As if to twist the knife and plunge it deeper, Melinda picked up a white container of Chinese food and fished inside with a fork. She took a bite, tilting her head and chewing thoughtfully as if to gauge the flavors. A cat-got-the-cream smile curved her thin, wide lips.
Erin’s stomach churned, that familiar sick feeling of being on the outside looking in. God, she had wanted to believe it was all in her head. She had wanted to be wrong, but this was her nightmare, exactly so. Worse because of how comfortable Melinda looked…how smug. Erin didn’t know what that would feel like to be so sure of her position, her desirability, her man’s commitment to her that she could walk away and he’d be waiting when she came back.
Even in the fairytale hours after she’d first hooked up with Blake, she’d managed to push down the doubt—but God, it had been there. What if she wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough? Rich enough? Not that Blake would ever be shallow, but the financial divide could manifest in many ways. She had learned that lesson the hard way.
Feeling a heavy weight and a sickening sense of history repeating itself, she carefully pushed away from the window and returned to her car. She pulled out slowly, half expecting Blake or even Melinda to come outside and see. Surely they would notice the headlights through the window or hear the car engine.
But maybe they were too wrapped up in each other to notice or care.
Disappointment was cold and slippery in her gut, a chilling companion for the ride back to her apartment. She parked in her usual spot, but instead of heading directly inside, she wandered over to the shaded courtyard. The night was cool for a walk, but she wanted that: the darkness, the quietude. She let it envelope her as she tripped along in her borrowed three-inch heels, gathering blisters on her feet for no reason.
The end of the courtyard was marked by nothing but a curb leading onto a sloping street. During the day this was busy, but now the road was empty. She could see lights glittering from the downtown. Campus was indistinguishable from the rest of the city.
A bench had been installed beside a stop for the city’s bus line. She sat down, feeling more contemplative than gloomy. The concrete reached through the thin fabric of her dress and chilled her.
What was she doing, getting all wrapped up in a man, in a relationship? Stress and drama. That wasn’t why she was here. It wasn’t why her mom cleaned houses twelve hours a day back in Laredo. Not why Erin herself busted her back at Blake’s house and her other clients’, plus taking up extra hours cleaning the liberal arts computer lab when the custodial staff got overworked.
She was here to make something out of herself and her life, to be someone powerful enough that no one could mess with her—or her mother—ever again.
You and me against the world.
When she and Blake had first made love, it had been amazing, sensual, unlike anything she had experienced before. A high in contrast to the low she felt now, when she shouldn’t be on the roller coaster at all.
So what now? Avoid him? She wasn’t sure that was possible because she needed the income from that job. And they might run into each other at school anyway. Confronting him didn’t seem like the right choice either. She didn’t want to make him feel bad about any of this…but she’d have to do one or the other. She couldn’t continue in limbo. He deserved a fair accounting from her.
With a sigh, she pushed herself up. Her skin had goosebumped while she sat, and now she ran her numb fingers up and down her arms, trying to rub some warmth back into her. Her nipples had tightened in the cold, pressing through the thin material of her bra and dress. She crossed her arms and ducked her head against the wind as she slowly hobbled back.
B
lake knocked his
head back on the brick wall. The wind howled softly, starting to pick up speed as the night wore on. The small alcove in front of her door blocked most of its bite, but he couldn’t feel it over the coldness inside.
Dread had built inside him, from the first expression of shock on Erin’s face, to watching her flee down the hallway, him helpless to stop her, through the long, agonizing day of watching his new students whisper about what was wrong with his face. And he hadn’t cared about the last part as much as he’d thought he would because he was too worried he’d screwed things up with Erin.
She was always cautious with him. Even when they were making love, a part of her remained guarded, waiting for him to lash out, and he wanted to beat the shit out of whoever had made her feel that way.
He tried to keep things as light as possible…which wasn’t all that light where she was concerned, because he was crazy about her. So they made vague plans to meet up, and thankfully she’d pulled through every time.
Except tonight. He’d known something was seriously wrong when she’d left his office today. He had hoped to explain about Melinda…at least, as much as he could. Not the whole story, which would embarrass them both. Just enough so he and Erin could go back to the way things had been. But when she’d been later than usual, he’d known things weren’t right.
