “A couple of times a week, maybe.
12
I’m a mother figure or something.”
13
“Or
something.
”
14
Callie shook her head. “Oh, come on, Rick. He’s a kid. He’s 15
lonely.” She paused, still carefully watching him, ready to drop 16
the subject. “So what about your dad? What were you telling me?”
17
“I think I pretty much said everything. Hey, could you set the 18
table?”
19
Callie pulled out three place mats, red-and-white-checked 20
gingham.
21
“So you’re leaving on Saturday?”
22
“Right.”
23
“I could drive you to Hartford. To the airport.”
24
“I’ve got an early flight.”
25
From upstairs, the sound of canned laughter exploded from 26
Anna’s room.
27
“How’s she doing?” Callie gestured toward the stairs.
28
“Good. She’s fine.”
29
“Really?”
30
“Sure. She came home. I said, ‘How was school?’ She said, 31
‘Okay.’ Then she grabbed a bag of cookies and went upstairs. No 32
complaints.”
33
“She’s supposed to set the table before she goes upstairs.”
34
“I guess she forgot.”
35 S
Callie sighed. “She didn’t forget.”
36 R
“Well, then, I guess she just didn’t want to.”
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After she’d set out the silverware, Callie plopped back in her 1
chair. “I wish she —”
2
“Just give her some time, Callie. She’s still not used to having 3
someone else around. She’s used to having you to herself.”
4
“I know. You’re right. I just — I just wish it was easier for her.
5
It’s not like we just met. She’s had time to get to know you. I 6
don’t know what the problem is.”
7
“Let it go, Cal. She’ll come around in time. Once she sees that 8
I’m not going anywhere.”
9
Once she sees that I’m not going anywhere.
The words were like 10
a gift that she welcomed but didn’t quite expect. Her mind held 11
them awkwardly, uncertain where to put them.
12
“I thought ten was supposed to be easier,” she finally said. “I 13
was reading somewhere that nine is a hard age, then things settle 14
down at ten. It’s supposed to be one of the ages of equilibrium. I 15
thought there’d be some, you know,
break
before she’s a teenager.”
16
“Kids are individuals. They don’t grow according to plan.”
17
A pause. Callie stretched her arms overhead, then folded one 18
at the elbow and dropped it behind her back. Using the other 19
hand, she pressed down on the upper arm. A yoga stretch she’d 20
learned years ago, back when she did such things.
21
“At least she’s speaking to you,” Callie said. “I guess that’s an 22
improvement.”
23
“There you go.”
24
Dropping the other arm, Callie repeated the stretch, this time 25
on the other side.
26
She was more tired than she’d realized.
27
She’d love to go to bed early tonight, but she still had reading 28
to do. If she let herself get behind, she’d be screwed by the end of 29
the school year. She was way beyond the age when all-nighters 30
seemed like fun.
31
“Ready to eat?” Rick was pulling the pizza from the oven, 32
where he’d stuck it to keep warm. The yeasty scent of dough 33
wafted through the room.
34
Callie looked at him and smiled, the tension subsiding again.
S 35
She loved their Wednesday pizza nights, haphazard and slightly R 36
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festive. She got to her feet, stretched again, and headed toward 2
the stairs.
3
“Just put it on the table. I’ll go get Anna,” she said.
4
h
5
6
DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION
7
THIS MEANS YOU!!!!!
8
ANYONE WHO COMES IN WITHOUT ASKING
9
WILL BE IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW
10
RICK EVANS YOU CANNOT COME INTO MY ROOM
11
Signed,
12
Anna Elizabeth Thayer
13
14
The sign on Anna’s door was a new addition. With a slight sink-15
ing feeling, Callie read the words again. She thought about what 16
Rick had said downstairs, how Anna was simply jealous. The sign 17
on the door was like a cry for help, or at least a cry for attention.
18
Callie knocked on the door. No answer. From inside, she heard 19
a cartoon character’s high-pitched, excited voice. The words were 20
followed by a bonking sound, then a whistling and a crash. Cal-21
lie knocked again, louder this time, then cracked open the door.
22
“Hi, bug.”
23
Anna was sprawled on her bed in a sea of stuffed animals. She 24
was wearing gray sweatpants and a Merritt Elementary School 25
T-shirt.
26
“Hi, Mommy,” she said.
27
“May I come in?”
28
“Okay.” Anna’s eyes had moved away from hers, drifting back 29
to the TV screen.
30
The room was its usual chaos, and Callie had to pick her way 31
through the obstacle course to reach her daughter’s bed. A hair-32
brush, a necklace, a black patent shoe, a Harry Potter book. Cal-33
lie’s old computer, which Anna had begged for, had become an 34
impromptu clothes rack, barely visible beneath a pile of pants, 35 S
skirts, and sweaters.
36 R
Perching on the side of the mattress, Callie leaned down for 1 6
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a kiss. As her lips brushed her daughter’s cheek, she smelled 1
something unfamiliar, a cloying chemical sweetness that clung to 2
Anna’s hair.
3
“That smell,” she said. “What is it?”
4
“Remember? We got it in the mail. You said that I could 5
have it.”
6
A shampoo sample, Callie remembered now. One of those mi-7
nuscule bottles tossed by the millions into consumer mailboxes.
8
A puke-green-colored container with a picture of daisies on the 9
label.
10
“I like your usual better.”
11
“But Mom, that’s
baby
shampoo.”
12
“They just call it that because it doesn’t sting your eyes. I use 13
it, and I’m not a baby.”
14
“Mom.”
Anna rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, as if her 15
mother’s views on this subject were too embarrassing to consider.
16
Callie sighed, and sat back. There’d been more and more of 17
these moments lately, and she had to pick her battles. The mess 18
in Anna’s room, for example, was something she didn’t push.
19
Maybe once a month or so, she’d insist on a full-scale cleanup.
20
The rest of the time she told herself it was Anna who had to live 21
here. The TV had been another concession that Callie at times 22
regretted. But she limited Anna to an hour a day, and only after 23
homework.
24
“Homework finished?” she asked now.
25
“Uh-huh,” Anna said.
26
Cuddled up with her battered stuffed bear, Anna still looked 27