“It’s not, and I will make you my priority. I promise that I’ll consider how you feel a lot more than I have been.”
She promised and hoped she could live up to every word she’d just said.
I
t was the last Saturday in April, exactly two months since they’d buried Alicia’s father-in-law, yet here she and Phillip were, going at it like enemies. They’d done pretty well, starting with the day of the funeral, but their cease-fire, truce, compromise, or whatever a person wanted to call it, hadn’t lasted more than two weeks. For a while, Phillip had seemed content with her and their marriage, and they’d spent most of the time at his mother’s house. However, when Mom Katherine had insisted that she was fine, that she thought it was time they got back to their own lives in Mitchell and that it would be good for Phillip to get back to what he loved, which was the ministry, they’d spent a lot more time at home. But the more time they spent together and the more they resumed their day-to-day activities, the more they began arguing again. They couldn’t seem to agree on anything, and it was now to the point where Alicia wasn’t even sure she loved Phillip anymore. She guessed she did love him—no, she knew she loved him—but she couldn’t be sure if she was
in
love with him the way she had been months earlier.
A person could only take so much yelling, criticizing, and complaining and Alicia was getting tired of it. Especially since she’d gone out of her way to do what she knew would make him
happy. She’d started working, and even though she was earning her own money, she’d still bypassed a number of things she’d really wanted to purchase. She hadn’t even taken as many trips to the mall, in Mitchell or over in Chicago, and she hadn’t ordered nearly as much from QVC or the Home Shopping Network as she could have. In fact, she’d seen a variety of items on both channels that she’d wanted pretty badly, but because of the promise she’d made to Phillip about making him the priority in her life, she’d resisted the urge to buy them.
However, the sad part about all of this was that the changes she’d worked very hard to make still weren’t enough for Phillip, and now her patience with him was practically nonexistent. He just couldn’t be satisfied, and Alicia was sick of trying to appease him. She was tired of trying because it wasn’t doing a bit of good, anyway.
Phillip threw his hands into the air. “You’re never going to change, are you?”
“Nope. And if that’s what you’re waiting on, then I’m sorry to tell you that you’re wasting your time.”
“Why is it that no matter how much I try to reason with you or how much I try to explain it, you just don’t get it? Why is that?”
“Because you have your philosophy in terms of how we should live our lives, and I have mine. I’ve told you that time and time again, and that’s just the way it is.”
“But when you get married, Alicia, it can’t be about two different philosophies. The Bible says that when you marry, you become one, and to me that means we should do whatever we have to do in order to stay in agreement. I’m not saying that we should never disagree because that’s not being logical, but what I am saying is that for the most part, the majority of the time, we should be of one accord.”
“I agree. But we’ve now been married for eight months and you still think this is just about you and that we should do things your way and only your way. And I’m not going for that.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I mean exactly what I just said—that I’m not going for it—and I’m not sure how much more I can simplify that particular statement.”
“So that’s it? You’ve basically decided that you’re going to continue doing whatever you want, regardless of how I feel about it?”
Alicia shook her head and went over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Perrier.
“Oh, so now you don’t have anything else to say, I guess.”
“Phillip, the bottom line is this. Our marriage just isn’t working.”
Phillip folded his arms and then sighed. “So, what do you want to do about it?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t see how we can keep going on like this.”
“Are you feeling as though things are so bad that there’s no way of fixing them?”
“I don’t know that, either. I just know I can’t keep arguing with you like this every time you see something new in my closet or something new that I’ve bought for the house. I mean, because even like today, you came in here ranting and raving like some natural-born lunatic all because I decided it was time we upgraded our family room furniture. Which is just insane to me because buying furniture is what most wives do. It’s normal, Phillip, and I would think that you’d be happy about the way I’m always trying to make sure our house looks its absolute best.”
“But not when we can’t afford it, Alicia, and that’s why I’m so upset.”
“But it’s not like I used any of your money.”
“But it still affects me and ultimately I will have to pay for it in one way or another, because whether you financed it through the furniture store or used a charge card, it only means more debt for both of us.”
“No, it doesn’t, because I’m the one who’s going to be paying for it. I have a job now, remember?”
“You only work part-time, and I rather doubt that you’ll be able to pay for a room full of Italian leather furniture anytime soon. And that means not only do you have the principal to worry about, but you’ll be paying a ton of interest, too. You’ll be paying forever.”
