The Architecture of Fear (19 page)

It was a very hot day. Clarissa always brought the sun. She had been reading the letter over my shoulder. I was always aware of her special nimbus encircling my head and torso when she did this. Moreover, she was wearing nothing but her nightdress.

"Let's go and have a look," she said.

"Are you sure you want to?" I asked, remembering her response to my story.

"Of course I'm sure. I'll transform the place, now I've got it to myself."

"That'll be the day," I said, smiling up at her.

"You won't know it when I've finished with it. Then we can sell it."

"We can't," I said. "Remember it's not mine to sell."

"You must get advice. Jack might be able to help."

"You don't know what Pollaporra's like. Everything is bound to be totally run down."

"With your Cuddy in charge all these years, and with nothing else to do with herself? At least, you say not."

I had seen on my previous visit that this argument might be sound, as far as it went.

"You can't possibly take on all the work."

"We'll have Aline with us. I had intended that."

By now, I had seen for myself also that Aline was indeed most competent and industrious. It would have been impossible to argue further: Clarissa was my wife and had a right both to accompany me and to take someone with her to help with the chores. If I were to predecease her, she would have a life interest in the property. Moreover, Clarissa alone could manage very well for us when she applied herself. I had learned that too. There were no sensible, practical objections whatever.

"Aline will be a help with the driving as well," added Clarissa.

There again, I had seen for myself how excellent a driver little Aline could be. She belongs to just the sort of quiet person who in practice drives most effectively on the roads of today.

"So write at once and say we're arriving," said Clarissa.

"I'm not sure there's anyone to write to," I replied. "That's the point."

I had, of course, a set of keys. For whatever reason, I did not incline to giving Mason advance notice of my second coming, and in such altered circumstances.

"I'm not sure how Aline will get on with the Highlanders," I remarked. There are, of course, all those stories in Scotland about the intrusion of huge black men, and sometimes, I fancy, of black females. They figure in folklore everywhere.

"She'll wind each of them three times round each of her fingers," replied Clarissa. "But you told me there
were
no Highlanders at Pollaporra."

Clarissa, when triumphing, looked like Juno, or Diana, or even Minerva.

Aline entered to the tinkling of a little bell. It is a pretty little bell, which I bought for Clarissa in Sfax; her earlier little bell having dropped its clapper. When Aline entered in her quiet way, Clarissa kissed her, as she does every morning upon first sighting Aline.

"We're all three going into the wilderness together," said Clarissa. "Probably on Friday."

Friday was the day after tomorrow. I really could not leave the business for possibly a week at such short notice. There was some tension because of that, but it could not be helped.

When we did reach Pollaporra, the weather was hotter than ever, though there had been several thunderstorms in London. Aline was in her element. Clarissa had stocked up the large car with food in immense quantity. When we passed through an outlying area of Glasgow, she distributed two pounds of sweets to children playing in the roads of a council estate. The sweets were melting in their papers as she threw them. The tiny fingers locked together.

When we reached the small kirkyard, Clarissa, who was driving us along the rough road from Arrafergus, categorically refused to stop.

"We're here to drive the bogies out," she said, "not to let them in."

Clarissa also refused to leave the car at the bottom of the final slope, as Perry Jesperson had done. My friend Jesperson was now a Labour M.P. like his father, and already a Joint Parliamentary secretary, and much else, vaguely lucrative and responsible. Clarissa took the car up the very steep incline as if it had been a lift at the seaside.

She stood looking at and beyond the low gray house. "Is that the sea?" she asked, pointing.

"It's the sea loch," I replied. "A long inlet, like a fjord."

"It's a lovely place," said Clarissa.

I was surprised, but, I suppose, pleased.

"I thought we might cut the house up into lodges for the shooting and fishing," said Clarissa. "But now I don't want to."

"The Trustees would never have agreed," I pointed out. "They have no power to agree."

"Doesn't matter. I want to come here often. Let's take a photograph."

So, before we started to unpack the car, Clarissa took one of Aline and me; and, at her suggestion, I took one of Aline and her. Aline did not rise to the shoulders of either of us.

