Authors: John Strauchs
“The men who sent the Colombian, Rubio, still need to be dealt with.
That part
isn’t over, but it is different now. No one is going to be hunting for me.
I think I know
who they are and I can deal with it. Trust me just a little longer,” he said.
Jenny was crestfallen. She closed her eyes and then opened them slowly.
“Then it’s not over. It’s not over at all,” she said.
“It will be…soon…but you’re out of it now. I don’t want you to be in danger any
longer. I’ll take it from here on…and put an end to this once and for all,” he said.
“They’re still going to come for me to get to you.”
“No, they won’t. They’ll be able to find me. They won’t need you. I’ll make sure
of that and I’ll end it before they can do anything,” he said.
She didn’t believe it.
It wasn’t over. It wasn’t ever going to be over. She was
right.
A small frail black woman is sitting on the trunk of a fallen palm. She is less than
five feet in height but she isn’t a dwarf. She is wearing a faded black dress, framed
around the neck with yellowed old lace. At one time it was a beautiful black velvet dress
but the nap wore away a long time ago. A plain gold wedding band gleams on her finger.
She holds out her hand from time to time to see the ring glint in the sun. She is remembering. Her hair is white, whiter than the lace. Her face is fractured by hundreds of lines
and creases. She is beautiful. Her name is Mary Thomas. She has had many names and
this one suits her now.
She slowly opens a heavily creased brown paper sack and takes out a small carton
of milk. The hot afternoon sun beating on the chilled milk carton has formed condensation on the carton that is dripping on her paper sack.
She wipes it off with a small embroidered handkerchief. Water can do a lot of damage to a paper bag, especially a very
old one. The paper is waxed so it didn’t soak in much. She balanced half of a sandwich
wrapped in plastic on her knee. She sits and she listens and she watches.
A group of children are playing beneath a grove of palm trees just a few feet
away. They found a colorful land crab.
“
Cardisoma guanhumi,”
she says to herself. She anointed the crab with its true
name.
She can barely make it out through the grey film over her tired eyes, but it seems
to be a truly marvelous crab. It is bright orange with large patches of cobalt blue. One of
the children kicks sand on her small patent leather shoe. The boy doesn’t apologize. She
doesn’t mind. She loves watching children even though they ignore her. The very young
don’t like to see the very old if they can help it. It is unimaginable to children that they
could ever become that old.
She pokes and pokes a straw into the milk carton but it just won’t give way.
“Here let me do that for you,” said Jared as he sits down besides her.
“Thank you kindly, Jared.”
The children are trying to feed the crab but all it wants is to run away and hide.
“Kindness not noticed is kindness not done,” said Mary Thomas.
Jared glances behind the old woman.
“It took you quite some time to come over here and sit with me. Yes, I have a
shadow. And look, there is sand on my shoe.
Ghosts wouldn’t have these things. Of
course, if I am your delusion—as you think I may be—you’re smart enough to have provided me with a shadow.”
Jared frowns.
“My Goodness! If I’m not a ghost, what else can I be? You’re not sure about God
and you certainly don’t believe in religion so I can’t be an angel. I can’t be a demon for
the same reasons. Right? Perhaps I am a friend from a long time ago or maybe in the far
future.”
“Why the games, Mary Thomas? Why don’t you just tell me who you are, what
your are? What you want?”
“It wouldn’t serve you to make anything easy.
It never does. All good things in
this world are hard—not easy.
I am not going to make it easy for you. And, I am not
going away.”
“If I did I know who you are I obviously wouldn’t be asking.
What is your full
name? All I could get was Mary Thomas,” said Jared.
“Mary Thomas is a nice name.
It will do. And don’t think nonsense,” said Mary
Thomas. ‘You’re not the only one who knows what people are thinking—sometimes at
least.”
The children glance up at them. The girls giggle but the boys seem to be annoyed.
They resume their game with the land crab.
“Can you walk? Let’s go someplace private and talk,” said Jared.
“Take my arm. Of course I can walk.
I may be old but I am not yet entirely decrepit,” said Mary Thomas.
