The Bad Girls' Club (4 page)

A minute later, she slammed a pair of oversized white cottontails on the table. She blushed but called out,
‘Count me in too.’

I couldn
’t believe it. Mousy little Julia or Jessica. She’d obviously taken off her pantyhose and was trying to squirm back into them without attracting attention – as if she could attract attention.

‘
Way to go, Juliette,’ Imogen said to her. ‘Leave those pantyhose off too.’

Juliette, of course. That was her name.
Poor Juliette,
Poppy called her. Probably still a virgin and living at home with her mother. People yelled down the other end of the room and the three of us spun around. Aunt Flossie had caught the bouquet.  As I turned back, Juliette and Imogen stared at me.

I wasn
’t about to be outdone by Juliette, but undressing at the table? It was OK for them. They didn’t have a zillion relatives buzzing around who’d be straight on the phone to their mothers. Maybe I could sneak into the bathroom –

‘
Come on, Beth,’ said Imogen. ‘Are you with us or not?’ Juliette and Imogen were bonding, that’s for sure. It’s stupid but things start off like this and next thing you know Juliette is being invited out for dinner with Imogen. And her mother. Meanwhile, I’m nowhere in the picture.

‘
Well, maybe.’ I looked around. ‘No. I can’t. Aunt Flossie is looking right at me.’

Imogen and Juliette both looked across the room.

‘No she isn’t. She’s talking to some guy.’

‘
He’s the drummer from the band,’ added Juliette. ‘She told me she was going to bag herself a muso if the best man wouldn’t put out.’ Juliette blushed.

Imogen leaned over to me.
‘So, you gonna spend the rest of your life worrying what Aunt Flossie or Aunt Jean or Aunt Gertrude are going to say?’

‘
OK,’ I said and stood up. I had to do this in the bathroom. The other two glared at me. I sat back down. I started inching my knickers down then looked around the room. Damn. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just –

Then I looked at Imogen and Juliette, the two most unassuming girls in the room. Probably the two most unassuming girls in the world. If they could do it so could I.

To hell with it. I whipped my knickers off too.

‘
We are officially bad girls now,’ Imogen told us. She topped up our glasses. ‘A toast. To the Bad Girls.’

We clinked glasses over the three pairs of knickers, sitting in the middle of the table like some kind of failed flower arrangement.

Monday morning when I got to work, there was an email from Imogen. Of course she had my email address; she probably had all my details. I bet sh
e’
d organised most of the wedding for Poppy, along with the engagement party and hen’s night. I opened it and noticed she’d sent a copy to Beth as well.

Bad Girls, we have made a start toward our freedom from the shackles of niceness but there are miles still to travel. I propose we meet at the back bar of the Railway Hotel for the inaugural meeting of the Bad Girls
’ Club. 8.00 Wednesday.

I laughed when I read it. They
’d have so much fun. I wished I could join in but I couldn’t be a bad girl. I had a boyfriend. I typed out a polite reply saying
thank you but I’m busy
but paused before hitting the reply button.

I wasn
’t busy. Wednesday night I would do the same thing I did every Wednesday. I’d get home from work and Mum’d have made rissoles and mashed spuds. We’d eat dinner while watching Law and Order, and then do the dishes. Usually Craig would call to see if I wanted to hang out on the weekend, as though there were any other option.

After lunch, I opened Imogen
’s email and read it again. The whole thought of a Bad Girls’ Club scared me. I just didn’t do stuff like that.

Still, we
’d had fun at the wedding. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so much. I’d woken up the next morning with a sore head and some embarrassing but funny memories. I hadn’t expected to hear from Imogen or Beth again, except maybe in a couple of years at Poppy’s baby shower or something.

It wouldn
’t be fair on Craig if I went along. I bet they planned on chasing after men and all kinds of stuff like that. He’d not want me hanging out with girls like that.

But then, Craig had sat up all night playing games when he
’d known I’d wanted him to go to the wedding. The memory of him opening the door unshaven and half asleep came into my head. He hadn’t stopped to think about what I’d like. He didn’t think about what was fair on me.

