Étienne
The policeman was perspiring, but not with the heat. The air-con in the room made it like a fridge. It was more to do with the exertion of speaking English. When he came to a difficult word or a complicated sentence his brow would crease into a hundred lines. Then, little beads of sweat would pop up like opals on his brown skin.
'But Mis'er Duck no you frien',' he said.
I shook my head. 'I'd never met him before last night. And listen. The Duck name, it's not real. It's a joke name.'
'Jo' name?' said the policeman.
'Not a true name.' I pointed to where he'd written the name in his notebook. 'Daffy Duck is a cartoon character.'
'Ca'oon?'
'Yes.'
'Mis'er Duck is ca'oon?'
'Like Bugs Bunny. Uh, Mickey Mouse.'
'Oh,' said the policeman. 'So, he gi' false name to gues' house.'
'Definitely.'
The policeman wiped his shirtsleeve over his face. Sweat sprinkled over his notebook, blurring the ink. He frowned and new droplets replaced the ones he'd just swept away.
'Now I wan' ask you abou' scene of crime.'
'OK.'
'You en'er Mis'er Duck room, because wha'?'
I'd worked this out on the walk down the Khao San Road to the police station.
'Because he kept me awake last night and I wanted to tell him not to do it again.'
'Ah. Las' nigh' Mis'er Duck make noise.'
'Right.'
'And wha' you fine in room, hah?'
'Nothing. I just saw him dead and went to tell the guest-house manager.'
'Mis'er Duck already dead? How you know abou' tha'?'
'I didn't. I just thought he was. There was a lot of blood.'
The policeman nodded sagely, then leant back on his chair.
'I think you angry abou' so much noise las' nigh', hah?'
'Sure.'
'How angry wi' Mis'er Duck?'
I held up my hands. 'I spent the whole morning in the restaurant eating breakfast. From six until nine. A lot of people saw me there.'
'Maybe he die before six.'
I shrugged. I wasn't worried. There was a clear image in my head of the low light coming through the newspapered windows and the sparkling highlights on Mister Duck. The blood had been pretty wet.
The policeman sighed. 'OK,' he said. 'You tell me agai' abou' las' nigh'.'
Why didn't I mention the map? Because I didn't want to get involved in some foreign police investigation and I didn't want my holiday fucked up. Also I didn't care much about the guy's death. I saw it as, well, Thailand's an exotic country with drugs and AIDS and a bit of danger, and if Daffy Duck got too caught up, then it was his look-out.
I didn't get the impression that the policeman cared much about the whole thing either. After another thirty minutes of ruthless interrogation ('Can you ve'ify you eat banan' pancake?') he let me go, asking me not to leave Khao San within twenty-four hours.
The French girl's boyfriend was sitting on the steps of the police station with his face angled up towards the sun. Obviously he'd been brought in for questioning too. He glanced around as I walked down the steps, maybe thinking I was the girl, then turned back.
Normally I'd have taken that as a sign someone doesn't want to chat. I do a lot of my travelling alone so sometimes I get starved of conversation and company. It makes me alert to body language, because even if I'm feeling a bit lonely I don't want to inflict myself on a person who isn't interested. But this time I ignored the sign. Despite not wanting to get involved with the police, the death had made for an unusual start to the day and I had the urge to talk about it.
I sat down right beside him so he couldn't avoid me. As it turned out, I'd read the sign wrong anyway. He was very friendly.
'Hi,' I said. 'Speak English? Uh, je parle français un petit peu mais malheureusement je suis pas très bon.'
He laughed. 'I speak English,' he replied in a gently accented voice.
'You're here about that guy who died, huh?'
'Yes. I heard you were the one to find him.'
Fame.
'Yep,' I replied, pulling my cigarettes out of my pocket. 'Found him this morning.'
'It must have been bad for you.'
'It was OK. Do you smoke?'
'No, thank you.'
I lit up.
'So, I'm Richard,' I said, exhaling.
'Étienne,' said Étienne, and we shook hands.
Last night I'd put him at eighteen or so, but in the daylight he looked older. Twenty or twenty-one. He had a Mediterranean look about him - short dark hair and a slim build. I could see him in a few years' time, a couple of stones heavier, a glass of Ricard in one hand and a boule in the other.
'This is so weird,' I said. 'I only got to Thailand last night. I wanted to relax in Bangkok, if that's possible, and instead I got this.'
'Oh, we have been here already four weeks, and it is weird for us too.'