They stand.
Jared gathers her milk and paper bag in one hand and gently holds
her arm. They walk away toward the waters edge.
“Slowly, young man.
These shoes aren’t right for sand. Wouldn’t you know
that.”
“Would it be better if you took them off? I’ll carry them for you.”
“I’m just fine. Walking suits me and my shoes will go where I go.”
They walked along the water’s edge where the sand was still wet and packed from
the receding tide. It was easier for Mary Thomas to walk here.
“My, my, isn’t it just a beautiful day. What do you think Jared? Isn’t it a marvelous day?”
“I don’t suppose there is any point to ask how you got here.”
Mary Thomas said nothing.
“What did you think about that little boy who tried to save Jenny? The poor little
boy,” said Mary Thomas.
“What about him?” asked Jared?
“Now didn’t I just ask you something?”
“He was a brave boy,” said Jared.
“What do you think about that little boy? I’ll keep asking until you tell me.”
“It was a foolish thing to do. It was of no help in saving Jenny and it cost him his
leg.”
“Saying that he was brave was insincere, wasn’t it?”
“No, he was brave, but it was futile and foolhardy.”
“What should the little boy have done then?
Would it have been smarter to have
done nothing, considering that his act of bravery really had not contributed to protecting
Jenny? But is that really true?
Had the little boy not been there, what might have happened? Did you think about that? But he was a stupid little boy, wasn’t he?”
“Why are we talking about the boy? What do you want me to say?”
“Why are you avoiding telling me what you really think? Of course, I know what
you are thinking. I just want to hear you say it. You believe that he was stupid. Isn’t that
true?”
“Yes, it was a stupid thing to do.”
“Thank you.
Wrong and heartless, but thank you for being honest. Now let’s
stick with the truth from now on.”
Jared looked back.
“And, yes, I leave tracks in the sand. What do you think? I float?”
This time Jared frowned harder.
“How did you get here, Mary Thomas?”
“You asked me that before. I’m not senile and I am not going to tell you that.”
“Why don’t you just tell me? Why is it a game? Not communicating isn’t rational.”
“It is very rational.
I can’t live your life for you.
You have to make your own
decisions and draw your own conclusions. You have to tend your own garden, Jared. If I
say too much you will be tempted to have me make your decisions for you. That will not
happen.”
“Then there’s no point to this, is there?”
“You suspect that I am a delusion. I am not saying that I am, but let’s suppose for
a minute that this is true.
If I am a delusion, then you are putting all of the words in my
mouth, aren’t you?”
“You are intent on frustrating me,” said Jared.
“No, not at all.
But I can understand why you would feel that way.
You aren’t
accustomed to situations that you don’t completely understand.
It makes you feel insecure.”
“This is pointless,” said Jared.
“Jared, there hasn’t been anyone like you for a very long time.
Many who were
born like you didn’t survive or didn’t have children. And, remember, not all of your
children will inherit all of your abilities.”
Jared ignored that comment. He was not going to have children.
“You are going to have children, Jared,” said Mary Thomas.
Jared was not going to respond to that.
“How many that did survive committed suicide?” asked Jared.
“Yes, there is that, isn’t there? Quite a few. Quite a few.”
“Well, that’s just peachy,” said Jared.
“Don’t talk nonsense. I’m smart too. What a silly word. Peachy,” said Mary
Thomas.
“I’m not very smart right now. I don’t feel very smart.”
“Really?”
“I know you like Nietzsche. Recite
Thus Spoke Zarathustra
from the beginning.
The German would be nice.”
“This is ridiculous,” said Jared.
“You can’t do it?”
“Fine!” and Jared started:
Als Zarathustra dreißig Jahre alt war, verließ er seine
Heimat und den See seiner Heimat und ging is das Gebirge.
Hier Genoß er seines Geites und seiner Einsamkeit und wurde
dessen zehn Jahre nicht müde. Endlich aber verwandelte sich
sein Herz,--und eines Morgens stand er mit der Morgenröte
auf, trat vor die Sonne hin und sprach zu ihr also: “Du großes
Gestirn! Was wäre dein Glück, wenn du nich die hättest, welchen du leuchtest!”
