The Betrayal of Bindy Mackenzie (41 page)

‘Whatever's wrong with you,' said Briony, ‘you should go to the doctor. What if there's just one pill you need to take to get better? And if you don't take it, you'll get worse and end up having to take even more time off school.'

Everybody agreed.

‘Plus,' said Astrid kindly, ‘how do you know you're not contagious? Maybe you've got, like, typhoid or that FOXGLOVE chicken flu, whatever it's called, and you're giving it to all of us? No offence.'

But the others doubted I was contagious because I'd been sick for such a long time without anyone else catching it.

‘Anyway,' Sergio said, shifting subjects, ‘you've got to get a doctor's certificate so you can give it to your teachers and get extensions for the overdue assignments.'

They all agreed about that, too, and assured me I would not fail. All I needed, they said (knowledgeably), was a doctor's certificate. They were pleasingly dismissive about my school work worries.

But then they moved into the more difficult territory of my attitude towards them.

‘Okay, so you've been feeling sick and that,' said Astrid, ‘but it's kind of like no excuse for slagging us all off, and like putting posters up with our names on them, and what you said to Sergio and that?'

‘I guess she's been delusional,' Toby pointed out.

‘And the Name Game,' Elizabeth said. ‘If people said all those things about me, I'd be upset, too.'

‘Well, the Name Game,' Emily leapt in. ‘I wanted to say something about that. How you said what everyone said about you? Like you'd figured it all out. Well, there's an injustice there, because I
didn't
write what you think I wrote. That you have long words in your huge head. I wrote that you can't help who you are and maybe you'll change. And I said, “Good luck with Year 11. I think you'll change.” Something like that. Which was meant in the greatest and most compassionate sense and was my effort to be kind, Bindy, as you know that we hadn't got on well in the past, but I wanted to start fresh.'

‘I'm the one who said you have long words in your head,' Briony confessed. ‘Sorry. But I was just trying to make it funny by talking about your big head. I was really just praising you, Bindy, for having a good vocabulary.'

‘Yeah,' said Astrid. ‘And I was just praising you, too, Bindy. I just said you wear your hair weird which means you've got guts, and I actually meant that about taking guts, cos a lot of people, like me, for example, kind of like choose clothes that
are fashionable? And I admire people that don't. Even if it hurts my eyes to look at them. So, that wasn't that bad of a thing to write, was it?'

‘I didn't say you were a bit too smart, either,' Elizabeth put in. ‘I said you're a fast typist. Which you've got to admit, you are. I don't know who wrote that you're a bit too smart.'

‘I did,' said Sergio, and then, to me, defensively, ‘but you
are
.'

Toby sighed deeply. ‘Okay,' he said. ‘I did write that you talk like a horse. It was a humorous reference to the way you say “nay” all the time. You know, neigh. Like a horse. But your voice is just fine, Bindy, it's not like a horse. It's a very nice voice.'

‘Well, except when she gets, like, hysterical, I guess?' Astrid chatted. ‘Toby, you've gotta admit, sometimes Bindy goes off and then her voice has this scre—'

Sergio interrupted, changing the subject. ‘You said you crashed a car?' he prompted me.

But I had to take a moment to look from face to face, and readjust my views of each of them. Except for Toby and his
talks like a horse,
none of them had written what I thought they had. And the way they explained themselves now: maybe the comments weren't as serious as I had thought? Maybe I'd over-reacted? I began to smile a little.

‘You crashed a car?' said Sergio, hopefully.

So I described my driving lesson, and how my uncle had told me to be
one with the car
—and as I spoke, I remembered.

‘My piano teacher said that too!' I exclaimed. ‘She said I wasn't one with the piano! I'm not one with the piano
or
the car! Because I drove straight into a parked car! I'm not one, I can't be one with
anything
—I don't—I just don't belong.'

Suddenly, I was crying again.

‘See, that's your fault,' Astrid said. ‘Because when you act like the teacher you can't be part of the class? If you want to be
one
with us, you've got to—'

But Sergio was talking over Astrid's voice again.

