The Beastly Beatitudes of Balthazar B (15 page)

Merrion Square. Odd windows lit. Past Lincoln Place. The back lonely gate of Trinity. Down there just a little bit. The Landship moored. I am far too young to start a criminal career. Hold back my voice. Through the wet streets of Dublin. Just some little time more. Kneeling so many years ago. On a carefree carpet of the Palais Royal. When all Dublin and Ireland came as sunshine to me. Through the little green windows of Bella's eyes. Her soft hand touching my face. And Bella you ran from me. On my way here when all I found was rain. Crossing college squares huddled in one's gown. The moisture dripping dropping down. The chill creeping across the floors. Seeping out of walls. I screamed once a dark lonely Sunday in Grafton Street to stop it, stop it. I can't stand more. I prayed in college chapel with others cold and shivering. Singing out against the mortal cold. I hoped that candle light would help. No hell is under Ireland. Of that they're surely right. They say instead, a dark daughter. The country at the end of the earth. The oldest place.

Of the great

Long hair

That hangs

To cover up

All shame.

16

Past the safe walls and fence of Trinity. A grey stone building. The car stopped. Balthazar B led up the steps shivering. Wrapped in a blanket. Early nosed newsboys asking what's your man's crime. Did he do in his mother.

A sallow dusty room. Notices tacked to walls and scarred bulletin boards. Hungry shouts from corridors within. A pure voice singing like a bird. And words, would you live on woman's earnings, would you give up work for good. By a fire glowing Balthazar B sat on a worn bench and hung his silky blond head. A cup of tea was brought. And a man who sat away behind a long counter asked over and over in his sundry languages. What's your name.

"Sure tell us something, you're not to come to any harm.

Seamus did you try the Dutch with him at all."

"Wedid.?

"Ah your man is Urdu or Icelandic."

"We'll give him the Danish then. God morgen, ja, tak. Ah it's no use. Sure if he was a Dane he'd be feeling right at home."

"He must speak something."

"We got the Latin out of him when we tried the Gaelic.

But Milo just came in with the translation a minute ago. And your man says in the Latin virtue alone assists one."

"Is that a fact now."

"That's a fact."

"Well I wouldn't want to depend upon that one in me wanderings through life, I can tell you. We're sending over to Trinity for a professor of languages."

Balthazar looking up. One can delay no longer. Time to give an inkling. The police faces turning. Waiting. As Balthazar reaches into his pocket. Withdrawing a notebook and tearing out a piece of paper. And writing. Ich bin Balthazar B. Ich bin ein Student an der Trinitas Universitas. Mein Tutor ist Professor Elegant.

"Ah will you look at that now. That's a relief. It's German. Fd recognise it anywhere. Shouldn't we have known by the blond hair he was from beyond the Rhine. Driven westwards by the war. Thank God we didn't have to use the Serbo Croat. We've your man's fixed address at last."

"It was the Lettish I was afraid of meself."

"Go on Milo now. Nip and get your Professor Elegant. We'll clear up this mystery. Not a moment to waste. Your man there looks like catching his death."

"Right captain. I am this second gone so fast that I am back now and ready to go again."

The telephone ringing. The sergeant picking it up. Looking out across the dusty sallow walled room. Cigarette burnings on counters and benches. Sergeant's eyes looking from face to face. As he puts the phone back on its hook.

"That was the raped herself on the phone. She has no marks of violence about her person but she's been on to the newspapers with the story all the same. It's been some night. We have a man back there singing in the cells. He was at the gates of Trinity, making an unholy fuss. Going to fight the whole college. Didn't we get over to him and he was going to fight the lot of us as well. We closed with him. Just a touch of a stick across the backside did he feel and he lay down on the roadway. Wouldn't get up. He was going to take the North by storm. And we had to take him by the arms and legs back here. The lad has a fine singing voice. Sure he could be kicking a gateway in an opera and be getting paid for it."

The door opening to the smoky room. The early morning sounds of the city. Ding ding. The bells of passing bicycles. Buses pulling away to go out along a southern coast. And in grey herringbone overcoat. Black silk tie against cream silk shirt. His early morning face scrubbed and new. Entered Balthazar B's tutor.

"Good grief, it's you Mr. B. I'm afraid I thought it some kind of joke."

"I do apologise sir, I'm most awfully sorry. I haven't said a word. I've just been too terrified and thought it best to pretend I did not speak English."