“But that’s my choice, Phillip, and I don’t have a problem with that. Plus, it’s not like I’m always going to be working part-time. Once I finish my book, which you know I’ve been working on for over a month now,” she said, even though she knew it really wasn’t the truth, “I’ll be able to pay that furniture bill in full.”
“You just don’t see what I’m saying, do you? Because even if you do pay for it and I never have to spend one dime on it, that money could have been saved or used toward some of our household bills.”
“My father never ever expected my mother to pay one bill around the house, and she only worked because she wanted to. His second wife didn’t work at all, and the only reason Charlotte worked at the beginning of their marriage was that she and my dad had just moved here and started a new church with only a few members. But then once he started earning a lot more money, she quit and hasn’t had to work since.”
“Well, I don’t make the kind of money your father does, and
you and I could definitely accomplish a whole lot more than what we have if we stopped all this your-money-my-money business. That’s why a lot of married couples find themselves struggling financially, and it’s all because they don’t put their money together. They keep separate accounts, they pick and choose what they’re going to pay for or not pay for, and it’s my experience that when the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing, the result can only be one thing. A total disaster.”
“I disagree.”
“Well, it’s the truth. When I was an associate minister over in Chicago, I counseled a number of married couples and hands down, the ones who were having the most serious financial problems were always the ones who kept their money separate. But the couples who deposited all their money into the same account never had those kinds of issues. They paid all their bills from one pot, regardless of who made the most money, and they were also able to save for their futures. They might have had other problems, but rarely did those kinds of couples have money trouble.”
“Well, it’s like you said, I only work part-time, so it’s not like I make all that much.”
Phillip laughed out loud. “So, when it’s convenient, you don’t make very much, but when you want to buy something, you make more than enough to pay for it.”
“You know what? This really isn’t getting us anywhere.”
“No, I guess it’s not, so like I said before, what is it that you want to do? Get a divorce?”
Alicia was shocked that he was actually suggesting this, but she couldn’t deny that it had already crossed her mind, too. More than once.
“Is that what you want?”
“No, because when I married you, my goal was to be married until death. But things are pretty bad between us, and to me the only chance we might have is to go to counseling.”
Alicia really wasn’t all that interested in discussing her personal business in front of some stranger, especially with her being the daughter of a pastor, author, and speaker who was known nationwide as well as in other countries.
“I don’t know. If we did, we’d have to be very careful of who we confided our situation to.”
“I agree, and I’m willing to look for someone if you decide you want to go this route.”
“Let me think about it.”
“Actually, I’m sure your dad has to know someone who we can trust and someone who’s good at what they do.”
“That’s fine, but, Phillip, I don’t want you telling my dad any details. You can tell him that we’re having problems and that we need a counselor we can trust, but that’s it.”
“Whatever you want. But if it’s okay with you, I’d like to ask him right away.”
“That’s fine. Because it’s like I said, I can’t keep living like this.”
“I agree, so let me call him now.”
Phillip went into his study and called Curtis’s home number and Charlotte answered.
“Hey, Charlotte, how’s it going?”
“Good. How about you?”
“I’m okay.”
“And I would ask about your mom but I just talked to her a little while ago. Thought I’d call just to chat with her for a while.”
“That was nice of you.”
“She’s really doing well, Phillip.”
“She is, and I’m glad because if she wasn’t, that would really worry me.”
“I can imagine. But let me not hold you up because I know you’re probably calling for Curtis.”
“I am.”
“Here he is, and you take care.”
“Hey,” Curtis said when he got on the line.
“How are you?”
“Fine, what’s up with you?”
“If you have a few minutes, I need to ask a favor.”
“Go ahead. Anything.”
“Well, as much as I was hoping we’d never have to go this route, Alicia and I have both decided that it’s time we saw a counselor.”
“Really? I knew you were having some problems around the time your dad died, but I thought things were a lot better and back to normal.”
“They were for a while, but now it’s pretty bad again.”
“Well, you know I hate hearing that, but you’re doing the right thing by getting some help.”
“What I wondered was if you can recommend someone who is good but also someone we can trust because Alicia is worried about confidentiality.”
“I understand, and actually I know the perfect person. Pastor John Abernathy. He’s the pastor of Abundant Life Missionary Baptist Church over in Chicago, but he also has a master’s in counseling and had a private practice when he was in his early thirties. You’ve heard me talk about him and, remember, I spoke there last summer.”
“I think so. You just met him about a year and a half ago, right?”
“Yeah, but he’s the one who really helped me come to terms
with that whole Tabitha scandal. He quickly became like a father figure to me, and he’s very good. He’s a great man of God, and he doesn’t play any games. He’s the real deal.”