I sent off my reply before I could think about too much. If things got too scary, I could invent some excuse and go home.

***

I got to the pub, hoping Imogen or Beth were already there. I
’d never been into a pub on my own before and I’d feel like an idiot if I had to sit around waiting. Maybe I should wait outside? But, if they were inside already, they wouldn’t know where I was. I swung open the door and entered the bar.

The place stank of stale beer and the carpet stuck to my feet. The noise of pool balls clanking together rang out from the front bar and someone groaned with disappointment.

Luckily, I spotted Imogen, sitting at a booth on the back wall with some papers and a beer in front of her. She’d squished herself in, her ample boobs flowing onto the table. All I could see was a valley of cleavage. And what a valley. You would need a map and compass to get out of there alive. She waved me over with a big smile.

‘
Good, you made it,’ she said. ‘I’m not sure if Beth’ll turn up. She didn’t answer my email.’ She handed me some papers in a folder.

‘
What’s this?’ I flicked through them while she explained.

‘
I’ve thought about this. We can’t just go around randomly being bad girls. We need a plan. I put together this – I call it a charter for the Bad Girls’ Club.’ She laughed. ‘I was going to call it our rules but bad girls don’t follow rules.’

I started reading. Point 1 – each week one girl must fulfil a bad girl dare. The other members of the Bad Girls
’ Club decide the dare.

Well I wasn
’t sure about that. I didn’t like dares, they could get rather dangerous. I turned the page.

Point 2. Bad girl dares never make sex compulsory. Bad girls have sex because they want to, not because they have to.

That was a relief.

Just then, Beth turned up. She looked so out of place, wearing her designer suit and with her briefcase. Imogen handed her another folder.

‘OK, have you both finished reading?’ asked Imogen. ‘I think we need to start ourselves on the Bad Girls’ road. What I propose is that we meet on the Wednesday, discuss the details, and work out the dare for the next member. Is Wednesday OK with everyone?’

Beth and I just nodded.

‘Kind of like playing Truth or Dare as a kid,’ said Beth.

‘
Yeah, but without the Truth part. Just some good clean, dirty fun.’

Beth and Imogen laughed but I wasn
’t so convinced. I’d never played Truth or Dare.

‘
So, what are the dares?’ I asked.

‘
It depends. It doesn’t have to be anything too major and it is probably best that we don’t do too much, too soon.’

‘
But the other bad girls will come with us to make sure we carry out the dare?’ asked Beth.

Imogen shook her head.
‘We’re grown-ups, Beth. I think we can trust each other.’

‘
What happens if we don’t do the dare?’ Beth asked.

‘
You’re doomed to be a sad and boring nice girl for the rest of your life, aren’t you?’ Imogen replied.

I was a bit dubious.

‘But what if the dare is something scary? I don’t want to do anything that will upset my boyfriend.’

Imogen sighed and Beth just checked her nails, looking bored.

‘We won’t start with anything hardcore. Look, I’ll do the first dare and you can see what it’s like. You and Beth can think of something.’

I looked at Beth. I couldn
’t think of anything bad.

‘
How about shoplifting a lipstick?’

Imogen flicked through her folder and showed a page to Beth.

‘Nothing that’s actually illegal or will get us arrested. And that’s so teenage girl!’

Beth rolled her eyes. I
’d thought of something but I didn’t know if it was the right kind of dare. They’d probably think it was really lame.

‘
Well, I don’t know. You’ve put us on the spot,’ said Beth. ‘I need a drink.’

As Beth walked to the bar, Imogen whispered to me.
‘I really didn’t think Beth would turn up. She can be a bit snotty, can’t she?’

I nodded.

‘She wasn’t so bad at the wedding though,’ I said. At least she’d stopped calling me Julia-or-Jessica. I think if she’d done that one more time I’d have slapped her.

‘
Yeah, after she’d had a few drinks. When she first sat at our table, I nearly died thinking I’d have to look at her sour face all night.’

I nodded again, then looked around, trying to think of something else to say. Beth came back and handed me a glass of wine. That was nice of her, but I hadn
’t really wanted one.