‘You just crashed straight into a parked car?' he said. ‘That's it? You drove out of your driveway and hit a parked car? Forget about it.' (He used his mafia accent at the end.)

Then he described the three accidents
he'd
had. He included squealing-tyre, shrieking-brake and crunching-metal sound effects. Next thing, almost all of them were telling car-crash stories. Running over letterboxes. Putting the car into reverse instead of drive. ‘The road took a right-hand bend,' I heard Toby say, ‘but the car did not.'

I looked around, astonished.

‘See?' said Emily. ‘We're all the same. None of us can drive!'

‘Well,' said Sergio slowly, ‘maybe
some
of us can
dr
—'

‘If you want to be
one
with us,' Astrid repeated, ‘you've gotta stop acting like you're better than us.'

‘And you've gotta try to learn the difference,' said Sergio, thoughtfully, ‘between an animal and a human being.'

Astrid stood up and left the room.

Toby put his arm around my shoulder. ‘And look at your beautiful indigo eyes,' he murmured. ‘All red now with your crying.'

‘Indigo,' scoffed Sergio. ‘Indigo mean purple. Her eyes are not purple. They're midnight-blue.'

They argued mildly until Astrid returned with a tray of hot chocolate for everyone.

And as I looked down at the little white marshmallow bobbing about in my hot chocolate, I thought:
this is what it's like to have friends.

It soon emerged that Astrid had put Kahlua in everyone's hot chocolate. I have never really drunk alcohol before, so I believe it had an effect on me. In fact, I found myself
accepting
her offers of
more
alcoholic beverages. Tall alcoholic beverages in glasses! Colourful alcohol! Alcohol mixed with soft drinks! They were all surprisingly delicious.

Everyone was drinking, and some people even smoked marijuana! Not I.

Someone put music on, and it was a song I recognised from the hip-hop class. Forgetting myself, I stood up and tried out some of the ‘hip-hop' moves I had almost learned in the class.

At which, Astrid and Elizabeth began to do the same moves! They did them
beautifully
—those girls can dance! Only, they did not seem to be trying to show me up. Oh no, they did not seem to judge me for my inabilities! They were just happy, they said, to be reminded of those dance moves. They had forgotten them!

Now everyone was dancing!

Even Briony! (Toby made her.)

Everything was music, shouting and leaping!

Try appeared at the door, dressed in her pyjamas, rubbing sleepy eyes. We looked at her, guiltily, and somebody turned the music down. Try simply smiled, turned, and went back to bed.

And that is why I am here now, in this rocking chair, typing at my computer. (I felt such a wave of creativity! Such a desire to write!) Now we are all quiet—we are all reading, blowing on flames, playing games.

And there is my reflection in the mirror, sharp as a musical score.

There am I, one with this room.

One with this group of people.

And there is something about crying,

About dancing, and drinking,

About talking

That makes me feel so very

Happy so very

Tired

And now I might fall asleep

I might just

Fall

Asleep

On this

Nice Typewriting

Pillow here

This nice

Keyboard

Coloured

Pillow

Here

f4 f5 f6 calling to my forehead

Emily
Okay, DO NOT BE MAD, Bindy. This is Emily, and I know I am typing on your computer, but there is a reason for it. So please forgive me right away.

What happened was the best intentions. Astrid and I were reading on the couches, and Sergio and Toby decided we were boring, and they lifted up Astrid's couch and kind of rocked it in the air, and she was sitting back with her arms behind her head, enjoying the ride, and

Astrid
Just tell her, Em. Okay, while my couch is in the air, Emily sees some paper on the floor
under
the couch and she goes, ‘What's that under there?' and Sergio effin drops his end of the couch trying to see where Em's pointing, which gave me concussion, I swear, it was like a JOLT? And it's these papers stapled together with your name on the front. So, we look over at you, kind of like, ‘What's this?' But you were passed out on your rocking chair and face first in your laptop.

So we read the papers. Em starts reading it aloud, and then we start passing it around, taking turns reading it aloud until it's done. And for your information the papers were called:
Bindy Mackenzie: A Life
.

