The Believer (32 page)

"I'm not a slave to be bought and sold in payment. My father would have never made such an agreement"

"So he said when last I saw him the day he passed on" His eyes narrowed as he stared down at her. "He thought he could keep me from taking what belonged to me. Nothing can do that. Know that, Elizabeth Duncan. Love may not matter to me, but the desire to have you is strong within me and has been for some years now."

"Let go of me or I'll scream:"

Again he laughed, the sound as grating on Elizabeth's ears as before. "What good would that do you? Your Shaker brethren won't help you. Everything's peace with them. Peace. Peace. They won't fight for you"

Elizabeth stared at him with eyes as cold as his and spoke with force. "Let go of me:"

Instead he grabbed her with both hands. She pushed against him, but he held her tighter. "I could just throw you over my horse and take you now. Who's to stop me taking what is mine?"

"I'm not yours. I will never be yours" She spat the words at him.

He smiled as he lifted her off her feet. "I won't hold your harsh words about me against you. At least not after I've gentled you down a bit. That might turn out to be as much fun as the other"

She did scream then and fight, twisting and kicking with all her strength to break free of him. She landed a glancing blow to his knee, and when he staggered back, she jerked loose from his hands and fell to the ground. She scrambled to her feet as he came after her with fury on his face.

A strong hand pushed her back gently as the Shaker brother stepped between her and Colton. "Fear not, Sister," Ethan said without looking at her. He stared at Colton. "This man of the world is leaving our village now."

"Who's going to make me?" Colton made a sound of disgust. "You?"

He tried to shove past Ethan, but Ethan stood his ground. Bigger than Colton and years younger, Ethan looked as immovable as the stone fence along the outer edge of the village as he faced him down. "We do not choose to fight, but we protect our sisters:"

He didn't look to the side, but Colton did as five or six Shaker men ran toward them from a barn some ways away. They carried axes and pitchforks.

Colton laughed a little in a show of scorn even as he turned for his horse. Once mounted, he stared down at Elizabeth. "Just as well. It'll be better when you come to me of your own accord" He gathered up the reins of his horse to turn away as he said, "And you will. Perhaps, if I'm feeling forgiving the day that happens, I might take you in"

Elizabeth stared back at him and managed to keep up a pretense of strength until he rode away. Then she shook with such trembles that she could barely stand.

"Are you hurt, Sister Elizabeth?" Ethan asked with concern as he put a hand under her elbow to steady her.

"Nay. Just frightened" She looked up at him shyly. He looked so concerned that a new set of trembles pushed through her that had nothing to do with her fear of Colton. "I thank you for coming to my rescue. He had thought of carrying me away.

"Do you know him?"

"Yea. He was our neighbor before we came here. The one my little sister spoke of on the day you found us on the road:"

His eyes changed, hardened a bit as he said, "The one who wished to commit matrimony with you?"

"Yea" She couldn't pull her eyes from his face even though she knew the other men were only a few steps away and would surely note the impropriety of their gaze being locked on one another. "Please don't say who it was. Colton has already caused trouble once in the village because of me, and the Ministry might decide to send me away to be sure such trouble does not happen again:"

"Nay, surely not. I ..." Ethan started and then as a flush rose in his cheeks, changed his word as he dropped his hand away from her elbow and looked at the brethren rushing up beside them. "We won't let him bring harm to you:"

As the men gathered around them, Ethan quickly explained what had happened. How before he went to the evening meal, he had carried some broth from the kitchen to Brother Issachar. Sister Lettie sent him after Elizabeth so she would not also fetch broth. That was when he saw the man of the world attacking her and had gone to her aid. It was surely providence that brought the other brothers late from the field so that they saw him standing against the man of the world.

Elizabeth kept her eyes modestly turned down as Ethan spoke. When he fell silent without mentioning that the man of the world was seeking her, she breathed an inward sigh of relief. She let her eyes slide quickly over the men around her as she murmured her thanks. A couple of the older men were frowning as if they thought she'd done some wrong.

She looked back down at the pathway. "I must be about my duty to get Sister Lettie's supper. I am her hands and feet while she cares for Brother Issachar."

"And does our brother's condition improve, Sister?" one of the men asked.

"Sister Lettie says it has not worsened, but he's not showing the improvement she hopes for," Elizabeth answered without looking up. She picked up the packet of slippery elm she had dropped in her struggle with Colton and held it up. "She sent me after medicine for a poultice. I mustn't tarry in my duty." She moved past them without looking back at Ethan even though she wanted to do so. She still felt the warmth of his hand on her elbow and the thought of him standing in front of her, protecting her, made her heart pound in her ears.

She had vowed to stay away from him and not bring him trouble, but it was as Sister Melva said. For whatever reason fate seemed to keep throwing them together.

March came in with its usual fickle weather. One day snow would be flying in the air and the next the sunshine would feel warm on Elizabeth's shoulders. She wanted to reach for the warmth of spring, but at the same time she felt the need to cling to the cold gray days of winter. She should have never promised Hannah they would leave the village in the spring. They had no place to go. No relative who might take them in. No money, no possibilities, no luck. Nothing but Colton.

She watched for him more diligently now whenever she had need to walk from building to building, but she hadn't seen him again. He must have meant it when he said she would have to go to him now. He thought she would crawl to him and beg. She'd rather die, she told herself, and then Hannah's forlorn face would be in front of her eyes. She wouldn't rather Hannah died. And she had promised.

Hannah hadn't spoken of the promise again, but then they had little chance to talk except for a brief word now and again at meeting. From all reports, Hannah was beginning to settle into her life among the Shakers. Sister Nola said so. Eldress Rosellen said so. Sister Lettie said so.