We all sat for a moment, looking at each other. Imogen lit up a cigarette and Beth checked her phone.

‘What about streaking?’ asked Beth, stifling a yawn.

‘
Technically, that’s illegal,’ replied Imogen.

If Beth could say that, then maybe they wouldn
’t think my idea was so dumb. At least it wasn’t illegal.

‘
What about going to Smith’s Beach?’ I asked them, and then looked away. ‘Sorry, that’s a stupid idea. I’m sure you can think of something better.’

Imogen didn
’t look too comfortable but Beth smiled.

‘
There you go. That’s your dare.’

‘
But –’

‘
But what? You wanted a dare and that’s it. Come on, Imogen. It’s not like it’s so hard. I’ve been to Smith’s heaps of times.’

Imogen
’s smile looked forced.

‘
OK, I’ll do it.’

My amazing, and seemingly foolproof, plan had been to get to Smith
’s Beach early and beat the crowds. Right. Like I’d be that lucky – it was 30 degrees already and the car park was packed. Who knew people went to the beach at 9.00 am?

I parked the car and sat awhile, counting seagulls and thinking maybe Sunday wasn
’t the best day to do this. Technically, no one had specified when the dare had to be done so I could come back before work or even at night, late at night.

A carload of bimbos pulled up beside me, blaring the latest generic boy band. Blerk. Blonde, tanned bimbos with bones
perturbing from weird places on their bodies. I lit a cigarette and turned on the stereo. Nick Cave sang another song about braining some innocent girl with a rock. I envied her.

My fingers hesitated on the keys in the ignition. If I could think of three good reasons for doing this, I
’d get out of the car.

One: the chances of getting up early enough to drive down here before work were nil. I don
’t like mornings much.

Two: better to be an anonymous lump of flesh merging into a beach crowded with bodies than to stand out like whale amongst a few. I mean no one notices a single body in a Spencer Tunick photo, do they?

Three: it was damn hot in the car.

OK. No more excuses. I popped the hatch on the Mazda and grabbed my bag of beach props and diversions.

A steep, sandy path twisted down to the beach. I had to grab the handrail to stop myself from sliding down onto my arse and sand critters nipped at my ankles. I hate sand. I hate the sun. I hate the beach. Maybe, with any luck, a cyclone or a giant tidal wave would wipe everyone out.

Shit, it was sweltering – my skirt stuck to the sweat on the backs of my thighs. The ocean, sparkling up ahead, started to look tempting. Sand filled my shoes and my shirt flapped in the breeze. Damn the wind – it couldn
’t be cool and refreshing – no – it had to be hot and yucky so it could threaten my hat and twist my clothes and blow grit in my eyes. I hate the beach.

The strap of my straw bag cut into my shoulder like you
’d think my bag was full of bricks, but I only had the essentials – sunscreen SPF 50, towels, a couple of books, a report I had to check over for work, some sandwiches, an orange, a bottle of Diet Coke and Jack’s kindle that I’d nicked from his room when he and his boyfriend left for the movies. I could be at the movies with them, cool and air-conditioned instead of this beastly beach.

I rested my bag on the rail for a minute when, out of nowhere, two bimbos ran past, almost knocking me down. My bag flew off the rail – the papers and sandwiches soaring through the air and landing on a prickly bush while the kindle fell – splat – on the ground. My orange rolled a little way down the path then over the edge, plummeting to the sand below.

The bimbos looked back and giggled.

I hate the stupid, goddamn, motherfucking beach.

What was I doing here anyway? In a few minutes, once the glare of the sun hit my flabby, white flesh, the whole beach would be laughing. Shrieks of laughter rolling down the beach like a Mexican wave.

I scrounged around for my stuff, praying I hadn
’t fucked up Jack’s kindle. I was so frigging useless. This was a sign to forget the whole stupid idea and get home where I belonged.

But the Bad Girls – how would it look if I failed my first dare when I had been all bravado and talk at the meeting? I hadn
’t expected the others to even turn up. A crazy prank when you are half-pissed is one thing, but to keep going takes balls. I didn’t think Juliette had the balls and as for Beth, whoa, that girl had problems.