Emily
Right, exactly, okay, but I would have explained it more tentatively than Astrid just did and maybe less blame on me. So, basically, we read your whole life story, Bindy, and PLEASE DON'T BE MAD. We felt guilty, but you say in the introduction that it's an FAD assignment, so we are actually FAD. We ARE your life raft, Bindy, so we thought the LIFE raft should read the LIFE story. In case it would help with all those issues you were telling us tonight.

So, after we read it, we were all quiet, thinking, wow, kind of interesting life. And we wanted to talk to you about it, and make comments, and that, but you were still comatose on your computer. So, we're staring at you, and Briony goes, ‘I wonder if she'll get cancer with her face on the computer like that?' And Toby goes, ‘Maybe we should shut it down for her?'

So we slid your computer out and put a big atlas under your face instead, so you wouldn't notice, and you stayed passed out. And I really quickly hit save and closed the document you were working on, without looking at it, to show to you that I don't usually read people's private things, just your life story, that's it. But then I had this idea, and I go, ‘Maybe, we could just put a message on her computer screen telling her we read her life story and what we think about it, so she sees that when she wakes up?'

And everyone agreed. I think because it's easier to confess in writing than to tell you in person. So, we just opened a new document and that's what this is. So, now everyone wants to say something about your life story.

Astrid
Okay, I want to say something first which is that your problem is very clear from this life story. It's that you think
you're like a scientist and the rest of the world is like your experiment? Your life story is full of watching other people, and being scientific about them. It's like you think you're above other people, and maybe even grading us for an exam going on inside your head? It's weird, Bindy. You've gotta learn that you're not necessarily above us, just cos you're smarter than we are.

Sergio
Astrid and Emily are being hogging of the computer. Other people should get to speak. I say this about your life story, Bindy: I was right when I said you are too smart. You are, Bindy. There's something wrong with your brain, you're so smart.

Astrid
But it was really interesting how you say it's hard to be number 1? I'm kind of like tripping about that now, because it's so interesting? I never thought of it like that. That you'd be scared all the time? It's a lesson for me, I'll confess that.

Briony
This is Briony. I liked your life story, Bindy. I hope you forgive us for reading it. You sure have to move house a lot. You must feel very confused.

Elizabeth
Well, I just want to say sorry that we read your life story, and I hope you don't mind. We all felt bad but we also felt like we were getting to know you in a way.

And I've been thinking about how you said you've tried to change and see the positive things about us, instead of being critical. So you sent us those memos giving us ‘good animals'. I guess I'm thinking that that was nice of you, and you were
trying hard, but there's not much difference between deciding what's bad and deciding what's good. Either way it's judging people. And maybe you'd feel more ‘one with your world' if you just relaxed and stopped trying to judge? And I'm thinking maybe

Emily
Sorry about grabbing the computer, Liz, I just really had to write this before anyone else did, which is that, Bindy, it's your DAD'S fault that you feel superior to everyone!!! And it's your DAD'S fault that you're always judging!! Because he MADE you into a judge! Or anyway he encouraged that tendaciousness in you. Because he said to you that you are the shepherd and the rest of us are sheep. And he says that terrible thing when you're going to Ashbury where he says those other kids are ‘nothing' and you are ‘number one'. And he always wants you to rip us off to make money.

Elizabeth
That's kind of what I was about to say.

Emily
Okay. Sorry, Liz. And also, Bindy, we think your dad doesn't sound all that nice and maybe you should realise that? Because it seems like you think he's great, but he's always making you do the painting and sanding, and, don't get offended, but he sounds a TINY bit pleased with himself. Whereas, however, I KNOW your mum is nice because I know her. And she comes out better in your life story than your dad does.

Now, also, this will be a cruel truth maybe, but your parents' marriage is not in a perfect situation there. It sounds like they were happy once when you were really little, and
your dad fell over and everyone was laughing except you? Only, since then, we kept hearing stories about them fighting, and we were all looking at each other, kind of grimacing, and I think there is doom on the horizon.

Briony
Yes, no wonder you're feeling so sick, really, with your parents fighting all the time, and moving all the time, and now you have to live with your aunt and uncle. I wondered why you were living there.