He’d said
fuck it
to playing it cool and come to see her instead, except she wasn’t here. He’d caught her roommate—he hadn’t known she
had
a roommate—on her way out the door. At least he hadn’t freaked the girl out too much. Courtney, she said her name was. She’d taken one look at his face and said, “Hi, Blake. Nice to meet you.”
He raised his eyebrow. “My reputation precedes me.”
“It does indeed.” She winked. “But Erin’s not here.”
He ran a hand over his face, disappointed but ready to turn around when she stopped him.
“Wait here,” she said, an almost playful expression on her face, hiding a smile.
He saw smiles rarely enough, and never from a stranger these days. “What?”
“Wait here for her to get back.” She glanced at the apartment. “I’m not sure I should leave you in here though.”
“No, you’re right to not let me in. We’ve never met before. I can wait outside.”
She grinned. “Okay, stranger danger. But trust me. Erin wants to see you. And she should be back any minute, considering. I need to get to work anyway, so the apartment will be all yours.” She had emphasized the last two words, as if she fully expected them to get busy in the small run-down apartment.
Well, he was on board with that plan, except it had been twenty minutes since she’d disappeared into the back parking lot where residents needed a card to park. He’d remained in the doorway with an eye on his truck, determined to at least see Erin tonight. If she asked him to leave, well, then he’d go. But he had to make sure she was okay. He felt her unhappiness like a physical weight around his neck. He didn’t believe in that psychic aura stuff, but he’d had a sense of her feeling lost, alone, and he needed to try and fix that. Though maybe there wasn’t any woo-woo explanation for it. Her expression when he’d seen her last was emblazoned in his mind: shock, hurt, betrayal. Things he remembered feeling when Melinda had left him.
He’d made Erin feel that way. Fuck.
“Blake?”
He jerked to the side, relieved to see Erin. He’d had a few words planned, but he was rendered speechless by the sexy black dress she was wearing. Electric lust shot through his body. He wanted to fall on her, to push her up against the wall and…
But no. He could restrain himself. He already looked like a monster. He didn’t have to act like one.
“Hey,” he forced out.
“Uh…what are you doing here?”
Her eyes were guarded, and shit, had she been on a date with someone else?
“I came to talk about what happened today.”
If possible, she seemed to shrink in on herself even further. “Can’t we talk about it tomorrow?”
His eyebrow raised. “On campus?”
That tugged a small smile from her. “Okay, I guess we know where that would end up.”
He doubted he’d be able to keep his hands off her any easier inside her apartment, but he stayed silent as she unlocked the door and led him inside. The apartment was small and rather threadbare. A standard college apartment, modest but comfortable, with thick plaid couches and plywood furnishings and a small potted plant blocking the television.
She caught his gaze. “We call him the Grumpy Geranium.”
He tilted his head in question.
Wandering over, she touched a finger to the pink petals. “I’m not sure how it got started. I think we were drinking. I’m not huge on the party scene, but I’ll go for wine coolers and a movie on Saturday night.”
He hid a smile, imagining her tipsy. She was one of the most serious young women he’d ever met. He would like to see her more relaxed, more open. Of course, there was another way she became more lax, when they were in bed together…. But he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of that.
“Anyway, we named this plant The Grumpy Geranium because he looks kind of mad, don’t you think?”
He looked doubtfully at the flowers. They looked…pretty?
She waved away the silent disagreement. “You had to be drunk. But basically he judges us until we’ve done all our homework and done the dishes and taken out the trash and
then
we can watch TV. He’s like a guard.” She rubbed a petal between her fingers before looking up, something strange and unsettling in her eyes. “You can sit down, you know. Sorry I didn’t say so sooner.”
Nodding, he found a seat on one end of the couch. She perched on the edge of an ottoman. A far cry from the close embrace they’d shared at his house.
Suddenly she looked ready to cry. His muscles tensed to go to her, but he wouldn’t push her, not when she’d made the distance between them clear.