But, naked. In public. Why did they pick that of all things? I could face anything but public nudity. I
’d just have to tell Beth and Juliette that I backed out. Unless…

I hesitated for a moment then walked back to the car. I knew it was wrong but I picked up my mobile phone and made an appointment at the local solarium.

***

I heard Beth and Juliette giggling as soon as I walked into the bar, but not for long. They spotted me and it was like a cross-examination.

‘Hey, Imogen, did you do it?’

‘
What was it like?’

Jeez-us. Did they want the whole world to know? Luckily the only other person in the back bar was an old codger who looked as deaf as a post.

I had my priorities though, drink first, talk later. I waited for the barmaid to pour a beer while Beth mouthed ‘hurry up’.

Squeezing into the booth, I told them that we needed to work out the next dare.

‘That can wait. We want the dirt, don’t we Juliette?’

Juliette nodded.

‘Now, show us your stomach.’

‘
Huh?’

‘
Your stomach? The all-over tan? We need proof.’ Beth smirked, obviously thinking she was being all cool and daring.

‘
I am not flashing my stomach in a public bar. Forget it. Now, who’s next? We need to work out the next dare.’

Beth reached over and pulled up my top before I could stop her.

‘Gee, you tanned easily, Imogen. It would take me weeks to get that brown unless I went to a solarium.’

I shrugged.
‘So, which of you is next?’

‘
I am,’ said Juliette. ‘We “rock, scissor, paper-ed” for it.’

Beth grabbed at me again.
‘Now show us your butt, Imogen. Prove it’s all-over.’

Thank God I was sitting down. Just wait until it was her turn – I bet she wouldn
’t be so mouthy then.

‘
So, Juliette’s dare? Any ideas?’

‘
Not until we get a few more details from you. What’s the point of meeting up if we don’t get to hear all the gory details. What happened?’

I shrugged.
‘Not much. Went to Smith’s, spent a bit of time on the beach, got a tan and came home.’

‘
Hey, don’t rip us off,’ said Beth. ‘Where did you sit? What did you do? Were there any hotties on the beach?

‘
I just sat on the beach. Nowhere special. Well down one end… kinda between two rocks.’ I hoped that there was a spot like that on the beach ‘I spread out my towel and plonked down. Then I took off my skirt and t-shirt.’

‘
Is that all?’ asked Beth.

I should have stopped right there. My heart boomed like a bass beat, my face glowed and my guts churned. I should
’ve ‘fessed up. They’d have gotten over it.

Beth stifled a fake yawn.

‘Boring. Is that all?’

‘
No, that isn’t all.’ She could shut the fuck up with her stupid comments. I’m not boring – I’m as brave and daring as anyone. Just not at a nude beach.

‘
Well, why didn’t you strip off?’ Beth asked.

‘
I did. If you’d just be quiet a minute and let me tell my story. I pulled my book out of my bag but I didn’t get past the first page before that nagging voice in my head started. After all, I started up this club, didn’t I? How could I expect either of you to do anything at all brave and bad when I was lying on a nudie beach in my bathers? I’m no wimp. I peeked around and no one was paying me the slightest bit of attention so I whipped my top over my head and settled back down. My boobs were squished into the sand, anyway.’

‘
Topless?’ asked Juliette. ‘That would be enough for me.’ She looked down at her drink.

‘
I started reading again, but the voice came back at me. OK. I slipped my bottoms off quickly too. I just hoped no one could see me.

‘
The sun was warm on my skin. I was more aware of my body than I’d ever been before. Like I was conscious of every inch of flesh. I was almost tempted to jump in the water for a swim. Except I didn’t want to, you know, call attention to myself or anything. So I laid my head down for a little nap.’

‘
Hold that thought. I think we need refills before this story goes any further. It does go further, doesn’t it?’ Beth picked up the empty glasses.

I nodded my head. May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, as my Nan used to say.

As Beth wandered back, precariously balancing the three glasses, I took a deep breath ready to launch into the next bit.

‘
So?’ asked Beth when she sat down.

