The Bachelor's Bed (12 page)

He didn't say a word when she came close, smelling like sweet summer rain, looking strong yet vulnerable in a way that made him want to throw everything he'd said out the window. With an incredibly light touch, she set her hands on his shoulders, bracing herself so that she could reach up on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

“Good-bye,” she whispered.

Then she was gone.

Colin stood there, still frozen. He had been blown away by her intense determination to break through to him, by her fierce loyalty to Carmen, by her need to make him understand. That she had walked away now, when he knew damn well how much his business meant to her own, caused a deep, piercing ache.

He was an idiot. A big, dumb jerk. He was taking his frustrations out on her and an old woman for God's sake.

For an encore he'd have to go beat up some orphans.

Disgusted with himself, he walked to his desk and took a good long look at what he'd put before everything else. Pieces of metal, nothing more.

Shattered, like his heart.

He looked at the closed door, certain he'd just let the best thing ever to happen to him get away.

 

I
T WAS PAST MIDNIGHT
before he allowed himself to go home. He was heavy-footed and bleary-eyed.

And just maybe exhausted enough to crawl into bed without missing Lani.

The house was dark, a good thing because no way could he face his mother and aunts and admit his failure. Or that the engagement party, scheduled for tomorrow night, was pretty much a moot point.

He turned his shower on boiling hot and stood under it for a long time, but the tension inside him didn't drain away. Naked and wet, he padded out of the bathroom into his dark room, hoping to fall into the oblivion of sleep.

“Hey.”

It was the sweetest, softest, sexiest “hey” he'd ever heard, and it had come from the vicinity of his bed.

“Hey back,” he said, so ridiculously relieved that his voice sounded like gravel. He peered into the moonlit dark and saw the shadow of Lani sitting cross-legged on his bed.

“I thought you'd never get out of that shower.”

Her voice held a touching mix of affection and nerves. He'd never been so happy to see anyone in his life, even though he couldn't exactly
see
her. He came closer to make sure he wasn't dreaming. His knees touched the bed. “I thought you were gone.”

“You fired me from the cleaning job,” she said slowly, touching his arm when he reached for the lamp. “Not yet, Colin. I'll say this better in the dark.”
She drew in a ragged breath. “You didn't say anything about this, about our agreement, so I didn't know, but…I didn't want to go back on my word. I still want to help you, if you want me.”

He didn't deserve her.

“I'm so sorry, Colin,” she said quickly before he could say a word. “I'm so, so sorry about your work, about what I did to the laser. Please forgive me.”

God. He'd yelled at her, been a complete jerk and she was apologizing to him. He was slime.

Worse.

And completely incapable of keeping his distance, not tonight. Hell, he couldn't even remember why he'd ever wanted to.

“Colin?” She was still worried, still half braced for his rejection.

He had to see her. He overrode her hand on his arm and flipped on the light, thinking only that he
had
to look into her gorgeous eyes.

Her startled gasp filled the room and he remembered…he was totally nude.

“Colin…” Her eyes feasted on him, feeding the heat and hunger that were already nearly out of control. “You're so beautiful,” she said dreamily.

“Not like you.” His gaze never left her face. She could have been wearing a potato sack for all he cared. “Not like you, Lani. You're the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.” Slowly he lowered himself to
the bed, then dragged her close. Banding his arms around her, he bent his head to hers.

“Does this mean you forgive me…?”

“Don't,” he begged. “Don't ever apologize to me for today. I can't believe how I talked to you, how you looked when I did. I know that you've lost too many people in your life—”

She went utterly still.

He cupped her face, made her look at him when she would have pulled away. “You never told me about it. About your family.”

“I…couldn't. It was a long time ago, it doesn't matter now.”

“It still gives you nightmares, it matters. I'm so sorry, Lani. I will never forgive myself for how I treated you.”

“I will,” she said simply.

Unable to bear hearing the words that came straight from her heart, when his own was so overflowing and confused, he kissed her. Blind, obsessive heat consumed them but it was different this time, different from anything he'd ever known.