“I’m sorry about Melinda,” he said soberly. “I had no idea she’d stop by.”
“But you knew she worked there.” The statement was flat, not a question.
“Yes, I knew.” He took a deep breath. “As you may have guessed, we had a relationship. It ended. It’s over, with no chance for reconciliation.”
“She didn’t seem to think so.”
He shook his head, still a little mystified. “I don’t know why she thought I’d be open to that. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m not. I made that clear when you left. I’m just sorry you had to be put in that awkward position.”
A wry smile touched her lips. “I suppose I brought it on myself, encouraging you to take the job.”
“You had no way of knowing. I wasn’t even trying to keep it from you. There were some dark times when I first got back on U.S. soil. I try not to think about them.”
Curiosity lit her eyes. “You dated her
after
your injury?”
Ah shit. “Before. And a short while after.”
“Blake. Do you know where Melinda is right now? Or where she was an hour ago anyway.”
“No idea.” He frowned. “She didn’t talk to you about us, did she?”
“No,” she said, and he felt relief. Then she added, “But I went to see you, and she was in your house, Blake. In your house, wearing your clothes and eating our takeout.”
For a moment, he simply stared at her. Then he realized his mouth was hanging open. “Well, fuck. Why didn’t you kick me in the balls when you first saw me?”
She shrugged. “I figured it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for you to be here if you knew there was a half-naked woman back at your place.”
Shit. He rubbed his brow. Erin had been coming to see him looking like some kind of sex goddess, and she’d found Melinda there. How had Melinda even gotten in? Though he hadn’t changed the locks when she’d left. He’d never expected her to come back.
“I had no idea she was there. I definitely didn’t invite her.”
“I believe you.”
“I swear I didn’t, Erin.”
“I’m serious.” She sighed. “I do trust you, despite my occasional rides on the insecurity train. It just took me by surprise, that’s all. And then I got a little messed up inside. I never want to be that way, the jealous girlfriend asking where you went or who you were with.”
“You have every right to be pissed, to doubt me—”
“No.” She stopped him. “I never doubt you. I doubt myself.”
He swallowed, steeling himself. “What’d the asshole do?”
She smiled wryly. “Am I that obvious?”
“It’s incredible that you trust me, especially after what you saw. I don’t think most people would have. I’m not even sure I could have so quickly. But there’s something that scares you too, and I don’t want you to have to hide that from me. You don’t have to spare me anything. I want to see all of you, everything.”
Sly humor entered her eyes. “Is everything always about sex?”
“Around you? Yes. I deserve a goddamn medal for not touching you in that dress.” She was liquid sex sheathed in desire, and he forced himself to recline on the sofa, stretching out his legs. Then he raised his eyebrows at her.
She put her elbows on her knees. “This is dumb.
I
was dumb.”
“Let me be the judge of that,” he said airily.
A fraying throw pillow was lobbed at him. With a small grin, he caught it and tucked it behind his head, still reclined on the sofa that was too small for him. He’d rather be holding her, but she needed the space. Besides, the damned furniture might buckle and break if she so much as breathed on him.
Looking far away, she said, “It was two years ago. Met a guy, started dating. The usual stuff. It seemed amazing. We got along great and we’d go to all these shows and museums…I couldn’t afford to go out much, but he was pretty loaded and insisted on paying for me anyway. He said it was being a gentleman, no big deal. I was so eager to go with him I didn’t really consider what the imbalance did to our relationship, the way he thought of me.”
By slow degrees, Blake’s muscles tensed with her retelling. He’d expected to hear the story of some idiot boyfriend who didn’t appreciate her. Worst case, the asshole cheated on her. But he didn’t like the sound of this at all. A rich guy pulling a subtle power play, charming at the beginning… Yeah that could go downhill fast, and he already knew this story had an unhappy ending.
“And the best part was—” The way she said it made it clear it meant exactly the opposite. “We came from the same hometown. Laredo. A small place but still big enough to have a few high schools, and I’d never met Doug before seeing him on campus. So that winter he drove us both back home in his Lexus, my stuff packed in the trunk alongside his. We were going to meet each other’s families.”