“Isn’t his church the one where that woman who won the lottery goes to? The one who won that huge Mega Millions jackpot?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Well, if that’s who you really think we should go with, then I’ll run it by Alicia.”
“He’s definitely your man. Just let me know, and I’ll call him right away.”
“Thanks, Curtis, because we really do need to talk to someone soon.”
“No problem, and while I know you don’t feel comfortable sharing with me whatever is going on, I still want you to know that I’m always available. I also don’t want you thinking you can’t come to me just because you’re married to my daughter. It takes two when it comes to any marriage, and I know my daughter can be a little self-absorbed sometimes. You mentioned something like that the last time we spoke about this, and it’s true, so if you want me to talk to her, I will.”
“No. But I appreciate the offer.”
“Okay, well, let me know if you want me to contact Pastor Abernathy.”
“I will. See you tomorrow.”
Phillip hung up but wished he’d gone ahead and told Curtis everything. Especially now that Curtis had admitted that he knew his daughter had faults. But Phillip knew if he told Curtis anything, Alicia would be furious because she’d made it clear that she didn’t want her father knowing any details about their situation.
Phillip opened the door to his study and then went down the hall to the kitchen.
“I talked to your dad, and he suggested Pastor Abernathy over in Chicago.”
“Really? I guess that’s fine. My dad talks about him a lot and I know he trusts him, so that’s the most important thing.”
“So, it’s a go, then?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll let your dad know,” Phillip said and then noticed that Alicia had her purse on her shoulder. “You leaving?”
“Yeah, I’m meeting some women from the church for dinner.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Maybe a couple of hours or so. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”
“No, I was just asking.”
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you in a little while.”
Alicia turned toward the door leading to the garage, but Phillip stopped her.
“So, you’re not even going to kiss me good-bye?”
Alicia hesitated but then pecked him on the lips. “See ya.”
“See you later.”
Phillip watched her walk out the door, and then it came to him. Maybe it was time he did something special for her. Something that would let her know just how much he still loved her and how much he really wanted their marriage to work.
He decided he would surprise her in a way he never had before, and he couldn’t wait to see her reaction.
A
licia had only been seeing Levi Cunningham for the last couple of weeks, but already she couldn’t get enough of him. The man was just that amazing. He had every single thing she could ever want in a guy—money, power, and such extraordinary sexual skills—and she wasn’t sure how she’d ever be able to wean herself off of him. And she couldn’t deny that she’d gone looking for the affair she was having with him because she had. She’d tried her best to forget about him, ever since that day he had approached her at Macy’s, but he’d always been in the back of her mind. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how tall and handsome he was, or about the black LS series Lexus he drove, or about the amount of money everyone in the city knew he had. She’d known it wasn’t right for her to fantasize about another man but the more she and Phillip argued, the more she’d thought about Levi, and it had only been a matter of time before she’d made it her business to find him.
So, one evening, after she and Phillip had found themselves in yet another tired screaming match and he’d slipped and said that she was a daddy’s girl and needed to grow up, she’d left the house and driven to Levi’s mother’s restaurant. She’d seen his
car parked right out in front but after twenty minutes of sitting, she still hadn’t gotten out and walked inside. The reason: She’d been trying to talk herself out of following in her father’s old footpath, committing the ungodly sin of adultery, and she’d tried to convince herself that she and Phillip were going to be just fine. She’d even gone ahead and turned her ignition back on, preparing to drive off, but it was at that moment that Levi walked out of the restaurant and saw her. Even then, she considered driving away, but with every step he’d taken in the direction of her vehicle, she’d felt just a little more drawn to him, a little more mesmerized and like she couldn’t move. It was as if he’d been some sort of drug that had paralyzed her.
She remembered the way the entire evening had gone, no differently than if it had happened yesterday. He’d walked right up to the driver side of her car, and she’d rolled down her window.
Levi had flashed what she now called his signature smile. “Well, it’s about time.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“That you’ve had me waiting for almost two months now.”
“That’s funny because I don’t remember ever saying I was coming.”
“No, but you didn’t have to. I just knew when the time was right, you would be here.”
Alicia had smiled and then looked away from him.
“So, what’s up?”
“You tell me.”
“Well, before we take this any further, there’re three things I want you to know up front. I never lie, I don’t play childish games, and if I say something, I always mean it. And on the flip side, I expect the same exact things back from you, no exceptions.”
“You make it sound like we’re about to enter some sort of business deal or something.”