Within the house, the slight clamminess of my previous visit, had been replaced by a curiously tense airlessness. I had used my key to admit us, but I had not been certain as to whether or not Cuddy was already gone, and Clarissa and I went from room to room shouting for her, Clarissa more loudly than I. Aline remained among the waders and antlers of the entrance hall, far from home, and thinking her own thoughts. There was no reply anywhere. I went to the door of what I knew to be Cuddy's own room, and quietly tapped. When there was no reply there either, I gently tried the handle. I thought the door might be locked, but it was not. Inside was a small unoccupied bedroom. The fittings were very spare. There were a number of small framed statements on the walls, such as "I bow before Thee," and "Naught but Surrender," and "Who knows All," without a mark of interrogation. Clarissa was still calling from room to room. I did not care to call back, but went after her on half-tiptoe.

I thought we could conclude we were alone. Cuddy must have departed some time ago.

Dust was settling everywhere, even in that remote spot. The sunlight made it look like encroaching fur. Clarissa seemed undeterred and undaunted.

"It's a lost world and I'm queen," she said.

It is true that old gray waders, and wicker fish baskets with many of the withies broken, and expensive guns for stalking lined up in racks, are unequaled for suggesting loss, past, present, and to come. Even the pictures were all of death and yesterday; stags exaggeratedly virile before the crack shot, feathers abnormally bright before the battue, men and ancestors in bonnets before, behind, and around the ornamentally piled carcasses, with the lion of Scotland flag stuck in the summit. When we reached the hall, I noticed that Aline was shuddering in the sunlight. I myself had never been in the house before without Cuddy. In practice, she had been responsible for everything that happened there. Now I was responsible—and for as long as I remained alive.

"We'll paint everything white and we'll put in a swimming pool," cried Clarissa joyously. "Aline can have the room in the tower."

"I didn't know there was a tower," I said.

"Almost
a tower," said Clarissa.

"Is there anything in the room?" I asked.

"Only those things on heads. They're all over the walls and floor."

At that, Aline actually gave a little cry. Perhaps she was thinking of things on walls and floors in Africa.

"It's all right," said Clarissa, going over to her. "We'll throw them all away. I promise. I never ask you to do anything I don't do myself, or wouldn't do."

But, whatever might be wrong, Aline was uncomforted. "Look!" she cried, and pointed out through one of the hall windows, all of them obstructed by stuffed birds in glass domes, huge and dusty.

"What have you seen this time?" asked Clarissa, as if speaking to a loved though exhausting child.

At that moment, it came to me that Clarissa regularly treated Aline as my mother had treated me.

Aline's hand fell slowly to her side, and her head began to droop.

"It's only the car," said Clarissa.
"Our
car. You've been driving it yourself."

I had stepped swiftly but quietly behind the two of them. I admit that I too could see nothing but the car, and, of course, the whole of Scotland.

I seldom spoke directly to Aline, but now was the moment.

"What was it?" I asked, as sympathetically as I could manage. "What did you see?"

But Aline had begun to weep, as by now I had observed that she often did. She wept without noise or any special movement. The tears just flowed like thawing snow; as they do in nature, though less often on Change.

"It was nothing," said Clarissa. "Aline often sees nothing, don't you, Aline?" She produced her own handkerchief, and began to dry Aline's face, and to hug her tightly.

The handkerchief was from an enormous casket of objects given us as a wedding present by Clarissa's grandmother (on the mother's side), who was an invalid, living in Dominica. Clarissa's grandfather had been shot dead years before by thieves he had interrupted.

"Now," said Clarissa after a few moments of tender reassurance. "Smile, please. That's better. We're going to be happy here, one and all. Remember. Happy."

I suppose I was reasonably eager, but I found it difficult to see how she was going to manage it. It was not, as I must in justice to her make clear, that normally I was unhappy with Clarissa. She was too beautiful and original for that to be the word at any time. The immediate trouble was just Pollaporra itself: the most burdensome and most futile of houses, so futile as to be sinister, even apart from its associations, where I was concerned. I could not imagine any effective brightening; not even by means of maquillage and disguise: a pool, a discotheque, a sauna, a blackjack suite. To me Pollaporra was a millstone I could never throw away. I could not believe that modern tenants would ever stop there for long, or in the end show us a profit. For all the keep-nets and carcass-sleighs in every room, I doubted whether the accessible sport was good enough to be marketed at all in contemporary terms. Nor had I started out with Clarissa in order that we should settle down in the place ourselves. When I can get away from work, I want somewhere recuperative. About Pollaporra, I asked the question all married couples ask when detached from duties and tasks: what should we do all day? There was nothing.

