The Best Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Gunslinger in the Whole Damned Galaxy (16 page)

      
“Love to,” said the Dancer.

      
“There's a catch,” said Flint. He paused for effect. “This is a fight to the death."

      
The Dancer laughed and slapped his leg. “Do you really mean it, Thaddeus?"

      
“I wouldn't kid you about something like this,” replied Flint seriously.

      
“How soon do I get to do it?” asked the Dancer, barely able to contain his enthusiasm.

      
“First we've got to decide
if
you get to do it,” said Flint.

      
“What are you talking about?"

      
“I'm talking about killing someone who's never done you any harm."

      
“That's a chance he takes. Besides, his people probably think he's gonna win."

      
“And the taking of a life doesn't disturb you?” asked Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
“He's gonna be trying to take
mine
, ain't he?” responded the Dancer.

      
“Not if we don't allow the fight to occur,” said the blue man.

      
“Where's this here Kargennian guy?” asked the Dancer suddenly.

      
“Downstairs, in the mess hall,” said Flint. “Why?"

      
“Thaddeus, you and Mr. Ahasuerus have always been good to me and treated me decent, but I been waiting all my life for something like this,” said the Dancer without rancor. “If you don't go along with it, I'm gonna hunt up this butterball guy and make my own deal with him."

      
“Even if it means you can never come back?"

      
The Dancer nodded gravely. “Even so."

      
“You'd never see another human being again,” Flint pointed out.

      
“This is more important,” said the Dancer. “Besides, maybe I'll take Jiminy along. He can look as human as the next guy."

      
“Jiminy works for
us
,” said Flint.

      
“Then I'll buy him off after I win,” said the Dancer firmly.

      
“In other words, you plan to participate in this gunfight whether you do it as a member of the carnival or not?” asked Flint.

      
“I got to,” said the Dancer. “Please believe me, Thaddeus: I don't want to hurt your feelings none, and I'd like to stay with the show—but this is what I was put here to do, and there ain't nothing gonna stop me from doing it."

      
Flint turned to the blue man. “Your witness,” he said with a smile.

      
“I know Billybuck's feelings on the matter,” replied Mr. Ahasuerus calmly. “I think what I would like now is some input from Tojo."

      
“From one bleeding heart to another,” said Flint sarcastically.

      
“From one sensitive sentient entity to another,” corrected Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
“He's just going to back you up."

      
“I'm sure he can think for himself,” said the blue man.

      
“
How
sure?” demanded Flint suddenly.

      
“What are you driving at?” asked Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
“Do you have enough confidence in Tojo's sensitivity to let
him
make the decision?"

      
“Just a minute—!” stammered the hunchback.

      
“Yes, I do,” replied the blue man firmly.

      
“Done,” said Flint. He turned to Tojo. “Just for the record, had you heard anything about this gunfight before you came into the office?"

      
“No, but—"

      
“Then it's up to you."

      
“But I don't
want
it to be up to me!” protested Tojo.

      
“Well,” said Flint easily, “nobody can have everything they want, can they?"

      
“It's not fair, Thaddeus!” continued Tojo.

      
“I know,” said Flint softly, “but it's the only way we're going to keep peace aboard this ship."

      
“Dancer, say something!” demanded Tojo.

      
“Ain't nothing to say,” replied the Dancer pleasantly. “I'm fighting no matter what you guys decide."

      
“Don't ask me to do this, Mr. Ahasuerus,” pleaded the little hunchback, turning to the blue man.

      
“Mr. Flint and I have irreconcilable differences on this subject. I have confidence in your judgment and character; I will put my trust in them."

      
“But you're not a
Man
!” said Tojo, stammering so badly he could hardly force the words out. “Thaddeus is. He
knows
."

      
“What are you saying?” asked the blue man, blinking his narrow orange eyes very rapidly.

      
“That if the decision is mine, the Dancer is going to fight on Darbeena," said Tojo miserably.

      
“But
why
?” demanded Mr. Ahasuerus in disbelief.

      
“Because he's my friend, and I care for him."

      
“But a
gunfight
. . ."

      
“It's all he's lived for,” said ToJo, “all he's ever wanted. If it will make him happy, then I want it too."

      
“Even if it means he must kill a Darbeenan?"

      
“I don't
know
any Darbeenans,” replied the hunchback. “I hope he changes his mind, but if he doesn't, and the Darbeenan voluntarily faces him, then I can't tell him not to do it."

      
“And if the Darbeenan should win?” persisted the blue man.

      
“Not a chance,” said the Dancer easily.

      
“Even if the Dancer loses, isn't it better to die doing what he thinks he was born to do than to live for however many years he's got left without once getting the chance?” asked Tojo.

      
The blue man sank back in his chair, totally deflated. “I gave my word,” he said at last. “So be it."

      
“Thanks, Mr. Ahasuerus,” said the Dancer, standing up and tipping his Stetson again. “You won't be sorry—you'll see."

      
“I am already sorry,” said the blue man miserably.