It was soul-searching, earth-shattering and incredibly tender. The urgency was there, but suddenly they had all the time in the world, at least all night, and knowing that, Colin was hopelessly caught by every little nuance, the whisper of a kiss, the slightest touch, a promising glance.

It started again before it was over, the passion, the
hunger, and while the initial desperation was gone, the need remained.

He needed her, and he knew without a doubt that she needed him, too.

Nothing in his life had ever felt so…right. So perfect, though even that word didn't do justice to what they shared in those magical hours between midnight and dawn.

“I love you, Colin,” Lani whispered at one point, the pale moonlight highlighting her lovely features. “I'll love you forever.” Then she kissed him, halting any words or panic, and for the rest of the long, dark night, he lost himself in her.

T
HE NEXT DAY
Lani literally danced down Colin's hallways.

It wasn't pretend anymore between Colin and her, it couldn't be. Not with all they'd shared the night before.

Deliriously happy, she danced right to work, starting with Colin's house. She had lots to do—too much, given how behind she'd gotten yesterday, but she didn't mind.

Work was great. Life was great.

She
was great.

And tonight—her engagement party.

Hugging herself, she grinned with excitement. Then got to work, starting with the downstairs. She was in the room next to Colin's office, very carefully dusting the bookshelves, concentrating intensely. The last thing she wanted to do was break something else.

In the next room, she heard Colin's office phone, heard his rich, deep voice answer and greet Claudia.

Lani tried to ignore what the mere sound of him
did to her. She sprayed furniture polish on her cloth and turned her attention to the shelf.

Through the wall came the low, sexy timbre of Colin's voice. She didn't listen to the words, that would be eavesdropping, and Lani respected his privacy too much for that.

But she wasn't above losing herself in the simple sound of him. She'd done the same last night, listening to his husky whispers as he'd made love to her. Just the thought of some of those wicked suggestions brought a heat to her face now. For a dark, driven man, Colin was earthy, uninhibited and amazingly sensual.

She loved it.

Then she heard the word
wedding
from the other side of the wall and she stilled.

Wedding? He was talking to Claudia about a wedding? It was wrong to listen, she knew that, but she couldn't tear herself away.

“I realize you just want to help,” he was saying. “But it's not necessary.”

Lani put a hand to the wall to steady herself. There was going to be a wedding?
Theirs?

“No, Claudia. You don't understand.” He spoke more quietly now, so that Lani had to strain to hear. And strain she did, plastering her ear to the wall.

“It's not necessary,” Colin said. “Because there isn't going to be a wedding.”

The rag and polish can fell from Lani's hands to
the thick carpet as her raging emotions went from a sudden high to an all-time low.

It's all right,
she told herself, scooping up her supplies. They'd not discussed anything yet. There was plenty of time.

And she should walk away now, before she heard something she shouldn't.

“I didn't want to tell you about it for this very reason,” came Colin's voice. “I knew you'd react this way— No, listen to me, Claudia. I'm not trying to shut you out of being involved. It's not like that at all. My engagement to Lani? It's not real. It never was.”

His voice was so calm and certain. So mundane, as if he were discussing dinner plans.

Lani staggered away from the wall.
Shouldn't have listened,
she chastised herself, but it was too late. Her heart was processing the words her brain had heard, and it hurt. God, it hurt.

Colin made a disparaging sound. “Yes, that's right. It was all a sham, designed to let me work. There's not going to be a wedding. Ever.” His certainty was unmistakable.

Lani's heart broke.

Colin had never dropped the pretense. The realization wasn't an easy one. Last night—oh, last night—she covered her hot face. She'd been so free with herself, so into the beauty of what they'd shared, and it hadn't been real.

She should have known. After all, he'd been care
ful to make her no promises. She had no one to blame for the anguish she felt now, no one but herself.

Facing the truth was a humiliating experience, and far more painful than she could have believed. No matter what she had told herself, no matter what she'd thought she'd seen in Colin's eyes, she had been the only one to fall.

Lani just barely managed to scoop up her bucket and get out of the room without falling apart. Her vision hampered by bright, hot tears, her throat clogged with stinging hurt, her head down so that she could concentrate on getting her feet to cooperate, she escaped.

And ran directly into Irene in the hallway.

