The Art of Happiness (32 page)

“To the Western mind,” I observed, “patience and tolerance are certainly considered virtues, but when you are directly beset by others, when someone is actively harming you, responding with ‘patience and tolerance' seems to have a flavor of weakness, of passivity.”

Shaking his head in disagreement, the Dalai Lama said, “Since patience or tolerance comes from an ability to remain firm and steadfast and not be overwhelmed by the adverse situations or conditions that one faces, one should not see tolerance or patience as a sign of weakness, or giving in, but rather as a sign of strength, coming from a deep ability to remain firm. Responding to a trying situation with patience and tolerance rather than reacting with anger and hatred involves active restraint, which comes from a strong, self-disciplined mind.

“Of course, in discussing the concept of patience, as in most other things, there can be positive and negative kinds of patience. Impatience isn't always bad. For instance, it can help you take action to get things done. Even in your daily chores, like cleaning your room, if you have too much patience, you might move too slowly and get little done. Or, impatience to gain world peace—that certainly can be positive. But in situations that are difficult and challenging, patience helps maintain your willpower and can sustain you.”

Becoming increasingly animated as he moved more deeply into his investigation of the meaning of patience, the Dalai Lama added, “I think that there is a very close connection between humility and patience. Humility involves having the capacity to take a more confrontational stance, having the capacity to retaliate if you wish, yet deliberately deciding not to do so. That is what I would call genuine humility. I think that true tolerance or patience has a component or element of self-discipline and restraint—the realization that you could have acted otherwise, you could have adopted a more aggressive approach, but decided not to do so. On the other hand, being forced to adopt a certain passive response out of a feeling of helplessness or incapacitation—that I wouldn't call genuine humility. That may be a kind of meekness, but it isn't genuine tolerance.

“Now when we talk about how we should develop tolerance towards those who harm us, we should not misunderstand this to mean that we should just meekly accept whatever is done against us.” The Dalai Lama paused, then laughed. “Rather, if necessary, the best, the wisest course, might be to simply run away—run miles away!”

“You can't always avoid being harmed by running away ...”

“Yes, that's true,” he replied. “Sometimes, you may encounter situations that require strong countermeasures. I believe, however, that you can take a strong stand and even take strong countermeasures out of a feeling of compassion, or a sense of concern for the other, rather than out of anger. One of the reasons why there is a need to adopt a very strong countermeasure against someone is that if you let it pass—whatever the harm or the crime that is being perpetrated against you—then there is a danger of that person's habituating in a very negative way, which, in reality, will cause that individual's own downfall and is very destructive in the long run for the individual himself or herself. Therefore a strong countermeasure is necessary, but with this thought in mind, you can do it out of compassion and concern for that individual. For example, so far as our own dealings with China are concerned, even if there is a likelihood of some feeling of hatred arising, we deliberately check ourselves and try to reduce that, we try to consciously develop a feeling of compassion towards the Chinese. And I think that countermeasures can ultimately be more effective without feelings of anger and hatred.

“Now, we've explored methods of developing patience and tolerance and letting go of anger and hatred, methods such as using reasoning to analyze the situation, adopting a wider perspective, and looking at other angles of a situation.
An end result, or a product of patience and tolerance, is forgiveness. When you are truly patient and tolerant, then forgiveness comes naturally.

“Although you may have experienced many negative events in the past, with the development of patience and tolerance it is possible to let go of your sense of anger and resentment. If you analyze the situation, you'll realize that the past is past, so there is no use continuing to feel anger and hatred, which do not change the situation but just cause a disturbance within your mind and cause your continued unhappiness. Of course, you may still remember the events. Forgetting and forgiving are two different things. There's nothing wrong with simply remembering those negative events; if you have a sharp mind, you'll always remember,” he laughed. “I think the Buddha remembered everything. But with the development of patience and tolerance, it's possible to let go of the negative feelings associated with the events.”

In many of these discussions, the Dalai Lama's primary method of overcoming anger and hatred involved the use of reasoning and analysis to investigate the causes of anger, to combat these harmful mental states through understanding. In a sense, this approach can be seen as using logic to neutralize anger and hatred and to cultivate the antidotes of patience and tolerance. But that wasn't his only technique. In his public talks he supplemented his discussion by presenting instruction on these two simple yet effective meditations to help overcome anger.

“Let us imagine a scenario in which someone who you know very well, someone who is close or dear to you, is in a situation in which he or she loses his or her temper. You can imagine this occurring either in a very acrimonious relationship or in a situation in which something personally upsetting is happening. The person is so angry that he or she has lost all his or her mental composure, creating very negative vibrations, even going to the extent of beating himself or herself up or breaking things.

“Then, reflect upon the immediate effects of the person's rage. You'll see a physical transformation happening to that person. This person whom you feel close to, whom you like, the very sight of whom gave you pleasure in the past, now turns into this ugly person, even physically speaking. The reason why I think you should visualize this happening to someone else is because it is easier to see the faults of others than to see your own faults. So, using your imagination, do this meditation and visualization for a few minutes.