"Ah glory be to God will you listen to your man, as fluent as you please. Hasn't he heard everything we've been talking of all the way from Donnybrook. Couldn't he be charged with wandering abroad without due care and attention to a language. Ah I don't like that at all. Sure if he knew the lingo he could have told us he was keeping mum."

"All right officer. Mr. B say nothing now. I'll deal with matters. What is the charge."

"Rape."

"Good Lord. Where. Whom. How."

"Ah it was a stout lady in Donnybrook. As to how. I would be the first to say it was a mystery."

"Very serious. Of course penetration will have to be proved. And corroboration. We'll have to serve writs for slander this instant. False arrest. Mandamus. Of course Mr. B there's nothing to this charge. Answer yes or no will do."

"Sir I got lost and was merely hiding in the bushes when I accidently found myself in someone's garden having knocked over a ladder."

"Simple innocent trespass. We'll serve writs. Do that straight off. Can't have a Trinity student accused of rape. Simply will not do. We will fight this to the last drop of ink. I'm sure this whole matter is strewn with irregularities. O I think there's much improper conduct. Habeas corpus. We'll have this res judicata in a hurry. And substantial damages. O yes I think they will be very substantial."

"Ah sir, now not so fast. Sure it's been a friendly matter all the way. Your woman is a wild heretic. She walloped her own husband insensible."

"Wild eh. O we can commit her along the way then. We'll commit her right off. Can't have people running around slandering and damaging. Mr. B here is from a fine family. Obviously this heretic's property was not properly fenced causing Mr. B here to wander without warning off the public highway to founder in dangerous gardens in fear of his life. And then to place Mr. B in false arrest. Simply preposterous, unethical and inhuman gentlemen.'

"Ah now sir, we've not arrested the gentleman. Merely gave him a ride to town."

"That's true sir, they've been most kindly to me and treated me awfully well, in fact they saved my life."

"It's a fact sir. Not a hand of apprehension was laid upon him."

"Leave this to me Mr. B please. We must protect your interests in every wise. But if you've been treated well then we will see to it that recommendations go out for the deserving. No fear about that. Now Mr. B I think the college baths for you. Then come directly to my rooms. And we'll give you a good breakfast. For the moment here, you must have some of this."

Professor Elegant unscrewing the top of his cane and pouring a silver cup of liquid.

"Put that in you Mr. B. You'll feel much better. Anyone else need a little back stiffener."

"Ah it would be very welcome sir, but we're on duty."

"Another time then."

"Thank you sir."

"The charges then sergeant. There are none."

"None sir."

"I take it then that the matter is closed."

"Like a book sir, not a breath of air between the pages it's slammed so tightly shut. The gentleman is as free as the breeze."

"And I hope not blown constantly."

"What was that sir, I didn't catch that."

"Just a little prayer."

"Ah so."

"Come along Mr. B. This way. Get you bathed and back to normal. In quick order. You did well to keep silent. One must never admit to anything you know. Never never. Then you go in clanging with your own writs, cross complaints, reserve actions, mandamuses, the lot. Set up one awful stink. Amazing what one very loud shout in the beginning can save one in the end."

"I'm
most awfully grateful to you sir. For coming to my aid in this manner."

On the black and white tiles of the bath house. Beyond the dark panelled wall the attendant drew the emergency bath of steaming waters. Into which under the skylight Balthazar slipped. Down into the welcome warmth. To close one's eyes. Out of harm's way. To turn the big brass taps and out comes hot. To gather up fortitude. Conquer irregularity, chills and ills. Uncle Edouard said for the best results plunge the cure up the rear so as not to ruin the stomach with the pills. Ah Balthazar you were born a nice fat little fellow, I saw you not long after your birth, the nurse, she had you by your legs and she held you up to stand you on your head as you went waaaaaa waa and she pulled back the foreskin, ah you had a big prick for such a little boy. Your mother would not circumcise you. It was sad for hygiene but good for the frisson. She fought bitterly with your father for your foreskin. Under which you should wash well my boy. The prick is the palate of the soul.

