"I wish you lived in North Carolina.” Grace wished she hadn't said that, but it was true. The more time she spent with him, the harder it was to let him go.
"I wish you lived here in New York.” Ethan knew what she meant. It was nice to have a friend around, especially an insatiable redhead like Grace. Having her near him just fueled his obsession for her. Yes, she was rapidly becoming an obsession. In a moment of passion, he said he loved her. It was true. He knew that, but it was impossible to do anything about—yet.
"I can't leave North Carolina just like you can't leave New York.” Grace was enjoying this little café on the side of the street. Traffic was heavy with cabs all over the place. People were walking on the sidewalk next to where they ate lunch. Everyone seemed to have a purpose or a mission. It was fascinating.
"Why exactly can't you leave? Not that I think you should.” He held his hands up as if to push back any negative energy. “I just don't see what's holding you there."
Grace was blistered by the question. She had lots of good reasons though none were really coming to mind.
"My mother for starters. The house, my job.”
Come on think.
“You wouldn't understand the rest."
Her head was hurting now.
She didn't like this line of questioning one bit. She never had to think about leaving. It was never an option. She never had to justify the question because no one ever expected her to leave. Megan asked her to once, but she knew better. Mitchell talked about starting a practice in Raleigh. She told him to go for it, but she would be in Beaufort. He didn't fight for her. He just let it be.
"Grace, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but your mom is gone.” Ethan placed his hand on top of hers. Maybe she stayed because she felt secure, safe. She could feel safe in New York. He did. He sighed heavy realizing that was a lie. He used to feel safe here before Chloe. “You do realize that ... don't you?"
Grace looked at him as if he were telling her something she didn't already know. Like she hadn't known her mother was dead for four years now. “Don't you think she would want you to be happy?”
Like with me?
"What do
you
know about my mother?” Grace was fierce and her tongue sharp, yet she said it quietly, pulling her hand from his, narrowing her gaze, and drawing her eyebrows down. “Are you saying I'm not happy? We had one night of passion, and you think you know all there is to know about me?"
"I'm not saying that. It has nothing to do with that.” Ethan was regretting his words already. Why did he have to go there? They could be friends, long distance friends.
No he couldn't; he wanted her. He didn't want to see Grace three years from now with some strange man he didn't know. She was his, and he would fight for her. Unfortunately, she was who he had to fight against.
"Don't make this about sex, Gracie. This is about you. Megan said the house you live in is the exact same as it had been when she lived there. Nothing has changed."
"So.” Grace was furious.
Her foot swung hard and fast under the table. Her arms were crossed and her brows drawn in tight. Megan had no right to talk to him about her especially since she never mentioned not liking the house before. “What does that mean?"
"Grace, I'm not trying to fight with you. I'm trying to understand you, that's all.” Ethan was getting frustrated and confused. She had no good reason to be there other than memories. If Grace couldn't let go of her past, they would have no future.
"Understand this. That house is all I have left of my family. Everyone has left me. My father died when I was young. My mother died when I was grown, and Megan left me when she went to college. That house, it's still there, and in it, so are they.” Grace was too mad to cry. It wasn't until this very moment she realized she had left everything the same. She never repainted a wall or refaced a cabinet.
The only additions were the surround sound and lazy boy to the living room. As she began the mental tour of walking through her home, she began to realize he was right. In an instant, sadness overwhelmed her. Why was he doing this?
"Okay, Gracie, I'm sorry I said anything to upset you.” Ethan tried to sound genuine when he said it, but a cold flush had hit his heart. The ice queen had returned and shut him down. All he could do now was watch her fume. Her whole body shook from the movement of the foot swinging under the table. He thought she might cry, and it seemed her eyes were completely brown.
Taking a sip of his water in an effort to get things on track and seem calmer than he felt, he forced a smile. “Let's just move on. Forget I said anything. What do you want to do next?"
"Call Megan. I want to call Megan to come get me, and I want to go home.” Grace was being childish and irrational, and she knew it.
He hadn't done anything to warrant the way she was treating him now, but she did it anyway. She had lost control. Reality was sinking in on her, taking her over. Her mother was dead. He said it, and he wouldn't lie.
"Okay.” Ethan got up, leaving money on the table, and didn't bother to pull her chair out like he had when she sat down. He was afraid she would swing on him. She looked so steamed.
"Let's go.” He knew he had hit a nerve deep, just like she had the other night before he was ready to admit to himself he wanted Grace. It was a scary moment.
He had never really been in love. He thought he could someday be in love with Emma, but looking back he was as much in love as she was, with the idea of it all. Everything was easy and perfect until she left for Los Angeles. This, on the other hand, was twisted, complicated, and making him re-evaluate his whole life.
"Fine.” Grace wasn't much for pouting, and it apparently had no effect on Ethan at all. He moved with a blatant disregard for her mood swing. She wanted him to plead with her to stay, to say something.