“No, but I use the same rules in my personal relationships that I use with business. That’s the way I’ve always been, so I guess what you have to decide is if you’re down for that or not.”
Alicia hadn’t been sure she’d liked how serious he had sounded because even if she did make the decision to sleep with him, it wasn’t like they would ever have anything more than that. They couldn’t. She was a married woman with a real-life husband at home and there was no pretending otherwise. Not to mention, her father would kill her if he ever found out she was even talking to Levi, let alone spending time with him.
“So, what happens if people lie to you, play games. or say something they don’t mean?”
“When it’s personal, I drop them from my life like a bad habit and I never have another thing to do with them. When it’s business, well, that’s when my reaction becomes a little more involved. But you don’t need to worry about that because your relationship with me will always be personal and never about business.”
“That’s good to know.”
“So, what’s the verdict? You in?”
“I’m not sure, because deep down I know this is wrong.”
“Because of your husband?”
Alicia looked at him.
“Is that it? Because if it is, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it’s not wrong when we both know it is. That’s just a fact.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“If I was, I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you, and I certainly never would have approached you a couple of months
ago. I don’t operate like that. I’m a one-woman kind of man. I was in a relationship, but I ended it about four months ago.”
“Why?”
“She lied straight to my face and never even stuttered. And that’s all it took for me.”
“How long had you been dating her?”
“Five years.”
“And you dumped her just like that?”
“Just like that. I told you. Those three rules of mine apply to everyone.”
“So, you expect me to sit here believing that you’re going to see only me, even though I’ll be going home to my husband whenever I leave from being with you?”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much the size of it.”
“Why?”
“Because from where I’m sitting, it looks to me like your marriage is only temporary. If it wasn’t, you never would have come looking for me.”
“But what if I’m not planning to ever leave him?”
“Then that’ll be your call, and eventually you and I will have to come to an end.”
Alicia had looked ahead through her front window and wondered if she was getting herself into something she would soon end up regretting. She’d wondered if Levi would actually allow her the kind of freedom to come and go as she pleased without any hassles or pressure like he’d been saying. It had all seemed too good to be true but her desire to be with him had been very strong, and her heart had told her it was okay to take a chance.
“Where do you live?”
“Just outside of the city limits. But I think it would be best if we find somewhere to leave your car and then you can just ride with me.”
Alicia had debated her decision for a few minutes longer and then decided she didn’t have anything to lose. She’d known that cheating on her husband wasn’t something to take lightly, but she had finally settled on the idea that what Phillip didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
That was two weeks ago, and as of today, she was glad she’d taken that drive with Levi because now she was lying next to a man who made her feel like a real woman. He made her feel like she was the most important thing in his life and like she deserved everything the world had to offer and then some. Already, he’d opened up his home to her, explaining that it could all be hers, and two days ago, he’d given her a beautiful heart-shaped diamond necklace. Then, about a week ago, she’d talked about having to pay one of her credit card bills that had a balance of one thousand dollars, and he’d given her the cash so she could pay that off, too. But the only thing was, she needed a lot more than that because she’d already maxed out the five-thousand-dollar credit line on the MasterCard she’d signed Phillip’s name to, maxed out another three-thousand-dollar line of credit that Phillip had received an offer for, and now that she’d spent nearly four thousand dollars on the new family-room furniture, she was already cutting into the ten-thousand-dollar line they’d been given on the Visa she’d applied for online. Then, there were her Neiman’s and Saks accounts, which she’d maxed out as well, at five thousand dollars each, which of course never took long to do at either one of those stores, but she’d needed clothing for her new job at the church. She’d needed the accounts because there was no way she could walk around wearing just any old thing and embarrassing her father. Everyone knew she was Curtis Black’s daughter, and she had no choice but to live up to that.
If only she made a lot more money and could pay off her
balances much more regularly and stop paying just the minimum payments, she was sure Neiman’s and Saks would gladly raise her credit limits, the same as they’d done over the years when her father paid her bills. But in the meantime, she needed more cash and she would just have to figure out a way to ask Levi for it. She didn’t want to request too much too soon because she didn’t want him thinking that she was only trying to use him—which she wasn’t—but she was going to have to ask him before the beginning of next month. She’d have to do so or resort to her only other option, asking her father, and she definitely didn’t want to do that.
Levi repositioned his pillow and gazed into Alicia’s eyes. “Are you happy?”
“With you?”
“Yes, but more importantly are you happy with the way I make love to you?”
“Can’t you tell?”
“Maybe. But I wanna hear you say it.”