“Darling?” Irene frowned with worry.

Lani's heart was at her feet, crushed, and she was seconds away from self-destructing. Irene's sympathetic smile nearly killed her.

“Are you all right? What's the matter?” Irene wanted to know.

What was the matter? Her heart was broken. She wanted the man of her dreams to fall in love with her. She wanted him to need her above all else. She wanted, oh, how she wanted, to be a
real
bride. For Colin.

“Lani?”

“Nothing,” she answered quickly, her chest hitching with pain. “It's nothing.” She let out a little laugh
to mask her quiet sob. “I just got a dust fleck in my eye, that's all. Excuse me—”

But Irene gently took her arms and held her still. “You don't have to hide from me. I can see what's happened plain as the nose on my face.”

“I doubt it.”

“My son hurt you.”

“Oh, no. He would never—”

“Not physically,” Irene agreed. “Of course not. But he hurt you all the same. No need to rush to the rat's defense.”

Lani cleared her throat and swallowed her tears, hoping she sounded normal. “He's a wonderful man, smart and—”

“Lani—”

“—and responsible and strong and—” Her voice cracked when Irene's sad smile threatened her control.

“Oh, Lani. I know what Colin's good points are. Believe me, I know. But I also know the man's faults, and one of them is an inability to open his heart to another.”

The tears Lani had been holding back betrayed her and several spilled over. “It's not his fault,” she whispered. “He's been hurt.” She sniffed and wiped her face. “He's afraid.”

“And now you're paying the price.” Irene made a small noise of distress. “I shouldn't have pushed him into this. I'm so sorry.”

More than anything in that moment, Lani needed love, desperately. She needed a hug, needed to feel the warmth. It seemed natural to surge forward and hug Irene tight.

It took Irene only one second of hesitation before she wrapped her arms around Lani. “I'm sorry. So, so sorry,” she murmured, her voice rough with her own unshed tears.

The affection from a woman very unused to such things made Lani cry harder, but it was worth it. For one last special moment, she held onto a part of Colin's life. A life she'd wanted for herself with all her heart. “I have to go,” she whispered, knowing if she hung around now she'd make a fool of herself.

Irene straightened away, her own eyes suspiciously damp. “Where? What will happen?”

“I don't know.”

Irene's gaze was still hurting, but searching, too. “Truth, Lani. Was this engagement ever real?”

Only for herself. It'd been all too real. And short.

“Damn him,” Irene breathed when Lani didn't answer. “How could he have done this to you? To me? To the entire town? It's unthinkable.”

“Don't judge him too harshly,” Lani begged. “He had his reasons and they were unselfish ones. He didn't want to hurt you or anyone else.”

Irene nodded, looking thoughtful. “Yes, I see where he thought he was doing the right thing. Maybe there's hope for him then.”

Lani couldn't imagine it; she'd given him everything she'd had and that hadn't been good enough. She had nothing left but her pride, and she was taking that home. “I'm sorry about tonight.” The thought of her engagement party seemed…obscene. “Will you be all right?”

“Don't you dare worry about me.” For the first time since they'd met, Irene made the first move of physical affection. She reached out and clasped Lani's hands. “Are you sure you have to leave? There's nothing left?”

There was plenty left. Too much. It was why she had to go. “I have to leave, Irene. For me. Do you understand?”

“I don't want to, but of course I do. Lani, darling…” her eyes filled again “…take care.”

And so, for the second time in her life, Lani lost a mother. She wanted to hate Colin for that alone, but couldn't. Not when she understood him so well.

She managed to walk away, but it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. Remembering his last words helped.

It's not real,
he'd said.
It never was.

By leaving, she was breaking her word to Colin, something she'd sworn never to do, but it could no longer be helped.

It took her a pathetically short amount of time to pack—less than three minutes. She left the cool house and stepped out into the simmering heat. She
got in her car, rolled down her windows and drove off while Colin was still in his office, probably still on his phone casually denying everything she had believed in.

Risk.

She'd wanted one, and in the bargain had gotten far more than she'd counted on. Oh, well, it was done. She wouldn't regret it.

She headed down the hill and crossed the tracks.