Yet, he agreed to let her go. She didn't want to go. She didn't know what she wanted. Her heart felt like she was being ripped in half. He was walking out on her, leaving her like everyone else had. It was too much.
"Do you want to call her, or do you want me to call her?” Ethan asked as they slid in the cab. He mumbled some directions to the driver and looked at her directly. “Grace?"
"You know, my head is killing me. I think I just need to lie down. I'm being a real bitch, and I don't know why.” She didn't know why. Here he was, the man she had spent long nights praying for, begging God to bring into her life, and she was chasing him away with her every breath. Her head was hurting, spinning, in fact, with the memories of her mother. Grace hadn't grieved at all, had yet to shed a tear. “Can we just go back to the loft?"
"Sure.” So, she didn't want to leave after all. This woman was throwing out more mixed signals than a New Jersey road crew. If she pulled away from him now, he would call Megan himself. He needed time to think, to figure things out.
"Come here, Gracie.” He opened his arms, and she slid right in. The taxi had barely made it down the road, and she was sobbing. Afraid to say anything, he just held her.
Chloe watched Ethan and the redhead across the street. Same woman he had with him at the birthday party. “Who is this bitch?” she said into the cell phone.
"Find out!” Emma replied.
"I don't know why you care. I mean I'm the one here with him, dealing with his antics. I have to comfort him when he suffers a loss. You left.” Chloe was venomous.
"Look, you told me he was hitting on you, and that he was holding me back. Don't forget that leaving for L.A. was a ploy to get him to prove he loved me.” Emma retorted.
"And he didn't. He stayed here and fucked me.” Chloe was satisfied in reminding her of that. “God, it was good."
"Well, he seems to care a lot about you. He's got a new woman on his arm, and you're sitting across the street completely unnoticed.” Emma hated that Chloe had slept with Ethan. How could she? How could she possibly love Ethan? Yet, there she was in New York, close to him.
Emma was in Los Angeles, building a career, but no Ethan to share it with. He was good for her image; she knew that. She needed him. He had contacts, credibility in the arts community. She really needed him desperately now.
"Well, from the looks of it, he just broke it off with her. He didn't pull her chair out, and she seemed pissed about something. I should give him a call.” Chloe smiled deviously. “Comfort him, in his time of need, again."
"If you're really my best friend, if you love me like you say you do, you will break off your affair with Ethan. I love him, you know that.” Emma pleaded. She hated begging Chloe.
"Well, we always hurt the ones we love. I don't see why you think my relationship with Ethan is any different than yours. You told me you loved me once. Do you remember that Emma? Before you decided that Mr. Art would be good publicity?” Chloe was cold now.
"He was more than publicity, you know that. Yes, it was good timing, but I care for him. I still love you, Chloe.” Shit, Chloe knew her way too well. Her manager found Ethan, on the top ten list, and had set the whole thing up. Now, she needed him back. “Do you still love me, Chloe?"
"Yes.” Chloe swallowed hard. She loved Emma, more than life. She hated Ethan because he took Emma from her. She wanted to make it clear to Emma he could never be good for her. She was the only one who could love her the way she needed to be loved.
"Then, get rid of her, he's ours."
Chloe closed the phone and stared across the street as the waitress cleaned up their table. Get rid of her? Maybe if she got rid of them both. Maybe if she could just get Ethan to cooperate. He loved Emma. How could he not? She was sure if Emma came back to his life, he would take her back. Who wouldn't love Emma? Who would refuse her? Certainly, he wouldn't be strong enough to do it twice.
Grace cried all afternoon in his bed, and Ethan paced the loft over and over again. What had happened? He was supposed to be wooing her and convincing her to move on. Instead, she's having a nervous breakdown. He felt helpless.
He called Joshua then wished he hadn't. The one person Joshua ran to when his relationship with Candace had fallen apart was the one person Ethan didn't want to discuss this with. After hearing Grace sob uncontrollably, inconsolably in his bed, he decided to just swallow it down and make the call.
Katherine Young arrived at the loft wearing a smart Donna Karen short suit. She was an attractive woman, confident, but also warm and caring. Ethan had called her because he was in a fix with Grace.
That rattled her. Ethan never called for anything and certainly not for women. One look at Ethan, and she took a deep breath. This was not a good sign. Here she pushed and pushed for him to settle down. Now, he was hurting. He didn't have to say it; she knew her son.
"Where is she?"
Ethan just pointed to the bedroom. Grace may hate him forever. She may not speak to him at the wedding much less pretend to be his girlfriend, but damn he had to do something.
Megan would be of no help. He could tell that was a part of her pain. Megan had left her; everyone had left her. Now, he had her grieving, and she was going back home to that big empty house alone tomorrow. He felt horrible and helpless.
"Sweetie, why don't you run, grab some cookies, milk, ice-cream, you know, junk food.” Katherine patted him on the arm.
Ethan had been pacing, and he only did that when he was upset. She could tell he felt useless and helpless, so she gave him something to do.
