The Bear In Me: A BBW Bear Shifter Romance (4 page)

Sam happily took point and rushed ahead of the women to get the beer while Emily and Lily slowly and leisurely plodded after him. Emily kept her hands in her pockets and tried not to make eye contact. Now that she was outside, she suddenly longed for the ambivalent noise of the bar – at least there it was possible to blend in, disappear.
But then, that’s what I’ve always done
, she thought absurdly to herself.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked suddenly, her voice squeaking out of her throat.

“Hm, yeah, sorry. I think those beers hit me harder than I thought. Just trying to clear the cobwebs a bit, I’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Lily replied, not really believing it.

When they reached Sam’s cabin he was already down by the river and waved to them with a flashlight. He had positioned three lawn chairs out on the dry flood plain of the rocks and had another beer open. Above them, the yellow moon was climbing the sky and it painted everything below it in a kind of pale blue shimmer. As they sat down and sipped in silence for a few moments, Sam broke the stillness again.

“Listen, Emily… back in the bar. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know that you’ve probably been hiding most of your life. When you live with a secret that long, it becomes a part of you. You can almost start to believe in the lie you tell yourself.” Sam mumbled.

Emily stood up again. She’d had enough of it and danger seemed to pulse through every nerve of her being. The lawn chair tipped over and clattered on the rocks and both Sam and Emily turned hurriedly toward her.

“I don’t know what you’re-”

“It’s okay, Emily.” Lily said, standing up and trying to calm her with her voice. It wasn’t working. The blonde woman was livid, tensed like prey that had been flushed into the open. “Sam, you bumbling idiot,” Lily hissed back at him, “you really do lack tact.”

Sam scratched his head sheepishly again. “Yeah.”

“Just show her,” Lily commanded over her shoulder, “words can come later. Right now she just needs to
see
that she’s not alone.”

What happened next seemed dream-like in its intensity. Something that seemed impossible rationally, but the moment it happened you knew it couldn’t have been anything
but
possible. Behind Lily the tall man unbuttoned the front of his shirt, and Emily could see the rippling muscles of his chest even in the dim light. He turned around bashfully and she heard the metallic grind of a zipper and Sam pulled his pants and boxers down in one deft movement.

Emily resisted the urge to raise her hand to her mouth when she saw him standing there, fully naked in the moonlight. He seemed to be made of wood, every muscle toned to the exemplary model of a predator. The white angle of his buttocks caught the moonlight and Emily suddenly found a raw desire well up at her navel, a kind of warm numbness that went right to her cheeks. Lily obviously noticed and chided Sam.

“I said show her, not flash her,” the Native girl remarked.

Sam smiled and turned toward them, and Emily did bring up her hand to her mouth this time. He was even more gorgeous than she had imagined. She tried to avert her eyes from his lower half, but even in the darkness she could see his member swinging in the shadows, the overgrown olives of his testicles mounted between the bulk of his thighs. His abs tightened and buckled as he let out a small chuckle and he held out his arms at either side, palms toward her, an unmistakable gesture that mean
I’m not going to harm you
. It was primitive, but it resounded with Emily, even though she acknowledged it was calling to a part of her soul she had long since tried to forget and bury.

“Here we go,” he said softly.

In the next moment he seemed to writhe, like he was possessed of something, and Emily could hear the familiar sound of bone cracking and sinew rewiring itself under the flesh. She darted forward, her medical expertise coming to the forefront of her mind, but Lily had anticipated it and stepped in front, wrapping her arms around her.

“Just watch,” she whispered.

Sam let out a groan and toppled forward on his knees in a series of convulsions that shook his naked body. The sounds grew louder and she hear him growl, and suddenly, his shoulders became larger. A huge dense forest of black fur seemed to sprout magically from his back, down his arms, his legs. Even Sam’s head blended into a kind of low moan as his nose and mouth jutted outward.

