The Art of the Pimp: One Man's Search for Love, Sex, and Money (5 page)

FOREWORD

FIRST THERE WAS KINSEY.
Then Masters and Johnson. Then Hefner. Today, Dennis Hof is on the cutting edge of human sexuality in America. Freud said, “Civilization is built largely on erotic energy that has been blocked, concentrated, accumulated, and redirected.” It’s why modern man and woman are obsessed with the sexual; it’s the only realm of primordial
adventure
left. Dennis has proclaimed the BunnyRanch motto to be “Not just sex . . . an adventure,” and he provides a warm, safe, and legal environment for that
adventure
.

He is not a psychologist, sexual anthropologist, or utopian planner. He is a pimp, and arguably the most famous pimp in America. He is also one of my best friends.

I met Dennis before he was a pimp, over thirty-five years ago, when he was just another customer at the “Moonlight Ranch.” So was I, along with legendary comedian Andy Kaufman. I was Andy’s writer. Andy loved brothels and was probably the first celebrity to come out publicly in favor of legalized prostitution. In fact, when I produced the film
Man on the Moon
with Danny DeVito, we made sure to put in a scene where Andy (played by Jim Carrey) and I (played by Paul Giamatti) visit the Ranch.

ANDY AND DENNIS
hit it off from the start, especially when Dennis offered one of the working girls $100 if she could beat Andy in a wrestling match. Andy was a pro-wrestling fanatic, and he had a wrestling fetish that he liked to indulge at the brothel. The girl lost, but Dennis gave her the $100 anyway. Andy loved to have Dennis “officiate” the matches, and even had a black-and-white striped referee’s shirt made for him. Dennis cherishes that shirt, and still has it to this day.

Looking back, I now see that Dennis was taking notes from a master showman that he would one day use in creating his own public persona: The P. T. Barnum of Booty.

Any time Andy and I were performing in the area, we’d call up Dennis and meet him at the Ranch. Andy and Dennis loved to sit in the parlor and discuss what they would do if they owned a brothel. Sadly, Andy passed away before he could see Dennis realize their mutual vision, and adopt many of the original ideas that they came up with all those years ago. Today, Dennis and his “office wife,” Madam Suzette (like most husbands and wives, they don’t have sex), are changing the face of the industry, bringing it out of the dark and into the light. No longer are sex workers and their clients
ashamed
of their behavior, but
empowered
by it.

It’s actually empowerment that is the key to Dennis’ success — his open-mindedness when it comes to others’ sexual desires. He might be a man’s man when it comes to his own sexuality, but he’s never one to judge his clientele for their sexual proclivities, no matter how offbeat or downright bizarre. I was once eating in the BunnyRanch kitchen with Dennis when a 250-pound bearded, burly trucker type came strutting through the dining room wearing a Tinker Bell costume, followed closely by one of the ranch’s blondest, bustiest, most beautiful ladies telling him what a worthless little bitch he was. She was smacking his ass with some sort of stick, and he was audibly whimpering. Apparently, he wanted to be paraded through the public parts of the house to make his experience extra-humiliating. Dennis looked at me as he took a bite of his sandwich and said, “That’s not what I’d be doing with her, that’s for damn sure. But you know what, Bob? I get to be
me
 — no secrets and no apologies. It’s the most freeing feeling in the world. That poor bastard probably has a whole other life outside of here, without one person that will truly let him be himself. I’m glad he can be that here. Whatever it was!”

Mind you, it’s all done with the calculation of a master salesman. What I find fascinating is that Dennis’s own libido is hardwired into his entrepreneurial skill. I was sitting with Dennis in the Ranch’s parlor one day when a customer came up to him and said, “Dennis, you are the luckiest man in the world. You get all the pussy you want.” Dennis corrected him and said, “It’s not just that I get all the pussy I want. I also make money on all the pussy
you
want.”

Behavioral scientists tell us that monogamy is not found in any social group-living primate except man. Dennis figured that out early in life.

BESIDES THE HISTORICALLY MALE CLIENTELE,
you now see couples and bi-curious gals walking through the doors. I’ve personally met more rock stars and Academy Award–nominated actors and actresses at the Bunny Ranch than at an L.A. Lakers game. Of course Dennis would
never
reveal who they are. Discretion is one of the key ingredients to his success.

Dennis’s loyalty is something that I have always been able to count on, and I’ve seen it manifest itself many times over, whether it be a friend in need of a helping hand or a girl needing guidance in how to maximize her income as one of the Bunny Ranch’s “independent contractors.”

The BunnyRanch is open 365 days a year. And as for me, you’ll find me at the Ranch every Thanksgiving and Christmas, nestled near the crackling fire with a bunny on my lap. It’s family. An unconventional family, sure, but a family nonetheless. I’ve even put in my will that when I die, I want my ashes to be spread between the box springs and mattresses of all the Ranch’s beds. God knows I’ve reached nirvana in each and every one of them.