“That’s enough,” said Mary Thomas.
“What’s your point?”
“The point is that you are immensely lonely. Didn’t you understand Zarathustra?
Couldn’t you find the answer?
We both know that you have suicidal thoughts now and
then. I understand how you feel. I really do! It is like seeing the most spectacular meteor
shower ever witnessed on earth but if you are the only one who sees it, it has less value.
It is like understanding the most perfect relationship in numbers that no one else can
comprehend. The loneliness must be terrible to bear.”
“I don’t get lonely.”
“Stop talking nonsense. Who do you think you’re talking to?
“I wish I knew,” said Jared.
“Stop talking nonsense,” said Mary Thomas.
“Fine! OK! I live in a world in which I don’t belong. I care about nothing.”
“My, my, so pessimistic, but venting is good. And what about Jenny? Isn’t she
important to you?”
“Yes….Of course…I don’t know.
I don’t know what she is to me? It feels good
to be with her but it’s not enough.
I don’t understand what I am supposed to feel about
her. She doesn’t really know who I am. I can’t share what I see…I can’t share that spectacular meteor shower…not what I know…with her or anyone. She could never see what
I can see. My feelings for her are entirely programmed. It’s chemistry. It is just chemistry. It isn’t anything I can’t control,” said Jared.
“You have to overcome this obstacle, Jared. You are going to have to learn how
to deal with those things in life that you can’t fully comprehend. Jenny loves you and she
wants to have children.”
“I can’t imagine having children.”
“No, I don’t expect you can. But that is true for any man before he has children.
You aren’t special in that regard. It is a great responsibility that is difficult to prepare for.
It is going to take a leap of faith. You’re not very good at faith.”
“I don’t belong in this world, Mary Thomas.
You know that.
What if a child of
mine is born just like me. I don’t want him, or her, to face the same torments that I have
endured…that I endure every day.”
They both walked for a long time without talking.
“Jared, get a pet. A cat would be good.”
Jared stopped abruptly and just stared at her. Then he spoke.
“Don’t talk to me like a child. I don’t appreciate it.”
Do you understand why a cat does things cats do? Do you think that if a cat licks
its anus its disgusting. Doesn’t sound very sanitary, does it?
It’s sort of disgusting for
humans. Or maybe it isn’t as bad as we may think—as cats go, that is.
Of course a cat
wouldn’t do that if it had the intelligence of man and maybe fingers to hold things, but
since it doesn’t, licking its butt may be a very good thing for a cat to do. We humans tend
to judge everything from our own narrow perspective.
Perhaps we shouldn’t judge. We
are extremely poor at objectivity. Humans have no capacity to understand a cat.?”
“Cats! Pets! If you don’t have anything useful to talk about, let’s just stop now.”
“You are so different from anyone else in this world, Jenny included, you can’t
seem to grasp how other people think and act. No matter how intelligent you are, you are
unable to feel empathy or to understand how ordinary people think and feel. You judge
them on the basis of how you think and feel. You would judge a cat, wouldn’t you?”
Jared and Mary Thomas started walking again.
Again, they walked a long time
without saying anything. Jared was trying to understand. He was trying.
“Are you going to do it? Are you going to get a pet?
“I don’t know, but I’ll think about it.”
“Please do. And, one more thing. Don’t ever come to regard Jenny as just a smarter pet. Your great intellect isn’t the defining characteristic of being human that you think
it is.
In some ways she will always be superior to you.
You may never learn to feel, to
care, and to have empathy for others that Jenny does naturally. Jenny will never be able
to grasp things as you do, but if you do decide to have children, she will become a part of
you and you of her. Jared, you’re different, but not necessarily superior to other people in
all things. Sometimes you don’t understand that.”
“I know. I know.”
“We’ll talk again some time. Of course, that is entirely up to you,” said Mary
Thomas.
Jared said nothing.
“And one more thing. That floral rocks girl in that dream you have over and over
again. She isn’t Jenny.”