Emily knew instantly what was happening, but still couldn’t accept it. Tears welled in her eyes as she watched him transform in front of her, until at last the Bear that was Sam gave a last shake and turned its small black eyes toward her.

“We knew you were one of us the first time we saw you.” Lily whispered, still holding Emily, who had grown weak and could only stare through her tears, “we could sense it.”

“How-”

“Sam and I have always been like this. There are others, too. We look after one another, keep the secret, protect our own. It’s why you came here. Can’t you feel it Emily?”

“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head and falling to her knees. Lily kept her arms fastened around Emily’s shoulders until she stopped trembling.

“You haven’t been in Form for a long time. If you had, you’d have recognized Sam and I as Bears too. It’s instinct… we try to find each other. I think that’s why you came here.” Lily explained.

Emily gulped and tried to stand up and Lily helped her. The Bear behind them let out a small little woof, more like a playful acknowledgment than anything sinister, and Emily laughed. It was definitely Sam, laidback and carefree. He snorted and moved toward her, and Emily flinched, just for a moment, as the big lumbering creature sniffed her outspread hand and licked it fondly.

She stooped and ran her hand over his head, and he butted her playfully.

“Now you know,” Lily said, putting a hand over her shoulder. “Welcome home, sister.”

CHAPTER THREE

After Sam and Lily’s confession to Emily, the three of them became inseparable together. It was refreshing to Emily, who had always tried to deny the Bear in her, to be able to go with Sam or Lily after work or on the weekends into the forests outside Fairbanks. It was hard for her at first. Transforming always meant having to disrobe and she still had a very human embarrassment about being naked. Around Lily it was okay – she seemed quite at ease being naked, even in the chilly mornings or evenings under the shade of the trees. But then, Emily reminded herself, Lily had grown up embracing the Bear in her.

And she
was
beautiful.

Although she was a bit more petite than Emily, Lily’s body was a flawless auburn color that ran from the top of her eyebrows all the way down to her feet, and besides that, she had an illimitable grace to her as she stripped and would give instructions on how best to align her focus when transforming or where and where not to go while in Form. Lily always seemed to take a certain joy in her tutelage and Emily routinely couldn’t stop from grinning at the naked nymph.

“What’s so funny?” Lily would ask, hugging her stomach.

“You’re just so comfortable,” Emily would reply.

“Well, let’s get you naked too!”

It was different when she was with Sam. At first, all three of them would go into the woods, a small little grove that hedged the river but was far enough away from the populated areas to give them the privacy to practice their Forms. Lily was unabashed about stripping down in front of Sam and gingerly stepped out of her panties, hanging all her articles of clothing on the down-sloping branches of a cedar. Emily was deeply jealous of Lily’s small pert breasts, which angled upwards and had large brown areolas, unlike hers, which were larger and impossible to hide. 

Sam, as well, undressed without much ceremony. The first time she’d seen him naked in the moonlight Emily had felt a twinge of pleasure, something burrowing far down in her loins that she couldn’t explain away. But then, to see him fully in the nude in daylight, it was even harder to avert her eyes. She wanted to be able to analyze all of him, to give each part of him the proper attention it deserved, like he was a masterpiece painting. His biceps, the curve of his buttocks as they swam into the muscles of his legs, even the full broad lips; when they spoke her name, it was almost enough to cause her to swoon.

It was still difficult for her to unclothe in front of him though. The first time she stalled as the other two threw off their clothes. She knew they could sense her awkwardness, but the two of them simply laughed and pretended not to notice. Emily gently undid the button on her jeans and pulled them down over her tan legs. Stepping out of her panties she found herself comparing the round thin veil of pubic hair with Lily’s full and beautiful bush. When she undid her bra her breasts seemed to inhale with the freedom and hung immaculately down her chest. Her pink nipples tightened and hardened in the cold June air, and there was a kind of erotic pleasure in opening herself to the other two. But it was also a source of vulnerability to her. She had always hated her breasts. She knew that other woman would kill to have her endowment, but to her they had always been a source of shame. She was used to existing on the fringes, where no one would notice her, and her heaving breasts made that impossible.