“I’m happy with the way you make love to me.”
“Am I better than him?”
Alicia thought it was interesting how Levi would never say Phillip’s name. He would only say “he,” “him,” or “your husband,” but maybe he did that because without using Phillip’s name maybe that made Phillip seem less real.
Levi repeated his question. “Am I?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because otherwise it wouldn’t be worth it for you.”
“Not worth it how?”
“It wouldn’t be worth you being here with me when you have something better at home.”
“I guess not.”
“I know not, and that’s why I’m amazed when people have
affairs but don’t get anything more than what they’re already dissatisfied with.”
Occasionally, Alicia had a hard time believing that Levi was a big-time drug dealer and mostly she tried not to even think about it at all. But he made a lot of profound statements, the kind most drug dealers wouldn’t even think about, and that sort of surprised her.
Alicia drew invisible circles on Levi’s chest. “Are
you
happy?”
“Very. I told you that I’ve wanted you for a very long time, and it feels good to finally have you. Well, partially have you, anyway.”
“But I’m all yours when you and I are together.”
“I know and I’m content with that for the time being. But I never forget what the reality is.”
“This is a hard situation because I was never counting on caring about you as much as I do.”
“You can’t help who you have feelings for or who you have chemistry with. It’s just not possible to do anything about that. Some people may never admit their attraction for another person, but everybody’s eventually attracted to someone other than the person they’re with, at some point in their relationship. Everyone.”
“I don’t know about that because had Phillip not started trying to tell me what I could and couldn’t buy and hadn’t started arguing with me all the time, I don’t think I’d be here with you.”
“Maybe not. But you still would’ve been attracted to me, even if you’d never done anything about it.”
“I don’t know if I agree with that.”
“So, you’re still trying to insinuate that you weren’t attracted to me, even before you met your husband?”
“I think I’ll just plead the fifth on this one.”
Levi laughed. “That’s what I thought. Because you know you’d be lying if you said you weren’t, and you know how I feel about that.”
Alicia playfully punched him, and he grabbed his chest like she’d done major damage to him. “What are you trying to do, kill me?”
“Yeah, right.”
Levi rolled the front of his body to the side of hers. “You ready for round two?”
“I was ready as soon as round one was over with.”
Levi grinned. “Then, let’s get to it.”
Alicia sped into the subdivision and hung the first corner faster than normal because she hadn’t meant to stay at Levi’s for seven whole hours. She’d gotten so caught up, the same as every other time she’d been with him, but she didn’t want to make Phillip suspicious. She couldn’t afford that, not when she’d just agreed they could get counseling and not after seeing the hopeful look he’d had on his face just before she’d walked out the back door. She didn’t think counseling was going to do much good for them, but now that she’d betrayed their marital vows and was sneaking around with another man, she felt as though she at least owed him a chance at trying to work things out. Plus, she did still love him.
But she had to admit that the more she was with Levi, the more she wished she was married to him instead of Phillip, even though there was always that menacing reminder dangling in the background: the illegal business Levi operated and the danger it could bring to him and her if she wasn’t careful. To this day, she’d never seen anyone come to his house, and she’d never heard him talking on the phone with any of the people
who worked for him. But the way he lived spoke a multitude of words: the waterfall on the front lawn, the most glamorous chandelier she’d ever seen, five bedrooms, five bathrooms, an inground swimming pool, a spacious theater room, a workout room, and a sauna—the list went on and on. He had just about everything her father had in his house. The only difference was, her father was legit. Her father hadn’t acquired any of his fortune by dealing drugs as Levi was doing.
Still, at thirty-two, the same age Phillip was, Levi had everything a woman could want or need and he was offering it to her. He was offering his heart, soul, and money to Alicia, and she was having a hard time passing on it.
She pulled into the driveway, opened the garage, and then drove inside it. Then, she turned off the radio, left her vehicle, and went into the house.
Phillip met her at the door. “Where were you?”
“Out. At dinner, and then I stopped at the mall.”
“And you couldn’t return my phone calls?”
Alicia realized how she hadn’t even thought to check her cell. “I’m sorry.”
“This is just crazy. Here I keep trying to hold on to what little bit of a marriage we have left, while you act as though you want out.”
“That’s not true. But, Phillip, you know how things have been between us lately, and then we had that argument today, and I just needed some space. I needed some time to myself.”
“I thought you went to dinner with some ladies from the church?”
“I did, but then I went to the mall.”
“It’s always about shopping, isn’t it?”
“No. But today, I just needed some time away from here. That’s all.”