“Then who is she.”
“Figure it out.”
“It makes no sense.”
“Maybe you’ll understand it some day. Maybe not. Bye.”
Jared watched her walk down the beach.
Would she disappear?
She didn’t. He
sat in the wet sand.
He watched for a long time until she could be barely seen.
He
moved back up the beach to where the sand was dry and sat and he thought. He thought
for a long time. The sun was setting in the west and was just about to sink back into the
sea.
A warm soft wind blew down the beach and gently moved the palms. Finally, he
stood up and walked back to the village. He found Jenny. She was sitting with the women. They were frying fish.
A gentle breeze carried the aroma of the cook fire. He could
smell the marvelous spices. He glanced down the beach. Mary Thomas was gone.
“Jared, I couldn’t find you.”
She smiled and got up and walked over to him. It
warmed his heart. It was so good to see her smile.
“I was meeting with a friend.”
“Who?” asked Jenny.
“You don’t know her.”
“You hungry?”
“Not really. But go ahead if you are,” said Jared.
“I’ve been taking bites all afternoon. I’m full,” said Jenny.
“Good. Let’s go to the boat.
I love your Kuna outfit but maybe now you can get
your own clothes on,” said Jared.
“OK. We going somewhere?”
“I think its time to go home.”
Jenny lit up.
“Really?
That would be wonderful. I love it here but I miss my family. Are you
sure it’s OK? There’s a lot of explaining to do.”
“Trust me. It is OK.”
“What about those men who were hunting you…us?” asked Jenny.
“We went through this already. That’s all taken care of.
Rubio promised that he
won’t bother us again. I trust that he will keep his word.”
“Won’t they just send others?”
“The people who sent Rubio no longer have a lot of resources to draw on.
They
were acting on their own and they can’t risk attracting any more attention to themselves.
What they did was totally illegal. More importantly, they will be dealt soon.
As I told
you yesterday, now that the White House is aware of what happened, I think they’ll be
dealt with. If not, I’ll take care of it.”
Jared really didn’t believe that it was all over, but he wanted Jenny to have some
peace of mind…for now at least.
“That is wonderful, Jared. But what about the police in Maine?” asked Jenny.
“That is being taken care of as well. My attorney has been dealing with those is
sues ever since we left. There is nothing to be concerned about.”
“I can’t believe it. Is this nightmare really over?”
“It’s over Jenny. We’ll call your Mom and Krissy when we get to Panama City.”
“Panama City? Are we leaving tonight?”
“No. Tomorrow morning. I have a room booked at the Panama Hotel for tonight.
We have seats on a U.S. government flight going back to the states tomorrow evening.
Idel is going to take care of StarWind for a while”
Jenny was stunned by the news that their lives may be back to normal. She could
scarcely believe it. She wasn’t sure she did. Still, she was so excited. She just kept asking question. Jared patiently answered her. She made him feel happy again.
They walked to the administration building and found Idel sitting on the wide
porch smoking a cigar.
“Idel have another?” asked Jared.
“Of course my friend.” He pulled a Cuban Cohiba out of his breast pocket. Jared
bit off the tip and lit up.
“We have to get to Panama City tomorrow? Is there someone who can drive us?”
“Manuel will take you. You are leaving so soon?”
“Yes, I have to get back to take care of some things. But we will return soon, as
we talked about earlier.”
“The children will miss you Jenny,” said Idel.
“And I will miss them very much. I will also miss you Idel. How is the little boy
who lost his foot?” asked Jenny.
“He is good.
Very good, all things considered.
Jared has arranged for some excellent physicians in Miami to care of him. He will receive a new foot soon. The boy is
very excited about that.”
“That is wonderful Idel. Why didn’t you tell me Jared?”
“I just arranged for it.”
“I am so pleased Idel. He saved my life. I owe him much.”
Jared said nothing.
“Things happen in life. No one is to blame,” said Idel.
Jared put out his hand.
“Thank you again.
I will be in touch soon. Thank you for all of the help and especially for taking care of Jenny.”
“
Por Nada
.”