“The first thing to remember is that you and the Bear are one,” Sam said. “Don’t try to fight it. But also remember that the Bear isn’t more important. Some people have lost themselves in the animal and forgotten how to revert back into human form. It’s all about balance.”

Emily’s first try to let out the Bear was painful. Almost like the first time she’d lost her virginity, the sort of raw natural aching and stabbing pain that followed every intimacy. Lily had clapped tremulously beside her, sitting cross-legged on a bed of moss, the small folds of her pubis peeking out against the shade.

In Form, Emily was a long legged brown bear, the color of chestnuts in fall. She loved the feel of the earth under her as she ran with the other two through the forest, the many scents of the wilderness filling her nose. It was exhilarating, almost ecstatic, to frolic so carelessly. The world took on a new sort of perspective; it was more alive, more colorful, more vibrant now that she had accepted the Bear, and in kind, the Bear had imbued her with sharper senses.

Now, when she went to the hospital she was surprised at the clarity of sound and image, almost as if someone had washed the thin veneer of dust off the lens of her life.

The hospital was a source of productivity and accomplishment for her. Most of the doctors and other nurses were just as casual about their jobs as everyone else in Fairbanks seemed to be. It didn’t preclude laziness, they just didn’t seem to get stressed over anything. If a problem arose, they all accepted it as an inevitable and went about their business trying to fix it as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Not like the big city hospitals
, she thought to herself. There, it was always stressful. Before Fairbanks, she had taken it as a fact of life that one needed to get riled up over the smallest fuss. There was also less gossip in the Denali Center, and that was a relief to Emily, who had usually been at the focus of such talk.

It was the eve of her month in Alaska when she heard a knock on her door and opened it to see Sam smiling at her. Emily only had on a hoodie and her panties, but her attitude about nakedness had changed since arriving. She smiled back and invited him in again as she fished around for a pair of clean pants.

“Are you sure you don’t need a cleaner?” Sam said, motioning to the catastrophe that her living room had become. Since she’d always lived alone, the state of her apartment had always been one of disorientation.

“Nah, it’s always like this,” she said, flinching.

“If you say so, lovely butt,” he said heading for the kitchen, and pinched the bottom of her buttocks as he passed by her.

She blushed and pulled on a pair of older jeans with a hole in the knee, and looked back toward the sink where he filled himself a glass of water and drank it all in one gulp. In the month she’d been here, she’d become very close with Lily and Sam. It was a consequence, she knew, of being able to be
herself
around them, and everything that came with it. It was the first time. And yet, even though she knew that Sam aroused her, she still found herself adamantly denying she was attracted to him. It was fear, mostly. Fear of what it would actually mean to be
that
close to another human being. In a way, she longed for the relationship that he had with Lily, something that was fraternal, familial. It seemed simpler that way, less messy. And yet, as she pulled up the zipper on her jeans and watched him she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if they were closer.

She bit her lip. Was he even interested in her that way? Certainly, there was a degree of closeness, but she was uncertain about how far that really went. As far as she knew, he considered her a friend in the same way he thought of Lily as a sister: simply platonic.

“So, what’s the big news?” she chimed. He had mentioned he had something to tell her after her shift at the hospital had finished.

“Well, how do you feel about taking a little trip up to Trapper Creek for the weekend? I wanted to show you my old stomping grounds.”

“Stomping grounds is usually for places you went to school.” She pointed out.

He screwed up his brow again. “Well, when I say stomping I mean more like, bear-stomping.” He laughed.

“Sounds like a plan.” She said excitedly. “I’ll go get Lily.”

“Oh, Lily can’t. I guess she finally had to let go of one of her employees so she’s swamped covering shifts this weekend. It’ll just be us, is that okay?”

