The Best Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Gunslinger in the Whole Damned Galaxy (35 page)

      
“And you want to know how I'm going to pay for it?"

      
“Precisely."

      
“I'd have thought the answer to that would be obvious,” said Flint. “
You're
paying for it."

      
“I beg your pardon?"

      
“Look,” said Flint, lighting a cigarette and using one of the blue man's artifacts for an ashtray, “you plan to make a zillion credits replaying the gunfight throughout the Community of Worlds, don't you?"

      
“Of course,” said Kargennian. “But what has that got to do with—?"

      
“
The Ahasuerus and Flint Traveling Carnival and Sideshow
had Billybuck Dancer under contract at the time of his death. What makes you think we're going to give you permission to play the fight?"

      
“What are you talking about?” said Kargennian. “You are a wholly owned subsidiary. You may have owned the Dancer, but
we
own
you
."

      
“You know it, and I know it, but I've seen the way your bureaucracy works,” said Flint with a smile. “How long do you think it'll take you to prove it in court? How many contracts will you have to cancel in the process, and what kind of demand will there be for your holographs twenty years up the road when you finally win?"

      
“This is blackmail, Mr. Flint!"

      
“It certainly is,” agreed Flint amiably. “If, however, you will agree not to hinder me and will pick up the tab for my trip, I'll sign over my rights to the Dancer here and now.” He paused. “We were going to get a quarter of the take anyway, so this will put my twelve and a half percent right in your pocket."

      
“Are you serious, Mr. Flint?” said Kargennian, his face a mask of undiluted greed.

      
“Absolutely."

      
“Done!” he cried. “And good riddance to you! I'll draw up the papers myself, and send them up for your signature within twenty minutes."

      
“Just a moment,” said Mr. Ahasuerus, who had been a silent spectator throughout their conversation.

      
“Yes? What is it?” said Kargennian.

      
“If he is to leave, and it appears inevitable, we cannot let him leave destitute after all he has done for us. Surely we have an obligation to supply him with some currency."

      
“Speaking of currency, you still owe me five thousand credits from our wager, Mr. Flint,” said Kargennian.

      
“True enough,” agreed Flint. “I won't ask you for a five-thousand-credit grubstake and we'll call it square."

      
“Fine,” said the rotund alien, leaving the office and scurrying away to draw up the necessary papers.

      
“This is unacceptable!” said the blue man hotly. “I will speak to him again about the money."

      
“Don't worry about it."

      
“But he is profiteering from your situation!"

      
“Poor little bloodsucker,” said Flint with an amused smile. “He's the kind of guy who always shells out fifty bucks for a fancy new toy and then forgets to spend six bits on the battery."

      
“I am afraid I do not follow you, Mr. Flint,” said the blue man, refilling his thermos with a fresh pot of coffee.

      
Flint walked to the desk, found a blank piece of computer readout paper, and scribbled a pair of brief sentences on it, signing his name with a flourish.

      
“Here,” he said, handing the paper to his partner. “We didn't just have the Dancer under contract—we also own all the rights to the Doc Holliday robot. I just signed my share of them over to you, so now you'll have my percent from it."

      
“This really isn't necessary, Mr. Flint."

      
“You don't understand. If worst comes to worst, you'll still get as much out of this as you originally planned—but in the meantime, I'd strongly advise you to bleed that little bastard dry. He can't put his show on without the rights to
both
participants."

      
“I never thought of that,” said Mr. Ahasuerus, flashing his teeth in his equivalent of a smile.

      
“Well, you're going to have to start thinking of things like that from now on,” said Flint seriously.

      
“To borrow from your vernacular, I will screw things up terribly,” said the blue man wryly.

      
“You'll do just fine,” replied Flint. “If you run into trouble, ask Diggs for help. He's a devious son of a bitch if there ever was one."

      
“And you? What will you do with no money?"

      
“The same thing I always did,” said Flint with a smile. “I'll get by."

      
“I suppose you will, at that,” agreed the blue man. He paused. “You will not reconsider?"

      
Flint shook his head.

      
“But there are so many worlds you have yet to see!"

      
“One world's pretty much like the next."

      
“Think of the races you will never meet,” urged Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
Flint smiled. “They're even more alike than the worlds. Put a blue sharkskin suit on Kargennian and you'd never know the difference.” He paused. “Stick the dwarf in a healthy body and he'd have still been Tojo."

      
They sat and discussed the past five years for a few minutes, the high points and the low, the triumphs and the failures, and then one of the games workers entered with the papers from Kargennian. Flint glanced over them, signed them, and got to his feet as the worker left.

      
“I'll be taking one of the little ships, I think,” he said. “No sense wasting something as big as the shuttlecraft for one passenger and a wooden box. I'd appreciate it if you'd have the ship's computer program one of the robot pilots while I'm collecting my gear."

      
Mr. Ahasuerus looked at him desperately. “Mr. Flint, won't you please stay on as a personal favor to
me
?"

      
Flint sighed. “I'm already doing a personal favor for someone else who asked first."

      
The blue man stared at him. “I shall miss you, Mr. Flint,” he said at last.

      
“I'll miss you too,” replied Flint sincerely.

