The Archived

• Title Page
  
• Copyright
  
• Dedication
  
• Epigraph
  
• The Narrows
  
• One
  
• Two
  
• Three
  
• Four
  
• Five
  
• Six
  
• Seven
  
• Eight
  
• Nine
  
• Ten
  
• Eleven
  
• Twelve
  
• Thirteen
  
• Fourteen
  
• Fifteen
  
• Sixteen
  
• Seventeen
  
• Eighteen
  
• Nineteen
  
• Twenty
  
• Twenty-one
  
• Twenty-two
  
• Twenty-three
  
• Twenty-four
  
• Twenty-five
  
• Twenty-six
  
• Twenty-seven
  
• Twenty-eight
  
• Twenty-nine
  
• Thirty
  
• Thirty-one
  
• Thirty-two
  
• Thirty-three
  
• Thirty-four
  
• Acknowledgments
  

T
HE NARROWS
remind me of August nights in the South.


They remind me of old rocks and places where the light can’t reach.


They remind me of smoke
—
the stale, settled kind
—
and of storms and damp earth.


Most of all, Da, they remind me of you.


I step into the corridor and breathe in the heavy air, and I am nine again, and it
is summer.


My little brother, Ben, is sprawled inside by the fan, drawing monsters in blue pencil,
and I am on the back porch looking up at the stars, all of them haloed by the humid
night. You’re standing beside me with a cigarette and an accent full of smoke, twirling
your battered ring and telling stories about the Archive and the Narrows and the Outer
in calm words, with your Louisiana lilt, like we’re talking weather, breakfast, nothing.


You unbutton your cuffs and roll your sleeves up to the elbows as you speak, and I
notice for the first time how many scars you have. From the three lines carved into
your forearm to the dozens of other marks, they cut crude patterns in your skin, like
cracks in old leather. I try to remember the last time you wore short sleeves. I can’t.


That old rusted key hangs from its cord around your neck the way it always does, and
somehow it catches the light, even though the night is pitch-black. You fidget with
a slip of paper, roll it and unroll it, eyes scanning the surface as if something
should be written there; but it’s blank, so you roll it again until it’s the size
and shape of a cigarette, and tuck it behind your ear. You start drawing lines in
the dust on the porch rail as you talk. You could never sit still.


Ben comes to the porch door and asks a question, and I wish I could remember the words.
I wish I could remember the sound of his voice. But I can’t. I do remember you laughing
and running your fingers through the three lines you’d drawn in the dust on the railing,
ruining the pattern. Ben wanders back inside and you tell me to close my eyes. You
hand me something heavy and smooth, and tell me to listen, to find the thread of memory,
to take hold and tell you what I see, but I don’t see anything. You tell me to try
harder, to focus, to reach inside, but I can’t.


Next summer it will be different, and I will hear the hum and I will reach inside
and I will see something, and you will be proud and sad and tired at the same time,
and the summer after that you will get me a ring just like yours, but newer, and the
summer after that you’ll be dead and I’ll have your key as well as your secrets.


But this summer is simple.


This summer I am nine and you are alive and there is still time. This summer when
I tell you I can’t see anything, you just shrug and light another cigarette, and go
back to telling stories.


Stories about winding halls, and invisible doors, and places where the dead are kept
like books on shelves. Each time you finish a story, you make me tell it back to you,
as if you’re afraid I will forget.


I never do.


T
HERE IS NOTHING
fresh about this start.

I lean back against the car and stare up at the Coronado, the hotel-turned-apartment
building that my mother and father find “so charming.” It stares back, wide-eyed,
gaunt. I spent the whole drive twisting the ring on my finger, running my thumb over
the three lines etched into its surface, as if the silver band were a rosary or a
charm. I prayed for someplace simple, uncluttered, and new. And I got this.

I can see the dust from across the street.

“Isn’t it divine?” squeals my mother.

“It’s…old.”

So old that the stones have settled, the cracks deep enough to give the whole facade
a tired look. A fist-size piece of stone loosens before my eyes and tumbles down the
side of the building.

I look up to find a roof dotted with gargoyles. Not at the corners, where you’d expect
gargoyles to be, but perching at random intervals like a line of crows. My eyes slide
over rippling windows and down six floors to the carved and cracking stone marquee
that tops the lobby.

Mom hurries forward, but stops halfway across the road to marvel at the “antiquated”
paving stones that give the road so much “character.”