'Well, yeah, I suppose someone dying is always a bit strange. So where've you been for the last month? Not only Bangkok, surely.'
'No, no.' Étienne shook his head vigorously. 'A few days in Bangkok is enough. We have been north.'
'Chiang Mai?'
'Yes, we went on a trek. We rafted on a river. Very boring, no?' He sighed and leant backwards, resting his back on the stone step behind him.
'Boring?'
Étienne smiled. 'Raft, trek. I want to do something different, and everybody wants to do something different. But we all do the same thing. There is no... ah...'
'Adventure.'
'I think it is why we come here.' He pointed around the corner of the police station, towards the Khao San Road. 'We come for an adventure, but we find this.'
'Disappointing.'
'Yes.'
Étienne paused for a moment, frowning slightly, then he said, 'This man who died. He was very strange. We would hear him late at night. He would talk and shout... The walls are so thin.'
To my irritation I blushed, remembering the sound of Étienne and his girlfriend having sex. I took a deep drag on my cigarette and looked down at the steps we were sitting on. 'Are they?' I said. 'I was so tired last night I slept
'Yes. Sometimes we do not return to the guest-house until late so he will already be asleep.'
'It won't be a problem any more.'
'Often we could not understand him. I know he talked English because I would recognize some words, but... it was not easy.'
'It wasn't easy for me either. He was Scottish. Strong accent.'
'Oh... You heard him last night?'
Now it was Étienne's
turn to go red while I concentrated on my cigarette. My embarrassment was compounded by his. It was odd, but if his girlfriend had been ugly I'd only have been amused, but because she was so attractive it almost felt as if I'd had some kind of affair with her. Which of course I had. A mental affair.
We blushed at each other until the awkward silence became too oppressive.
'Yes,' I said, far too loudly. 'He had a thick Scottish accent.'
'Ah,' replied Étienne, also a little firmly. 'Now I understand.'
He stroked his chin thoughtfully as though he were smoothing down a beard, although I could see from his light stubble that he was a long way from being able to grow one. Then he said, 'He would talk about a beach.'
He looked straight at me as he said it. He was watching my face for a reaction - it was obvious. I nodded to make him continue.
'He would talk about it all night. I would lie on my bed awake, because I could not sleep with his shouting, and I would try to follow his words. Like a puzzle.' Étienne laughed. 'Fokkin' bitch,' he said, approximating the man's voice pretty well. 'It took me three nights to understand it was a beach. Just like a puzzle.'
I took another drag on my cigarette, leaving a pause in the conversation, letting Étienne fill it.
'I like puzzles,' he said, but not really to me. Then he let the silence grow.
A trip to India, seventeen years old, more dope than sense, me and one friend decided to take about an eighth of hash with us on a flight from Srinagar to Delhi. We each made our own plans as to how to take it. I wrapped mine up in plastic, swathed it in masking tape and deodorant to mask the smell, and tucked it into a bottle of malaria pills. The precautions were probably unnecessary. The customs officers were unlikely to be too interested in internal flights, but I did it anyway.
When we got to the airport I was shit scared. I mean I was
shit scared
— eyes popping, shaking, sweating like a pig. But in spite of my fear, I did the most extraordinary thing. I told a complete stranger, a guy I met in the waiting lounge, that I had some dope hidden in my backpack. It wasn't even like he'd winkled the information out of me. I volunteered it. I made the conversation move on to the subject of drugs, and then confessed that I was a smuggler.
I don't know why I did it. I knew it was a fantastically stupid thing to do, but I went right ahead and did it anyway. I simply needed to tell someone what I was doing.
'I know where the beach is,' I said.
Étienne raised his eyebrows.
'I've got a map.'
'A map of the beach?'
'The dead guy drew it for me. I found it stuck to my door this morning. It shows where the beach is, how to get there. I've got it in my room.'
Étienne whistled. 'You told the police?'
'Nope.'
'Perhaps it is important. Maybe it is something to do with why he...'
'Maybe it is.' I flicked away my cigarette. 'But I don't want to get involved. Maybe they'd think I knew him or something, but I didn't. I never met him before last night.'
'A map,' said Étienne quietly.
'Cool, huh?'
Étienne stood up suddenly. 'Can I see it? Would you mind?'
'Uh, not really,' I replied. 'But aren't you waiting for...'