      
Mr. Ahasuerus lowered his head and gazed at his long, interlaced fingers.

      
“I always knew that you would leave someday. I just did not realize that it would be so soon.” He looked up to say something else, and found that he was alone in the room.

 

 

Chapter 23

 

      
"I still can't believe he's gone,” said Diggs.

      
“It sure ain't gonna be the same without him,” agreed Stogie.

      
The two men were sitting with Julius Squeezer, Jiminy Cricket and Mr. Ahasuerus at the corner table that had been Flint's for more than five years.

      
The blue man was drinking coffee, Diggs and Jiminy had mugs of lukewarm beer before them, Julius had a foul-smelling fruit concoction, and Stogie was sharing a glass of artificial milk with his squirming little schnauzer.

      
Diggs shook his head. “He had it all—money, women, everything—and he just walked away. I don't understand it."

      
“Perhaps he did not view things in precisely the same way that you do," suggested Mr. Ahasuerus softly.
 

      
“He's a carny,” said Diggs. “He's got no more interest in going out and associating with normal people than I do. Once he takes care of business, he's just going to hunt up another carnival to work for; it's the only thing he knows. So why leave at all, when he owned the biggest?"

      
“Possibly he did not wish to own the biggest carnival any longer,” said the blue man.

      
“Horseshit!” said Diggs. “You know Thaddeus—the only way he ever measured anything was in terms of money."

      
“Maybe he found a better way,” said Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
“There ain't none,” said Diggs decisively.

      
“I'm certainly going to miss him,” said Julius. “No matter what happened, he always seemed in control of things. If there was a problem, somehow you always knew that he could fix it."

      
“Or bribe it, or flimflam it,” added Stogie.

      
“I just don't know who's going to take charge now that he's gone," continued the huge green wrestler. He turned suddenly to the blue man.

      
“Excuse me, Mr. Ahasuerus,” he added quickly. “I didn't mean . . ."

      
“I agree with you,” replied the blue man simply. “There is no need to apologize for stating the truth."

      
“I'll miss him too,” said Jiminy, “but surely the carnival will continue to function without him."

      
“Of course it will,” said Stogie. “But it won't be the same.” He turned to the Jimorian. “Who's the strongest man you know?"

      
“Julius,” replied Jiminy without hesitation.

      
“Yeah? Well, Thaddeus fought him in the ring a couple of years ago and beat the shit out of him,” said Stogie, chuckling at the memory. “How about the best lion tamer?"

      
“I've never seen one,” admitted Jiminy.

      
“You were supposed to say Monk,” said Stogie sullenly, “and then I was gonna tell you how Thaddeus pulled a couple of cats off him when they were attacking him. Hell, he could probably have found a way to beat the robot if he'd had to."

      
“I don't think anything could beat that machine in a fair fight,” said Jiminy.

      
“Well, now,” interjected Diggs, “Thaddeus wasn't so much concerned with fighting fair as he was with winning.” He paused thoughtfully. “That's why I can't understand his leaving. What did he get for it?"

      
“Maybe he plans on coming back,” suggested Jiminy.

      
“He will not come back,” said Mr. Ahasuerus.

      
“Besides,” said Diggs, “he ain't a man to carry a lot of emotional baggage around. When he walks out on a place, he's done with it. I've been with him longer than anyone but Tojo; I know."

      
Monk entered the mess hall and walked over to the little group. “Anybody seen Batman?” he asked. “I was supposed to meet him here for lunch."

      
“He ain't been around,” said Stogie. “Pull up a chair, Jupiter. I was just telling Jiminy about how Thaddeus saved your ass in the ring back in New Hampshire."

      
Monk pulled up a chair. “Let him tell it himself,” he said. “He gets a kick out of it, especially if I'm around to hear.” He paused. “Where the hell
is
Thaddeus, anyway?"

      
“He's gone,” said Diggs.

      
“Gone?” repeated Monk. “Gone where?"

      
“He's left the show."

      
“Yeah. Where'd he go?"

      
“Earth."

      
Monk shook his head in amazement. “Can't imagine why. Ain't nothing back there.” He smiled. “Of course, there ain't nothing up here, either, but there's a lot more of it."

      
“Don't you understand what I'm saying to you?” said Diggs hotly. “He's gone forever."

      
“Big deal,” said Monk with a shrug. “Tojo go with him?"

      
Diggs threw his hands up in exasperation and muttered an obscenity.

      
“Watch what you say to me, Rigger,” said Monk ominously. “There's enough room in the Bozo cage for more than just me and Batman."

      
“Go fuck yourself, you crazy bastard!” growled Diggs.

      
Monk reached across the table and grabbed Diggs by the shirt. “Don't you ever call me crazy again!” he bellowed.

      
“You don't scare me!” said Diggs defiantly. “You were nothing before Thaddeus found you and you're gonna be nothing again now that he's gone!"

      
“Stop it!” commanded Mr. Ahasuerus, rising to his feet.

      
“You keep out of this!” said Monk.

      
The blue man reached out a long, lean hand and encompassed Monk's fist in his own. His fingers turned almost white as he applied pressure, and finally Monk cursed and released his grip on Diggs.