"I have some of that stuff here, Mom.” Ethan started to walk off, but his mother firmed her grip.
"Ethan, go buy more.” Katherine released his arm. This was going to be a doozy. He shrugged in frustration and headed out the door.
Stepping to the bedroom door, she took a deep breath. Chase and Megan had been together for a couple years now; she knew of Grace through the tales. The one that stuck out now was how she never cried at her mother's funeral.
Megan had bawled, begged Grace to come to New York with her, afraid to leave her. Megan still cried when she talked about it. Her aunt had practically raised her, and the loss was devastating. This child, however, had not accepted it. Whatever her son did today, she had a good feeling tipped that scale.
Entering the room, she found Grace lying face down in a pillow sobbing.
"Honey?” Katherine sat on the bed next to her. “Tell me what's wrong?"
"I don't know.” Grace spoke each word in turn through labored breaths.
She couldn't believe he called his mother. He could have called Megan, or the loony bin, but his mother? “I'm just really emotional right now. Probably PMS."
"What started the emotions?” Katherine said, gently stroking her red curls and pulling them away from her face. She could see why Ethan was upset. This was a lot to deal with. He had never really experienced loss. Katherine was grateful for that. She had and knew Grace's pain inside and out. Megan was a self-centered little thing, but she had a big heart. Katherine could see that when she talked about Grace. She wished Ethan had come to more family dinners. Maybe he would know more about this side of Grace from Megan, too.
"Ethan, he said my mother was gone.” Grace felt like a child telling on her brother instead of ... what was Ethan to her exactly?
"Is she?” Katherine knew the answer but wanted to make sure Grace did.
Grace nodded; then, a whole new wave of tears began.
"Come child.” Katherine pulled Grace into her arms and rocked her slowly. “You have not grieved her loss, have you?"
"I miss her so much.” Grace wailed. She was no longer in control of these emotions. They consumed her, pushed everything and everyone out of their way and flooded her completely. The same intensity she had felt between her and Ethan, which was filling up her heart, now filled her with grief, tearing her heart open and bleeding it dry.
"Of course, you do, honey. She was your mother,” Katherine whispered. “I understand. I lost my mother early, too."
"When?” Grace rasped.
"When I was pregnant with Ethan, I was only twenty at the time. She wasn't old. She went for her morning walk. When she came home, she had a headache. When my dad brought her some water, she was gone. Brain aneurism.” Katherine still spoke softly and slowly. Holding her close, she rocked her. “I almost lost him I was in such a desperate state. My father was in his own grief, and my husband felt helpless, desperate, like my son feels now."
"What did you do?” Grace sat up straight and now looked eye to eye with Katherine Young. She did understand her. It had to have been more devastating for Katherine, not to know. Grace watched the whole process. The cancer, the remission, then cancer and chemotherapy again and then ... “What can I do?"
"I did what my mother would have told me to do.” Katherine smiled and pushed the loose curls away from her face, tucking them behind her ear. She heard the door to the loft shut. Ethan was home. She knew he wouldn't stay gone long. He was like his grandfather, passionate. He would eat himself up with her grief.
"What's that?” Grace looked at her with a new appreciation. She had seemed so hard and proper when she met her at the restaurant. Now, she wore what was left of Grace's makeup on her expensive blouse with no notice or care. She only cared about Grace and helping her. She loved this woman, instantly.
Already she was feeling better. It hurt, but she acknowledged the pain. She hadn't done that in a long time.
"Live. You have to live, honey. Your mother didn't want you to die with her. No mother would. She wanted you to learn from her life, but live your own.” Katherine Young kissed Grace on the forehead and said, “Now, I sent Ethan out for cookies and milk. You look like you could use some."
"Oh, God.” Grace held her face in her hands. “I was awful to him, just mean."
She had yelled at him, said spiteful words, and all because he really was trying to be a friend. Certainly, he was the only one in the last four years with enough courage to question her.
"Ethan is so worried about you right now. He won't care or remember that.” Katherine pulled Grace's hands from her face and pulled her chin up.
Looking Grace in the eye, she told her, “He has never talked to me about any woman in his life. He would avoid questions about Emma, and they were going to get married. He's very private. For Ethan to call me first, well, that tells me a lot about you, Grace McPherson."
"What does it tell you?” Grace didn't understand, but her breath was growing calm, and she realized she hadn't lived at all the past four years. She was supposed to be writing a book. A book about her mother and had avoided it because she had never admitted she was dead.
"It tells me I should hope to see more of you.” Katherine kissed Grace on the forehead again, cupped her hand around her chin, and smiled. When Grace finally smiled, she nodded and left the room. If Ethan hadn't told her he loved her, she wasn't about to do it for him.
She understood why he was cautious. Grace had a lot of issues. That made Katherine worry for her son. He may never fall in love again. It had taken his entire family by surprise at the birthday dinner. Everyone could see it, so why didn't Grace?