"I have never felt so free and blithe," said Clarissa later that evening, exaggerating characteristically but charmingly. She was playing the major part in preparing a quite elaborate dinner for us out of tins and packets. In the flat, Aline had normally eaten in her own pretty sitting room, but here she would be eating with us. Clarissa would be tying a lace napkin round her neck, and heaping her place with first choices, and handing her date after date on a spike. Employees are supposed to be happier when treated in that way, though few people think it is true, and few employees.

"We'll flatten the roof and have li-los," said Clarissa, while Aline munched with both eyes on her plate, and I confined myself to wary nibblings round the fringe of Rognons Turbigo, canned but reinvigorated. The plates at Pollaporra depicted famous Scots, such as Sawney Bean and Robert Knox, who employed Burke and Hare, the body snatchers. Mr. Justice Leith, who despised the criminal law, had never been above such likenesses, as we know; nor had he been the only sporting jurist in the family—very far from it.

"I think to do that we'd have to rebuild the house," I remarked.

"Do try not to make difficulties the whole time. Let yourself go, Brodick."

It is seldom a good idea, according to my experience, and especially not in Scotland, but of course I could see what Clarissa meant. There was no reason why we should not make of the trip as much of a holiday as was possible. It would be a perfectly sensible thing to do. If Clarissa was capable of fun at Pollaporra, I was the last person with a right to stand in her way.

"We might build a gazebo," I said, though I could feel my heart sinking as I spoke.

Aline, with her mouth full of prunes (that day), turned her head toward me. She did not know what a gazebo was.

"A sort of summer house," explained Clarissa. "With cushions and views. It would be lovely. So many things to look at."

I had never known Clarissa so simple-minded before—in the nicest sense, of course. I realized that this might be a Clarissa more real than the other one. I might have to consider where I myself stood about that. On the other hand, Pollaporra instead of bringing out at long last the real woman, might be acting upon her by contraries, and have engaged the perversity in her, and to no ultimately constructive end. I had certainly heard of that too, and in my time seen it in action among friends.

"I don't want to look," said Aline, expelling prune stones into spoons.

"You will by tomorrow. You'll feel quite different. We're going to drive all the banshees far, far away."

I am sure that Aline did not know what a banshee was either, but Clarissa's general meaning was clear, and the word has an African, self-speaking sound in itself, when one comes to think about it. Words for things like that are frightening in themselves the world over.

Only Clarissa, who believed in nothing she could not see or imagine, was utterly undisturbed. I am sure that must have played its part in the row we had in our room that night.

There were small single rooms, of course, several of them. There were also low dormitories for body servants and sporting auxiliaries. All the rooms for two people had Scottish double beds. Clarissa and I had to labor away in silence making such a bed with sheets she had brought with us. Blankets we should have had to find in drawers and to take on trust, but on such a night they were unnecessary. Aline, when not with Clarissa, always slept in a striped bag, which that night must have been far too hot. Everything, everywhere, was far too hot. That contributed too, as it always does. Look at Latin America!

I admit that throughout the evening I had failed to respond very affirmatively to Clarissa's sequence of suggestions for livening up the property and also (she claimed) increasing its market value; which, indeed, cannot, as things were and are, be high. I could see for myself how I was leading her first into despondency, then into irritation. I can see that only too well now. I was dismayed by what was happening, but there was so little I could conscientiously offer in the way of encouragement. All I wished to do with Pollaporra was patch up some arrangement to meet my minimum obligations as a life tenant, and then, if possible, never set eyes upon the place again. One reason why I was cast down was the difficulty of achieving even a program as basic as that. I daresay that Clarissa's wild ideas would actually be simpler to accomplish, and conceivably cheaper also in the end. But there is something more than reason that casts me down at Pollaporra. Shall I say that the house brings into consciousness the conflict between my hereditament and my identity? Scotland herself is a land I do well to avoid. Many of us have large areas of danger which others find merely delightful.