“Honey,” calls Dad, following. “Don’t stand in the street.”

There should be four of us. Mom, Dad, Ben, me. But there’s not. Da’s been dead for
four years, but it hasn’t even been a year since Ben died. A year of words no one
can say because they call up images no one can bear. The silliest things shatter you.
A T-shirt discovered behind the washing machine. A toy that rolled under a cabinet
in the garage, forgotten until someone drops something and goes to fetch it, and suddenly
they’re on the concrete floor sobbing into a dusty baseball mitt.

But after a year of tiptoeing through our lives, trying not to set off memories like
land mines, my parents decide to quit, but call it change. Call it a fresh start.
Call it just what this family needs.

I call it running.

“You coming, Mackenzie?”

I follow my parents across the street, baking in the July sun. Below the marquee is
a revolving door, flanked by two regular ones. A few people—mostly older—lounge around
the doors, or on a patio to the side.

Before Ben died, Mom had whims. She wanted to be a zookeeper, a lawyer, a chef. But
they were
whims
. After he died, they became something more. Instead of just dreaming, she started
doing. With a force. Ask her about Ben and she pretends she didn’t hear, but ask her
about her newest pet project—whatever it happens to be—and she’ll talk for hours,
giving off enough energy to power the room. But Mom’s energy is as fickle as it is
bright. She’s started switching careers the way Ben switches—
switched
—favorite foods, one week cheese, the next applesauce.… In the past year, Mom’s gone
through seven. I guess I should be thankful she didn’t try to switch lives, too, while
she was at it. Dad and I could have woken up one day and found only a note in her
nearly illegible script. But she’s still here.

Another stone crumbles off the side of the building.

Maybe this will keep her busy.

The deserted space on the first floor of the Coronado, tucked behind the patio and
below the awnings, is the future home of my mother’s biggest whim—she prefers to call
this one her “dream endeavor”—Bishop’s Coffee Shop. And if you ask her, she’ll tell
you this is the only reason we’re moving, that it has nothing to do with Ben (only
she wouldn’t say his name).

We step up to the revolving doors, and Dad’s hand lands on my shoulder, filling my
head with a jumble of static and wavering bass. I cringe and force myself not to pull
away. The dead are silent, and objects, when they hold impressions, are quiet until
you reach through them. But the touch of the living is loud. Living people haven’t
been compiled, organized—which means they’re a jumble of memory and thought and emotion,
all tangled up and held at bay only by the silver band on my finger. The ring helps,
but it can’t block the noise, just the images.

I try to picture a wall between Dad’s hand and my shoulder, like Da taught me, a second
barrier, but it doesn’t work. The sound is still there, layered tones and statics,
like radios tuned wrong, and after an appropriate number of seconds, I take a step
forward, beyond his reach. Dad’s hand falls away, and the quiet returns. I roll my
shoulders.

“What do you think, Mac?” he asks, and I look up at the hulking shape of the Coronado.

I think I’d rather shake my mother until a new idea falls out and leads us somewhere
else.

But I know I can’t say this, not to Dad. The skin beneath his eyes is nearly blue,
and over the last year he’s gone from slim to thin. Mom might be able to power a city,
but Dad barely stays lit.

“I think…” I say, managing a smile, “it will be an adventure.”

I am ten, almost eleven, and I wear my house key around my neck just to be like you.


They tell me I have your gray eyes, and your hair
—
back when it was reddish brown instead of white
—
but I don’t care about those things. Everyone has eyes and hair. I want the things
most people don’t notice. The ring and the key and the way you have of wearing everything
on the inside.


We’re driving north so I’ll be home for my birthday, even though I would rather stay
with you than blow out candles. Ben is sleeping in the backseat, and the whole way
home, you tell me stories about these three places.


The Outer, which you don’t waste much breath on because it’s everything around us,
the normal world, the only one most people ever know about.


The Narrows, a nightmarish place, all stained corridors and distant whispers, doors
and darkness thick like grime.


And the Archive, a library of the dead, vast and warm, wood and stone and colored
glass, and all throughout, a sense of peace.


As you drive and talk, one hand guides the steering wheel, and the other toys with
the key around your neck.


“The only things the three places have in common,” you say, “are doors. Doors in,
and doors out. And doors need keys.”


I watch the way you fiddle with yours, running a thumb over the teeth. I try to copy
you, and you catch sight of the cord around my neck and ask me what it is. I show
you my silly house key on a string, and there’s this strange silence that fills the
car, like the whole world is holding its breath, and then you smile.