'My girlfriend? Françoise? She knows the way back to the guesthouse. No, I would like to see the map.' He rested a hand lightly on my shoulder. 'If I may.'
Surprised by the intimacy of the gesture, my shoulder twitched and the hand dropped.
'Yeah, sure,' I said. 'Let's go.'
Mute
We didn't talk as we walked down the Khao San Road towards the guest-house. There was no point. Dodging through the hundreds of travellers made it impossible to have a conversation. Passing the bootleg-tape stalls, moving through the music zones, picking up the walking pace for one beat, slowing it for another. Creedence Clearwater told us to run through the jungle, as if we needed to be told. A techno beat pumped out of fuzzy speakers, then Jimi Hendrix.
Platoon. Jimi Hendrix, dope, and rifle barrels.
I sought out the smell of grass to complete the connection, and found it through the stench of a hot gutter and sticky tarmac. I think it came from above — a balcony full of braided hair and dirty T-shirts, leaning on the guard-rail, enjoying the scene below.
A brown hand flashed out and caught hold of me. A Thai trader sitting by his stall, a slim man with acne scars, was gripping my arm. I looked towards Étienne. He hadn't seen, was still walking down the road. I lost him behind bobbing heads and tanned necks.
The man began stroking my forearm with his free hand, smoothly and swiftly, not loosening his grip. I frowned and tried to pull away. He pulled me back, taking my hand towards his thigh. My fingers clenched to a fist and my knuckles pressed against his skin. People pushed past me on the pavement, knocking me with their shoulders. One caught my eye and smiled. The man stopped stroking my arm and started stroking my leg.
I looked at him. His face was passive and unreadable and his gaze was levelled at my waist. He gave my leg a final caress, turning his wrist so his thumb slipped briefly under the material of my shorts. Then he released my arm, patted me on the behind, and turned back to his stall.
I jogged after Étienne - he was standing on the pavement twenty yards ahead with his hands on his hips. As I approached he raised his eyebrows. I frowned and we continued walking.
At the guest-house the silent heroin addict sat in his usual seat. When he saw us he drew a line with his finger over each wrist. 'Sad, huh?' I tried to say, but my lips were sticky and barely opened. The sound that came from my throat was a sigh.
Françoise
Étienne gazed at the map for five minutes without speaking. Then he said, 'Wait,' and darted out of my room. I heard him rummaging around next door, then he came back holding a guidebook. 'There.' He pointed to an open page. 'These are the islands in the map. A national marine park west of Ko Samui and Ko Pha-Ngan.'
'Ko Samui?'
'Yes. Look. All the islands have protection. Tourists cannot visit, you see?'
I couldn't. The guidebook was written in French, but I nodded anyway.
Étienne paused, reading, then continued. 'Ah. Tourists can go to...' He took the map and pointed to one of the bigger islands in the small archipelago, three islands down from where X marked the beach.' ...this one. Ko Phelong. Tourists can go to Ko Phelong on a special guided tour from Ko Samui, but... but they can only stay one night. And they cannot leave the island.'
'So this beach is in a national park?'
'Yes.'
'How are people supposed to get there?'
'They cannot get there. It is a national park.'
I leant back on the bed and lit a cigarette. 'That's that sorted then. The map is bullshit.'
Étienne shook his head. 'No. Not bullshit. Really, why did the man give it to you? He went to so much trouble. See the little waves.'
'He called himself Daffy Duck. He was mad.'
'I do not think so. Listen.' Étienne picked up his guidebook and began a halting translation.
'The most adventurous travellers are... exploring the islands beyond Ko Samui to find... to find, ah, tranquillity, and Ko Pha-Ngan is a favourite... destination. But even Ko Pha-Ngan is...' He paused. 'OK, Richard. This says travellers try new islands beyond Ko Pha-Ngan because Ko Pha-Ngan is now the same as Ko Samui.'
'The same?'
'Spoiled. Too many tourists. But look, this book is three years old. Now maybe some travellers feel these islands past Ko Pha-Ngan are also spoiled. So they find a completely new island, in the national park.'
'But they aren't allowed in the national park.'
Étienne raised his eyes to the ceiling. 'Exactly! This is why they go there. Because there will be no other tourists.'
'The Thai authorities would just get rid of them.'
'Look how many islands are there. How could they be found? Maybe if they hear a boat they can hide, and the only way to find them is if you know they are there - and we do. We have this.' He slid the map across the bed at me. 'You know, Richard, I think I want to find this beach.'