 

C
OLIN HEARD
the front door shut. Between himself and Lani, and now his family, he heard the sound many times a day.

But for some reason, this time his head came up. His heart clenched. A very bad feeling filled his gut.

Something was wrong.

Claudia was still talking in his ear so he shook off the feeling and made a new attempt to listen to her listing his messages. They were important, he knew this, but he couldn't concentrate.

Not when inside him there was a sudden, terrifying aloneness. “I'm sorry, Claudia, I've got to go.” He hung up the phone, then went still as he tried to place his sudden uneasiness.

The house was silent as it hadn't been since…since before Lani had come into his life. He got up and left the office.

The living room was empty. So was the kitchen. His unease grew. “Lani?” he called out.

Nothing. No sweet voice, no musical, contagious laughter.

Spurred on by a strange fear, he raced up the stairs. She wasn't in the bedroom, where he'd left her soundly sleeping only a little while before. He remembered how she'd looked when he came out of the shower, sleeping so peacefully, looking heart-wrenchingly at home in his huge bed, wearing nothing more than his sheets and a contented expression.

Now she was gone.

Probably at work, he assured himself.

But the panic persisted. He looked in the bathroom.

Her toothbrush was gone.

So was her hairbrush and her small bag of makeup. Heart racing, palms damp, Colin raced back into the bedroom, but there was no mistake.

All her clothes were gone.

She'd left him.

She'd broken her promise and—

“Well, Son, you finally did it,” said his mother from behind him. “Chased away the best thing ever to happen to you.”

“She's…gone,” he said, stunned. His thoughts raced back to last night, to their incredible night of passion. Had she been upset, even as he'd held her, touched her, tasted her? Remembering her soft cries, her not-so-soft demands for more, the way she'd
held him clenched tight to her, he knew she hadn't been holding back, harboring any resentment.

She was too honest for that.

But was he honest enough to see the truth? He knew she loved him, knew that he hadn't been able to say those words back to her.

And he knew, dammit, he knew that eventually what he'd given her wouldn't be enough. She'd want the pretense dropped once and for all.

She'd want him for real.

Why hadn't he given her that? Why had he held on to his fear in the face of the most incredulous, giving love he'd ever received? “She's really gone,” he said again, bewildered, sinking to his bed. He looked around him as if she might materialize out of nowhere. “Gone.”

“Yes,” his mother said.

“She promised.” He had no idea why he said it, it just popped out, and he wouldn't take back the words because suddenly pride meant nothing. “She
promised.
”

“Promised what?”

No, dammit. He couldn't pin this on her. This was his fault, all his fault. “What happened?”

“She came out of the room next to your office, looking like she'd seen a ghost…” She paused. “Or maybe she heard something? Something that would hurt her?”

Colin closed his eyes, knowing what he'd done.
What she'd heard, and how it would have crushed her.

Claudia had been so eager to help, so eager to rush him down the aisle, and he'd balked.

But even as he'd done so, he'd known in his heart he wanted to throw the deception out the window and hold Lani to him forever.
Forever.
And that meant vows.

So why had he been so adamant with Claudia? Stubbornness, pure and simple, and Lani had been on the other side of the wall, unable to see the truth in his eyes, hearing only what he had said to his secretary.

It's not real, it never was.

He'd said that to Claudia and Lani had heard him and believed it. Why wouldn't she? He'd certainly said it enough.

Just another lie.

He swore.

“Oh, yes, it's a mess,” his mother agreed solemnly. “And you only realize the half of it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“In less than eight hours everyone that knows you is converging here for the engagement party of the year. It's going to be unpleasant without a fiancée, Colin.”

“That's the least of my problems at the moment.” He sighed and looked into his mother's hurt eyes. “I'm sorry.”

“I don't think I'm the one you should be apologizing to.”

“No, you're wrong about that. I tried to fool you. I lied to you.”

His mother gave him a sad, forgiving smile. “I might still have been furious, but Lani pointed out that you had good reasons and even better intentions, and I have to agree with her.” She sat next to him. “You're a wonderful man, Colin. You can run your own life perfectly well and I shouldn't have tried to interfere. I hope you'll forgive me for that.”