You tell me I can have my birthday present early, even though you know how Mom likes
to do things right, and then you pull a small unwrapped box from your pocket. Inside
is a silver ring, the three lines that make up the Archive mark carefully etched into
the metal, just like yours.


I don’t know what it’s for, not yet
—
a blinder, a silencer, a buffer against the world and its memories, against people
and their cluttered thoughts
—
but I’m so excited I promise I will never take it off. And then the car hits a bump
and I drop it under the seat. You laugh, but I make you pull off the freeway so I
can get it back. I have to wear it on my thumb because it’s too big. You tell me I’ll
grow into it.


We drag our suitcases through the revolving door and into the lobby. Mom chirps with
glee, and I wince.

The sprawling foyer is like one of those photos where you have to figure out what’s
wrong. At first glance it glitters, marble and crown molding and gilt accents. But
at second look the marble is coated in dust, the molding is cracked, and the gilt
accents are actively shedding gold onto the carpet. Sunlight streams in through the
windows, bright despite the aging glass, but the space smells like fabric kept too
long behind curtains. This place was once, undeniably, spectacular. What happened?

Two people mill by a front window, seemingly oblivious to the haze of dust they’re
standing in.

Across the lobby a massive marble staircase leads to the second floor. The cream-colored
stone would probably gleam if someone polished it long enough. Wallpaper wraps the
sides of the staircase, and from across the room, I see a ripple in the fleur-de-lis
pattern there. From here it almost looks like a crack. I doubt anyone would notice,
not in a place like this, but I’m supposed to spot these things. I’m hauling my luggage
toward the ripple when I hear my name and turn to see my parents vanishing around
a corner. I hoist my bags and catch up.

I find them standing in front of a trio of elevators just off the lobby.

The wrought iron cages look like they might safely hold two. But we’re already climbing
into one of them, three people and four suitcases. I whisper something halfway between
a prayer and a curse as I pull the rusted gate closed and press the button for the
third floor.

The elevator groans to life. There might be elevator music, too, but it’s impossible
to hear over the sounds the machine makes simply hoisting us up. We rise through the
second floor at a glacial pace, padded in by luggage. Halfway between the second and
third floor, the elevator pauses to think, then heaves upward again. It gives a death
rattle at the third floor, at which point I pry the jaws open and set us free.

I announce that I’m taking the stairs from now on.

Mom tries to free herself from the barricade of luggage. “It has a certain…”

“Charm?” I parrot, but she ignores the jab and manages to get one leg over the suitcases,
nearly toppling as her heel snags on a strap.

“It has personality,” adds my father, catching her arm.

I turn to take in the hall, and my stomach drops. The walls are lined with doors.
Not just the ones you would expect, but a dozen more—unusable, painted and papered
over, little more than outlines and ridges.

“Isn’t it fascinating?” says my mother. “The extra doors are from way back when it
was a hotel, before they began knocking down walls and combining rooms, converting
spaces. They left the doors, papered right over them.”

“Fascinating,” I echo. And eerie. Like a well-lit version of the Narrows.

We reach the apartment at the end, and Dad unlocks the door—an ornate 3F nailed to
its front—and throws it open. The apartment has the same scuffed quality as everything
else. Lived-in. This place has marks, but none of them are ours. In our old house,
even when you took away the furniture and packed up the
stuff
, there were all these marks. The dent in the wall where I threw that book, the stain
on the kitchen ceiling from Mom’s failed blender experiment, the blue doodles in the
corners of rooms where Ben drew. My chest tightens. Ben will never leave a mark on
this place.

Mom
oohs
and
ahhs
, and Dad drifts quietly through the rooms, and I’m about to brave the threshold when
I feel it.

The scratch of letters. A name being written on the slip of Archive paper in my pocket.
I dig the page out—it’s roughly the size of a receipt and strangely crisp—as the History’s
name scrawls itself in careful cursive.

Emma Claring. 7.


“Mac,” calls Dad, “you coming?”

I slide back a step into the hall.

“I left my bag in the car,” I say. “I’ll be right back.”

Something flickers across Dad’s face, but he’s already nodding, already turning away.
The door clicks shut, and I sigh and turn to the hall.

I need to find this History.

To do that, I need to get to the Narrows.

And to do that, I need to find a door.