But when Elizabeth looked at Hannah, she couldn't keep from remembering the little brown sparrow that had once chased a bug through a small hole in the chinking between the logs of their cabin and found itself trapped. It had flown madly to and fro, banging into the log walls as Elizabeth tried to herd it with her broom toward the door she had thrown wide open for its escape. Finally the bird had landed on the table, sunk its head down into its feathers, and stared at Elizabeth as though accepting its fate. That was the look she saw in Hannah's eyes.

Happiness should not be expected all the time, Sister Lettie told Elizabeth. At least not the giddiness those of the world took for happiness. "True happiness is much deeper;" she said. "A gift from our Mother Ann. Her teachings tell us happiness does not depend on our circumstances so much as what lies at the very foundation of our souls:"

"Are you happy, Sister Lettie?" They were sitting with Issachar who seemed somewhat improved. He had not burned with fever for two days, but he had no strength. At times he seemed to hover in a sort of wakeful state, but he rarely spoke, as though his voice had retreated somewhere deep within him and could not find its way back to his mouth. And there were moments when Elizabeth saw the hopelessness of the tiny sparrow in his eyes the same as in Hannah's. Now his eyelids flickered open and he stared at Sister Lettie as if awaiting her answer along with Elizabeth.

"Yea;" Sister Lettie answered. "At the foundation of my soul. That is not to say I feel that happiness of spirit every moment of every day, but it is there in my center" She put her hand over her heart. "I am content with my place. With my duty. I have peace in my soul. And you, Sister Elizabeth? I sense you don't know this happiness:'

"I have known happiness. The kind where the sight of the night sky or the sound of a meadowlark puts joy in your heart, but now I cannot shed the sorrow that settled over me when my father died," Elizabeth answered truthfully. "Or my worry for Hannah and Payton:"

Sister Lettie's voice was gentle. "Brother Payton does not need your worry. He is building the Believer's foundation of happiness in his soul:"

"Yea, he is changed. He's no longer the brother I knew before we came here"

"But is that not good?" Sister Lettie leaned toward her as if to hear her answer more clearly. "Do you not want him to surrender his will to the true way? Do you not want to attempt to follow his example and do the same?"

I wish I could say that I do, but in my heart I desire a family of my own:'

"We have family here. We are all of one family. So many brothers and sisters with love freely for one another." She stared at Elizabeth intently as if she were trying to force the truth of her words into Elizabeth's unwilling heart, but with kindness.

"But that love seems to turn so quickly to hate when a brother or sister falls from the way and goes back to the world" Elizabeth thought of some of the condemning words she'd heard from Sister Ruth's mouth and from others.

"Nay, not hate. Only sorrow to see our former brothers and sisters falling away to spiritual destruction for a brief flash of pleasure here on this earth;' Sister Lettie said. "But never hate. We strive for peace with all and extend love to any who come to us. Mother Ann has instructed us to do good. That's why we never turn any away in hunger no matter what the cost to us:'

"Yea, you have shown me much kindness and generosity, but I cannot ignore the sadness of my sister. Or. . " Elizabeth hesitated, not sure she should go on. She glanced over at Issachar. She didn't wish to remind him of his Eva who haunted his dreams by speaking of marriage, but his eyes were closed now as if he'd wearied of listening to them.

"Or what?" Sister Lettie prodded.

She looked back at Sister Lettie and spoke softly to keep her words just between them. "Or deny my wish for love as the world knows it"

Sister Lettie sighed deeply and looked troubled as she shook her head. "Such love only brings strife. Think of the man who tried to carry you away. He is ruled by that sort of worldly desire. Do you wish to be part of that?"

"Not with him," Elizabeth answered.

"It is wrong to lead another astray." There was an uncommon sound of sternness in her words.

"Yea, I know that is so" Elizabeth looked down at her hands in her lap. "My words were rash. Forgive me, Sister Lettie. I am still learning what is proper and what is not, but I assure you I do not endeavor to tempt any among you to step from your path of belief."

"I know, my child' Sister Lettie's voice was gentle and kind once more. "I see your effort. How you make reasons to go to the Medicine Shop whenever our young brother comes to sit with Brother Issachar. It is only right that you leave the battle up to him. He is the Covenant-signed Believer. Not you. At least not yet. Perhaps someday you'll understand the peace of our love and know the true love of the Lord and Mother Ann. Then you will no longer feel tugged toward the temptations of worldly love:'

Elizabeth bowed her head and said no more. She didn't argue that she already felt the love of the Lord in her heart. The Lord had answered her prayer and led her to this Shaker village where she had found shelter. The Lord would be with her if she left this place. Nothing the Shakers had ever said made her doubt that. Mother Ann might condemn her, but the Lord Elizabeth's mother had introduced her to when she was but a child would not. He would keep loving her just as the Bible promised, just as she'd assured Hannah he would the day they made the snow angels.

Even though she didn't look up, Elizabeth could feel Sister Lettie's eyes boring into the top of her cap as she waited for Elizabeth to renounce her worldly thoughts. It was a relief when Issachar moved on the bed and groaned to pull Sister Lettie's attention to him. She stood up to go peer down at him.

"Brother Issachar, are you truly awake?" Sister Lettie said in a voice a bit too loud. "It is good to see your eyes. I daresay you are hungry."

"Nay;" he answered weakly.

"Hungry or not, you must eat" Sister Lettie spoke in her no-nonsense voice as, with Elizabeth's help, she lifted him up to a sitting position and propped pillows behind him. "Sister Elizabeth has brought you some soft food from the kitchen. If you're strong enough, you can feed yourself. If not, Sister Elizabeth has had much practice spooning food into your reluctant mouth" She smiled at him.

But he wasn't looking at her. He was staring at Elizabeth as if realizing for the first time who she was. Not his Eva, but the woman he'd found on the road months ago. "Sister Elizabeth;' he said, his voice rough from scarce use.