The idea of being alone with Sam for the weekend caused her heart to race suddenly and she found herself nodding furiously. “Uhm, yeah, of course.” She said.

              “Great! I really wanted to take you flying!” he exclaimed.

***

Emily wasn’t prepared for Sam’s invitation. She had assumed they’d drive there, but Sam was adamant about showing her his
other
business, flying hunters in and out of lodges. At the local airport Sam checked them in at the head office and showed her how to adjust the speakers and heavy army-green headphones so they could communicate over the whine of the engine.

“That’s what I did in the army.” He explained through his headpiece, as he turned on the ignition and got the go-ahead from the tall brick tower, “I figured I should put my skills to use, and here I am. Hold on.”

Emily found herself bracing each arm on the handlebars above her and to her side. It wasn’t that she hated flying; she had just never really had that much experience. It was like a rollercoaster to her, the same sort of thrill and nausea and excitement. No one really liked the rollercoaster itself; they just enjoyed the elation of peril.
Risk taker Emily
, she thought bemusedly. The plane roared to life and there was a falling sensation in her stomach as it lifted off and the wheels left the tarmac. She was reminded of the first time she had taken a big elevator as a child, and how she had had to cling to the inside handles for fear she was going to lose her sense of gravity forever.

The Cessna whined into the air, and she was amazed at how quickly they climbed. Below them Fairbanks looked insignificant, tiny, like a miniature model of a city. Stretching out against the horizon in every direction she found herself gasping at the vastness. It was like the world just went on and on. Being trapped in the town, she hadn’t had much of an opportunity to explore the outside and as a result she had never really appreciated how big the Alaskan wilderness was.

Sam did several large sweeping passes over a mountain range to the east and she could see the faint outline of the Pacific gleaming in the sunlight, far off. As they made a final pass and headed northeast again, Sam did his best to give a comprehensive history of the region, but Emily was too spellbound by the sights to really listen.

As they passed over Fairbanks again and followed the small tiny grey finger of road, it took less than twenty minutes for them to approach a gap in the valley, and Sam indicated a small newly-cemented runway below them.

“Just put in this summer,” he said through his mouthpiece. “We’re getting more and more tourists each year.”

“You mean hunters.” She clarified.

He could feel her exasperation. “If it’s any consolation, I do have conflicted feelings about it.” He said, referring to the fact he was aiding and abetting hunters who were looking for, among other things, bears to shoot.

“I understand.” She lied.

“No you don’t.” He smiled, “but neither do I. A little cognitive dissonance; the way I see it, by being the one who brings the hunters in and looks after them, I have more control over what they do, where they go, and what they shoot, than if I wasn’t a part of this.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning, if you want to protect something… then the best way to do that is to make friends with the people that are threatening it. That way at least you have some leverage, a strong position, from where to try and make things right.” He explained, pointing them down toward the runway.

Emily shut her mouth. She felt a bit arrogant and stupid for having disagreed with him. Clearly, Sam had his own reasons for flying in hunters, and from his perspective, it made a lot of sense. She just hadn’t thought it through.

“I get it.” She repeated again, quietly, and saw Sam smile and reach out with his free hand to hold hers. His strong fingers wove into hers and he squeezed once before returning to the steering wheel as the landing struts folded down.

Trapper Creek was less than a town. Emily wanted to call it a village, if anything. Sam happily escorted her to a rusted out little Cadillac, his ‘first love’ he called it. It had a bit of a charm, the same sort of loving affection he had shown One-Eyed Pete the 4Runner back in Fairbanks. It also had a faintly musty smell, the slow decay of metal and vinyl, and it brought back memories of Emily’s parent’s car. The memory surprised her, and she told Sam about it, how her parents had taught her as much as they could. She also told him about their death, about growing up alone, and how it forced her to abandon the idea of any real relationship – the risk of having someone discover she was a Bear, or of the Bear suddenly waking up, was too great.