I smiled.
'Really,' said Étienne. 'You can believe me. I do.'
I did believe him. He had a look in his eye that I recognized. In my early adolescence I went through a stage of mild delinquency, along with two of my friends, Sean and Danny. During the early hours of the morning, weekends only because we had school to think of, we would patrol the streets around our area, smashing things. 'Hot Bottle' was the favourite game. It involved nicking empty milk bottles from people's doorsteps. We would throw the bottles high into the air and try to catch them. Most of the fun came when bottles were dropped, seeing the silvery explosion of glass, feeling the shards flick against our jeans. Running from the scene of the crime was an extra kick, ideally with the shouts of enraged adults ringing in our ears.
The look I recognized in Étienne's eyes came from one particular experience when we graduated from smashing milk bottles to smashing a car. We'd been sitting in my kitchen, playfully discussing the idea, when Sean said, 'Let's just do it.' He said it casually, but his eyes said he was serious. Through them I could see he'd already moved beyond thoughts of practicality and consequence, and was hearing the sound of the windscreen folding in.
Étienne, I imagined, was hearing the sound of the surf on this hidden beach, or hiding from the marine-park wardens as he made his way to the island. The effect on me was the same as when Sean said, 'Let's just do it.' Abstract thoughts suddenly flipped into thoughts about reality. Following the path of the map had become something that could happen.
'I think,' I said, 'we could probably hire a fisherman to take us to the island.'
Étienne nodded. 'Yes. It might be difficult to get there, but not impossible.'
'We'd have to go to Ko Samui first.'
'Or Ko Pha-Ngan.'
'Or maybe we could even do it from Surat Thani.'
'Or Ko Phelong.'
'We'd have to ask around a little...'
'But there would be someone to take us.'
'Yes...'
At that moment Françoise appeared, having returned from the police station.
If Étienne was the one who turned the idea of finding the beach into a possibility, it was Françoise who made it happen. The odd thing was, she did it almost accidentally, simply by taking it for granted that we were going to try.
I didn't want to seem impressed by her prettiness, so when she stuck her head round the door, I looked up, said 'Hi,' then went back to studying the map.
Étienne shifted over on my bed and patted the space he had made: Françoise stayed in the doorway. 'I did not wait for you,' he said, presumably speaking in English for my sake. 'I met Richard.' She didn't follow the language lead and began rattling away in French. I couldn't follow their conversation past recognizing the odd word, including my own name, but the speed and forcefulness of the exchange made me think that either she was pissed off that he'd left without her, or she was just keen to fill him in on what had happened at the police station.
After some minutes the tone of their voices relaxed. Then Françoise said in English, 'May I have a cigarette, Richard?'
'Sure.' I gave her one and held out a light. As she cupped her hands to cover the flame from the ceiling fan, I noticed a tiny dolphin tattoo half hidden behind her watch-strap. It seemed like a strange place for a tattoo and I nearly commented on it, but to do so seemed too familiar. Scars and tattoos. You need to know someone fairly well before asking questions.
'So what is this map from the dead man?' Françoise asked.
'I found it on my door this morning...' I started to explain, but she cut me off.
'Yes, Étienne has told me already. I want to see it.'
I passed the map to her and Étienne pointed out the beach.
'Oh,' she said. 'Near Ko Samui.'
Étienne nodded enthusiastically. 'Yes. Just a little ride on a boat. Maybe first to Ko Phelong, because the tourists can go there for one day.'
Françoise put her finger on the X-marked island. 'How can we know what we will find here?'
'We can't,' I replied.
'And if there is nothing, how do we get back to Ko Samui?'
'We get back to Ko Phelong,' said Étienne. 'We wait for a tourist boat. We say we were lost. It doesn't matter.'
Françoise took a delicate puff on her cigarette, barely taking the smoke into her lungs. 'I see... Yes... When are we leaving?'
I looked at Étienne and he looked back at me.
'I am tired of Bangkok,' Françoise continued. 'We can get the night train south tonight.'
'Well, uh,' I stammered, thrown by the speed at which events were developing. 'The thing is, we've got to wait a bit. This guy who committed suicide... I'm not supposed to leave the guesthouse for twenty-four hours.'
Françoise sighed. 'Go to the police station and explain you have to leave. They have your passport number, yes?'
'Yeah, but...'
'So they will let you go.'
She stubbed out her cigarette on the floor as if to say, end of discussion. Which it was.