“At the end of that visualization, analyze the situation and relate the circumstances to your own experience. See that you yourself have been in this state many times. Resolve that ‘I shall never let myself fall under the sway of such intense anger and hatred, because if I do that, I will be in the same position. I will also suffer all these consequences, lose my peace of mind, lose my composure, assume this ugly physical appearance,' and so on. So once you make that decision, then for the last few minutes of the meditation focus your mind on that conclusion
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without further analysis, simply let your mind remain on your resolution not to fall under the influence of anger and hatred.”

“Let us do another meditation using visualization. Begin by visualizing someone whom you dislike, someone who annoys you, causes a lot of problems for you, or gets on your nerves. Then, imagine a scenario in which the person irritates you, or does something that offends you or annoys you. And, in your imagination, when you visualize this, let your natural response follow; just let it flow naturally. Then see how you feel, see whether that causes the rate of your heartbeat to go up, and so on. Examine whether you are comfortable or uncomfortable; see if you immediately become more peaceful or if you develop an uncomfortable mental feeling. Judge for yourself
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investigate. So for a few minutes, three or four minutes perhaps, judge, and experiment. And then at the end of your investigation, if you discover that ‘Yes, it is of no use to allow that irritation to develop. Immediately I lose my peace of mind,' then say to yourself, ‘In the future, I will never do that.' Develop that determination. Finally, for the last few minutes of the exercise, place your mind single-pointedly upon that conclusion or determination. So that's the meditation.”

The Dalai Lama paused for a moment, then looking around the room of sincere students preparing to practice this meditation, he laughed, and added, “I think if I had the cognitive faculty, ability, or the clear awareness to be able to read other people's minds, then there would be a great spectacle here!”

There was a ripple of laughter in the audience, which quickly died down as his listeners started the meditation, beginning the serious business of doing battle with their anger.

I
t is estimated that in the course of a lifetime at least one in four Americans will suffer from a debilitating degree of anxiety or worry severe enough to meet the criteria for the medical diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. But even those who never suffer from a pathological or disabling state of anxiety will, at one time or another, experience excessive levels of worry and anxiety that serve no useful purpose and do nothing but undermine their happiness and interfere with their ability to accomplish their goals.

The human brain is equipped with an elaborate system designed to register the emotions of fear and worry. This system serves an important function—it mobilizes us to respond to danger by setting in motion a complex sequence of biochemical and physiological events. The adaptive side of worry is that it allows us to anticipate danger and take preventative action. So, some types of fears and a certain amount of worry can be healthy. However, feelings of fear and anxiety can persist and even escalate in the absence of an authentic threat, and when these emotions grow out of proportion to any real danger they become maladaptive. Excessive anxiety and worry can, like anger and hatred, have devastating effects on the mind and body, becoming the source of much emotional suffering and even physical illness.

On a mental level, chronic anxiety can impair judgment, increase irritability, and hinder one's overall effectiveness. It can also lead to physical problems including depressed immune function, heart disease, gastrointestinal disorders, fatigue, and muscle tension and pain. Anxiety disorders, for instance, have even been shown to cause stunted growth in adolescent girls.

In seeking strategies to deal with anxiety, we must first recognize, as the Dalai Lama will point out, that there may be many factors contributing to the experience of anxiety. In some cases, there may be a strong biological component. Some people seem to have a certain neurological vulnerability to experiencing states of worry and anxiety. Scientists have recently discovered a gene that is linked to people who are prone to anxiety and negative thinking. Not all cases of toxic worry are genetic in origin, however, and there is little doubt that learning and conditioning play a major role in its etiology.

But, regardless of whether our anxiety is predominantly physical or psychological in origin, the good news is that there is something we can do about it. In the most severe cases of anxiety, medication can be a useful part of the treatment regimen. But most of us who are troubled by nagging day-to-day worries and anxiety will not need pharmacological intervention. Experts in the field of anxiety management generally feel that a multidimensional approach is best. This would include first ruling out an underlying medical condition as the cause of our anxiety. Working on improving our physical health through proper diet and exercise can also be helpful. And, as the Dalai Lama has emphasized, cultivating compassion and deepening our connection with others can promote good mental hygiene and help combat anxiety states.

In searching for practical strategies to overcome anxiety, however, there is one technique that stands out as particularly effective: cognitive intervention. This is one of the main methods used by the Dalai Lama to overcome daily worries and anxiety. Applying the same procedure used with anger and hatred, this technique involves actively challenging the anxiety-generating thoughts and replacing them with well-reasoned positive thoughts and attitudes.

 

 

 

Because of the pervasiveness of anxiety in our culture, I was eager to bring up the subject with the Dalai Lama and learn how he deals with it. His schedule was particularly busy that day, and I could feel my own anxiety level rising as, moments before our interview, I was informed by his secretary that we would have to cut our conversation short. Feeling pressed for time and worrying that we wouldn't be able to address all the topics I wanted to discuss, I sat down quickly and began, reverting to my intermittent tendency to try to elicit simplistic answers from him.