Emily
I think she's sick because she's stressed out all the time. Because I
noticed,
Bindy, that you got sick when you were in fifth grade and you had a history test the next day? I noticed that. Actually, we all did. But I said, maybe you get SICK whenever you worry about school? And Year 11 was too much for you because it's senior school so maybe it became like a vicious cycle, where you get worried, get sick/go crazy, get behind in school work, get more worried, get more sick/ more crazy hallucinations, get more behind, and so on.

Sergio
I don't mean to sound f—ked up and depressing, but I'm just thinking about this hallucination issue, seeing as I'm watching over Em's shoulder, and I'm thinking about this second cousin I've got who got schizophrenia. And I've gotta say his symptoms were stuff like hallucinations, and not being able to sleep at night, and feeling kinda helpless and f—ked up the way you've been, Bindy. And another thing, I know it can get smart people like you, and around your age. Anyway, that's not what you've got, but if it is you've gotta get to a doctor and get treatment or you get completely f—ked up.

Elizabeth
Okay, but she told us she's got other symptoms as well, I mean physical symptoms, so it's probably part of some bigger thing. I mean, not just her brain. So, don't let Sergio scare you too much, Bindy, but you'd better go see a doctor. Astrid wants the computer. I think she might get a few more turns at your computer than most oth

Astrid
BINDY HAS A DRUG PROBLEM. I should have seen it before. It explains EVERY single symptom. She's addicted to hallucinogens. Maybe LCD, PSP, maybe GHB? Not sure which. Or she's like hooked on amphetamines. Which, Bindy? I can send you some material on addiction if you like, my mum keeps leaving it around the house.

Briony
Well, that makes me think, maybe she's being
poisoned
by something?! (I don't think she's the drug-taking kind of a girl.) I read about this family who were all getting sick and crazy like you, and they discovered it was from the wood they were burning in their fireplace, which had some kind of chemical in it. And also some families get lead poisoning from old pipes! SO. THINK, BINDY. Where might you be getting accidentally poisoned? You live with your aunt and uncle: do they have an old house? Old pipes?

Emily
Briony is right. For sure it's poison because now everything makes sense! Why has Bindy been thinking that
we
'
re
all poisonous? It's because her subconscious is trying to
warn
her that
she
is being poisoned. It keeps sending her subliminal messages but all she hears is the word:
poison!
so she gets her head confused.

But, why does it have to be accidental? It's probably someone trying to murder her.

Astrid
If someone is trying to murder Bindy, it would be that guy she talks about in her life story. The one named Joshua Lynch who went to her lunchtime session, and then she writes to the principal about marijuana in his backpack? Which by the way should be legal anyway. I remember when they did that search of his stuff, and he got expelled like the next day. Who knew that was cos Bindy told the principal? He's been waiting to get revenge ever since and now he's getting it.

Briony
But

Astrid
Joshua would know about
drugs
because he was a drug lord. He's probably poisoning her with drugs (ie hallucinogens—
as I said above!!!
). He was only at our school for like a week but I remember him. He was, like, totally old school.

Briony
But what about the people who were using the school intranet to share music files, and Bindy wrote to the principal and it got shut down?!! Or maybe some of the people who were using the reserve to drink, smoke, etc, and Bindy wrote to the principal to tell him about them?!!! It could have been them.

Sergio
It was the principal. Couldn't take any more of your correspondence, Bindy.

Toby
No, you have to look close to home. It's always someone the victim knows.

I think it's that little cousin of yours, Bindy, the one named Bella. You've gotta learn to leave her toys alone.

Emily
No! It's Auntie Veronica and Uncle Jake because Veronica's pregnant, right, so they want to make room for their new baby and they are too kind to hurt Bindy's feelings by asking her to move out and therefore it's easiest to kill her! It makes perfect sense.

Toby
And then they can bury her in their garden and KEEP TAKING RENT FROM HER PARENTS!!!

Emily
But do we know that her parents are paying anything for her to live there? Her dad seems pretty cheap. (Who makes you do a business proposal before you can get pocket money?) Along with all his other faults of character. And I think to myself: maybe the
dad
is killing her so he doesn't have to pay for her university education? I suppose that is upsetting to hear.