Balthazar B lathered himself with a cake of oatmeal soap. A red colour coming back into cheeks. Stare up at this roof. The university silence. When one could now go to sleep. Saved soothed and salvaged. Rest quietly till I see Miss Fitzdare again. Take her up away on the windy heather. Wednesday. Larks fluttering in lighted skies. To want so much to press me deep upon her dark blossom. And blue down there. Is it Miss Fitzdare. As all the wet grass was green. As I lay. Nearly nibbled by a cow. Could have been some fresh breakfast milk. I dreamt we walked through flower gardens, breathing scented air. Down a long aisle of roses and forget me nots, an altar. High and thronged with lilies of the valley. I put my hand in yours. Cannons boomed salute. Flashes of fire, puffs of smoke. And not far away another vision. Continentals in grey thick overcoats clutched each other, holding tight. And I said as the minister pronounced us wed. I said what are you chaps doing. And I shuddered and shivered on that Donnybrook field. They said we are transplanting souls.

Balthazar B stepping from the bath house. Like a private little bank. Deposit your dirt. Emporium of waters. Each bather with his own little vault. The roadway gleaming wet. Past the grey stone. Of this shadowy square they call Botany Bay. Out now to the open spreading elegance. A little tree grows near the doorway of the Modern Language Building. Where one supposes the linguistic garda rush in and out. Mastering tongues. To tempt confessions from foreigners. I go up my steps again. Name still on the wall.

Balthazar pushing through his door. The clanking loose floorboards. To think in horror you'll find the whole world changed. The choking dust. The world's still the same. Horace sticking his head round from the sitting room, battered trilby hat jauntily forward on his head.

"It's only me Horace."

"Ah I wondered sir."

"I'm having breakfast out."

"Very good sir. I'll just get along here now with me cleaning. It's shocking weather."

"Yes. I'm just coming in to change."

"Ah no trouble. I'll be out of your way. Sir I can't help noticing have you been caught out in the weather."

"Just a late night stroll. Ran into some rough country, heh heh."

"Ah you need boots for that sort of thing. A good heavy mac is handy."

"Yes."

"Are you fond of the countryside sir."

"Quite fond."

"Sure meself I'd thought of doing a bit of the farming in me younger days. Me brother has a little farm in Monaghan. But I couldn't stick the country. The moaning sheep and goats were enough for me. Sure it's better to have four pint bottles of milk standing at your door of a morning than having to go through cold and wet to callus your fingers getting it out of an udder."

"Quite right."

"Rumour has it that some Americans are arrived at college sir. Have you heard that. It's been creating some misunderstanding. And there was this one of them in high boots marching across Front Square with a sign Modernise Ireland. They want the water flowing instead of out of pails. Sure you get a cup of water quicker out of a pail than a tap. And you can empty a bowl faster than a sink. I can see you're in a hurry sir, if there's anything now I can do, say the word."

"Thank you Horace."

Balthazar B in Manx checked tweed. Cream silk shirted and dark tied as one's tutor. With the antique links of one diamond set in mother of pearl laid in gold to join cuffs. Hold the socks out against the turf embers. The steam rises. And warmed socks slipped on cold feet. For a moment. No matter what you do the moist chill comes again.

On this college day in a sprawling low ceilinged room. Balthazar B sat at his tutor's table. The walls covered with tomes of law. Tort. Statutes. Contract. Trusts. Linen napkins. Plates of fried egg between pink rashers. Grilled tomatoes. Toast and tea. Servant pouring the dark tinted liquid. Turned pale with milk. Warming and comforting all down one's throat.

Out the window the spidery branches of the trees. Students passing darkly. Those who tarry and turn in laughter. Others cycling at breakarse speed. Professor Elegant leaning back in his quiet book lined life. Rush of air up the chimney after the licking flames.

"I think you had a very close scrape there Mr. B."

"Yes."

"Whole thing has blown over quite nicely though. Have some more marmalade, my wife's, the best in Dublin.' "Thank you. It is awfully good.' "Tell me have you decided on a career.' "No."

"Hobbies."

"I go racing."

"O yes. That's not going to be your career."

"O no. I hadn't much thought what I would do. I would like I suppose to work at a fishing station. Classifying flora and fauna."

"Good show."

"Yes I might rather like it."

"Well Mr. B. We must see more of you. You haven't really entered into college activities. We haven't seen you at college hops, or meetings, or societies."

"I've been taking my racing rather seriously."

"Quite. But we want to see more of you. Get what you can out of your university days. They tend to be very short ones after they are gone. And any little trouble or big trouble for that matter. You come straight to me. I'll take care of it. These can be very worrying years. But thing is stand on two feet, two fisted and give better than you get. There's pomposity here in the college just as anywhere else and it must be diminished when possible. Good to see you. Don't think your detour in Donnybrook did you any harm. But try to keep on public footpaths."

"Yes sir."

"Good. Come see us in the country. We do want to see more of you."