      
“I'd better hop down to the mess hall and tell—what was his name again?— anyway, I'd better tell him that the fight's on.” The Dancer ruffled Tojo's straight black hair with his hand, then left the office.

      
“Tojo, please wait outside,” said Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
The hunchback climbed down off the couch he was sitting on and walked out into the corridor.

      
“Mr. Flint, that was an underhanded and deceitful thing to do,” said the blue man, his eyes blazing. “You knew what he was going to say."

      
“Yes, I did,” admitted Flint. “Your job is money; mine is people."

      
“It was a terrible burden to place on his shoulders,” continued the blue man, his fingertips pressed so hard against the top of his desk that the color all but vanished from them.

      
“He's tougher than you think,” said Flint. “He can bear up under it."

      
“Someone will die because of what you forced him to do,” persisted the blue man, his tones cold and emotionless.

      
“Someone would have died anyway. You don't seriously doubt that Kargennian would have gone straight to the Dancer if we'd turned him down, do you?"

      
“I do not know,” said Mr. Ahasuerus, his fury reflected in his lean, angular face. “All I know is that you have manipulated me into a position that is all but untenable, and it will be a long time before I can forgive you for it."

      
“I had no choice,” replied Flint seriously. “The fight was going to take place with or without our blessing, and I knew that
I
was never going to persuade you to change your mind.” He paused. “You know, I've seen five men killed in boxing rings back on Earth. It was tragic, and nobody wanted it to happen, but it didn't stop prizefights from taking place, and it didn't stop people from wanting to see them."

      
“Including you?” asked the blue man ironically.

      
“Including me."

      
“Am I to understand that you will actually
enjoy
watching this exercise in barbarism?"

      
“I'd never admit it to the Dancer,” said Flint, “but yes, I would. Haven't you ever wondered if he's as quick as we think he is?"

      
Mr. Ahasuerus stared at him for a long moment. “Mr. Flint, we have worked together so closely and for so long that I occasionally forget just how alien we are from one another. I have nothing further to say to you today."

      
He pressed a button, and the door opened. Flint shrugged and stepped into the corridor, and the door immediately slid shut behind him.

      
“Are you still here?” asked Flint, as he almost bumped into Tojo, who was leaning against one of the smooth, polished walls.

      
“I just wanted you to know that I figured it out,” said the little hunchback.

      
“I don't know what you're talking about."

      
“I'm not deaf, and I'm not stupid, Thaddeus. You told me to
bring
the Dancer, not
send
him. My guess is that you must have been arguing with Mr. Ahasuerus and couldn't persuade him to let the fight go on. Grilling the Dancer like that was just camouflage."

      
“You always
were
a bright little bastard,” said Flint. He sighed. “It was the only way.
You
know he's got to go through with it."

      
“Yes,” answered Tojo. “I wish it wasn't so, but it is. I have just one question."

      
“Shoot."

      
“Why did you choose
me
?"

      
“I'm sorry I had to put you through it,” said Flint sincerely. “We've got maybe a hundred people on the ship who would have voted for the fight, but you're the only one I could trust to convince the skeleton that you wanted it for the right reason and the only one whose opinion I could ever get him to buy.” He paused. “It was a shitty thing to do to both of you.” He looked as if he wanted to say something more, then seemed to think better of it.

      
“You didn't use to feel bad about doing things like this when I first met you,” remarked Tojo, shuffling his feet against the matted floor of the narrow passageway.

      
“Maybe I'm getting older,” said Flint. “We've come a long way since you and I first hooked up.” He began walking down the corridor, heading to the bank of elevators at the end of it. “Try not to be too mad, Tojo,” he said when they were about halfway there.

      
“I'm not mad, Thaddeus. I'm sorry it had to be such an unpleasant scene, but I'm flattered that of all the people on the ship, you felt I had the best chance of convincing Mr. Ahasuerus.” He paused and looked up at Flint. “There was a time, not so many years ago, when I would have deeply resented being used like this, even though it was something that had to be done. I guess we've both gotten older."

      
“I guess.” Flint increased his pace, quickly reached the elevators, and pressed a glowing red-gold button to summon one.

      
“Anyway, it's been a long time since you've done anything to make me mad,” concluded Tojo, catching up with him. “You're my oldest friend,” he added, “and you and the carny are the only family I've got."

      
“Thank you,” said Flint. “I suppose when you get right down to cases, you're the only friend
I've
got, too."

      
Tojo smiled. “What about Mr. Ahasuerus, and all the girls who keep finding their way to your room?"

      
“Girls come and go;
you
stay,” said Flint. “As for Mr. Ahasuerus, I think the only killing he'd approve of right about now is mine.” Suddenly he gave Tojo a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Come on down to the mess hall and I'll buy you a beer."

      
“I'd like that, Thaddeus,” said the little hunchback. “I really would."

      
“You've got a funny expression on your face,” noted Flint, as the elevator door slid open. “How come?"

      
“In the twelve years I've known you, that was the first time you've ever apologized to me for anything."