‘
I was sound asleep on the beach when someone tapped me on the shoulder. You know how it is when you are woken up from a nap, still half-asleep and you don’t know where you are? I jumped up quickly, wondering what the fuck was going on. The hottest guy was standing over me.’

‘
Details, come on. How hot?’

‘
Dark hair, a little bit of fuzz on the chest but not too much. Tanned and you know, a little bit of muscle definition but no Muscle Mary. Oh and he had one of those crinkly-eyed smiles.’

Juliette sighed and leaned in closer.
‘I love those crinkly-eyed smiles.’

Beth nodded.
‘Well, der, girl. Every woman loves a crinkly-eyed smile. They melt the heart cockles.’

‘
Not just the heart cockles, if you know what I mean,’ I added.

This drink Beth got was awfully strong. I
’d discouraged her penchant for Cosmopolitans – they are so frou-frou. God knows what she had moved on to.

‘
OK, well, I’d jumped up, remember, when he tapped me. I looked up, scanning his body then suddenly realised where I was and that I was completely naked. I grabbed for my sarong before he noticed my fat arse shining in the sun.’

‘
So you were still lying on your front at this stage?’ asked Juliette.

I scowled.
‘No, but you know what I mean. Well, you probably don’t, not having an arse yourself.’

Juliette sighed.
‘I wish I did. I just have a back with a crack in it. No arse at all. I’d like a nice curvy bum. A hootchie bum that I could wiggle when I walked.’

‘
Juliette, for God sake,’ said Beth. ‘One, you would never, ever wiggle that arse if you had it. We all know you aren’t an arse wiggler. And two, let Imogen tell the story.’

‘
Maybe if I had an arse, I would be the kind of girl that wiggled it. What comes first, the arse or the wiggle? Sorry, Imogen, go on with the story.’

‘
OK, I am sitting there, groping for my sarong and just a little bit flustered when he said, “Sorry to disturb you.” He had the most toe-curling accent. Girls, that accent! Then he said, “I noticed you were asleep and getting a little red.”

‘
Red? Red? You can imagine how red I was sitting there with this God of a man leaning over me. Yeah, the sun was hot but not nearly as hot as him. And every time I turned my head, all I could see was that coral-pink dick lying against the tan brown of his legs. There it was, a line from my eyes to it, a dashed line like in the cartoons. I didn’t mean to even look.’

‘
Sure, Imogen.’ Beth smirked.

‘
How big was it?’

‘
Juliette!’ both Beth and I shrieked.

Juliette turned scarlet.
‘Just asking,’ she muttered. We all laughed.

‘
Well, it wasn’t erect so it wasn’t too big. More like a little rosebud tucked up ready to bloom. So, of course I thanked him, hoping he would leave or at least give me a chance to collect my thoughts enough to cover up.’

‘
Right,’ added Beth.

‘
He asked if I had any sunscreen. He was still leaning over me so I could feel his breath against my face. I told him I’d put some on earlier. I hadn’t bothered doing my back though. I was still half-dressed when I put it on. “I’m fine,” I told him.

‘
But he said to me, “No, you will burn your lovely skin. Let me.” I shook my head but he’d grabbed the sunscreen. I thought that was a bit pushy of him.

‘“
Don’t worry. I’ll do it myself,” I told him.

‘“
No, no, no. You can’t do it. You won’t be able to reach the hard places in the middle.” He grabbed my sunscreen. “Just lie back. I will be gentle.”

‘
What could I do but lay back down? He squirted the sunscreen onto my back. It was so cold against my skin. It made me squirm. “Lay still,” he ordered. He was very masterful. His big hands were all over my back, rubbing up into my neck – you know that bit right at the base of the neck. That bit just there.’ I indicated, and the girls just nodded. Juliette’s eyes shone like two full moons. ‘By then I was like a rubber doll. No, more like a kitten, a little purring kitten. I forgot about trying to hide myself and just laid back and enjoyed it.

‘
Once he finished my back, I tried to get up. I was back to reality, but he pushed firmly on my shoulder. “I am not finished yet,” he said.’

‘
In his stern masterly voice?’ asked Juliette. I nodded and she gulped again.